Ranma's Morning Confession
by Ringmaster
Summary: Akane accidentally sees Ranma meeting someone. In desperation, Shampoo tries one last potion to win Ranma. What went wrong with it? What the hell is Akane doing with Amazon potions? On herself? Please don't read this story, it embarrasses me
1. Ranma's Morning Confession

DISCLAIMER: I do not own or really have anything to do with Ranma ½. All characters, trademarks, copyrights, etc, are the properties of their respective owners. I only _wish_ I owned Ranma ½. I'm just a humble fanfiction writer.

-----

"Akane! Time to wake up, breakfast is almost ready!" Kasumi's voice rang up the stairs toward her little sister's room.

"I'm already awake, Kasumi!" she called back. Akane had been awake for an hour already, she wanted to make sure she looked right this morning. Checking herself over a final time, she went downstairs to join her family for breakfast. Dropping herself at the table, she quickly noticed that someone was missing.

"Has anyone seen Ranma this morning?"

"No, and I can't seem to catch him ever leaving, either," came the annoyed-sounding voice of her older sister, Nabiki. Akane couldn't help but smile a little. It was hard to hide something from Nabiki, and somehow, Ranma had managed to avoid her catching him leaving the house, despite her best efforts. The smile vanished as quickly as it had left, and she lost herself in thought.

_Where does he go on the days he leaves in the morning?_ she wondered._ He's been like this for so long now… just up and vanishes for a couple of hours. Oh, Ranma, what are you hiding from us? From _me_? Why… why won't you just tell us where you vanish off to?_ She knew he wasn't spending time with any of his other fiancées, since she had risen early several times to wait for him at the Nekohanten. He hadn't ever shown up, and she knew he hadn't snuck inside, since most times she could see Shampoo inside, cleaning up and getting ready for a day of work. She tried waiting at Ukyo's twice, though she knew it was pointless. He'd only just forgiven her for her involvement in the whole failed wedding disaster. Akane had _once_ tried the so-called 'noble house of Kuno' in desperation. Half an hour up a tree in the rain watching the idiot Kuno siblings bicker about her, the pig-tailed girl, and 'Ranma-darling' over morning tea had not only convinced her that Ranma was not there, but that she was never, _ever_ coming back to that place. Ever. It was six months since the failed wedding, and Ranma had started disappearing on random mornings for the last three, always missing breakfast. She was starting to get worried. _No, no, no! I'm not worried about him! Not at all! NO! It's just… just… _She sighed. _Ranma… _To make matter's worse, every since he had started vanishing in the morning, he had become… withdrawn. To the point where he barely said anything to anyone. The most Akane had heard him say in a month was the grunting he made as he worked out in the dojo. _What's happened to him…?_

"AKANE!!" bellowed Nabiki.

"WHAT?! YOU DON'T HAVE TO YELL!"

"Apparently I do, because I've only been calling your name for the past three minutes. You finished eating five minutes ago and have been staring at your food ever since."

"Oh, sorry. I just didn't feel like getting up right away. So!" she said, as she got up, "we know Ranma isn't sneaking out through the hall, because you've been watching it like a hawk. Is he still in his room?"

"He was when you came downstairs, but he isn't now."

"Ah," Akane said. "Any idea how he's getting past the security camera hidden under his window?"

"No," grumped Nabiki, "and if I don't figure it out soon, I'm gonna- HEY! HOW DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CAMERA?!"

Laughing, Akane grabbed an umbrella and ran for the door.

"DAMNIT, AKANE! HOW DID YOU KNOW?!"

Akane stuck her tongue out at her sister as she went out the door. "Biii!"

Nabiki grumped as she sat back down at the table. "How did she…?"

Kasumi spoke up. "Now Nabiki, it's not proper to watch Akane's fiancée while he's sleeping."

"I'm NOT watching that bozo while he's asleep, sis. I just want to know how he's getting out."

"Well… I guess that's ok. Did anyone else notice how Akane was dressed?"

----

Akane looked down at herself, making sure she still looked good. She was wearing a simple black sweater and skirt, but she knew it looked very nice on her. She wanted to look good this morning. Despite her worries about Ranma, she pushed any thoughts of him to one side. She had someone very special she had to see this morning, and she wanted to make sure she still looked her best when she got there.

She was so intent on where she was going, that she barely noticed the blur shoot over her head, bounding from one rooftop to the next, heading in the same direction. _Ranma? Where's he…?_ Realizing it was far too late to follow her roof-hopping fiancée, she continued on. She had someone just as special to visit.

----

Ranma bounced from one roof to the next, trying to keep an eye on the weather. He was going to see her again, and it would not do for him to show up as a girl when it started to rain. He's shown up once as a girl, and found that he couldn't even speak to her until he found some hot water.

He looked up at the sky. _I'd better hurry, it looks like it's gonna start pouring real soon._ He jumped faster, trying to beat the rain. Finally, he bounded onto the last possible house, and looked around at the field spread before him. _Now, where…? Right, she should be right past that tree way over there…_ He jumped off the roof, and landed in a tree, holding onto the branch for balance. He jumped again, this time leaping from tree branch to tree branch, until he was finally in the tree he had spotted in the distance. _There she is,_ he thought as he dropped down. He paused, and silence hung in the air. It was like this every time, he never knew where to start. Five minutes passed, then ten. It started to rain, and Ranma quickly pulled his hood up over his head to stay dry. Finally, fifteen minutes had past with him standing. _Ugh, just start from the beginning, baka!_ he thought to himself. Readying himself with a single flower in one hand, his voice was a little shaky, just like every other morning he had come here.

"Hey. Nothing's changed, you know. I'm not sure it ever will. So, can we talk some more today?" Silence filled the air for a moment, as he waited for his answer. Then silence _was_ his answer, as he spoke again.

"Thank you. I don't know where to start, but…" He dropped to one knee, and held the lone flower out. "I swear I'll do my best." He spoke her name.

----

Akane was running a little, she didn't want to get caught in the rain that looked like it was about to start any minute. She jogged through the field, trying to make sure she didn't slip. She moved quickly, hoping to at least be there before the rain started. Then, her eyes caught sight of a pig-tailed boy, dressed in black Chinese silk, with a lone flower in his hand.

_Ranma? What's he doing _here_? Is… is this where's he's been going to?_ All previous thoughts erased from her mind, she crept closer to him, hiding behind the tree, as he pulled his hood over his head as the rain finally came down. She watched him in silence. A minute passed, then two, then five. Unable to move, she watched as he finally seemed to prepare himself, then started speaking. She couldn't hear what he was saying, and moved closer, just a little closer and…

"… where to start, but…" As Akane watched, Ranma dropped to one knee. "I swear I'll do my best." Akane watched, numbly as she realized who Ranma was here for. _He's here to talk to… you? But… but… Ranma, _why_?! That's… she… she's…_ unable to complete the thought, all Akane could do was listen to Ranma as he sat down, and began to speak.

----

Ranma sat, leaned back, and felt hard stone pressing against him, "What I wouldn't give to be able to see things, just for one moment, the way that you can. Wouldn't this be so much easier? You're able to see things and understand them, all I can do is see them and react to them. Heh, the famous Saotome Foot In Mouth Technique, the capability of shoving your own foot into you're mouth and leaving enough room for your leg. I'm trying… I'm trying not to hurt her, you know, but everything I say causes her pain. I can see it in her eyes. By the time I realize what I've done, and want to apologize, tell her I don't mean it, it's usually far too late. She never listens, you know. Of course _you_ know, you've known her for so long. She acts like it's my fault, every time, and never gives me a chance to say anything. I've been called 'hentai' and 'baka' so much I'm starting to think that's my real name. How's that for funny? 'Hi, I'm Baka Hentai, of the Hentai School of Anything Goes Martial Arts.' Heh. I just need… I just need you to tell me something.

"Tell me I'm doing the right thing. I think what I'm doing is hurting her, but… I can't tell if I'm hurting her more this way than the way I was before. Please, tell me I'm doing the honorable thing. Tell me I'm right when I…

"Tell me Akane's doing better without me."

----

Akane gasped.

----

"I think she is. I haven't once heard her cry ever since I stopped talking to her. She doesn't get angry any more. I've been keeping Kuno off of her back without her knowing about it. I know she wouldn't want me to, but I figured out a really easy way to do it. I just gave in to his whole 'Black Sorcerer Saotome' delusion, and told him I really had cast a spell on Akane and 'the pig-tailed girl,' and that as soon as one of them touched him, that _Kuno_ would be under my spell, and then I would have him kill off all of Furinkan High, and then conquer Japan. _Then_ I told him that unless he could avoid them both until they graduate, that the spell would never be able to touch him. The baka fell for it, I couldn't even believe that, because I gave him the problem and the answer at the same time!

I know that Akane would hate me for it, and I know how tough she is, she really is a great martial artist-"

_Ranma thinks I'm great?_

"-but she's nowhere _near_ my level." He couldn't help but grin. "But hey, no one really is. After all, I'm the best."

Akane felt a small bubble of anger. _Ranma…_

"I got to go, I need to get back to the dojo for my morning practice, but… I'll see you again."

With that, Ranma bowed, then jumped back into the tree, before he began his journey back to the Tendo's.

A few minutes passed, then Akane came out from hiding. She approached the spot where, minutes before, Ranma had been sitting. The person, the _woman_, he had been talking to was still there. She would be there for some time.

"… it's been you he's been coming to see? Why… why would he come talk to you? I… I… I don't understand…" Akane rested her hand against smooth stone. "… Mother."


	2. Shampoo's Plan, Akane's Idea

DISCLAIMER: I do not own or really have anything to do with Ranma ½. All characters, trademarks, copyrights, etc, are the properties of their respective owners. I only _wish_ I owned Ranma ½. I'm just a humble fanfiction writer.

Key:

_sound effects_

_"_Spoken words"

_Thoughts_

_"Words with stress or emphasis on them, like threats or teasing"_

-----

"What's wrong with Akane?"

"I'm not sure, Nabiki, she's been like this for a couple of days now," answered Nabiki's elder sister, Kasumi.

"Ranma, you have any idea? Did you say something to her?"

Ranma looked up from his breakfast, trying to keep an eye on his food to keep his pop from stealing any of it. "Mmm," he grunted, shaking his head.

"Ranma, I believe that's the longest conversation we've had in a month," Nabiki said, trying to prod at least another _sound_ out of Ranma. Her answer from the pig-tailed boy was a shrug. She began grinding her teeth as he turned his attention back to his food, and started pounding his father's head, as half his rice had vanished. A quick flip and a splash later, and a panda was joining them for breakfast.

[That wasn't very nice, boy!] declared a sign.

A non-committal shrug was all he got.

[It's all training! If you aren't…] _flip_ […fast enough to keep your own food…] _flip_ […how are you going to fight?]

CRACK! CRACK! CRUNCH! WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP WHAP!

A badly mutilated panda was left whimpering in pain at his two newly dislocated arms, several large bruises, and a broken sign over his head. [Oh, I see…] signed the panda before collapsing. Ranma finished his food, and began eating his father's.

"Oh, Ranma, would you please make sure Akane is awake, and bring her down for breakfast? I don't her to go hungry."

Ranma looked up at Kasumi, then shrugged. He put down the last of his father's food, and headed for the stairs.

"What is _wrong_ with him?" muttered Nabiki.

"I'm sure he just has a lot on his mind, Nabiki," came her father's reply. "So, Saotome, shall we visit Dr. Tofu this morning, or do you want me to pop your arms back in for you so we can get back to our game of Shogi?"

[Please!]

"Father's right, Nabiki. He's probably just thinking."

"Kasumi, Ranma isn't exactly the _thinking_ type, and he's been like this for _three months_. There's something going on, and I want to know what it is."

"Don't worry about it. He'll be back to his normal self before you know it." Still, Kasumi took a worried look at the stairs before returning to her tea.

-----

In her room, Akane was sitting on her bed, lost in thought. _Why is he going to visit my mother's grave? It's where _I_ was going, but… she's my mom! Why has he been going to her? And why should he care about whether or not he hurts me? And keeping Kuno off of my back for me? Why? It's not like he cares about me… right? Or maybe…_

_knock knock_ from her door.

Akane looked up at her door. "Come in."

The door opened, and Ranma stood in the doorway, looking at her.

"Ranma! Hi!" said a startled Akane. _Is he here to talk? Please let him at least _say_ something to me!_ She jumped to her feet."Um, please, come in! Sit down!" _Why am I so enthusiastic about this?_

Akane watched as Ranma's eyes widened, then a blush ran over his face as he spun around, facing the hallway.

"Ranma?"

"B-breakfast, Akane," he said quickly, before shutting the door.

Akane blinked, surprised. _He said something to me? Why was he blushing? All I did was ask him to come in. Why would that…?_ Akane frowned, wondering what about being asked in had caused him to break a three month stretch of silence at her. _I'll have to think about that. I'd better go down and get breakfast, or Kasumi will start to get worried. Now, what should I wear today?_

_ Wear?_

Akane looked down, and realized what about the invitation into her room had so startled Ranma. "Eeep!"

She was still only wearing a towel from her morning bath.

-----

"Perhaps, Saotome, it is time we tried something to get the two to talk to each other."

"Indeed, Tendo. The way things are going between them, the schools will never be joined. Maybe a training trip with only the two of them would at least get them talking again."

"You may be right, Saotome. And once we get them talking, we can try other ideas to see if we can finally get them-"

_shkk_ "_Leave them alone._"

Genma and Soun turned to find themselves facing an irate Nodoka with her sword pulled three inches out of its sheath. They paled, cringing.

"P-perhaps, Tendo, we should leave them alone."

"I-indeed Saotome. They know what's best for them, right?"

"You may be right, Tendo. A-after all, it's probably just s-something kids go through!"

They both visibly relaxed as Nodoka sat back down and resumed drinking her tea.

Unfortunately, while Genma's and Soun's plans had been crashed, there were other plans about bringing Ranma out of his silent state already being worked on. One was upstairs in Akane's room, the other across town, in the Nekohanten.

-----

Shampoo was scurrying about the kitchen of the Nekohanten, trying to find her great-grandmother's hidden stash of Amazon spices. She knew that the Elder had some, but she could never find them.

"Shampoo need spices for ramen for Airen," she muttered to herself. "Where great-grandmother hide from Shampoo?"

She was so busy crouching on the floor digging through some cupboards, she didn't notice Mousse enter and start wandering through the kitchen, trying to find himself some breakfast, until he tripped over her.

_crash_ Shampoo found herself flipped over on her back, with a pair of legs over her stomach. She smacked them off, and sat up. "Stupid Mousse."

Mousse jumped to his feet. He reached his hands out, and encountered a handful of hair, not far off of the ground.

"Elder Cologne! So sorry about that, I didn't notice that you were there!" Then he muttered under his breath, "Dried up mummy that you are."

Shampoo brought a fist down over his head, sending him crashing back to the ground. "Stupid duckboy! Put glasses on!"

Mousse jumped back to his feet, slipping his glasses over his eyes. "Ahh, Shampoo! Where did Elder Cologne go?"

Cursing the Amazon boy's horrendous eyesight, Shampoo ground her teeth together, and ignored the question. "No matter! Mousse help Shampoo find great-grandmother Amazon spices!"

"What do you want them for?" Mousse had seen and heard of several of Shampoo's attempts to 'help' Ranma marry her with some assistance from the very things she sought, and as such, wasn't sure he wanted her to get a hold of them.

"Shampoo…" she considered, then decided that lying would probably get his help better than the truth. "Shampoo want know how Aire- how _Ranma_ feel about Shampoo. Want to feed Ranma truth-telling spice in ramen."

"Really?" Mousse seemed beside himself at the thought.

"Really! Mousse help Shampoo to find?"

"Of course, Shampoo! Hold on!" Shampoo watched as Mousse started digging through his own clothes, throwing out chains, daggers, several small bombs, a mannequin, and what looked suspiciously like his own underwear before he simply started shaking his sleeves over the floor. Shampoo watched as a familiar carved wooden box flew out of his sleeves, clutched in the hands of-

"Ryoga?" asked Mousse.

"NOW WHERE AM I?!"

"Pig-boy give!" Shampoo snatched the box out of the Eternally Lost Boy's arms.

"Violent kitchen destroyer house that way! Go!" She shoved Ryoga out, not even noticing as he set in off in the completely wrong direction. He was last seen running away from drug lords somewhere in Columbia, with neither himself nor his pursuers understanding a word the other said, but both were convinced the other was there just to make their life difficult.

"Do you need any help, Shampoo?" asked a gleeful Mousse.

Shampoo smiled evilly at the thought of Mousse _helping_ make _this_ batch of ramen. "Shampoo need to get all spices ready. Mousse make ramen for Shampoo?"

"Of course, Shampoo! I'll get right to it!" The grinning Mousse quickly ran around the kitchen, grabbing at everything in sight, before setting the ramen to boil. Meanwhile, Shampoo set out everything she needed from the spice rack.

"Shampoo! Shampoo! Where are you?" Cologne's voice wandered out from the lobby of the Nekohanten.

"Aiyah! Great-grandmother no need see this!" Shampoo ran out into the lobby, trying to keep the elder Amazon from discovering Shampoo's work. "Shampoo here, great-grandmother!"

Mousse, on the other hand, was watching the ramen, gleefully thinking to himself of what he hoped would be Ranma's forced and honest rejection of Shampoo. His glasses fogged from standing near the boiling water, and he pushed them up to the top of his head. Mousse turned, and finally noticed his obsessions' absence.

"Well, I may as well finish the ramen for her! The sooner Ranma Saotome eats it, the better!" The now half-blind Amazon boy ignored the ingredients set out by Shampoo, and grabbed what he thought were the right spices from the rack. It never even occurred to him to put his glasses back on to check before he started adding them to the ramen.

-----

"Aiyah! Great-grandmother so close to finding what Shampoo doing!" It had taken every inch of willpower and cunning the Amazon possessed to keep the Elder from pogo-sticking her way into the kitchen.

Shampoo stomped back into the kitchen. Mousse was leaning up against the wall. "Oh, hey Shampoo, the ramen will be done in a minute."

"This good! Mousse find box for Shampoo to carry ramen?"

"Of course, Shampoo! Anything at all for you!" Mousse ran from the kitchen, hunting down one of the Nekohanten's many delivery boxes.

Shampoo smiled. She didn't want Mousse to see what spices she was going to add. He might realize she was _not_ going to add a truth serum. She gathered the bottles she had set out before her great-grandmother had called for her, and started measuring out the exact amounts needed before adding them. She smiled at her work. _This will work!_ She thought in her native Chinese._ I just have to make sure I'm the first girl he sees tomorrow morning!_

The Amazon bombshell quickly started replacing the spices she used back into the spice rack. She was so caught up in the satisfaction that her plan was going to bring, that she didn't see how many _other_ spices were out of order. "Mousse!" she cried.

"Here, Shampoo! I've got the box!" the blind boy declared as he ran back into the kitchen. "And your bike!" In one hand, Mousse held a delivery carton, in the other…

Cologne was glaring at the blind fool. _crack!_ "Do I look like a bicycle to you?!" Now entirely irritated, the Chinese Elder pogo-sticked back out into the lounge.

Shampoo dragged Mousse back to his feet. "Silly duckboy need be more careful!" She turned, and grabbed the closed spice rack. "Here! Put back!" she demanded. Mousse took the spice rack, and slipped it up a sleeve.

"No wonder Shampoo never find," the Amazon girl grumbled under her breath. "Great-grandmother hide in place Shampoo never go. Who want search Mousse clothes with Mousse still in clothes?" She boxed up the ramen, and began walking outside for her bike. Hopping on, she set out for the Tendo dojo. Mousse followed, jumping from roof to roof. Inside his head, Mousse was practically dancing. _Tomorrow, Saotome! Tomorrow, you will tell Shampoo you don't want her! Then I can have Shampoo for myself!_

-----

Akane had so far discarded half of her wardrobe from her closet to her floor, and she was still digging. If one had stood anywhere within five feet of her closet door, they would have been found themselves buried within moments under her relentless tossing of rejected clothes. It had taken her the better part of an hour to finally realize why Ranma had been going to her mother's grave, and ever since then she'd been ransacking her closet for something to wear. It was pretty obvious, once she'd thought about it. Ranma was simply looking for someone to talk to.

Flashblack

_If he wanted to talk to someone, why not someone here? Why my mother? Why not…_

Akane began to work through a list of people Ranma knew.

_Nabiki. No way, she'd charge him for every minute he talked, and then sell whatever he told her to the highest bidder._

_ His dad?_ Akane groaned at the thought. Genma Saotome's idea of a good talk was lecturing while simultaneously trying to steal Ranma's food.

_Ukyo? No, he only forgave her a few days ago. He wouldn't go to talk to her, she'd only want to talk about her and Ranma's 'relationship' and why he hasn't married her yet._

_ Shampoo? Ugh, no. That brainless bimbo would only latch onto him like a two-armed octopus and wouldn't let go until she got him into her bed. __Cologne__ wouldn't work, either. He'd probably snap after hearing her call him 'son-in-law' a few times._

_ Ryoga? Ryoga's idea of talking to Ranma is a telling Ranma he's about to die. That wouldn't work at all._

_ My dad? _Visions of Soun Tendo amid waterworks and sprouting the Tendo Demon Head filled her imagination. _Never mind._

_ Aunt Nodoka?_ More visions, this time of certain signed oaths involving seppuku and of flashing katanas at the hand of Ranma's mother._ Scratch that._

_ Me? Never mind, _I'm_ the one he talks to the least to of all. At least everyone else gets the occasional noise out of him._

_ Ranma'd go to one of the Kuno's about as fast as he'd wear skirts as a guy in front of his mother._

_ Mousse?_ Mousse seemed a reasonable idea. All Mousse really wanted was Shampoo. _On the other hand, I'm pretty sure if Shampoo knew Ranma was talking to him, she could pry anything Ranma said out of him, so, no Mousse._

_ Dr. Tofu? Maybe… but Tofu-sensei would be more likely to try and help too much, and might even come to me with Ranma's problems. And god help Ranma if Tofu-sensei _came over_ to talk to him. _A Kasumi-infected Tofu was a dangerous thing.

_ Kasumi?_ Akane paused for a moment on her eldest sister. Kasumi, she knew, would patiently listen to Hitler's problems. Although…_ she's so trusting, she would tell the first person who asked her about it._

Akane never considered Happosai for moment. And his friend's at school would only pester him to death with questions.

In the end, Akane realized that Ranma only knew one other person in the city. Someone who could not tell him to go away, wouldn't blackmail him, wouldn't hit him or hit _on_ him, and could not tell anyone his secrets, and at the same time, was practically family.

Her mother.

_End Flashback_

A depressed sounding groan came from the depths of Akane's closet. "Don't I own anything… _attractive_ to wear? I am _not_ going to Nabiki for clothes!"

_Why not?_ she thought at herself.

_Because she'd probably make me pay a rental fee!_

_ So just take something. She's taken your clothes without asking so many times, it's only fair that you get to do it too!_

_ But… Nabiki's taller than me! Her clothes wouldn't be tight enough to fit properly!_

_ What's the problem? Isn't that what you're looking for? Something so horribly distracting, that Ranma is _forced_ to say something?_

_ Well, yes, but… but I don't want something that makes him act like a pervert! I want him to _speak_ to me, not stare at me! Not that I'd mind him looking a little bit… Ack! What am I thinking?! We're looking for clothes! Clothes!_

And so Akane went to search her sister's closet.

-----

Ranma was out for a walk, silently considering what he was doing. Annoyingly, Nabiki was following him. She kept bugging him with questions like, "Why aren't you talking to Akane?" "Where do you go in the morning?" and the one which he was sure was just to get on his nerves "Is your girl side having PMS or something?" Ranma was doing his best to ignore her.

_Everything I say to Akane seems to either get her mad or make her cry._ He thought._ I thought she'd be better off if I just stopped talking to her, and I _know_ she'd kill me if she was the only one I didn't talk to. She'd just think I was ignoring her, and mallet me into the next city. I can't say I miss talking to pop, and it's a relief not having to deal with Nabiki's scheming. And seeing her face getting red with frustration since she can't figure out how I'm leaving is payback for all those damn photos she sold to Kuno!_

_ ring ring _"Hey Ranma," said Nabiki.

_ I never really talked to Kasumi much, but I feel kinda bad about not at least thanking her for the great food…_

_ ring ring_ again. "Ranma…"

_But why… why do I feel so _bad_ about not talking to Akane? Why do I miss it? It's not like I have feelings for her? Right? Just because I want to keep her safe, and would do anything for her (well, maybe not eat her cooking), and would die to save her-_

_ RING RING _"You might want to move or something…"

_ - and I'm doing this just so that I don't hurt her, and I would have actually married her if it wasn't for everyone… interrupting… and always… getting… in the… way…_

_ Do I… like her?_

_ CRASH_

Ranma's train of thought was severely interrupted by a slight distraction. Something that had become a familiar feel by now. Shampoo had once again landed her bike on Ranma with a precision any paratrooper would have been proud of.

"Nihao Ai- Ranma!"

Ranma straitened, feeling the bicycle fall from his back. "You," he said in the coldest voice he could muster. Nabiki cringed at that tone of voice.

Shampoo winced. What no one other than her and Ranma knew was that the next night after the failed wedding, Shampoo had attempted to crawl into Ranma's room and force herself on him while he slept. Only panda-Genma pitching about in his sleep from a nightmare (involving a certain pact with his wife) had stopped the plan, as he had lashed out at Ranma's head and woken him. Ranma had, for once, lost his temper, and had dragged Shampoo out of the house, and told her never to set foot in the Tendo house without his permission. She'd then tried to ambush him on the way to school a few days later, and had taken the wrong route to apologize.

She'd tried to treat him like an Amazon male.

Furious at having Shampoo tell him he should apologize for kicking her out and for not sleeping with him when she wanted to, he'd come close to bludgeoning her with her own bicycle, only to miss because he pulled to one side once he realized what he was doing, and Cologne showing up and yanking her out of the way. Ranma had been just able to hear the old ghoul's hissed warning at Shampoo-

"Foolish girl! Are you trying to destroy us?! You are provoking a blooded warrior whose first kill was a _god!_ Saffron died at_ his hands!_ He could break us both before we could so much as raise a hand to defend ourselves!"

Ranma had forbidden her from seeing him on the way to or from school from that moment, and had then forced her to stop calling him 'Airen.' He had never called her by name since, calling her "You" or, if Shampoo tried glomping him, "the Amazon girl."__

"Shampoo want make apology."

Ranma only raised an eyebrow.

"Shampoo very sorry for what Shampoo did. Knew Ranma was blooded warrior-" She didn't see Ranma wince. He didn't like to be reminded that he had killed someone, even if he didn't have a choice. "-but treated like weak Amazon male. Made ramen for Ranma, hope Ranma begin forgive Shampoo." She set the delivery box down next to Ranma, and picked her bike up. She jumped on, and turned back to the Nekohanten.

_Now, I wonder exactly what she's apologizing for, and what she meant by treating Ranma like a weak Amazon male…_ thought Nabiki. "Excuse me for intruding on this," she said. "But you didn't put something… weird in that food, did you?"

Shampoo turned, and looked at Nabiki. "Shampoo no make that ramen. Mousse make."

"How do we know that?"

"She isn't lying, Nabiki Tendo. I made it." All three of the people on the ground looked up to see Mousse sitting on the edge of the roof.

"See? Ramen safe. Mousse make. Is apology." Shampoo started pedaling as Mousse started his rooftop journey back.

"Good start."

Shampoo stopped, turning to look back. "What Ranma say?"

He still had his back to her, but said, "Good start for an apology." He paused, then, "Shampoo."

Brightening considerably at the use of her name, Shampoo paused, then said "Thank you, Ranma," before she began pedaling home.

Ranma sighed as Shampoo left. _Well_, he thought. _I am kinda hungry_.

Nabiki blinked, surprised. _Alright, what pieces of this puzzle am I missing?_ She watched as Ranma picked up the bowl of ramen from the delivery box, and jumped up onto the fence.

"Are you really going to eat that, Saotome? There could be something in it."

Ranma sighed. _Well_, he thought, _I should at least explain why I think it's safe, otherwise I'm going to hear her questioning me about it forever._

"Mousse made it, but Shampoo delivered it with him watching. Should be safe."

Nabiki goggled at what was, in recent terms, a speech from her sister's fiancée. She tried to see if she could get another couple of sentences from him. "Ok, but how good a cook is Mousse? Have you had his cooking before? For all you know, he could be as bad in the kitchen as Akane."

Ranma shrugged, and Nabiki ground her teeth as Ranma's silent treatment resumed. She glared at him as he brought the first of the noodles up to his mouth, and devoured them so fast, she wondered if he even chewed his food. The bowl dropped from his hands, falling into the water on the other side of the fence, as Ranma himself fell forward onto the sidewalk.

"Hey, are you alright? Ranma? Say something!" Nabiki shook the martial artist by his shoulders.

"P… p… paint thinner?"

Nabiki groaned. "It wasn't drugged, but you should have known that someone who can't tell a mailbox from man without his glasses would be a disaster in cooking. At least you don't seem to have the cramps that come with Akane's cooking."

"G… gasoline?"

-----

Akane looked over the outfit laying across her bed. It was all Nabiki's clothing, and she had picked out the clothes she thought would best suit her plan.

_What am I doing? Am I really going to _wear_ this? For _Ranma_?! No, no, I'm not wearing it for _him_, I'm wearing it for_ me_. So that I can get him talking to me again! Ugh, this is stupid, just because he actually said something this morning because he saw me dressed in a towel… _A blush rose to her cheeks at the thought._ In just a towel doesn't mean he'll start talking because of one outfit. Even if it is a little… well, revealing. But it's the only idea I've got._

_ Oh, now that's sad, when the best idea I've got is parading around in skimpy clothes for Ranma. But… I want the old Ranma back, even if it takes… this._

Gathering her nerve, she hung the outfit up in her closet. _Tomorrow. Tomorrow is when it's going to happen, Ranma._

-----

Across town, Shampoo sat in the Nekohanten, waiting. The potion she had made (though she did not know if it's current nature) would take effect as Ranma slept. And when he saw her in the morning…

_Tomorrow,_ Shampoo thought to herself. _Tomorrow is when it happen, Airen._

_-----_

A/N

Sorry it took so long to get chapter 2 out. I have very little personal time, and when I get time to myself, I try to relax, and sometimes forget about writing. I'll have chapter 3 out as soon as I can, k?

This _is_ my first fanfic (ever) so please read and review for me, let me know how I'm doing

Updated:

I reposted the chapter with some corrections to some spelling and grammatical errors. Nothing new added.

8-2-04

Reposted chapter 2, let me know if I missed any mistakes.


	3. The Potions' Work Begins

Disclaimer: Once again, I do not own Ranma ½, or anything associated with Ranma ½. All rights and ownerships are the properties of their respective owners. I am broke, don't sue me, I am not getting paid for writing this, I did it because I like Ranma ½.

-----

"A little help here, please." Nabiki Tendo's voice rang out through the Tendo dojo.

"What do you need help wi- Oh, my!" Kasumi and her father stepped through the entrance from the kitchen, and quickly ran to help.

"What happened, Nabiki?" demanded Soun. He grabbed Ranma by an arm, and helped his daughter pull him into the living room, setting him down by the table.

"Shampoo showed up while he was out walking, and gave him some food as an apology for… something. We knew it wasn't drugged, because Mousse was with her, and he said that he had made it, and Shampoo delivered it to him with Mousse watching the whole time."

"Then why is he like this?"

"Well, daddy, apparently Mousse made the ramen _without_ his glasses on. It turned out something like Akane's cooking, but at least he's not in pain, it just tasted horrible. Ranma's been mumbling comparisons ever since he ate it."

From the floor came a weak voice, saying "Motor oil?"

Soun sweatdropped, well aware of the consequences that came from eating food that could be compared to Akane's. "K-Kasumi, will you please make some rice and some tea to help Ranma's stomach, and to wash the taste out of his mouth?"

"Of course, father." Kasumi quickly walked to the kitchen, where sounds of cooking quickly started.

"Hey, what's going on?" Nabiki looked up, and found her younger sister at the bottom of the stairs, dressed in her gi. Nabiki sighed, and launched back into her explanation.

-----

"That's about it. I don't know exactly what she was apologizing for, though." Nabiki had told Akane everything she had seen and heard, even Ranma's 'speech' about why the food should be safe. She left out the comparison between Mousse's and Akane's cooking however, feeling it was safer just to say that "I figure Shampoo asked him to make it and he wasn't wearing his glasses at the time. Imagine Tofu-sensei's food right after he sees Kasumi."

"That bad, huh?" Akane looked down at Ranma, who was now, at least, sitting up, having finished the rice, and was now drinking the tea.

"… Battery acid," he mumbled. Ranma frowned. He felt… well, _weird_. He shook his head, trying to clear it. _Probably just from Mousse's horrible cooking. At least I'm not bent in half with stomach cramps._

"Do you want to go lay down, Ranma? If the food was-" Soun caught himself about to say _anything like Akane's_, "as bad as I think, then you might feel better after a nap. I'll send your mother up to check on you when she gets back from shopping." Ranma, of course, had his and his father's old room all to himself. Genma and Nodoka shared a room, now.

Ranma nodded, then headed for the stairs. He looked back at the assembled group, and then shook his head. He went for his room.

"Is it just me, or did Ranma's eyes look strange whenever he looked at us?" asked Nabiki.

"Probably just from the food, Nabiki. The boy will be alright in a few hours. Just let him rest."

Ranma climbed the stairs, still shaking his head. _What was that? Halfway through being dragged home by Nabiki, I wanted to thank her by giving her a hug. After Kasumi's cooking, every time I looked at her, Nabiki, or Akane, I wanted to kiss them. And Mr. Tendo… I wanted to… what? Hit him? No, more like chase him around until he left or something. And why did I have the weirdest urge that I _had_ to answer him when he asked me if I wanted to lay down? Could Shampoo have managed to slip something into the ramen with Mousse watching?_ He opened the door to his room, falling onto his futon. _Nah, couldn't be. All of those weird potions of hers start working as soon as you eat them. It's not like they run on a timer or something._ Dismissing the thought of having been drugged, Ranma slept, not knowing that he was perfectly correct. This, er, _new _potion was in fact, slowly taking effect, just like Shampoo's original potion was supposed to.

-----

Ranma woke up a few hours later to find his father, currently a panda, standing in the doorway.

[What's the matter, boy?] a sign asked. [Your mom sent to check on you…] _flip_ [and you were pitching around and moaning…] _flip_ [like you were having a nightmare.]

_crack_

"Nothing's wrong, old man. I don't remember what I was dreaming." Storming out, Ranma barely realized he had answered his father's question.

From the floor, a stunned panda sat up with a lump on his head.

[What got him talking so suddenly?] _flip_ [He's barely spoken in three months…] _flip_ [and now he's talking to me again?] _flip_ [WHY AM I THINKING..] _flip_ [OUT LOUD WITH THESE SIGNS?!]

-----

From her room, Akane watched Ranma as he walked out to the dojo about ten minutes after she heard him thump his father. _Must've gotten something to eat, he did sleep through dinner, even though we all tried to wake him up._ She glanced over at her closet, where the outfit she'd picked out before was still hanging up. _Maybe it'd be better to do it now, instead of in the morning. At least that way nobody else would have to see me._

Cautiously, Akane walked to her closet, and started pulling off her pajamas. _Oh, _please_ let this work!_ she thought._ If it doesn't, I'm going to die of embarrassment!_ She pulled the outfit out, and sighed. _I might just die of embarrassment even if it does._

_ A martial artist,_ she reminded herself, _does not back down from any challenge._

-----

Ranma wandered downstairs after pounding his father on the head. _Now why did I do that?_ he wondered. _The moment my eyes focused on him, I hit him. And then I… answered his question? Now what did I go and do that for?_ He looked at a clock, noting the time. _Aw, man! I missed dinner! And I am so hungry!_

Deciding to see if there were any leftovers, he threw open the refrigerator door, and saw a covered plate with a note on it.

_Ranma,_

_We couldn't wake you up for dinner, so I left you something to eat just in case you woke up and got hungry._

_ -Kasumi_

Ranma smiled. Trust Kasumi to make sure that there was something left for him. Starving, he pulled the plate out and set to heating it up. A few minutes (and a mostly full stomach) later, Ranma went out to the dojo, not knowing he was being watched from a second floor window.

He went into the dojo, and began stretching. _If I still feel weird in the morning, I'll have to put off talking to Akane's mom for a day,_ he thought before launching into a kata. _But I feel much better now. However bad the food was, I'll be fine in the morning._

Oh, how wrong he would be.

Ranma was so busy concentrating on his workout that he didn't hear the dojo door open behind him, then close a moment later.

"Definitely gonna have to remember that if Mousse ever makes anything for me to eat again, that he'd better have been wearing his glasses first," he grumbled to himself. He continued working out as he tried to find something to compare it to. "Tasted like what week-old gym socks would smell like if they were left to float in a sewer before being hung out to dry in a landfill."

He froze at the sound of a giggle behind him. "That bad, huh, Ranma?"

Akane was still repressing another giggle at Ranma's description of Mousse's food when he spun around to face her. He looked surprised to see her, before another emotion appeared on his face. Before Akane could figure out what it was, Ranma looked away from her.

"Yeah, that bad." _What was that?_ Ranma thought. _The second I saw her… I wanted to run to her. Wait a second, did I just _answer_ her? Dammit, what did I do that for? I just know I'm going to end up saying something stupid and hurting her… just like every other time. She's gonna end up crying and I'm going to be knocked so high into the air that I'm going to be able to deliver mail to the space station._ Coming out of this train of thought, Ranma realized that he must've answered three or four more questions and had taken a few steps towards Akane without even realizing he was doing it. He glanced at her again, and felt his face flush even more. _What the hell is _wrong_ with me?! I gotta be careful, or I'm going to end up in Low Earth Orbit. And what's with the _clothes_ she's wearin'? Looks like their _Nabiki's_ or something!_ _Geez, every time I look at her in that, I want to run over there, and hold her. What is _wrong_ with me? Have I gone suicidal? Akane'd KILL me!_ He realized he'd just answered a couple _more_ questions without thinking about it. And now Akane was practically blushing like a tomato. _What have I been saying?! Dammit, pay attention!_

Ranma bent to pick up his shirt, which he had discarded before beginning his workout, and slipped it on over his white undershirt, mumbling yet another statement at her as he turned his back to her. _Stupid! What do you think you're doing?! Knock it off before you say the wrong thing and upset her and end up getting killed!_ He wasn't even aware he was talking again.

"Ranma…" he heard Akane say. _What the _hell_ have I been saying to her anyway?!_

-----

Akane tried not to giggle. "That bad, huh, Ranma?"

"Yeah, that bad."

_Now, that was interesting_, thought Akane. _He won't look at me, but he's speaking. Is it the outfit, or something else?_ Despite herself, Akane was preferring that was the outfit. _At least, that way, I won't have worn something so embarrassing for nothing._

"So, decided to work out, I see. Couldn't you sleep?"

"When I woke up, I was hungry. After I ate the leftovers Kasumi had for me, I wasn't very tired, so I figured I could train a little." He took a couple of steps towards her.

Akane blinked. _That was… a lot. I didn't expect him to be so willing to talk to me._ "Oh. You look a little out of it, Ranma. Is there something on your mind?"

"Those clothes you're wearing. They're look nice on you, but they're kinda loose. It shows a bit more than I'm used to seeing of you." He took another step towards her.

_Pervert!_ Akane's mind promptly screamed. _No, calm down, Akane, I wanted him to talk to me. This was just the means to get it, that's all. I'm not gonna mallet him, unless he tries to touch me. _Then_ he gets the mallet. He'd better have one _hell_ of a reason for getting closer to me though, or he dies._

Akane prepared herself to ask him something he wouldn't expect from her. "You saw me naked right after you moved in here. I'm covered up this time, so what's different?" Akane felt herself blush slightly after asking.

"I wasn't trying to look at you then. Kasumi set us up. She knew we'd end up walking in on each other."

_Kasumi!! What were you thinking?!_ "What do you mean, you weren't trying to look at me then?" _And exactly _what_ pried open your mouth from being silent for so long, Ranma?_

"I barely knew you. I don't peek at girls, and even if I did, I wasn't about to peek at someone I didn't know. But now, what you're wearing makes it hard not to look at you."

Akane watched as Ranma looked up at her, and then snapped his head away, blushing even more.

_Okay, bigger question now, since he seems willing to talk for tonight._ "Why won't you look at me while I'm talking to you?"

"Because every time I look at you, I want to come over to you. I want to hold you."

Akane flushed, looking less like a girl, and more like a living impersonation of the color scarlet. "You… want to hold me, Ranma? Why?"

"To make you feel better, and because I want to be close to you." Akane was sure she had gone beyond scarlet, and was now glowing like a red nuclear reactor. Even her _arms_ were blushing. Ranma bent down to get his shirt off of the floor.

"But the things you call me… don't you know that they hurt?"

"I know," Ranma mumbled as he slipped his shirt on. "That's why I stopped talking to you. I hate hurting you, Akane. I figured if I stopped talking to you, then I wouldn't say anything to hurt you." Akane's eyes widened. "I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."

_Ranma… you stopped talking to everyone just to avoid hurting my feelings? Do you really care for me, or do you not like making any girl cry? To you, am I still…_

"Ranma, do you still think I'm just a kawaiikune tomboy?" she asked as he turned his back to her.

"Kawaiikune? Never. You've always been very cute, but I always thought if I told you that, you wouldn't believe me, or you'd just mallet me. You're definitely a tomboy, but you should stay a tomboy. I like you just as you are, I wouldn't change anything."

"Ranma…" Akane couldn't take it anymore, she ran the few steps left between her and her fiancée, and threw her arms around his back.

-----

"Ranma…"

_What the _hell_ have I been saying to her anyway?!_ Ranma heard Akane run at him, and braced himself for the impact of mallet-sama into his skull. The impact didn't come like he expected, and he felt Akane's arms start to wrap around him. _She's gonna squeeze me to death!_ his mind screamed. _She's gonna squeeze me to death! She's gonna crush my ribs! She's-_

_ squeeze_

_ -gonna h-hug me?_ Ranma turned in Akane's arms, and found himself looking at the top of the blue-haired girl's head. _Hold her_, came the silent command from somewhere in his mind. _What?!_

_Hold her. It's what she wants. It's what you want. Do it. Hold her. Do it. Now._

Unable to help himself, Ranma reached around his fiancée. Her arms pulled at him.

_Closer._

Ranma tightened his arms, and felt Akane bury her head in his chest.

_Closer._

He pulled her as close as he could, feeling her body crush against his.

_Kiss her._

_ What?_

_ Kiss her. Do it. Kiss her. Kiss her. Kiss Akane. You want to, I know you do. You always have, just do it. Kiss her. Kiss Akane!!_

Unable to hide from the voice he realized was coming from some part of his mind he didn't understand, Ranma pulled at Akane's chin until she was looking up at him.

"Ranma?"

_Kiss…_ the voice of the potion whispered.

"What are you...?"

And Ranma tilted his lips towards Akane's.

-----

A/N

Fixed some typos and stuff in chapter 2.

AHHH!!! I left it at such a cliffhanger, I'm so sorryyyyy!!!! But I had to publish what I had so far! Don't worry, I'm already working on chapter 4, I just had to find a breaking point between three and four, and this seemed like a good place to do it. Gomen nasai! _bows to the ground_ Gomen nasai!! Gomen nasaiiiiiiiii!!!!!!


	4. The Next Day, The Potion's Truth

The Usual Disclaimer: I do not own Ranma ½, it's characters, copyrights, trademarks, etc..., nor do I have any permissions from the author, publisher, etc..., to write this piece of simple fanfiction. I am not being paid and I am not receiving any sort of payment in regards to this fanfiction, with the exception of the small amount of pride I feel when I receive a positive review.

-----

Embracing her fiancée, Akane felt him turn in her arms to face him. Relief rushed through her mind as Ranma's arms wrapped around her. _He didn't mean it!_ her mind cried. _He didn't mean it when he called me uncute! _Ranma's arms tightened around her, and she buried her face in him, hoping that he wouldn't push her away. _He... he just thought I'd hit him! He thinks I'm... I'm... beautiful? He... what?_ Akane felt his hand under her chin, making her look up at him. _He must have thought I was crying..._ She blinked at the odd expression on his face.

"Ranma? What are you...?"

Akane's eyes widened at the sudden feel of his lips on hers. Her mind froze, unable to deal with everything that had happened in just a few short minutes. Her arms dropped to her sides, her breathing simply stopped. Her legs began to give. Akane felt Ranma's lips leave hers, and a few seconds later, touch lightly against her neck. Then she felt Ranma's lips leave as she slumped to her knees.

"Oi, Akane!" she heard Ranma say. Barely aware, she felt herself being picked back up, and placed on her feet. "Oi. Oi. Ow. What did you...?"

_Too much! _her mind screamed. _Too much! It's too much at once! _She felt her lips move, vaguely aware she was saying something, then the world went black as she collapsed.

-----

Ranma felt Akane start to fall. _Huh?_ His mind responded. He opened his eyes in time to see Akane fall to her knees.

"Oi, Akane!" Panic flooded him, pushing aside the still-crushing desire to kiss her. He picked her back up, and tried to see if she could stand. Akane at least was able to hold herself up once placed there, but Ranma's nervousness grew as he saw her face looking utterly blank.

"Oi!" He waved a hand in front of her eyes, but Akane never even blinked. Beginning to feel a little desperate, she shook her shoulders a little, trying to get _some_ kind of reaction out of her. "Oi!"

_whock!_ as the mallet that had appeared in her hands impacted his head, and sent him sprawling along the length of the dojo. "Ow." Ranma looked up from the floor. "What did you...?" He looked at Akane, and saw that she had dropped the mallet, and was now pressing her fingers lightly to her neck where he had kissed her, before tapping them gently against her lips.

"Ranma..." she said in a very quiet tone. "You... you... pervert." Her eyes rolled up into her head, and Ranma barely managed to run to her in time to catch her before she hit the floor.

"Akane!" _She... fainted?_ Holding the now unconscious Akane in his arms, Ranma tried to ignore the desire to kiss her again, and picked her up completely. With a sigh, he kicked open the door, and walked across the yard before jumping up to her window. _Good thing it's open,_ he thought. He carried Akane into the room, then set her down on the bed. He pulled the blanket over her, then looked at her face. _At least her eyes are closed, and she doesn't look like she's... _frozen_ any more. I'll talk to her in the morning._

Ranma signed again as he looked down at his fiancée. A familiar urge took place in his mind, and be bent down over her sleeping form. _One kiss goodnight..._

_**Stop that**._

_Huh?_ he thought.

_**Are you going to dishonor her in her sleep?**_

_What do you mean?_

**_Are you going to lower yourself by forcing this on her in her sleep? Are you _that_ much like Ryoga?_**

_No! I am not like that damned pig!_

Shaking his head, Ranma walked to the door, and left the room. _What was that?_ He couldn't help but cast one last glance at Akane before he left. He dropped onto his futon, trying to clear his mind so he could get some rest. It was hours, however, before sleep finally claimed him. Then the morning came, and things started going from bad to worse.

-----

Shampoo arrived at the Tendo's a little after dawn, and quietly jumped up to the window she knew belonged only to Ranma. She slid it open, and slipped into the room. Ranma was asleep on his futon, snoring softly, and flat on his back.

_Perfect,_ thought Shampoo. "Airen," she said in a seductive voice.

Ranma slept.

"Aaaiiirennnn," a little louder.

Ranma snored.

"Airen!" she snapped as loudly as she dared, and gave Ranma a light kick in his side, trying to provoke him awake.

And thereby hit upon the _second_ flaw in her plan to finally have the Great Ranma Saotome. And in Nerima, hidden plans must either be executed flawlessly, or be smashed without mercy into the ground.

The first, of course, was leaving Mousse alone in the kitchen without specific instructions while she had tried to handle her great-grandmother. She had forgotten, as it was, Mousse's simple desire to help her do _anything_, just like he said. And, as a result, he had tried to 'help' her by finishing the potion for her.

The second flaw was forgetting exactly who she was trying to wake up.

Had she done the exact same thing to Akane, Mousse, Ryoga, Nabiki, or _maybe_ Genma Saotome, she would have succeeded in waking them up, as well as making them more that a little grumpy. As it was, the great flaw consisted of, when you get down to it, one little thing.

For _years_, in Japan, then in China, then again in Japan in the Tendo household, Ranma had been _constantly_ awakened by his father's "Saotome Sunrise Surprise Attack."

And as a result, Ranma's sleeping body, trained by years of this exact same type of morning abuse, did what battle instinct told it to do. It woke Ranma's mind to a half-awake status, then grabbed his 'father's' offending foot, slammed a fist into the stomach of his 'dad,' did a flip and kicked 'him' upside the head, and _then_ flung the still-held foot and the body it was attached to up into the air, kicked it out the window _hard_, before dropping completely onto his futon. _Then_ Ranma woke up.

"Huh?" was all the conqueror of Shampoo said.

Looking around, he could have sworn the he had just beaten his pop up. He wondered if it really was his dad, but then decided against it. Ever since moving out of the room, Genma Saotome always made sure that the bedroom door was open before beginning a morning attack, to make sure that there was a fast exit available from the room that did not have a koi pond on the other side of it. Looking up, he saw his window was open. He quickly jumped to his feet, and looked out the window. No one there, not in the back yard, and the koi pond's surface was flawless, not even a ripple from an impact.

"Dreaming," Ranma mumbled. His mind, determining that the 'threat' had never been there, allowed itself to fall back into a half-asleep doze, before allowing Ranma Saotome, now fully under the effects of a potion made only once before in all the years of Amazon history, to leave his room in search of breakfast.

-----

In the kitchen, Kasumi was getting ready for breakfast with her traditional smile already on her face. She heard someone coming down the stairs, and looked up to see Ranma stumbling down, his eyes closed, looking like someone who had just been woken up and didn't really want to be that way.

"Ranma?"

Ranma's head managed to swivel into Kasumi's general direction. "Nani?"

"You look tired. Did you sleep well?"

"Woke up last night, didn't get back to sleep for hours."

"Breakfast won't be ready for some time. Why don't you go take a bath, and come down when you're awake?"

"Ok, Kasumi, that sounds good." Ranma staggered back up the stairs, and stumbled his way down the hall.

Incidentally, Kasumi had saved herself from a fate, while nowhere _near_ as bad as death, she certainly wouldn't want pushed upon her. She was, however, quite glad that Ranma seemed to be talking again.

-----

Shampoo landed outside the Nekohanten, where Cologne and Mousse had been looking for her for at least five minutes. Cologne had only just stuck her head out the door when Shampoo hit the pavement with a resounding crash.

"Shampoo!" the elder Amazon cried. "What has happened to you?"

"My dear Shampoo!" Mousse had appeared at the door, with his glasses on.

"Quick, get her inside!"

Mousse picked up the battered Shampoo in his arms, and ran back into the Nekohanten, worried out of his mind. "Elder, it looks like someone took a sledgehammer to her head!" He pointed at the bruise on her jaw, where Ranma's upside-down kick had crashed.

Cologne stared at the hit, before examining her great-granddaughter for other injuries. "Quick boy, get her to her room, then get me some bandages from the first aid kit in the kitchen, some water, and my spice box!"

Mousse shot into the kitchen, tearing open the first aid kit, while Cologne stayed behind to further check on Shampoo. "Someone hit her hard enough to bruise her stomach, looks like a second blow cracked ribs on her left side, probably the hit that sent her here. A kick from the looks of it. If she's lucky, there's no internal bleeding from the punch to her stomach." She glanced at Shampoo's jaw. "Nothing broken, she's still her all her teeth, but I bet it rattled her brain around a little. You're lucky, great-granddaughter."

"Elder! I have what you need!" Mousse scrambled through the door, holding out the bandages, water, and the carved box. Cologne snatched the box away, pulled off the lid, and picked the container from the upper-right corner. She squinted at it, making sure it was the right one. "Mousse, take this, take _one_ teaspoon, add it to the water, dissolve it as best you can."

The Amazon boy did what he was told, while Cologne herself began wrapping Shampoo's ribs in bandages.

"Done, Elder Cologne." Mousse held out the water.

"Tilt her head forward, make sure she drinks it."

"Hai! Um, what am I making her drink?"

"Healing powder, she'll be on her feet again in a few minutes, if a little sore."

As Mousse began pouring the water into Shampoo's mouth, Cologne looked again at the injuries she had.

_It's easy to see that no weapons where used. Who in Nerima possesses such power with his bare hands? _thought the Amazon._ It's obvious any one of these hits would take her down, the other's must obviously be to make sure she stayed that way. The little destroyer Happosai would never hit a girl, he'd latch onto her like the leech that he is. That Ryoga boy might just have the necessary strength, but what would he hit Shampoo for? He supports Shampoo as long as she supports him going after the Tendo girl. As for Ranma himself, taking out Shampoo would be but a morning exercise, but son-in-law doesn't hit females. And even if he did, this is the kind of powerful beating he'd show Ryoga, or his father, not a girl. Is there someone new? Has another player come to the city?_

Shampoo groaned, sitting up.

"Shampoo! Lie down, you're injured," came Mousse's voice from her side.

"Quiet boy! Shampoo! What happened to you? Tell me!"

The Amazon girl opened her eyes slowly, feeling the ache across her body. She looked first at Mousse, who was staring at her with obvious concern behind his glasses, then at Cologne, who was wearing a worried look as she waited for her answer. Then Shampoo's eyes fell on the open spice box on the floor. _She... she knows! Great-grandmother find out Shampoo's plan!_

Sobbing, she fell on the matriarch's shoulder's, tears pouring down her face. _Forgive me, great-grandmother!_ she cried in Chinese. _I knew you forbid me from using more spices to catch Airen, but I disobeyed! I wanted to try one more time! But I must have made it wrong, for as soon as he saw me, he punched me, he kicked me, he knocked me across the city! Forgive me! I will never disobey again! I will take any punishment, just don't send me back to China and away from my Airen! I will never disobey you, I swear it! I will-_

"Quit your incessant babbling, slow down, and stop crying so I can understand what you're saying!"

Holding back her tears, Shampoo began again. _Please don't send me back to China-_

"_Japanese!!_" shrieked Cologne.

"Do not send Shampoo back to China, Honored Elder Cologne." The aforementioned matriarch's jaw dropped at the title Shampoo almost never used. "Shampoo was forbidden using potions to catch Airen, but Shampoo had try again! Shampoo made potion wrong, was attacked by Airen as soon as Shampoo try to wake! Shampoo so sorry, will never disobey again!"

"What are you talking about, Shampoo? I'm the one who made the potion, not you."

"What you mean, Shampoo add potion to ramen after send Mousse to get delivery box!"

"No, I added the potion to the ramen when you ran out when Cologne called you!"

"What?! Stupid duckboy, no wonder potion go so wrong! Is your fault!"

Shampoo and Mousse both fell silent as Cologne shot them both a soul-withering glare.

"Shampoo, what were you thinking?! As of this moment, you will not set foot outside the Nekohanten until I say otherwise! Mousse, same for you!"

"Great-grandmother-"

"Honored Elder-"

"Silence, the both of you! Now, what potion did son-in-law eat?"

"Truth serum."

"Delayed passion spice."

"Shampoo! You told me you were making a truth serum!"

"What Shampoo need truth serum for? Shampoo try to bed Airen so be forced to go to China with Shampoo!"

Cologne was on the verge of snapping, probably someone's neck. "_Will you two quit clowning around?! I need answers, and I need them now!_" Her eyes fell on the spice rack, and suddenly noted the out of place containers, none of which were part of a delayed passion potion. _1, 2, 3, 4..._ she began counting the out of order bottles. "Shampoo, I know you're good enough at potions not to get ingredients wrong... Mousse, how many parts are there to a truth serum?"

A pause. "Eight."

"_THREE!!_" screamed Cologne and Shampoo.

Mousse began to back up. "But I remember adding eight..."

"Ahhhhh!!" Shampoo began throwing everything within reach at the Amazon boy, who, to his credit, managed to dodge them all, at least until Shampoo threw Cologne at him. Cologne righted herself in the air, and landed stick-first onto Mousse's face.

Jumping off the collapsing boy, she returned to her spice box, and began pulling out the misplaced bottles. She lined them up on the floor, then pulled out the containers for Shampoo's potion. Lining them all up, she began reading the labels.

"What great-grandmother doing?"

"Trying to determine what exactly son-in-law had for lunch. Here are the ones that made up your delayed passion spice," she said, pushing five bottles into a group. "And here are the three that make a truth serum, which Mousse managed to make correctly." Cologne pushed another three next to the previous five. "But this one," she pointed to a bottle from Shampoo's batch, "is the one that slows down the effects, making them slowly occur over several hours instead of right away, so the truth serum probably wouldn't fully take effect until this morning either. The problem is this five here, the ones that shouldn't have been used..." The Amazon elder eyeballed the 13 bottles in front of her. "These three are used only for the making of truth serums, or for making people see past their own delusions. One way or another, all they do is bring out the truth, so they're not the problem. Nothing here except for the delay, should interfere in their work. But the extra five... what will they do to the spices you added..."

Shampoo had seen her ancestor like this before. She wasn't really talking to Shampoo. Really, she was talking to herself.

"So, as they are of no importance to what you made, let's put these three aside..." She put them back in the box, "and simply look at the ten we have left. What will you ten do when combined... What affect will you have on the son-in-law...? I know I've seen this combination before, a ten-spice mix is rare... but where have I seen it, and why was it made..." Her eyes widened. "Oh, no, not that..." She bolted from the room, leaving her stick behind.

With a groan, Mousse sat up just in time to see Cologne arrive back in the room, looking like a running stack of scrolls and old texts with two stumpy legs.

"Help me look!" she snapped before tearing through scrolls at Chestnut Fist speeds.

"Honored Elder..." Mousse said as he picked up a scroll.

"What?" Cologne demended as she picked up a book, and started flipping through pages at the same speed.

"What am I looking for?"

"You're looking for..." she threw aside the book, and started going through another. "...this!" She looked at the formula in front of her, comparing it to the bottles still on the floor. For the first time in over a hundred years, Cologne screamed.

-----

"Honored Elder..."

"Quiet!"

"Great-grandmother..."

"Less talking, more running!"

"Shampoo, why is Elder Cologne dragging us across the rooftops, and why do we seem to be going to the Tendo residence?"

"Shampoo not know."

_Dragging_ was not precisely accurate, since it implies that the were being pulled across the ground. not precisely accurate, since it implies that the were being pulled across the ground. _Flying_ might be closer, since neither one had touched the ground ever since Cologne had yanked them out of Shampoo's window, and had started jumping from roof to roof with her stick under one arm, and the book under the other. She clutched their hands, pulling them with her. They looked less like people and more like human-shaped flags trailing the Amazon Elder.

Cologne stopped, and both of the Chinese youths finally hit the ground.

"What was that for, you dried-up voodoo doll?"

"_This_ is why we must hurry, you fools!" Cologne shoved the open book in front of them. "Between the two of you, _this _is what son-in-law ate yesterday!"

Shampoo and Mousse leaned forward, peering at the pages. They screamed.

"Hurry, Shampoo, we've got to get to the Tendo's before Ranma does _anything!_"

"Shampoo say less talking, more running!"

"Put me down, I can run on my own!" Cologne was now flying between her two young charges, her body never touched the ground as they pulled her with them over the rooftops.

"QUIET!!" they snapped at her.

A few short blocks away, Ranma was getting out of the furo.

-----

Ranma finished getting dressed, and walked out of the bathroom, now feeling much more awake than the first time. _I wonder if Kasumi has anything I can snack on before breakfast is ready?_ He descended the stairs, smelling her cooking. _Was last night a dream? Maybe I should see what Akane does this morning before I say anything to anyone. If it was just some really, _really_ realistic dream, then I shouldn't say anything. If it wasn't... I'll just keep up the silent treatment with everyone until I can talk to Akane alone._

"Oh, hello Ranma," said Kasumi, seeing him arrive at the bottom of the stairs. "Breakfast isn't ready yet. Would you mind waiting in the dining room until I'm finished?"

Ranma found his mouth answering her question, despite his intentions to stay silent. "No, Kasumi-" _What are you doing?!_ his mind screamed."-I wouldn't mind-" _SHUT UP!!_ "-at all." _WHAT WAS THAT?!_

Kasumi saw the odd look on Ranma's face as he headed towards the dining room table. "Ranma, is something wrong?"

Again, his mouth decided to betray the intentions his mind had tried to commit him to. "Well, I'm a little upset, because I had decided to not say-" his mouth snapped shut as he looked at Kasumi for the first time today. And inside his mind, he heard the whisper he heard last night, but this time, it was so much louder. So much more _demanding_. So much more _controlling_, and Ranma found that he could not resist. He took a step towards Kasumi, then another.

"Ranma?" Kasumi looked at Ranma, and saw an expression she had never seen before, and it surprised her, and scared her a little in it's intensity.

"Yes?"

"What's that look you're wearing?"

"I don't know, Kasumi, I can't see my own face. Describe it to me."

"You look... you look..."

"I look...?"

And in his mind, Ranma heard a scream he was helpless to resist.

_TAKE HER!!!_

Ranma advanced on Kasumi.

_crack_ Ranma shot to one side, his head impacting the wall. Where he had been a moment before, Elder Cologne stood, panting heavily, with Shampoo and Mousse behind her.

"Is he unconscious?" demanded Mousse.

"Hit him again, make sure!" The three Amazons advanced on Ranma, and began pounding him into the ground. Kasumi stared in shock.

"Mousse, tie him up!" Chains flew from Mousse's arms, and Shampoo and Mousse held the bound Ranma up over their heads.

"To the dojo, we'll hold him there!"

"Quick Shampoo, let's hide him before he wakes up!"

"Aiyah!" They bolted out of the door, taking Ranma with them, Cologne still snapping instructions.

"Throw him inside! Seal the building, keep him from escaping!" More chains as Mousse sealed the door as best he could.

The Amazons slumped against the doors, finally relaxing.

"Oi," came Ranma's voice.

As Kasumi watched, all three jumped to their feet, and started backing from the door, fear and panic across their faces.

"I hope that there's a reason for this..."

"N-now Saotome," said Mousse nervously, "there's a good reason, a very good reason, and w-we'll explain it to you, but you have to stay inside."

There was a pause, and the sound of chains breaking. "I'm waiting."

"Ranma Saotome, you must stay inside the dojo!"

"Start talking, ghoul!" Anger was evident in Ranma's voice.

Sweat started pouring down Cologne's face. "Just stay in there until we can find a way to reverse what's been done!"

Ranma's voice was so close, Cologne knew that he must be pressed up against the door. "You had better be talking about my curse."

Panic crept into her voice. "I'm begging you, don't come out! Just wait, let us determine exactly what's happening to you, and then we'll tell you everything we know. We just need a little time, just a few hours, then we will tell you!" _A total lie, but it's a lie in our best interest! I know exactly what's happening, and what's going to stop him if he escapes?_

Inside the dojo, Ranma blinked in surprise. _It sounds like the old ghoul's scared of something. And she's _begging_ me not to come out? Since when does she beg anything? And what was that... _feeling_ I had when I looked at Kasumi?_

"Alright, but you had better have a good reason for locking me in here, or when I see you..."

An involuntary shudder ran down Cologne's spine. _That is what I fear the most, is you seeing me!_ "Very well, we will be inside the Tendo household. We will let you know as soon as we can. Can... can we do anything to make you feel... more at ease?"

Ranma was almost shocked by the _courtesy_ being shown to him in the question.

"Elder Cologne?" from the look on Mousse's face, so was he.

"Silence fool!" she hissed at Mousse. "Or do _you_ want him angry at you?"

The sometimes-duck paled. "N-no!"

There was a thump from inside the dojo as Ranma lay himself flat on the floor. His voice, when it came, sounded much more relaxed. "I would like breakfast when Kasumi has it ready."

Cologne's shoulders slumped as tension finally released her. "We'll send it in to you."

-----

"So, now that we're all here, would you mind explaining what is it you're doing at my breakfast table, and why Ranma appears to be locked in the dojo?" Soun Tendo asked.

"I'm here to prevent Ranma from beating some of you to death, taking one of the girls as a victim, and maybe killing half of Nerima in the process."

"_What?!_"

"Let me explain. Yesterday, these two-" Cologne pointed at Mousse and Shampoo, "-went behind my back, and tried to feed another potion to Ranma Saotome, despite that I had forbidden them from doing so. But they weren't paying enough attention! They both tried to add two entirely different potions to the ramen when the other wasn't looking, and that is why Ranma must stay in the dojo, until we can find a way to deal with him. The potion that they created was never supposed to be used, but for one time!"

"Would that be the ramen Shampoo gave to him yesterday, saying it was an apology?" asked Nabiki.

"An _apology_ was it?" Cologne glared at her great-granddaughter. "Yes, it was."

Soun spoke up. "So, what's happening to him? What potion did they end up making?"

With a sigh, Cologne set the book she was carrying on the table, and slowly began turning the pages. "A thousand years ago, the Amazon tribe was on the verge of a terrible battle, one which could have meant the total destruction of us entirely. We could have won, and with very little casualties, but there was... a problem. Our greatest warrior, Perfume, was so great a martial artist that she could kill a thousand warriors by herself."

"How is that a _problem_?"

"Silence, Genma Saotome! The problem was, she would not fight! She was a rarity among us, a martial artist who learned the Art to purify her body, so that she could purify her mind and soul."

"A noble cause."

"For once, I agree with you, Soun Tendo. But, she also refused to teach any others to become as strong as she was. Two days before the battle, we saw the enemies' strength, and realized that the upcoming war could destroy us both. So, we devised a way to _make_ Perfume participate in the fight. In the end, my tribe created _this_." Cologne set the book down, the page showing the potion she had determined. "This is a potion capable of creating an _immense_ change to someone's mind."

"You mean... my son's not going to be Ranma anymore?" Nodoka asked as Kasumi picked up the book, and began browsing the effects of the potion.

"No, Ranma is _still_ going to be Ranma. But imagine dealing with a Ranma with all his inhibitions removed. And I mean _all_ of them. His inhibitions against fighting girls will be gone, as well as his inhibition of holding back against weaker foes. That means that if he hits you, he will hit you _hard_, and won't stop until you don't get back up."

"What do you mean?"

"Simple. _All_ inhibitions includes the one Ranma has against killing. You know how powerful Ranma really is, you saw his full power when he turned it against Saffron. And that was _months_ ago. That boy sitting out in the dojo killed a _god_. With his own power. In single combat, he could kill any of us. Including me. Or Happosai!"

With a gasp, Kasumi dropped the book, a hand held over her mouth is shock.

"Ah, I see Ms. Tendo has reached the description of the battle with Perfume! Everyone you see there were our enemies." In shocking detail, a full page was dedicated to hand-drawn pictures of the fate of the opposing army. They were all beaten savagely, several had missing limbs, or were broken in ways that made it look as though they had been though a rock crushing machine.

"I thought you said Perfume was a _pacifist_!"

"Yes Akane Tendo, she was. But she was also in love. You see, that's what we used to make her fight. You see, while the potion removes every inhibition in someone's mind, it also adds a crushing desire to act out the two extremes of human emotion, love and hate. And he _will_ act on those emotions, but only to those he considers close to him. Everything else becomes an obstacle, getting in the way. And you know the Amazon's idea of obstacles, which is going to be _Ranma's_ idea of what to do with them."

Akane remembered. She'd heard Shampoo say it enough. "Obstacles is for killing."

"Yes, they are. That means that anything that comes between Ranma, and who he loves or hates, becomes an obstacle. And he _will_ kill them."

"Are you sure?" asked Genma.

"I'm sure. Perfume hated killing even more then Ranma did. And look what she did! She killed a thousand warriors, _alone_. We didn't give her any help, she did it by herself."

"Did she hate your enemies?"

"Oh, no. She quite believed in saving life, but they became, to her, an obstacle."

"How?"

"She was in love with a man, and married him, but would not sleep with him, since she believed it would interfere with her goal of purifying her mind. On the night before the battle, we snuck behind the enemies' camp, with him behind us. We tied him to a tree, and left him there. In the morning, when dawn broke, we left Perfume at the edge of the battlefield as she began to wake. With the potion running through her mind, she saw her husband, and became consumed with her love for him. She desired to be by him, and so, the opposing army became..."

"An obstacle."

"Yes, Akane Tendo, an obstacle. The tribe came back for her two hours later, when there was no more noise coming from the battlefield."

"Two hours..." Soun whispered. "She killed a thousand warriors in two hours..."

"No, she killed a thousand warriors in _half_ an hour! The rest of the time, she spent-"

"Oh, _my!_" Kasumi dropped the book again, her face as red as a fire truck. She got up, and walked into the kitchen, looking unsteady on her feet. "I... I need some tea. Does anyone else want some tea? I'm going to make some tea..."

"Kasumi? Are you alright?" asked Akane.

"Tea..."

Akane picked up the book, trying to see what had gotten to Kasumi this time. Her face went as red as her name before she slammed the book shut.

"Well, young Tendo, that _is_ what Perfume spent the next hour and a half doing. What did you think the most physical expression of love was? A peck on the cheek?"

"Well, n-no... but..."

"But what?"

"Did they have t-to _draw_ it?"

-----

"Now, we have one more thing to do. Shampoo, _sit down!_" Cologne yanked her great-granddaughter back into the floor. It was the third time she had tried to sneak out to the dojo thus far.

"But great-grandmother..."

"Silence! If I were you, I'd be sure of Ranma's feelings for you before I tried to sneak into the dojo."

"Shampoo cute girl, Ranma must be attracted to!"

"So is Kodachi Kuno, but if she set one foot inside the door, I believe the boy would shove her head through a wall before he'd even consider kissing her!" Unnoticed by either of them, Akane blushed at the mention of Ranma kissing someone.

"Now, the last thing we need to do is for someone to tell Ranma exactly what's happening to him. _And_ he said he wanted breakfast. It would be simpler if one person did both of these tasks."

"How are we going to get food to Ranma without getting beaten or getting jumped?"

"Nabiki!"

"What's wrong, Akane? That _is_ the problem, isn't it?"

"This potion," said Cologne, "works only upon sight, touch, or stress. It's why Ranma hasn't come out of the dojo to kill us, _yet_."

"So Ranma will be Ranma until he sees us, touches us, or... what? We start making fun of him? And what do you mean, yet?"

"If Ranma gets hungry, eventually, he's going to come looking for something to eat. I've seen how he eats when he comes to the Nekohanten, and I'd guess he's thinking about coming out of there. Someone has to take him food, and tell him why he can't leave."

Silence fell at the table as everyone looked around at everyone else.

"Cologne..."

"What is it?"

"What kind of person would be safe to get close to my son?"

"Certainly not you, you sorry excuse for a panda! I have no doubt that he'd kill you faster than he'd kill me! If I had to guess, and I do mean _guess_, the only way you could see Ranma safely would be if he loved you, but was utterly terrified of you."

All eyes turned to Nodoka Saotome, still holding her katana.

"What?"

-----

Everyone was outside the dojo, and Nodoka stood in front of the door. In her hands was a tray, with Ranma's breakfast on it. Under her arms were her sword and Cologne's book, to help her explain.

"If he runs for you, jump back, and we'll shut the door. Once he can't see you, he should go back to normal," Cologne advised.

"Hai."

"Ok, we'll pull the door on the count of three. Mrs. Saotome?"

"Yes, Elder Cologne?"

"Be careful what you ask him. One of the side-effects of the, eh, _circumstances_ of the potions' creation is that he can no longer lie."

Behind them, Genma let out a scared-sounding squeak.

"Ready? 1... 2... 3!"

The door was pulled open, and Nodoka cautiously looked inside. Her soon was still saying on his back, but turned to look at her. A dozen different emotions played across his face. Then, his eyes noticed the sword. He shot backwards across the floor, fear written across his face.

_What the...? Why am I so terrified of my mother?_ asked one voice in his head.

_SHE'S HERE TO KILL ME!!!_ said another.

"It's alright, son, I'm here to talk to you."

_I'M GONNA DIE!!! _is what rattled through Ranma's mind, despite his mother's calm reassurance.

"They want me to explain everything to you, Ranma. I'm only here to talk. I have the breakfast you wanted with me, see?"

Ranma's mouth opened, but his voice was laced with fear. "I see it." _LAST MEAL BEFORE DEATH!!_

"It's the sword, Auntie Saotome. Ranma probably thinks that's you have it so you can use it," said Akane.

Nodoka looked at Akane, then set the sword down on the dojo floor, leaving it behind her. "My son, come here, you look hungry."

Ranma's eyes, Nodoka saw, looked much more relaxed after she had put the sword down.

Outside, Soun and Genma began to shut the door. The last thing Genma heard as the door shut was his wife. "Why were you so scared of the family blade?"

_Uh-oh..._

-----

"I thought you were here for the contract."

"Hmm?"

"The sword. I thought it was time for seppuku."

Nodoka paused for a moment. "Do you really think I would have you perform seppuku at the drop of a hat?"

"Yes."

"Where did you get that idea?"

"You always have the sword with you."

"Anything else?"

"Pops makes it sound like that."

_Genma and I need to have a little... talk after this._

"Why do you always have the sword with you?"

"Where should I leave it, son? It's the family sword, I can't just set it down anywhere. Besides, it's useful for keeping your father in line."

The sound of her son's laughter made Nodoka smile.

"So, why I am locked in here?" Ranma asked as he picked up his rice bowl.

His mother opened the book. "Well, it looks like you've had another Amazon potion..."

-----

An hour later, and Soun and Genma could be seen playing Shogi while waiting for Nodoka to come out of the dojo. Everyone else still sat around still sat around the table. Cologne had decided that Ranma's delicate position took precedent over opening the Nekohanten.

"How long will it be until it stops working on him? A few hours?" Kasumi asked.

Cologne thought for a moment before answering. "Eternity."

"_What?!_ He's going to be like this forever?!" shrieked Akane.

Cologne chuckled at Akane's reaction. "Not exactly. This potion will not 'wear off' like most of them do. It's going to rage through him until he can wear himself out at one of the extreme's the potion demands."

"What's that mean?"

"It means that until Ranma exhausts himself completely at beating someone to death that he hates or with one of you girls, he'll never be cured. And given Ranma's skill at martial arts, it's take everyone in this room's combined effort to drain him of all energy in a fight without someone dying. Even then, there's a chance one or more would fall at Ranma's hands. I wouldn't let Ranma know that little piece of information, either."

"Why not?"

"What do you think Ranma would do if you told him that?"

Akane groaned. "Knowing him, he'd go hide in the woods until he died."

"Exactly. Ranma's sense of honor wouldn't let him do anything else. So, we have to keep him in the dojo and alone until we can find an antidote for him."

"Shampoo fix right now! Shampoo go see Airen in dojo, set Airen right!"

Akane grinned smugly. "How are you going to that, Shampoo? If I were Ranma, I'd be pretty mad at you for tricking me into eating that."

"Violent kitchen destroyer always mad!"

"The young Tendo girl is right. Ranma's probably quite upset at you right now. Going in there would only provoke him. Besides, you couldn't go anywhere even if you wanted to."

"Only because great-grandmother made Mousse hang Shampoo from ceiling with chains!" Which was true. Shampoo hung by her feet from the ceiling, with chains wrapped around her from head to toe.

"It's in your best interest. I don't feel like losing a great-granddaughter over her own foolishness."

"Ranma no hit! Ranma see Shampoo, and take to bed! Then we go back to China!"

"If you go after Ranma now, you'll have to take him in front of his mother."

Shampoo sweatdropped. "S-Shampoo wait until later."

The sound of the dojo door opening caught everyone's attention. A moment later, Nodoka appeared at the entrance to the dining room.

"How did it go, Mrs. Saotome?"

Nodoka turned to look at Cologne. "It went well. He took it better than I expected, although he is very upset at Shampoo. Something about it being a very bad apology, I believe. He understands what's happening to him, and said he hopes that you find a way to get the potion out of him soon. He also said 'and tell the old ghoul that if she says there's no way to get it out of me, I'll take it out of her skin.' Is that something he normally says?"

Cologne looked like all the blood had left her face. "Doesn't sound like the usual things Ranma says..."

"Ah, then I suppose he was serious. Genma, dear?"

"Uh, yes, No-chan?" He looked up to see Nodoka's knuckles had gone white from clutching the hilt of her sword.

"_We need to talk_." Genma felt his blood run cold as his wife pulled the sword from it's scabbard. He scrambled backwards toward the door, and was surprised to find something blocking his way. It felt like... a pair of legs?

"_Oyaji..._"

Akane gasped. "Ranma..."

Genma felt his blood turn from cold to ice as he heard the unmistakable sound of his son cracking his knuckles. "_You're time has come, oyaji. If I don't kill you, Mom will._"

-----

A/N

Ah, ha ha ha ha! I felt like cutting it off here! Ok, I'm not really laughing, but I need some sleep! I didn't get to sleep last night until 5 a.m., and I've been up since eight this morning, and it's one-thirty in the morning now!

To those who said to bring on "the juicy Ranma and Akane," jeez, man hold your horses! Go take a valium, or better yet, your girlfriend/boyfriend, and calm down! Let me write this sucker at my pace!

And for those who said I was making Akane too perfect (from her views of the Nerima Wrecking Crew in Chapter 2) Akane _still_ blames Ranma for all of those incidents-

Akane: "Damn right, it's ALL THE PERVERT'S FAULT!!

-and she's not thinking of them as people or friends, she's just thinking of them in terms of how they behave towards Ranma. Only a total idiot (Tatewaki Kuno, for example) couldn't see that that is how they behave around him, and I don't think Akane's an idiot, just typically violent. And I think that Ranma ignoring her and everyone else for three months is a good way to make her think about things a little, even if she is completely violent.

Akane: "DIE!!"

Working on the next chapter tomorrow after work! See what happens to Genma's body! Now taking bets! Will he be killed by Ranma?! The sword?! WILL he still be recognizable as having once been human when they're done with him, or can they have an open casket funeral?! WILL he survive, or die looking like human origami?!

Akane: "HOLD STILL GOBSTOPPER!! MALLET-SAMA WANTS TO SAY HELLO TO YOU!!


	5. Ranma Under The Potion

Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!! I DON'T OWN RANMA ½!!

Sorry, but it's the fifth time I've had to say it.

And before I forget...

THIS CHAPTER IS ONE OF THE REASONS THAT I RATED THIS FANFIC AS "R" FOR SCENES INVOLVING RANMA. IF YOU ARE NOT OLD ENOUGH TO READ SUCH CONTENT, BACK OFF AND GO SOMEWHERE ELSE. THE REST OF YOU, ENJOY, YA BUNCH OF HENTAI'S. LORD MALLET WILL VISIT YOU SOON.

"_Your time has come, oyaji. If I don't kill you, Mom will._"

Genma Saotome knew, with a horrible certainty, that he was living the last moments of his life, and that the last thing he was ever going to see was either the flash of his wife's blade or the crushing fists of his son. Ranma's foot connected with his back, and set him flying across the room, his spine screaming in agony from the blow.

Genma tied to jump to his feet, ignoring the agony in his back, and found he couldn't do anything more than get up on all fours. Sharp steel touched the back of his neck.

"Ranma Saotome, don't do this! Don't become a killer, control yourself!" Genma heard Cologne's attempt at stopping Ranma, but her cries did nothing to slow the pig-tailed martial artists' advance on his father. There was a scampering sound as Soun Tendo rushed to his room to leave his friend to his fate.

Genma turned his head as best he could, trying to look at his wife. "No-chan, please..."

"I'm not going to kill you, _husband_." A small sense of relief flooded the elder Saotome. "I'm going to hold you right where you are, and I shall allow our son to beat you to death with his hands, as fits what you did to him. I asked him how you trained him all those years, and he told me_ everything._ Now, the martial artist you created out of him will be what kills you." Nodoka's eyes were as cold as ice. "_It will not be painless._"

Genma appeared to be going into shock.

"Oyaji..." Ranma pressed his foot onto the back of the blade resting on his father's head.

"Ranma, come to your senses! You can't kill him!" Even Nabiki tried to reason with him, but Ranma's foot pressed a little harder.

"Nobody touch him! If you do, his rage will turn on you!" Cologne warned the rest of the group.

Genma leaned forward until his face was pressed against the wall, and still he felt his son's foot pushing the sword into the back of his neck. "_I'm going to pinch your head off with Mom's blade. I'm going to push just hard enough, until it squeezes through your fat neck, and your head pops off like a cork._"

Nodoka leaned forward to look at her husband's face. "Genma."

No response. "Genma!"

Silence. "GENMA!!"

"Ok, son, I think he's had enough."

"Nani?"

"I think he's gone into shock. He looks like a porcelain statue, completely frozen."

"HA!" laughed Ranma. "That'll teach him for all those years on the road!" No longer able to help himself, Ranma collapsed to the ground, laughing so hard that tears fell from beneath the blindfold covering his eyes.

"I hope I didn't scare anyone when I came through the door."

"You had me for a minute," grumbled Akane.

"Not me. I saw what you were doing the second I saw the blindfold." Nabiki was still grinning as she stared at Ranma's still-frozen father plastered against the wall. He hadn't so much as twitched in ten minutes.

"Nor me, boy." Cologne's voice held a slight edge to it. "I knew the moment you started speaking. If you had really been looking at him, you would have just started taking him apart without bothering to tell him first. If you were surrounded by strangers, I _might_ be fine with this, but it does concern me that you are surrounded by people who will set you off if you should happen to come into contact with them. One way or another, everyone here is someone who is close to you, be it by love or hate, or something like it."

"Yeah, well, as long nobody touches me, I should be fine. I don't think anyone's going to pick a fight right now, ne? And thanks for playing along when you realized I wasn't really attacking my old man."

"No problem, Ranma. He did have it coming." Nabiki was poking at Genma with a stick. Soun was still hiding. "What're you going to do with him when he wakes up?"

"Turn him over to mom. I really did tell her everything, not like I really had a choice. She does want to have a serious talk with him, alone I think." Nodoka was in the kitchen, drinking tea, and trying to calm herself down to deal with Genma when he regained consciousness.

"Speaking of talking, weren't you giving us all the silent treatment?" Nabiki asked.

"Yeah, well, no point to that right now, is there? All you'd have to do is ask me something, and I'd be forced to tell ya."

"Seems you are capable of rational thought after all."

"Hey!" Ranma crossed his arms. "Do I smell some tea?" he asked, trying to change the subject.

"Kasumi made some fresh while Cologne was telling us about the potion." Akane said. A slight squeak brought her attention around to her eldest sister, who was slowly turning red again. "Sorry, Kasumi, I didn't mean to embarrass you."

"Can I have some?"

"O-of course, Ranma-kun." Kasumi seemed to be trying to avoid thinking about the pages she had seen earlier.

There was a pause, then "Well, can someone _tell_ me where it is, or something?!"

Nabiki groaned, then picked up a fresh cup and held it out. "Here, Ranma, quit complaining."

"Here, _where?_"

"I'm holding it right in front of you!"

"Er, thanks." Ranma reached forward, trying to find the cup. It was shoved into his hands, and for a second, Nabiki's fingers touched Ranma's.

Ranma seemed to jump three feet in the air, which was amazing since he was sitting cross-legged on the ground, and knocked the teacup onto the table.

"Are you ok?" Akane asked.

"What happened?" asked Mousse.

"Fine, I just saw s-something when Nabiki touched me, I'm fine!"

"It must be a side-effect of the potion." Cologne said. "Will you tell me what you saw?"

"No, don't wanna!" Ranma blushed from his neck to the roots of his hair.

_Oh-ho! _chuckled Cologne mentally._ He must be seeing what the potion is compelling him toward!_

"What did you see when Nabiki touched you, Ranma-kun?" Kasumi's voice, disturbingly, was filled only with concern, apparently clueless as to what could be going on in Ranma's mind.

Burning an even redder color, Ranma tried to stop his mouth from running, but couldn't. He tried to get away with the bare minimum. "The furo."

"You saw the furo?"

_Kasumi, please stop!_ "...yes"

"What about it?"

Ranma fought it, trying not to speak, but again, he was betrayed by his own body. "IsawNabikiandmeinthefuro-"

"Could you say that slower, Ranma-kun? I couldn't understand a word you were saying."

"I saw Nabiki and me in the furo naked and she was on top of me and she was-"

"HENTAI!!" screamed Akane, and knocked him across the room, courtesy of mallet-sama.

"Calm yourself, Akane Tendo!" snapped Cologne. "This is not Ranma's fault, the potion is making him see these things! He has no choice in the matter!" _This must be what happens when he comes into contact with someone for just a moment. His mind must flash something to get him to try to get him to follow along with it._

"Sorry, Ranma." Akane said as she glared at Ranma, apparently not completely believing it. She still held her mallet.

Ranma sat up. "It's alright, barely felt it!" He either missed the sound of Akane grinding her teeth or was ignoring it.

_Well, now, that was interesting!_ thought Nabiki. _Akane apologized, even if she managed to make it sound like a death threat! I wonder why... At least I know that I'm not on the hate-list either... _"Well then, Ranma, what do you think of me?"

Ranma's mouth popped open. "You can be nice when you want, but mostly you're colder than a winter breeze."

"WHAT?!" Nabiki exploded. Akane grinned.

"As frozen as a popsicle at the North Pole."

"EXCUSE ME?!"

"You are excused, Ice Queen of Furinkan High."

"Ranma..." Nabiki snarled. Shampoo was trying to hold back laughter, still in chains from the ceiling.

"I can't help it, you asked!" Apparently Saotome foot-in-mouth disease worked even under Amazon truth potions.

Akane was giggling into Kasumi's shoulder. Nabiki glared at her. _Laughing at me, little sister?_

Calming herself, Nabiki looked over at Ranma. "So, Ranma, I noticed you went out into the dojo last night."

Akane froze. _Uh-oh..._

"What did you do while you were out there?"

"I trained a little." _What does she know?!_

"Uh-huh... and after Akane went out to see you?"

Ranma _knew_ everyone was looking at him now. He could feel it. "S-she had some questions for me."

"And then...?"

"I, um, I answered them?"

"Is that ALL you did?"

"No," Ranma squeaked, trying to keep from saying too much.

"What all did you to out there with Akane?"

_No way out! No way out! NO WAY OUT! _Straining against it, Ranma's mouth opened again. "Akane and I-"

"SHUT UP!!" shrieked Akane, and brought the mallet down on Ranma's head. Her face was flushed, and Nabiki got the impression it wasn't from trying to swing her mallet so hard.

"How very interesting. Why are you blushing, Akane?"

"N-none of your business." Akane sat down and avoided looking at Ranma or Nabiki.

Or anyone, really.

"That was fun. Here, Ranma, I'm holding out your tea. Please try to _avoid_ touching me this time..."

"Thanks, Nabiki." Ranma was so jumpy, he didn't stop to wonder why she was suddenly so nice.

"A little to the left, now up. There ya go," Nabiki said as Ranma's hand closed around the teacup. _Now for a little test..._ Nabiki's reached across the table, and grabbed Ranma's other arm. Ranma froze for just a second at the contact, then dropped his tea as his hand shot across the table, and grabbed Nabiki by her shirt.

"What mercenary girl doing?!"

"Ranma, Nabiki!" Akane was shocked by Nabiki deliberately grabbing Ranma, then his surprise return. She wasn't sure if he was going to his her or something else until he pulled her across the table and kissed her. Not kissed her, but _kissed_ her, forcing her mouth open and sliding his tongue across hers. Before anyone could react, Ranma froze again. He seemed to be locked right where he was, then he flung Nabiki across the room, sending her into the hallway. He was gasping for breath.

Nabiki's voice came from the hall. "I'd give you a ten, but you're dismount needs some work. Eight points for the kiss."

"You did that just to see how good I was at _kissing?!_"

"Mercenary girl crazy!"

Nabiki chuckled. "I am curious about one thing though, Ranma. I thought you had no control over this, but you seemed to find a way to stop."

It wasn't a question, so Ranma ignored her.

Cologne laughed. "It seems, Nabiki Tendo, that he doesn't know whether to like you or hate you, so he did both!" She laughed to herself a bit more as everyone else remained quiet. There was silence for several minutes, until Ranma spoke up.

"You know, today's been alright, so far."

He got that feeling that everyone was staring at him again.

"Pray tell, Saotome, what does _that _mean?" asked Mousse. "You've been drugged by a potion that could cause you to kill or sleep with everyone close to you, you've been bludgeoned about the head by your fiancée-"

"Hey!" said Akane.

"-almost took Nabiki by force just because she wanted see how good a kisser you are, been locked in the dojo for hours, and thus far, the only way we know to 'cure' you is for you to kill us until you drop, or u-u..." He seemed to have trouble saying it. "U-_use_ one of the girls until you're exhausted. Sorry girls, I didn't mean to put it so crudely."

"Maybe so, Mousse, but here's how I see it. I've been completely honest with my mom about anything she wanted to know, and I still have my head attached, _Kodachi_ hasn't shown up, _Kuno_ hasn't shown up, Happosai hasn't been seen for weeks, Shampoo's behaving herself-"

From the ceiling, Shampoo grumbled so only she could hear, "Only because Shampoo hang from ceiling."

"-and I got a bit of revenge on pop, and Ryoga's nowhere to be found!"

"You do have a point, Ranma."

"Yeah," said Akane. "Makes you wonder where they all are."

In another dimension which we poor mortals know almost nothing about, the God of Chaos and his entire staff was having fits trying to keep everyone _away_ from the Tendo household. _Some_ chaos was good, but ever since he woke up this morning, the Avatar of Chaos' adversaries seemed hell-bent on visiting. And the amounts of mayhem all of them showing up at once would bring was too much, and would attract far too much attention. It was taking the combined effort of the Chaos God and everyone who worked for him's effort to keep them away.

"Report!"

"Sir! Tatewaki Kuno is out for the day!"

"Good! How?"

"We had his sister try to feed him to the pet she keeps in the moat! His injuries will keep him down for the day!"

"Good! Continue."

"Kodachi Kuno has been hospitalized! She will be in traction for at least two weeks!" said a different voice.

"_Most_ excellent! How?"

"We struck her with lightening while she was roof-hopping towards the Tendo's!"

"One shot of lightening took her down?"

"Twelve, sir!"

"Twelve?"

"We had her scheduled for twelve near misses over the course of a week, from when she tried to feed arsenic to Ranma's cursed form four months ago. We compiled them into one minute, once every five seconds, and upped them from near-misses to direct hits. We accomplished business while dealing with this morning's crisis, sir!"

"Excellent idea! Continue!"

"Principal Kuno has been infected with the idea that leaving the school grounds would cause them to collapse without his presence!"

"Good, very good! In fact, never take that idea away!"

"We're having trouble locking on Happosai!"

"Never mind that, I took care of him personally. He snuck on board a space shuttle right before launch thinking with the illusion that there were girls inside who wanted to give him their underwear. He is currently orbiting the earth, in an unmanned re-supply vessel, and will not dock with anything for a month. Think it'll kill him?"

Chuckles rang around. It was hard to imagine anything that could kill the old lecher.

"Anything happen while I was taking care of Happosai?"

"A minor incident, sir! Nabiki Tendo deliberately held onto your Avatar's bare arm!"

"_You call that minor?!_"

"Minor, sir, in that he kissed her, but then threw her into the hall! He likes her enough to kiss her, but hates her enough to throw her around!"

The Chaos God relaxed a little. "And the final piece?"

Tension rose in what looked like a perfectly normal office room. Perfectly normal, except it's inhabitants were all Chaos Gods of low power (and in one case, extremely high power) and were not wearing suits made not out of cloth, but light. All the suits were white with silver ties, except one, which was gold, with a red tie.

"We, er, can't find him, sir!"

"_WHAT?! CAN'T FIND HIM? CAN'T YOU AT LEAST **DETECT** HIM?!_"

"No sir! Not a trace! It's like he's gone from the _planet_, sir!"

"Find him, find him, no matter what it takes, _find that-_"

"NOW WHERE AM I?!" came from out in the hall.

All turned as one, then rushed the door. It was ripped from it's hinges, and everyone shoved their way into the hall. They all _stared_ the figure walking away from them, with dark hair, and a bandana around his head. The Chaos God pointed at him. "THERE HE IS, GET HIM!!"

Ryoga turned to find many seven-foot tall people with glowing blue eyes and suits that were far too shiny to be considered wearable running at him, and they all looked angry. "STOP HIM BEFORE HE GETS AWAY!!" said the meanest-looking one. Something about him reminded Ryoga of Ranma. He ran. Bolts of lightening crashed around him, explosions detonated, and potted plants and office furniture all flew at him.

"RANMA SAOTOME!! SOMEHOW I KNOW THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!!" he screamed.

"SHUT UP AND STOP RUNNING!!"

"_Bakusai Tenketsu!_" Ryoga drilled his way through a wall, and froze. He seemed to have found a changing room, where two very beautiful six-foot tall women in blazing bright underwear, one with glowing purple eyes, and the other with glowing orange eyes were staring at him as they opened their lockers. The Goddess of Direction nudged the Goddess of Mystical Travel as Ryoga's nose began to bleed.

"Hey, isn't that the boy we accidentally sneezed on as a baby?"

"Er..." the other said. "Could be."

"STOP HIM QUICK!!"

"Gomen nasai!" Ryoga stammered, and began running further down the hall.

"Hmm?" Both goddesses looked at each other in confusion, before a bright flash stole their attention. A minor Chaos God stood in the hole, pocketing his camera.

"Thanks!" he ran after Ryoga.

"GET BACK HERE WITH THAT!"

"I'LL SKIN YOU IF YOU DON'T GIVE ME THAT CAMERA!!"

"HOLD STILL BOY!!"

"IT'S MY CAMERA AND I'M KEEPING IT!!"

"STOP RUNNING!! WE ONLY NEED YOU FOR A LITTLE WHILE!! JUST A FEW DAYS!!"

"CAMERA OR DIE!!"

"NOT A CHANCE!! LET ME DEVELOP IT FIRST!!"

"RANMA!! THIS HELL MUST BE ALL YOUR FAULT!!"

Ranma sneezed. "Don't know where they are, and I don't care. _Especially_ Kodachi and Tatewaki."

"You're right, Ranma. When you look at it that way, any day without the Kuno's is good."

Nabiki smirked. She felt like whatever had been holding her back had stopped paying attention again.

"So Saotome, did you like the kiss?"

Ranma tried to find a way around _this_ one, but he was betrayed before his mind could finish. "Yes."

"_What?!_" snapped Akane.

"I liked kissing her." _Ahh!! Digging my grave!_

"_Baka!!_" Akane brought her mallet down on Ranma's head again, sending it and the mallet through the floor.

Nabiki was having too much fun with this. "So Ranma, what _did_ you and Akane do out in the dojo?"

Akane jumped, and prepared to silence Ranma by any means, when she noticed that Ranma was still silent, and was also still in the floor.

"Ranma, answer."

Ranma didn't move.

Nabiki sighed. _And this was becoming so much fun..._ "Nice going, Akane, you managed to knock him out."

"I-I didn't mean to..."

"Oh, my..."

"Someone needs to check him to make sure he's not hurt," said Cologne.

Silence prevailed.

"You do it, Akane, you're the one who knocked him out."

"You do it, Nabiki, you're the one who was questioning him!"

"I don't care who does it, as long as you two figure it out soon!"

Akane and Nabiki turned on Cologne. "You do it," they both said.

"Not a chance! I'm not getting killed because over a mess you two created!"

"Shampoo volunteer check on Airen!"

"NO!" shouted Cologne and Mousse.

"Ranma looks like he'll be fine. He might wake up in a couple of minutes. Do you think he'll want some more tea then?"

Every head in the room turned towards the voice, which seemed to be coming from Ranma's direction.

Akane practically blew up. To her, this just kept getting worse and worse. Between finding out Ranma was visiting her mom in the morning, his complete personality change (to her) last night, the kiss, and now everything that had happened this morning, it was a wonder she didn't simply explode like a thermonuclear warhead. "KASUMI, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"

"Checking on Ranma-kun, of course."

"WHAT IF HE WAKES UP?!"

"Don't worry so, Akane. If Ranma starts waking up, I'll just pull the blindfold back down, ok?"

By now, Cologne and Mousse were pulling at Akane's arms, trying to prevent her from rushing over to Kasumi and yanking her off of Ranma, despite her intentions to just check on his health. Nabiki was just watching the whole scene with interest, and wishing she hadn't run out of film yesterday afternoon. She was kicking herself for putting off buying new film until after lunch today, thinking that nothing too interesting would be happening. Genma was still frozen against the wall, and Nodoka was still in the kitchen. Soun quite believed that the sounds he heard coming from outside of his room were the sounds of everyone else running and hiding from Ranma, and that the loud bangs and thumps were probably Ranma kicking his best friend's corpse around. Shampoo just wished someone would let her down.

"Calm down, Akane Tendo, please!" Mousse begged. "Ranma's unconscious, he can't do anything to anyone right now, can't you see that?"

"There now, see? Nothing's going to happen, Akane. I'll be done in just a moment," said Kasumi.

Akane stopped struggling against her captors. "Sorry, it's just..."

"I know. You don't want him doing something to your sister." Mousse smiled, then whispered, "Why do you think I agreed to tie up Shampoo?"

Akane relaxed, though Mousse and Cologne still lightly held each of her arms.

"Just... hurry, ok sis? I don't want to hurt you like I thought he was going to hurt his dad." She felt something trembling against her arms, and looked to her side. Cologne was pointedly looking at the ground, her face hidden.

"Is something wrong?"

Cologne looked up, and Akane realized that the Amazon elder was holding back laughter. "What _are_ you laughing at? I'm serious!"

Cologne laughed. "Really, girl! You amaze me!"

"Huh?"

"You're afraid of Ranma beating your sister up? Weren't you paying any attention at all?"

"What do you mean?"

"Ranma's only going to try to kill people he _hates_, or just really dislikes. Do you think he doesn't like her?"

Akane thought for a second. "No, everybody likes Kasumi."

"There you go, he's not going to kill her."

"Then why are you laughing?"

Cologne looked at Mousse, who tightened his grip on Akane's arm. Before she could say anything, Shampoo beat her to it.

"Violent Akane Tendo no understand? Ranma no hate Kasumi Tendo, when Ranma wake up, he prove it, but not by attacking!"

"Make sense, or go cough up a hairball!"

"Ranma wake, see Kasumi Tendo, bed Kasumi Tendo!"

"_RANMAAAAAAA!!_" Akane screamed. "_Don't you dare touch my sister!!_"

For the hundredth time this morning, Nabiki wished she had some film. This would make her such a fortune, and it wouldn't have even needed doctoring. From this angle, it looked perfect. Mousse and Cologne restraining a furious Akane, and Kasumi bent over Ranma's body on the floor, hiding the fact that all she was doing was shining a light in Ranma's eyes. It looked like they were doing something, while clothed, entirely intimate.

"My kingdom for a camera," she sighed, looking at Ranma. Her eyed widened. Ranma's fingers were twitching. "Kasumi..."

Kasumi didn't hear her. It was hard to hear anything over Akane. Ranma's hand clenched into a fist, then relaxed.

"Kasumi..." Nabiki said louder. Akane's angry shouts drowned her out.

"_Kasumi!!_" Everyone froze, looking at Nabiki.

"What is it, Nabiki?"

"You might want to put Ranma's blindfold on, _now_, and back up. He's starting to move."

Kasumi turned back to Ranma, and started to reach for the blindfold. Just before her hands reached the strip of cloth around his head, Ranma's eyes snapped open, and focused on the thing nearest to him.

He looked at Kasumi.

[Akane]

"You might want to put Ranma's blindfold on, _now_, and back up. He's starting to move."

_Kasumi!! Let him go before he wakes up, dammit!!_

Akane watched, furious, as Ranma's eyes opened, and focused on her eldest sister.

_NO!!_

Her anger went through the roof as Ranma's hands shot towards Kasumi, his eyes still looking at her. Akane knew what was about to happen.

_Ranma!! Die!!_

[Ranma]

"What is it, Nabiki?" The words floated in on the edge of his hearing. _What? It sounds kind of like... Is that Kasumi?_

"You might want to put Ranma's blindfold on, _now_, and back up. He's starting to move."

_My blindfold? What am I wearing a blindfold for?_

Memory returned to him as he began to wake up. _Oh, _shit_! Why's my blindfold off? I gotta get it back on before I hurt someone!_ He opened his eyes without thinking, his only intent being to get the blindfold on his forehead back where he needed it to be. His eyes found Kasumi first.

_Kasumi..._

_Take her!!_

Unable to resist, Ranma's hands reached up. For him, it was a normal speed, barely hurried. To everyone else, his hands looked like a blur.

[Kasumi]

"You might want to put Ranma's blindfold on, _now_, and back up. He's starting to move."

_Oh, no! If Ranma sees me... _There was a brief moment, which nobody saw, in which Kasumi thought of Ranma doing those things to her that she had seen in Cologne's book. The flush that the thought brought to her cheeks went unnoticed as well, as everyone was now looking at Ranma. A thought that had never occurred to Kasumi before went through her mind. That thought was simple.

_What if..._

As it stands, _What if_ is a small sentence with staggering possibilities. It can control anything, from whether or not you have cereal, as in, _What if I don't have any Lucky Charms™© to eat this morning?_ It can also control the fate if the world, as in, _What if someone who knew what he would become as an adult, had killed Hitler as a child?_

In Kasumi's case, it wasn't _quite _so dramatic as that, though for her, it was still a drastic change from normal.

_What if I _let_ Ranma look at me?_

For Kasumi, time slowed to an absolute crawl as her thoughts played out. Everything happened to slow, it was almost like someone had slowed the world down just so she would have the time to allow her thoughts to play out.

Kasumi allowed herself to imagine Ranma kissing her, and then she allowed that thought, at the same time slightly resisting it, to go forward. She let her imagination picture Ranma's hands touching her, even in a way she had never done to herself. It was over her clothes, even in her mind, as Kasumi's change of thought still wouldn't allow her to go _that_ far, but it was still something new to her. Another thought came to her. _What if_ was followed, as it usually was, by _what would?_

_What if I don't have any Lucky Charms™© to eat this morning?_

_What would I eat instead?_

A change of one person's ten minute routine, for one morning.

_What if someone who knew what he would become as an adult, had killed Hitler as a child?_

_What would the world be like now since World War II might not have happened?_

A change for all of the world, for all time.

_What if I _let_ Ranma look at me?_

_What would it feel like when he touched me?_

A change in Kasumi's world, for one moment.

Her hands had started to move forward, beginning their way to the blindfold. Not quite believing what she was doing, she slowed her movement, letting her hands take longer to get to Ranma. Once started, it is difficult to stop the train of thought that follows a _What if?_

_It's not like anything too improper could happen. Elder Cologne is here, and so is Nabiki, Akane, and Mousse, and Aunt Nodoka is in the kitchen. They would stop Ranma before he did anything that involved less than what we're wearing right now._ No one noticed her hands had slowed even more, and no one saw her face burn a little brighter than before. _I'm not doing anything wrong, I'm just... curious, that's all._ Her hands had reached the bottom of Ranma's face when his eyes opened. Kasumi didn't notice.

_Would I like it?_ She failed to see Ranma's eyes focus on her.

_I might enjoy it... no. No, I shouldn't. Ranma-kun is Akane's fiancée, I shouldn't let him. It's better if it doesn't happen._ Her decision made, her hands began to move faster towards Ranma's blindfold, just in time for _his_ hands, moving at the blinding speed only someone who has dedicated their life to martial arts can move at, to reach for her.

Ranma's hands snapped up so fast most in the room barely believed they had seen it at all. The next thing anyone knew, Kasumi was being pulled down towards the floor.

Straight at Ranma.

Akane saw her sister being brought down to Ranma, and their lips connect. She didn't notice her sister's eyes close, and her mouth open, as she was too busy struggling against Mousse and Cologne. They didn't notice either, too busy trying to restrain Akane. Nabiki couldn't see anything at all, her view was blocked by Kasumi's body. Shampoo missed it because she had been wriggling in her chains, trying to get free ever since she saw his eyes open. The sound of her chains rattling was noticed by no one, as Akane's inarticulate screaming drowned out everything.

Even Kasumi's quiet sounds of pleasure.

[Akane]

_DAMN YOU, RANMA!! LET GO OF MY SISTER!! YOU SHOULDN'T BE TOUCHING HER!! YOU SURE AS HELL SHOULDN'T BE **KISSING** HER!! YOU SHOULDN'T BE KISSING OR TOUCHING ANYONE!! IF YOU'RE GOING TO DO THAT AT **ALL**__IT'S GONNA BE **ME!!**_

_W-What? I... I didn't mean that! I don't want the hentai touching me, but... I... Damn you, Ranma, let her go!! That's my SISTER, don't you TOUCH HER!!_

A tiny voice, somewhere in the back of her mind, whispered at her.

_It shouldn't be her in his arms, it should be me._

_N-no!! Stop thinking that!!_

_So jealous of her right now._

_No, I'm NOT!!_

_What if that was me instead of Kasumi?_

_What if...? _And a new _What if_ was started, and a change was brought to Akane's entire world, as her mind started down a path it had never been down before.

_What if that was me instead of Kasumi?_

_What would I do?_

_Would I pull back? Would I resist? Would I... like it?_ Unbidden, memories of the previous night in the dojo came back to her, reminding her that Ranma already _had_ kissed her.

_I liked it then, even if I was too in shock to think about it._

_No, I... I didn't! I don't want him touching me! Right...?_

_Would I... kiss him? If he wasn't drugged like he is now, would he... kiss me back?_

It takes a lot to stop a _What if_, but Akane saw something that brought it down like a train running into a mountain. One of Ranma's hands was tracing her sister's body, touching her.

_DIE, RANMA SAOTOME!!!_

Cologne and Mousse discovered that they were unable to hold her completely, as Akane began dragging them, inch by inch, across the floor. Akane felt entirely grateful towards her second-eldest sister, as Nabiki ran to the two on the floor, and pulled Ranma's blindfold down, then yanked Kasumi up off of Ranma.

Akane still pulled Mousse and Cologne forward, her need to throttle the pig-tailed martial artist never dimmed.

[Ranma]

Ranma's thoughts were on fire, and the only thing that the flames contained were Kasumi Tendo. His body burned for her the same way his mind burned under the pull of the potion. Thoughts he'd never had before ran through his mind as he kissed her, and one of his hands began to touch her body. Every touch made the flames burn brighter, burn hotter. They almost consumed him, then the blindfold was brought down, and he felt Kasumi being torn from him. Devoid of contact or sight of her, the flames burning in his mind vanished, and Ranma lay back on the floor, gasping for breath, and trying desperately to control the thoughts of Kasumi still burning in his mind. His body shuddered at the sudden lack of contact, the thankful feeling he had toward whoever had pulled her off, and the cooling desire to have her back.

_What... was... all... of that?!_ A shiver ran down his spine, and he couldn't tell why.

"J-j-jeez..." was all he managed to say.

[Kasumi]

For Kasumi, time did not resume it's normal pace until she felt herself being sat down on top of the table, with Nabiki looking down at her, asking her if she was ok. It was only after she heard the question that everything seemed to start moving normally. It seemed an eternity had passed since Ranma had opened his eyes and looked at her.

"I'm fine," she gasped. She closed her eyes, leaning forward on her hands as they gripped the edge of the table, remembering...

Ranma's hands shot forward, and she only managed to see them moving because the world looked so slow, since she was still just coming out of her own _What if?_ They moved far too fast for her to do anything about it, even at the speed she saw everything at. His right hand caught hers less than an inch from the blindfold, and his left she felt curling around the back of her neck. Then he was pulling her down, and she felt his lips crush against hers. Her mouth opened, and she had been about to gasp in surprise of being pulled down, and his tongue slipped into her mouth, and started caressing hers. She felt desire brush her, and she kissed him back, pushing her own tongue forward against his as she closed his eyes. She whimpered a little through the kiss, and the feeling of pleasure it brought her. She was vaguely aware that her own arms were stuck out to each side of her, and seemed to be frozen in place. The tiny part of her mind still capable of thinking remembered that last parts of her _What if_, and answered them simply as. _Yes, I like it_, and _I couldn't enjoy this more_. That though turned out to be wrong, for as Ranma's left hand still held her against him for the kiss, Ranma's other hand lightly cupped her right breast. Her tiny whimpers of pleasure went unnoticed, even by her, as his hand began caressing her, fingertips dragging gently, and bringing heat to parts of her body much lower. Kasumi didn't even acknowledge the thought of _Oh, I wish my blouse was not in the way_ that passed through her mind, she was too busy relishing the feel of Ranma's lips, his tongue, his hand. She almost cried in disappointment as his hand left her breast, then a tiny "Mm" of excitement escaped, as his hand went lower, moving towards the heat he had raised in her. His hand moved past her ribs, still going down. Another whimper passed through Kasumi.

Past her navel, and she shuddered.

Past her belly, and the heat grew.

Over the line of her panties.

_Oh, oh, oh, oh..._ was all she could think.

Just over the patch of hair she always kept neatly trimmed, and she held her breath.

His hand slid between her legs, pushing the fabric of her skirt into her. Pleasure she had never felt before _exploded_ through her body in a way she had never imagined. For the first time, she moaned, and pushed her mouth against Ranma's, somehow resisting the urge to squeeze her legs together. Then Ranma's fingers _pressed_, somehow right where she needed it, and Kasumi's eyes flew open, her back arched towards Ranma, unnoticed by anyone else, for they were too busy to notice, and drew in a breath to scream for all that his hands were doing to her-

And she felt a _upwards_ sensation as Nabiki's hands grabbed the back of her dress and _pulled_ her off of Ranma.

"You sure?"

Kasumi opened her eyes, remembering to breath. "I'm sure, I'm just a little surprised, that's all." In truth, Kasumi's body's ached for Ranma's touch again, but she knew it would betray every thought she had just had if she were to touch him now. "Can... can you help me to my room? I need to lie down."

"Sure sis, no problem." Nabiki said, glancing behind her. Akane was straining against Mousse and Cologne, but had stopped making any progress. Shampoo had passed out from the effort of trying to struggle free combined with the blood rushing to her head. Ranma... Ranma seemed like it was taking everything he had to continue drawing air into his lungs, and looked like me might pass out in a minute. _It seems like everything should survive until I can get back. This is gonna be a long day._ She helped Kasumi to her feet, walked her to her room. She kicked open the door, and lay Kasumi down on her futon, where Kasumi dropped, and rolled onto her side. Nabiki turned to leave.

"Nabiki?"

"Yeah, Kasumi?"

"Can you... can you stay for a while? I don't want to be alone right now."

Nabiki understood. Kasumi had just been through something that she thought was something only people who were married should ever be doing. It must have been very confusing for her, especially knowing that Ranma was in no way responsible for his actions. Even Nabiki had to admit, though she loathed the thought, that nothing Ranma did could really be blamed on him. _What idiots would design a potion for a one time use only, then write down the recipe?_ Nabiki had missed the part where Mousse and Shampoo had mixed the two separate potions by accident, only paying attention when Cologne had started in on what it did.

She was wrong, of course. Kasumi had just felt something that she had even denied herself until this moment, and didn't want to be alone for two reasons. One, she thought of having gone through such intimate contact, and now being totally isolated from everyone slightly scared her, and two, she didn't want to think about what she might do to herself in order to recover that wonderful sensation if no one was there to watch her. Such things were far too inappropriate. She'd wanted to go to her room just to be away from Ranma since the urge was so strong to fall back onto him.

Nabiki sat down next to the futon, and propped herself up against the wall. _Poor Kasumi..._ she thought, for all the wrong reasons.

In the living room, Ranma was still trying to remember how to breathe properly, and Akane had been dragged out into the yard, where she was still struggling so she could get back inside and kill her fiancée.

"_Fine! Fine! You win! I'll stop!_" she said. Akane stopped resisting, and dropped to the ground.

"Good..." Cologne gasped, trying to breathe and talk at the same time. "Ranma... doesn't know... what he's... doing... He has... no control... over his body..."

"Please... try... to... remember... that... Akane..." Mousse had an even harder time than Cologne as he tried to pull air into his lungs.

"Whatever," grumbled Akane. "You might want to see to Shampoo, she's passed out."

Mousse and Cologne looked into the living room to see Shampoo still upside down, unconscious, and a small trickle of blood leaking from her nose, from the blood pressure now acting on her head. They rushed inside, and pulled her down. Cologne dragged her out into the yard, as much for the air as to keep an eye on Akane. Mousse was pulling the chains from her.

"Shampoo!" he cried. "Wake up Shampoo!"

Akane got up, and sat down on the porch, looking depressed. Seeing that she wasn't going inside, Cologne turned her attention to Shampoo. "She'll be fine, Mousse. Get me my spice rack, and we can give her some more healing powder."

"Of course!" Mousse began digging through his robes, as once again, junk flew everywhere. Chains, hooks, daggers, swords, scrolls, rope, but no spice rack.

"Where is it, you fool?" Cologne began reaching into his sleeves with her stick, hooking things on the end and pulling them out. More weapons and odd things spilled out.

"_This is mine!_" snapped Cologne as her spare walking stick fell out.

"How did that get in there?"

"Shut up and keep looking!" Cologne eyeballed a piece of cloth on the ground. "It that your boxers?"

"Huh? Uh, yeah."

"How did you manage to take off...? Never mind, just get me my spice rack!" And so the search continued. The spice rack currently sat on the floor in Shampoo's room.

Akane used the opportunity to slip back inside. As she slid the door closed and locked it, she heard Mousse and Cologne still going at it. "I don't see how you can be concerned about dropping your glasses, I've seen five pairs fall out so far..." Akane didn't care, she was going to beat Ranma's skull until he learned his lesson. _Damn hentai..._

She stalked over to Ranma, who had finally learned the proper use of his lungs. She grabbed him by his shirt, and shook him. "_What did you think you were doing?!_" she hissed as she rattled him around.

"Who? Wha? Huh?" was all she got in reply.

"_What did you think you were doing with Kasumi, you baka?!_"

"I was just doing it, I wasn't thinking at all, I didn't mean to, I swear!"

"Liar!" she snapped, forgetting that he was as incapable of lying as a brick was incapable of flying in any direction but _down_ after being dropped from a building.

"I'm not!"

"Then why didn't you let her go?!"

"I don't know, I just couldn't stop!"

"Then why with _Kasumi_?!" She rattled him some more.

"She was the first one I saw!" Ranma was getting dizzy from all the shaking.

"Baka!" Akane punched him upside the head.

Ranma's body seemed to _surge_ forward, and he shook his head, as though trying to shake something out of it.

"What was _that?_" Akane demanded, letting go of Ranma. He fell back, then sat up.

"What was _what_?" Ranma had gotten lost somewhere around being shaken for the third time.

"That... that _twitch_ you just did. What was that about?"

_Eep!_ "Oh, that. That was because..." the rest was lost in a mumble as Ranma's face went red.

"Because _what_?"

"S-saw..." Ranma became horribly aware that somehow, he and Akane were alone in the room.

"Saw...? Colors? UFOs? People? _Clowns? Elephants?_"

"Yes, no, yes, no, no."

Akane's gawked at Ranma until she remembered that he couldn't lie, and was compulsed to answer any question asked of him. He was just answering her. "Colors? You saw colors? And what people? Where?"

"Yes. Pink, light blue, yellow, skin color, brown, black, red, white, dark blue-"

"_Enough with the colors!!_"

"You and me, the dojo." _The less I say, the longer I'll live!_

"Huh? Oh, the second question." Akane paused. "Wait a second..."

_Uh-oh, she's figuring it out... Oh, Lord in Heaven, to you I give my soul..._

"Dark blue would be...?"

"Your hair."

"Black? Red?" Ranma pointed at his own clothes.

"Right, red shirt, black pants... yellow?"

_WHAT IS SHE DOING?! PLAYING A GAME?! HOW CLUELESS IS SHE?! DID ALL THE BRAINS IN THE FAMILY GO TO NABIKI?!_ "Your gi."

"What's pink and light blue?"

Ranma actually _heard_ the confusion in her voice. _SHE'S AS CLUELESS AS KUNO!!_ Unable to help himself, Ranma pointed at where he knew Akane was. _...and in your infinite mercy I beg, PLEASE LET IT BE QUICK, AND AS PAINLESS AS POSSIBLE!! A crushing blow from mallet-sama would be both quick and appropriate._

Akane frowned at Ranma's idea of an answer. "How am I _pink and light blue_?"

Ranma's mouth opened, so far against his will that he almost screamed. "P-p-p-p-p-p-p..."

Akane leaned forward as Ranma grew redder and redder. "Yeeees?"

"P-panties blue like your first day as school," he squeaked, "and pink," he leveled a finger at her chest, "like I saw when we saw each other in the furo."

Akane's eye twitched. Battle aura flared. Stress marks appeared on her head.

"Ranma..." she said in the sweetest voice she could manage. To say _sugary_ would be like saying _Nukes make noise._ Some things just don't seem to fucking describe it.

_Oh, it's gonna be so **painful**..._ "Yes?"

"**_DIE!!_**" She lunged for his throat, grabbing the arm he threw in self-defense and twisting it out of the way. Her other hand clutched at his neck and started squeezing.

It didn't matter. Ranma didn't notice any of it. As far as his mind was concerned, only one thing mattered now. Fire filled his mind from the skin-to-skin contact, fire filled with one person. One person his body suddenly needed more than anything, And she was currently crushing his throat.

Akane.

And Ranma threw himself forward, wrapping his arms around her as he brought his lips to hers...

A/N

Gobstopper: A nice lemony-lime bit for all you Kasumi/Ranma fans out there. I always thought they made such a nice couple, they're my favorite after Ranma/Akane. I'm having fun with this, in case you can't tell. It's keeping me away from Doom 3. Which reminds me, although you _might_ want to play it at night, with the lights off, and the sound up, don't do it when your roommate happens to be a sadistic bastard with a habit for sneaking up on people and screaming in their ears. Oh, and in case you're wondering, the reason I am up this tree at night is because of her. _Points downwards._

Akane: I HEAR YOU UP THERE!!

Gobstopper: It seems she's taken a strong disliking of me ever since I called her violent in my last A/N. She been hunting me ever since.

Akane: YOU'VE GOT TO COME DOWN SOME TIME!!

Gobstopper: Of course, I have lots of bottled water in this here backpack, and some food as well, so I can stay up here longer than she can wait down there.

Akane: _WHAT_?!

Gobstopper: Something keeps going wrong when I post it keeps cutting out the and the symbols. I case they didn't just show up, it's when you press shift 8 and shift ,

_Tree starts leaning to one side._

Gobstopper: Well, it looks like she's beating down the tree with her mallet, so I'll make this short. In response to a couple of e-mails I've gotten (actual e-mails, not reviews) here are your answers.

Yes, I am a guy. No, I'm not gay. Yes, I like lots of different Anime and Manga, and will probably write other fanfics when I'm done with this one. _Tree leans farther_. Maybe Evangelion, or Love Hina. I find a lack of Love Hina fics out, though I have no idea where to take the plot (when I think of one).

22, though I will be 23 later this year.

No, you sick pervert, I will _not_ be making Akane do _that_. There is no "xxx" rating on this site, and I wouldn't even if there was.

No, you sick pervert, I will _not_ be making Ranma do _that_. There is no "xxx" rating on this site, and I wouldn't even if there was.

No, you sick pervert, what the _hell _is wrong with you? That's all I have for e-mails.

_Starts hanging on to tree trunk as tree leans more._

Oh, yes, I didn't know if Lucky Charms™© would be trademarked or copyrighted, so I did both. That's what those little symbols mean.

It was _fun_ writing that bit with Kasumi! I always did think she needed a little bit of loosening up. And in response to what I _know_ I'm gonna get, I think Akane was having a bad enough day to motivate a little more anger than usual, don't you?

_Hangs on to tree for life as it begins to fall._

You didn't really think I'd just kill Genma like that, did you? Even if he deserves it... but his more-than-angry wife still needs to, er, 'talk' with him, and it may be lethal/extremely painful for him. It _will_ be one or the other, I haven't decided which yet. See ya laterrrrrrrrrrrr! _Tree crashes to the ground._

Akane: HOLD STILL AND DIE!!!


	6. More Kami, And Some Mousse

Disclaimer (Am I really going to do one of these every chapter?):

I

DO

NOT

OWN

RANMA

½

* * *

The Kami of Chaos sat in the break room with one of his 'subordinates' (he personally thought of them as lackeys), and drinking coffee. He was nursing a large bruise on his jaw and a black eye.

"What _exactly_," he said to his lackey, who had an arm in a sling and a lump on his head, "possessed you to _take their picture?_"

"Seemed like a good idea at the time," was the mumbled reply.

"Normally, I'd agree with you, but couldn't you have _turned off the flash?_"

"Spur of the moment decision! I didn't think about it!"

"Obviously. Now, as for _you two_…" he turned his attention to the Megami of Direction, who had her head on the table, and was clutching her stomach, and the Megami of Mystical Travel, who was holding her forehead. "Why, in the nine levels of hell, did you try to beat _me_ up?"

"I thought it was a set-up to get a picture," said the Megami of Direction, whose glowing purple eyes were squinting in pain. "Why did you punch me in the stomach so damn hard?"

"For punching me in the _eye_. And what was with you and the frickin' _club?_ You almost broke my jaw!"

"I wanted the stupid camera. How was I supposed to know you were all chasing _him_?" The Megami looked at Ryoga, who didn't seem to understand why her eyes were glowing orange. From his expression, she gathered that he didn't understand a lot of what was going on right now. "You didn't have to _head-butt _me for it."

"I'll try to bear that in mind the next time I see an angry goddess running and screaming at me in her underwear while trying to hit me with a stick. You got the camera, right?" They nodded, and the Megami of Direction held up a crumpled hunk of plastic. "Good, now I have some work to do." The two goddesses got up (well, one was still kinda hunched over) and left.

The Chaos God sighed as they closed the door. He looked over at his lackey, who was tenderly touching the lump on his head. "Hand it over."

"What?"

"The camera that you took the picture with. _Now_."

"Aww…" he held it out. "How'd you know?"

"Please, like any one of us wouldn't have done the same thing. Now, _you_," Chaos God snapped as he glared at Ryoga, "are going to stay _here_ for a few days, understand?"

"BWEEE!!" Ryoga squealed from inside his cage. _I have to get to Akane!_

"No, you don't! If you go anywhere near that place until we get this resolved, _I_ am going to have bacon with breakfast, get it!?"

"Bwee?" _You can understand me?_

"Well, aren't we the sharpest tack in the box! Yes, I can understand you. Now, if you want this," he held up a kettle, "you will sit still and stay _quiet _until I figure out what to do with you. You are _not_ a prisoner; you're more like a guest who is not allowed to leave just yet. If you leave, something…" he thought for a moment. Ah, there was a good lie. "If you leave and go to the Tendo's, Akane Tendo will die. And so will you."

"BWEEEE!!" _What's happened to Akane?! I have to help her!_

Ryoga bounced around in his cage as the Chaos God shook it. "Now weren't you paying attention at all? If _you_, personally you, Ryoga, go there, she will _die_. And _you_ will die. We are keeping you separate, to keep you both _safe_. Ok?" It was half a lie, Akane would be fine, but if Ryoga tried to pick a fight with Ranma the way he was now…

"Bwee…" _Alright, I'll stay._

"Good!" Ryoga crawled out of the cage after the door was opened. A moment later, he sat next to the two gods, dripping wet.

-A/N - If Genma can still be dressed when he changes back, so can Ryoga-

"So… who are you, anyway?"

"I am Chaos. That's my name and my job! I am the Kami of Chaos, and this is Loki, my second in command."

"You… you're chaos gods?"

"No, no, no. Loki is _a_ Chaos God. I am _the_ Chaos God. You see?"

"Uh, yeah," said Ryoga, who didn't see at all.

Chaos rolled his eyes. "Come, I'll show you."

As they walked out the door of the break room, Ryoga asked, "Wasn't your arm in a sling?"

Loki smiled. "Nice thing about being a kami, you heal fast. I'll be in the office if you need me."

"I'll be there in a few minutes. This, pig-boy, is a department of what you call Heaven," said Chaos. "It's where all of us kami work."

"Don't call me that! Kami's… work?"

"Well, in a manner of speaking. We don't get paid. What we're working for is influence over the earth. Through this, we have avatars."

"What's an avatar?"

Chaos frowned. Where was this boy's education? "An avatar is a human on earth, whose presence naturally changes the behavior of those around him, or attracts those of the nature he or she is the avatar of."

"Huh?"

Chaos groaned. _Right, try another approach_. "An avatar influences other people to act like the kami they represent. Usually we pick martial artists, because they're powerful people, and can fend for themselves, or at least defend themselves. For example, Eunomia, the Megami of Order, chose two men, and a girl."

"A girl who… creates order?"

"Yes. Though Eunomia just _had_ to pick someone born in Nerima."

"Is that bad?"

"For me it is! It's where I (for lack of a better term) was born! The whole district of Nerima is practically a spring for chaos because of it! Then she had to go and have her female avatar live there, and for years, the chaos of the whole place was subdued."

"Uh, ok." Ryoga was a little, er, _lost_, in the conversation, but understood that the person they were talking about was on earth to help Nerima stay peaceful, because she had the Megami of Order helping her.

"Now, this is the office of Ebisu-"

"The Kami of wealth of the sea!"

"That's right! But he was promoted 20 years ago, he's now the God of _all_ wealth. His avatars tend to be… well, a little greedy. His avatar also lives in Tokyo."

Ryoga thought for a moment, trying to remember who in the Nerima district was greedy. "Nabiki Tendo?"

"You'd think so from the way she acts, but no. Nabiki Tendo is the way she is naturally. Being an avatar does not change who you are, or the way you behave. It just changes how the world reacts to you being around. The avatar for Ebisu, by the way, is a man named Kinnosuke Kasha-o. Have you met him?"

"I don't think so…"

"You'd remember if you did. Another naturally greedy man; won't spend 10 yen to save his life. Instead of a real butler, carries around a little ventriloquist's doll. He is one of the two avatars allowed to Ebisu."

"Who is the other one?" Ryoga was now too interested to remember to ask why he wasn't allowed to leave.

"Didn't pick one. He says he wants to get used to the promotion before he picks another. Maybe in a few years, he might."

"How many are you allowed to have?"

"It depends. Office, power, abilities… the strongest Kami can have four, though for each extra avatar, the others lose a little influence over the world around them. You with me so far, bacon-breath?"

"Stop calling me names, you sound like Ranma! And, the more avatars you have, the weaker they are in creating… chaos?"

"Exactly."

"How many do you have?"

"_I_ can have four, but I've only got _one_."

"Why?"

"So I can concentrate on him, and just him. Loki is a rarity, just powerful enough to claim one, and he's not even in charge of his office!"

"Who does he have?"

"He was _supposed_ to pick one just eighteen years ago, but there was… a complication."

"Like what?"

"He and a Goddess picked the same person at the same time. A human can't be the avatar for two different Kami or Megami. Usually if that happens, they just sit down and talk it out, but they had just broken up, and they weren't talking. Neither one _still_ won't let go, so there's a girl down there influencing people in two entirely different directions. It's amusing as hell, but irritating. It's gotten to the point where a year ago, Kami-sama himself actually called them into his office to make a condition for one of them to let go of the girl."

"Huh? Kami-sama?"

"The one who is completely in charge. Think if him as everyone's boss. Now, it depends on who she marries, I believe. Kami-sama won't tell anyone the details. I'm hoping Loki gets her."

"Why?"

"Because she's also _Eunomia's_ avatar. If she goes over to Loki completely, Nerima will be complete chaos, just like before she was born! Even better, since _my_ avatar is living there, and he's the subject of the marriage!"

Ryoga's head was spinning as his brain tried to get a hold of so much information at once. A girl who had the unfortunate fate of being, temporarily, both chaos _and_ order, and the thought of a Chaos God and an Order Goddess _dating_.

_Watching them trying to have dinner together must have been weird_, he thought. His head began to hurt.

"Am… am _I_ someone's avatar?"

"No, you're just a talented martial artist who happens to turn into a breakfast food in the rain. Here we are! This is my office."

Ryoga stepped inside. He saw Loki, who appeared to be trying to split his head in half by grinning, with two other gods laughing next to him.

"Something funny, gentlemen?"

Loki grinned at Chaos. "Our avatars are acting up."

"Let me see." Chaos shoved his way in front of everyone, and looked at a small monitor that hovered in the air. He began to laugh.

Ryoga looked at Loki. "You went out with an Order Goddess?"

"Yup."

"What… what was it like?"

"_She_ wanted to go for long walks; _I _wanted to go on roller coasters."

Ryoga's head began to spin again. There was something horribly wrong with that picture. Then he saw that the Loki and Chaos were standing on either side if him, and that the two other Chaos Kami were blocking the door. "What's going on?"

"Sorry," said Loki, "but we can't let you leave just yet. You'd only get in the way of our avatars getting together. Once they're together, Eunomia has to give her up."

"B-But I don't even _know _them! How would I get in the way?!"

"Oh? You do know them, you know them quite well."

Ryoga backed away from Loki and glanced at the monitor. There were two people on it, kissing. He felt Loki and Chaos restraining him as he shrieked, "_Akane and Ranma?! Damn you, Ranma!_"

* * *

Akane froze as Ranma's lips pressed against hers. _N… nani?_ The last thing she recalled, she had been trying to strangle Ranma. If she had been to kill him, why was he kissing her? Realization hit her._ I touched him!_

Akane pulled back from the kiss. "Ranma, sto-"

She was cut off as Ranma pushed forward, kissing her again. Her mouth was open from trying to talk, and she jumped as she felt Ranma's tongue caress hers. An involuntary shudder ran through her.__

Akane tried to pull back again, but found that the wall was now behind her, and she couldn't go anywhere. _What now? How do I stop him?! I don't-_

Her thought was cut off as Ranma pulled her into his lap, forcing her legs to go around him. "What are you doing?!" is what Akane tried to say, but all that came out was "Mmph?!"

She felt one of his hands slip underneath her shirt, and run over her chest bindings. _No! Ranma, let me go! Stop it!_ All Akane could do was pound on his back with her hand. He didn't seem to notice her doing it as she pounded on his back with all of her strength. _How strong _is_ he?_ Ranma slipped his other hand under her shirt, and started squeezing lightly.

_Damn you, Ranma, that… that…_Her thoughts trailed off as Ranma continued to play. A slight pinch from him made her gasp in spite of herself._ Oh, Kami, why do I have to like this so much? Please Ranma… no more… _Akane begged through her thoughts, unable to say them with Ranma's mouth still against hers. _Stop, Ranma, stop it!!_ She continued pounding on his back as hard as she could. She might as well have been pounding on a practice dummy; at least they did something when you hit them. Akane began to realize just how powerful Ranma might be. _Is this why… he won't spar with me?_

One of Ranma's hands left her chest, and worked it's way down her. His hand slipped under her skirt, brushing against her thighs._ Ranma, what are you doing?!_ Against her will, her body shuddered from Ranma's touch. Heat flushed through her as Ranma began to stroke her through her panties. _So… nice… Ranma… please stop… _Akane's hand stopped pounding on his back, and held onto his shirt as tightly as she could as her breathing grew ragged. She opened her eyes, and realized that her head had rolled back, and Ranma was kissing her neck. _W…when did that…?_

She dropped her head onto Ranma's shoulder, trying to slow her breathing enough to speak.

"Ranma…" She gasped as his fingers pressed a little harder. She held onto his shirt like it was lifeline, and tried again.

"Ranma… please… stop… I don't want it…" _Not like this, Ranma please!_ It was useless, but she had to try before her body made her stop resisting. She knew that there was really no stopping him. So it came a shock to her when Ranma froze, then gripped both of his hands in his head, like he was in horrible pain.

* * *

"… please… stop… I don't want it…"

**_Stop._** Ranma froze. _Wha…?_

_Take her.****_

**_Do not._**__

_Take her now.****_

**_She does not want this._**__

_Does not matter, she is touching me. I must have her.****_

**_Forcing myself on her is dishonorable._**__

_Who cares?_ the voice if the potion demanded.

**_I do. She would hate me for this._**__

_But I must have her! Take her!_

_**Do not!!**_

Ranma clutched his head as the voices inside him gave out conflicting orders.

_Take her!** No. **I want her!** I will not dishonor her. **Take her now!** She doesn't want this. **I must have her!** She said to STOP!! **TAKE HER NOW!!_

"No," Ranma whispered.

_MINE!! TAKE HER!!_

_**SHE SAID SHE DIDN'T WANT THIS.**_

****_TAKE HER NOW!!_

"I won't."

* * *

"No."

Akane blinked as Ranma spoke. "Ranma? What's happening?"

Ranma clutched at his head harder. "I won't," he gasped.

"No…" he whispered again. "I'm not going to."

Akane stared. What was going on?

"N-not…"

"Never."

Who was he _talking_ to?

"That's right… not like him… when Akane's asleep…"

_Not like _who Akane thought. _What about when I'm sleeping?!_

"N-not gonna… dishonor…"

"Akane Tendo."

She jumped, looking up. Mousse stood next to her, his expression was one of both shock and understanding.

"Mousse?"

"I can't…" Ranma said. "She said stop…"

"You should let go of him now, before he looses the fight in his mind."

"But I'm not touching…" Akane looked at Ranma, and found the hand she had been choking him with was still at his neck. She let go.

"Told you… I… wouldn't," Ranma gasped, and crashed to the floor, unconscious.

Akane stared at the floor, blushing. "How… how long were you there?"

"I came in just before you asked him to stop."

"T-then you saw…"

"I won't tell anyone, Akane Tendo. You should go to your room. I'll take care of Saotome."

"What about Cologne?"

"The old voodoo doll is still outside, digging through my robe. I won't tell even her." Akane finally noticed that Mousse stood only in his pants and a white shirt. She listened, and heard the old woman's voice cursing from outside and the sound of tearing cloth. She stood, and started walking to the stairs, still blushing. The book Cologne had brought over caught her eye. She glanced back at Mousse. He had his back to her as he checked Ranma's pulse at full arm length. Akane snatched the book, and started up the stairs. There was something she needed to know, something she wanted to understand. Maybe the book that would help her find it.

"Well, Saotome," Mousse told the unconscious boy. "You should at least know that she was enjoying your attentions. Even _I_ could see that."

Akane slammed to a halt on the steps. Her eye twitched, and stress marks popped up on her head.

3…

2…

1…

Ignition.

"_Mousse no baka!!_"

Smoke rose from Mousse's head as the thrown mallet smashed into him.

* * *

Now in her room, Akane began turning the pages of the ancient Amazon book, passing through page after page of potions that ranged between incredibly useful to incredibly bizarre. Here was a potion that forced you to sing as loud as you could until someone smacked you twice. _How do they _test_ these things?_

More pages, more potions, more of 3,000 years of Amazon tricks. _Truth potion, potion to heal, potion to make plants grow faster, a potion to turn your hair purple? Did Shampoo take this one by accident? A potion to fix your eyesight? I wonder why Mousse never took this one… __Cologne__ probably wouldn't tell him about it, since he's male… That's kind of unfair… It's probably why she's so old and doesn't wear glasses. Oh, it makes your eyes HUGE… I guess she _did_ take it… Hey, look, it's the phoenix pill…_

She kept going through the book, trying to find something like what she wanted. She was almost through at the potion Ranma had taken when she found what she was looking for. _Close enough_, Akane thought. _It's as close as I'm gonna find._

She began to write down what she needed.

* * *

Nabiki strolled out of Kasumi's room. Her older sister had finally fallen asleep. She had seemed so tense for so long, that Nabiki had started to worry that she might be rushing toward a nervous breakdown. It was only a few minutes before Kasumi had started sleeping that her smile had returned and she relaxed. Nabiki had left to see how things were going with Ranma. It wasn't exactly what she had expected.

Ranma was passed out in the living room, propped up against the wall. Akane was nowhere to be found, and Mousse, missing his robe, was sitting against the doorframe, smiling, and looking out at the yard with interest. The object of his amusement was apparently his robe, which seemed to be spewing weapons of it's own accord, until Nabiki heard Cologne's voice coming from the lump inside the center of the robe. She sounded like she was having some sort of conniption fit as she tore through Mousse's robes. The ancient Amazon was swearing in Chinese as she threw things from the cloth. There was a five-foot stack of weapons and objects in a pile a few feet away. Shampoo was unconscious on the ground, and Genma Saotome was still performing as a wall decoration in a corner. Nodoka Saotome was sitting next to him, sipping tea. Nabiki guessed that her father was still in his room.

"What is she doing?" Nabiki asked Mousse.

"Looking for her spice rack full of potions so she can wake Shampoo up."

"In your robes?"

"It's where it's usually hidden, Nabiki Tendo, so that Shampoo will not find it."

"Looks like it's hidden too well if Cologne can't even find it in there."

"Cologne left it in Shampoo's room before we came over. I'd stop her, but it's not my place as an Amazon male to correct a village Elder."

"The fact that she sounds like her head might pop at any given moment has nothing to do with it then?"

"I think if it as… a consolation."

There was a small pause. Behind them, Akane slipped into Kasumi's room, the small sounds she made as she crept along hidden by Chinese curses.

"How did you fit all of that into your clothes, anyway?"

"I mastered the Art of Hidden Weapons. All of that's just what I carry with me on a normal day. I have more on me when I know I'm going to fight."

Mousse looked up at Nabiki and smiled.

Nabiki couldn't help but smile back.

Cologne's cursing devolved into random syllables.

"Have you ever considered corrective surgery instead of glasses?"

"Surgery on my _eyes_? No thank you."

"What about contacts then?"

"What are contacts?"

"They're very tiny pieces of plastic that go onto the surface of your eyes."

"Little pieces of plastic you stick in your eyes that help you see? Sounds painful."

"Not really. They're so thin that you get used to them, and sometimes forget that you even have them on." Nabiki thought for a moment. "Think of them like hidden glasses that only you know exist."

"Hidden glasses that only I know about…" Mousse mused.

_-You!! Boy!! The spice rack is not here!!-_ Cologne shrieked in Chinese as she threw the robe off of her.

"Ah, forgive me, Elder! I must not have put it away the last time you requested it of me! It must be back at the restaurant!"

Nabiki had a pretty good idea what Cologne had said, and turned her head to hide a smile from Mousse's completely true and abject apology, knowing full well that Mousse had known from the start that it was still at the Nekohanten.

_I am going- _Cologne shook her head, and started again in Japanese. "I am going to get it! _You_ will stay here and watch over son-in-law and Shampoo until I get back! Keep them separate if Shampoo wakes up, _understand?!_"

"Of course, Elder!"

"_Good!_" Cologne bounded away, throwing herself across the roof.

Mousse turned his eyes on Shampoo. "Watch over Shampoo…"

Nabiki's eyebrow did a perfect Spock Maneuver. She had a good idea where this was going to go. Dammit, she _needed_ film!

"Watch over Shampoo in case she wakes up…" Mousse leaned back against the doorframe again as Nabiki watched in interest. "Keh! Let her sleep! It's _better_ when I don't have to hear the stupid girl!"

_Crash!! _

"Nabiki Tendo, are you feeling alright?"

Nabiki picked herself up from the massive facefault. "Wha… you… Shampoo… huh?"

"I got over her."

"But… but…" sputtered Nabiki. "When did… you're always…"

"Yes, well, I had to keep up the act didn't I? If I wasn't interested in Shampoo anymore, the old mummy would send me back to China in a second! I only keep it up because fighting Saotome is good training!"

"But… but… _when?!_"

"I started to realize it after that horrible wedding six months ago. Give me a little more credit, Tendo-san. Bombs everywhere! Shampoo and Ukyo-san blowing things up! Explosive okonomiyaki! Those two girls were insane." Mousse sighed. "Shampoo's been raised by Cologne since she could walk to be an Amazon Elder. Nothing has ever been denied her, and if there was something that Shampoo wanted that could not simply be given to her, Cologne trained her in any form, technique, or trick that she could think of to make sure Shampoo could get it some other way. The first time Cologne denied her something was when she told her not to use potions on Ranma Saotome anymore. She was so unused to it, that she turned around and promptly manipulated me into giving her what she wanted. It was just a little while ago, when I saw Shampoo trying to escape to the dojo to see if she could force Ranma into taking her that I saw Shampoo in a different light. She really doesn't think that the potion in Saotome would make him to anything but bed her, because that's what she wants. Hah! I know what Saotome thinks of her, because I see her the same way he does now!

"I also know why she would never want me, because I was willing to _give_ myself to her from the start. What challenge is there in having someone who was that willing to be had? She wanted someone who could beat her, and I know why. Because Ranma was better than her, and so she wanted him. Not as a woman in love wants a man, but so she could parade him around the village and say, 'Look! This is the greatest warrior to be found, strong enough to beat even me, and now he is my piece of property!' Shampoo is the most spoiled brat in 3000 years of Amazon history, and I want nothing to do with her anymore."

_Crash!!_

"Are you going to keep doing that, Tendo-san?"

"This… is too much at once…" Nabiki complained from her spot in the floor.

"I don't even have to see her reaction to know that it's more amusing than could be, Mousse."

"Ranma?!" sputtered Nabiki. "You've _known_ about this?!"

"It's hard not to notice when Mousse suddenly starts pulling back on his attacks, even if I could tell that he wasn't even aware that he was doing it." His head turned toward Mousse. "Now I don't have to beat it into you."

Mousse signed again. "It's just a matter of time, now."

"Until what?" asked Nabiki.

"Until Shampoo and the mummy figure out it for themselves, and send me back to the village. My visa for Japan states that I'm working for a traveling circus. That how I got here, remember? I don't want to go back there. I'm one of the best warriors in the village, and I'm treated like dirt because I'm not one of the precious 'blooded' and I don't feel like I have to _kill_ someone for the title. It's an entire way of life dedicated to hypocrisy, and I would be better off without it. Until I can figure out a way around being sent back, I'm going to be hugging mailboxes screaming 'Oh, Shampoo!' until I want to gag. You know, Saotome, that Cologne deliberately knocked Shampoo into the spring of drowned cat?"

"What the hell would she do that for?!"

"I don't think she understood that you had the Neko-ken. She was trying to find a way to let Shampoo get close to you without you knowing. Shampoo was all for it; she thought it would make you feel responsible for her curse, and marry her."

"Ugh… no wonder she was like that when she came back. She showed up when I was trying to take a bath… the next day she dragged my back into the shower and was yelling at me '_What you do about this body?_' I can't believe she thought I'd marry her for that… and she did it on purpose…"

Nabiki interrupted. "8000 yen."

"What?" Mousse demanded.

"8000 yen and I can have your visa changed."

"Y-you can _do_ that?!"

"Never underestimate Nabiki, Mousse. I keep doin' it, and look where it gets me."

Mousse walked out into the yard, and pulled his wallet from the pile of wood and steel. 8000 yen went from his wallet into Nabiki's hands.

"What do you want your visa to be for?"

Mousse stopped, thinking. Before he could think of anything, Ranma cut him off. "Teacher."

"Teacher?"

"Yup, teacher."

"And what, Saotome, will I be teaching?"

"Teaching Chinese, and special instructor for the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts." Nabiki raised an eyebrow at that, but left to go make a few phone calls.

"You'd… accept me as a sensei for your dojo?"

"Anything Goes mean _anything goes_. And you said it yourself, you've mastered hidden weapons pretty well. At least you're fun to fight with; sometimes I never know _what's_ gonna come flying outta those sleeves a yours. I'll show ya how to fight with something other than chains and swords that pop outta nowhere, and you show me where you're _putting_ all those things. When you're not trying to kill me, you're a damn good fighter."

"Saotome, I would be honored. And… I want to apologize for having been a part of what you're going through."

"You can call me Ranma, ya know. You sound like Kuno when you call me Saotome. And don't worry about it, there's worse things that could of happened. But I swear, if you turn into one of the weirdos around here that try to flirt with my girl side…"

"Don't flatter yourself, Ranma."

"Good, keep your feathers to yourself, duckboy." Ranma grinned at Mousse, who laughed at him.

"Now I have a reason to make you say my name right!"

"It's Mousse."

"Mu Tsu."

"That's what I said. Mousse."

"Mu Tsu. Xian Pu. Kho Lon."

"Mousse. Shampoo. Cologne."

"This is going to take some work, I see."

"You couldn't see the bus that ran you over."

Mousse and Ranma burst out laughing.

"My… my son…" Mousse and Ranma turned toward the sound of his mother's voice. Tears were rolling down Nodoka's cheeks.

"Your mother is crying, Ranma."

"Mom? Something wrong?"

"You… you turned a man who fought against you into your friend and an instructor for our style of martial arts…"

"Uh, yeah? So?" Ranma couldn't understand why she was crying over that.

"_My son is so manly!!_" cried Nodoka.

_Crash!!_ Mousse and Ranma both lost their balance and fell into the ground.

"Is… is your mother always like this?"

"Yeah… It's kinda hard to get used to… She keeps trying to get me to peep on the girls when they're in the bath…"

"Why?"

"She thinks it's manly or something."

Nabiki walked back into the room, smiling. "Done. I'm having your new papers delivered here in about an hour. Will that be soon enough?"

"An hour? Is that even possible? How…?"

"I just called a few people I know who owned me a favor, no biggie."

"But… an _hour_…"

"Don't ask too many questions, duckboy," Ranma muttered. "It's probably safer for us if we don't know how she does stuff like that."

They both heard a groan as Shampoo picked herself up off the ground, and staggered inside. Ranma heard Mousse grinding his teeth as he prepared to go into his "Shampoo, my love!" speech.

"There's a TV to Shampoo's right," Ranma whispered.

"Thanks." Mousse tipped his glasses up over his head, and dove for the television, thanking the heavens that it was alright. Shampoo glared at him as he continued his praise and declared his undying love for electronic images.

"Stupid Mousse…" Shampoo muttered. "Airen!" She dove for Ranma, tackling him before anyone could blink. Ranma's body stiffened like a pole, then his hand shot out…

And his fist drove Shampoo through the ceiling.

"What… was that?" asked Ranma. "I think I just nailed an Amazon."

"She's stuck in the roof, and I think you knocked her back out. Let me pull her down, and I'll chain her back up."

"I'll help you," Nabiki said. "At least now, I have an answer to that question."

"What question?" demanded Ranma from beneath his blindfold. He was actually thankful that Shampoo had gotten stuck. At leas that way, she hadn't dropped back onto him just to end up being beaten more by Ranma's fists.

"Whether or not you like Shampoo."

"You could have just asked," grumped Ranma.

* * *

Across town, Ukyo stood behind her stove, talking herself out of visiting Ranma. She wasn't sure why she was doing it, but it just seemed like every time she had wanted to visit him today, something seemed to tell her just to stay away from him. _You need to give him time, Ukyo. He just forgave you a little while ago, and that was the first thing he'd said to you in months. You want to mess it up? Let him come to visit you first._

Signing, she flipped the okonomiyaki she was preparing for her latest customer onto a plate, and resigned herself to another day without her Ranchan.

* * *

"Kasumi."

Kasumi shifted in her sleep.

"Kasumi-oneechan…"

She fidgeted, starting to wake.

"Kasumi-oneechan, please wake up. I need your help."

"Akane-chan? It that you?"

"It's me Kasumi. I need your help with something."

"What is it, Akane?"

"I need your help making this." Akane held out the copied potion from the book in front of Kasumi.

"Akane, it's not yet lunch. Please don't spoil your appetite by trying new recipe's right now."

"It's not a recipe, Kasumi, it's… it's a potion, ok? From that book. I need to make it perfect and… I need your help to make sure it gets done right."

"Is it a cure for Ranma?"

"No, it's… for me. Please Kasumi, I need this, and I don't want to mess it up."

Kasumi looked up and saw something she had never before seen on Akane's face. A plea for help, mixed with… fear?

"Alright, imouto, I'll help you."

* * *

A/N

Gobstopper: Sorry about taking so much longer with this chapter than any of the others, but I've been doing more fanfic reading than writing. I've read so many Ranma fanfics, and for the hell of it, several Inuyasha. I do have this to say: What is _with_ people putting Kagome and Sesshomaru together? Did I miss something here? Bizarre.

Akane: GET DOWN HERE, DAMN YOU.

Gobstopper ignores her.

Gobstopper: I've decided to let Ranma curse, since he does in the Japanese version of the manga and anime. It's just been cut out for the English version. Blasted censors. Like we can't handle someone cursing. Bah! I've also decided to break Mousse a little from the norm, and let him see Shampoo a little4 differently. I think the boy deserves it, really. He gets beaten on more than Ranma does.

Akane: COME HERE FOR YOUR POUNDING!!

Gobstopper: Persistent, isn't she? Ah, the luxury of being on the roof. So, any bets of what potion Akane wants? And real quick, no, it ain't what Ranma's got. She wants something else. So people are getting OOC, I'm trying to write something here! Some OOCness is required for this kinda stuff!

Akane: I'M GONNA KILL YOU!!"

Ranma: Me first.

Gobstopper looks up.

Gobstopper: Uh, hey.

Ranma: 'Hey' my ass! What the hell are you FEEDING me in this fic?! Stupid Amazon potions, that's what! Go visit Akane!

Ranma punts Gobstopper down to the street. Horrible screams and loud bashing sounds occur.

Gobstopper: AIEE!!! See you people… STOP PLEASE!!! next chapter… NO DON'T FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!! I hope. ARGH!!! THAT'S ATTATCHED, PLEASE DON"T PULL ON THAT ANTYMORE!!! AIEEE!!!


	7. Kasumi's Waking Up

Disclaimer:

I DO NOT OWN RANMA ½

_Bashes head with Ranma manga._

I DO NOT OWN RANMA ½

_Bashes head with Ranma manga._

I DO NOT OWN RANMA ½

_Bashes head with Ranma manga._

I DO NOT OWN RANMA ½

_Bashes head_...

* * *

This is going to be another chapter with R-rated material. Ah, the lemony goodness!

You have been warned, human. (in eerie Alucard-like voice)

BWA HA HA HA!! (loud obnoxious Vash-from-original-Japanese laugh)

* * *

There was a soft _ding_ as the intercom system kicked in. "Will the head and second of the Chaos Department please report to their office? Repeat, will the head and second of the Chaos Department please report to their office?"

Both Gods got up from their lunch, and walked down the hall. "Can't they run things for half an hour without us?" complained Loki.

Chaos all but kicked in the door. "_What_ is _so important_ that you had to _interrupt my lunch?!_"

There was no answer, save for a mass pointing at the closet door where they usually hung their jackets, and were now keeping Ryoga.

Chaos yanked the door open. If the little human was causing trouble, he'd pay for it. Chaos _hated_ having his meals interrupted.

There was no one inside the closet. Instead, there was a hole in the floor, more than big enough for someone to fit through. Chaos blinked.

"Aww fuck."

* * *

Akane had been listening into the conversation in the living room ever since Kasumi had agreed to help her with the potion, so she knew that Cologne was bringing the spice box to her home. She was glad for that, since she wouldn't have to go digging through Mousse's clothes to find it, but it also meant that she would somehow have to sneak it away from Cologne herself.

She was, however, considering bringing Mousse in on her plan, more so now than when she had first thought of it. He seemed to be on Ranma and the Tendo's side more than the Amazons, and was going to be around for a while, maybe even teaching here! When he'd voiced his new opinion of Shampoo, Akane had lost her balance, and if it hadn't been for Kasumi standing next to her, would have found herself hitting the floor. Who had expected _that_?

It would be much easier to do everything with Mousse's help, considering that Cologne was probably going to use him as a hiding spot for the box as soon as the old Amazon finished with it. Mousse had finished stitching the tears in the robe that Cologne had made when she was searching it, and was fitting all of his weapons back in. Behind her, Akane heard Kasumi shifting from foot to foot.

With a sigh, she looked back at her older sister. Kasumi had been shifting around, when she wasn't outright pacing, ever since Akane had told her exactly what she needed from Kasumi, and what the potion was supposed to do. She just hadn't told her _why_ she wanted to do it yet. And you probably wouldn't have been able to drag it out of Akane with a chain fall. (1)

"Kasumi, please, stop worrying."

Kasumi stopped pacing. "But, imouto-chan..." She held up her hands in front of her, and started pressing her index fingers together over and over. "I don't think it's very nice, or proper, to be sneaking around like this... and lying to Ranma to get what you need from him for what you want just seems so... so..."

"I know, Kasumi. But please, just help me? You don't have to lie, Kasumi, I promise. I'll talk to him, ok?"

"Ok... but then we have to steal..."

"I think I can get Mousse to help us with that."

"Oh, my! You're going to make Mousse steal?"

Akane almost groaned. She needed Kasumi's help making the potion and keeping everyone away from her after she took it, but making her go along with how to get the ingredients needed for potion in the first place was getting hard, especially with the way Kasumi thought.

"No, Kasumi. Mousse isn't going to steal it. He's the one who carries it, right? So all I'm going to do is _ask_ him if I can just borrow it a little bit. I'll even give it back to him when we're done, ok? I can't be stealing anything if I ask the person who has it, and he just hands it to me."

Kasumi squirmed under the logic, and continued playing with her index fingers, still looking concerned. "But... the other potions you want..."

"Don't worry about those, ok? I don't even know if I'll need them, until after I take the first one." _But, if I do want them afterwards... No! I'm not going to think about it right now._

Akane was starting to feel like Shampoo, going behind everyone's back to play with potions just to satisfy herself. _Well, not just myself. At least I'm thinking of other people in this, too. I doubt Shampoo's ever done that._ Truthfully, Akane didn't like this secret sneaking around stuff. It just seemed to go against her principles as a martial artist, despite a certain pig-tailed boy's past declarations about her to the contrary. She felt a little better about it when she remembered what Ranma had said only last night.

"_I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."_

Still, was the knowledge she wanted worth it? She'd read about the possible side-effects, and she was prepared for them. It was the side-effects she _wanted_, not the primary purpose of the potion. Though she also knew that the _first_ part would help things, too, even if it was only temporary.

"_I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."_

Would it... change anything? Change _her_? Permanantly?

"_I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."_

She couldn't pull this off without Kasumi. She would need to be alone after she took it, for at least an hour. After that, it wouldn't matter, because by then it would be almost over. Almost, except for the side-effects, especially _that one_. But, to go through with it, first she would have to deal with what the potion would do to her first.

"_I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."_

But, to know Ranma, to _really_ know Ranma, and what he...

"_I didn't want to see you cry because I can't always control the things I say."_

It would be worth it. She hoped. She _still_ didn't like sneaking around like Shampoo did, though.

Speaking of Shampoo, she seemed to be coming in. Akane watched as Mousse began to tell her TV of his eternal affections for it. She had to clamp a hand over her mouth to avoid giggling at the sight. She held on for dear life, and to avoid screaming "I TOLD YOU!" at Shampoo when Ranma smashed her through the ceiling against his will. She still couldn't help but giggle a little more when she realized that Mousse and Nabiki couldn't seem to get her out.

* * *

"She's stuck," Mousse said, fighting a smile.

Nabiki didn't seem to be fighting the urge at all. She pulled on one of Shampoo's feet with a full-blown smirk crossing her face. "Should we just leave her here?"

"I don't know, Tendo-san..."

"Nabiki."

"... Nabiki. It would undoubtedly keep her out of trouble when she wakes up again, but I am concerned about the damage the impact may have caused."

Nabiki paused, thinking about how strong she thought Ranma might be. "There might be some serious damage..." She unconsciously began calculating medical charges.

"Indeed, Ten-... Nabiki-san. The impact was rather severe."

"Hey! It's not like I put her where she is on purpose!" Ranma declared, as Nabiki shrugged off the total of the medical bills. She wasn't responsible for Shampoo, it was just a force of habit.

"No, Ranma, you did not," said Mousse. "But still, if Shampoo wakes up and finds herself trapped in the ceiling, any struggling she attempts may cause more damage."

Nabiki jumped back in. "Still, she can be reasoned with. If we tell her not to struggle, we can find a way to get her out without aggravating any injuries or Cologne."

"Her injuries? I was referring to the damage to your ceiling."

Nabiki crashed to the floor for a record-breaking three times in one day (the previous record stood at once) as Ranma started laughing.

* * *

Cologne arrived at the Tendo residence with her spice box under one arm. To her bewilderment, she beheld Nabiki Tendo face first in the floor with the classic pinky and index finger pointed pose while son-in-law laughed, Mousse staring at what looked like Shampoo embedded in the ceiling, kicking her legs, and Nodoka Saotome was bawling about her son's manliness. Confusion reigned supreme in the ancient matriarch's mind before she quickly grasped the most important part of the scene in front of her: Shampoo's impersonation of a piñata.

"What is my great-granddaughter doing up there?" she snarled at Mousse.

"Ah, forgive me, Honored Elder, but Shampoo..."

"Are you about to make excuses?" Cologne interrupted. "Did I not tell you to watch over Shampoo before I left?"

"She tackled me when she came in. Mousse didn't stop her because he was busy embracing the television and calling it Shampoo."

Cologne's frown deepened. Son-in-law had put her where she was, undoubtedly with his fists. And he could not lie about what had happened, not how he was.

"Have you considered _bringing her down_?!"

"Shampoo stuck, great-grandmother!"

_Ah_, thought Cologne. _It's going to be one of those kind of days._

Oddly enough, Ranma was having a similar thought.

_It's going to be another one of _those_ days. I guess I can look forward to a whole 24 hours of **weird!!**_

* * *

Cologne was not pleased. Which wasn't saying much. Unless Ranma was in the process of mastering yet another Amazon technique (which only proved to the old ghoul how good he would be for the tribe) or was declaring his intentions to marry Shampoo (which never happens), _not pleased_ would describe Cologne's typical state of mind. Right now, however, Cologne was both _not pleased_ and, extremely rare for her, _more than slightly fucking worried_. Son-in-law was not exactly behaving like she wanted him to. Understandably, anyone would be upset in his position. Cologne understood that. The horrible screw up from yesterday's potion mismatch from hell had left him one of five choices, which he had nicely outlined for them.

1.) Find people I hate. Lots of them. Beat until dead. Repeat until exhausted.

2.) Pick a girl. Go find a room. Er, uh... well...

"Have your way with?" suggested Mousse.

Right. Have my, er, _way_, with them. Repeat until exhausted. (Ranma could not help but blush as he said it)

3.) Wait until Cologne finds _something_ that would either remove or cancel the potion. Deal with going around blindfolded, and with people _touching me_ until a cure is found. Not really acceptable.

Cologne agreed. Having Ranma in this state was like leaving a bomb in the hands of a Kuno. It might look safe to an outsider, but everyone else just _knew_ sooner or later, something was gonna go wrong. She was under no illusions about how Ranma felt toward her. If she got too close, Cologne would find herself meeting her ancestors sooner than she'd like.

4.) Go hide somewhere, and hope that it would eventually wear off. Also, not acceptable. I am not going to hide in the woods like a coward.

5.) Go start a new life somewhere, and never make friends with _anybody_. If I'm not close to anyone, no effect, right? Not. A. Chance.

Given that Ranma understood perfectly what was happening, and whose fault it was, (even Cologne had to admit, despite Mousse's part in this, it really was Shampoo's fault) it was a wonder he was not storming about the room, ranting his head off at anything and everything that crossed his mind.

Ranma had considered this action, really. In half a second, he knew that all that would be doing was hiding from facing reality. The stupid truth serum seemed to make him incapable of even lying to himself.

Cologne was _not pleased_ because, while he was not throwing fits of anger like she had expected, he still was surrounded by people who could potentially set him off down one path or another. The words that described nicely how she felt about getting Ranma to marry Shampoo and therefore be introduced as breeding material into the tribe were, of course, _more that slightly fucking worried._

Ever since they had removed Shampoo from the Tendo ceiling (a little cold water had done it nicely) he had refused to speak or acknowledge Shampoo unless she asked him something, or someone else asked him about her. Even then Ranma never referred to Shampoo by her name. "That Amazon girl" is what he said when someone else asked him, and whenever Shampoo herself spoke up, all he called her was "You" in such a cold tone than Nabiki herself felt chilled by the cold in his voice. You could _hear_ the ice in it what he addressed her.

Cologne knew that Shampoo was lucky not to have a broken jaw or a concussion from her little headfirst trip to the second floor. The only reason she wasn't in the hospital getting her jaw wired shut was because Ranma had been sitting down when he hit her, and Cologne knew from experience that it was very difficult to put significant power into an uppercut when one is sitting cross-legged on the floor. She glared at her great-granddaughter. Shampoo was pushing it, demanding more and more questions out of Ranma, and had started addressing him as _Airen_ again. If she kept this up, the potion was going to make the boy lose his temper. _And there's nothing I can do to make her stop, short of smacking her around the room._

To top it all off, that Nabiki Tendo had been smirking so much ever since the delivery man had shown up ten minutes ago that it was a wonder her head didn't split in half and fall off her shoulders. And that _arrogant_ look on Mousse's face, what was _he_ so damn happy about? Cologne scowled from her perch on top of Genma's still-frozen head.

"Why Airen so angry at Shampoo?! Ranma should be happy, Shampoo did Airen favor giving this potion!"

_From the look on the boy's face, he's not going to last another few questions_, thought Cologne. She wasn't getting herself involved in this fight; her sense of self-preservation was better than that.

"Why?! I'll _tell_ you why! Because you _lied_ to me in order to give me it! You _lied_ and said that the food was an apology! _Then_ you went and slipped in a potion that was supposed to make me _sleep with you?!_ What the _hell_ would make you think I'd want that?! _And I told you to stop calling me that name!!_"

_Uh-oh._ Cologne crawled farther back onto Genma's head. For their part, Nabiki and Mousse had backed themselves into the relative safety of a corner, and Nabiki was clutching Mousse like he was a safety net. They had never seen Ranma screaming at someone in anger before. Mousse was _still_ trying to back up, despite that he'd have to go through a wall to do it. Nodoka was sitting at the table, drinking tea like nothing was happening.

"Ranma Shampoo's husband! Should be ready to do what Shampoo says anytime, like good Amazon male! If Shampoo says want Airen in bed, Ranma get in bed and do what told!"

Mousse didn't know if Shampoo was just being stupid, or was ignoring the battle aura that had sprung up around Ranma. He caught Cologne's eye. She nodded. _Ready._

"_I do **not** want to sleep with you!! I never have!! And I am NOT some pet that you can order around!! I will do WHAT I want, WHERE I want, WHENEVER I want, and there is not a GODDAMN thing you or anyone else can say about it!!_"

Mousse and Cologne crouched down, ready to spring as soon as Ranma jumped toward Shampoo. Mousse had a set of chains ready. Cologne had a small bag of sleeping powder in her hands.

"Enough of silly talk! Shampoo tired of speak Japanese! Shampoo tired of Japan, Airen's silly friends, and stupid Tendo family! Shampoo and Ranma go back to China, and Shampoo teach Airen proper place in Amazon tribe!"

_Here it comes... as soon as he jumps toward her..._

"_Moko Takabisha!!_"

_Didn't think he'd-!!_ "Now, Mousse!"

Mousse jumped at Ranma, flinging chains out of his sleeves. Ranma snarled as he grabbed them, and snapped the apart. Too late to help Shampoo, the bag of powder hit him in the face, and Ranma dropped to the floor, asleep.

"I didn't think Ranma would do that," said Mousse.

"Neither did I, which means that this is worse than I thought," answered Cologne.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that when Ranma is angry enough for the potion to make him attack, he will not be irrational, like I had hoped. He seems perfectly capable of attacking us not only with his full strength, but with his entire arsenal of martial arts. Kami help the next person he attacks, because until he is 'cured,' he is going to build up a resistance to any other potion given to him."

"You mean... the sleeping powder won't work in him anymore?"

"That, I'm afraid, is right. Mrs. Saotome?"

"Yes, Cologne?"

"Would you help me carry Ranma out to the dojo?"

"Of course."

* * *

Akane had never seen Ranma when he was this angry, and was dead sure she never wanted to see it again. She didn't care if it _was_ just the potion, this was _scary_. And Shampoo didn't even seem to _care_.

"_Moko Takabisha!!_"

Akane watched, wide-eyed. Shampoo screamed as she was blasted out of the room and into the yard, only to be cut off when she impacted the wall surrounding the yard and was knocked out. She looked back at the living room just in time to see Ranma hit the floor.

_This is crazy!_

Akane kept watching as Nodoka and Cologne began dragging Ranma out to the dojo. Nabiki trailed them, keeping an eye on Shampoo as they went,.

_He'd be safer in there, _thought Akane. _Where he can't be set off by anyone, at least._ She had her chance now, she realized.

"Wait here, Kasumi. I'll be back in just a minute, ok?"

Kasumi nodded as she paced the room.

Akane quickly slipped out of the room, and headed down the hall. She peered around the living room to make sure of the people in it, then took a breath, steadying herself.

"Mousse?"

He turned. "Hello again, Akane-san. Are you... feeling better?"

"Yeah. Mousse, I... I need to ask you a favor. Can you come with me for a second?"

Mousse blinked in surprise for a second, then followed her down the hall to Kasumi's room. He grew a little cautious when Akane shut the door, but relaxed when he forced himself to remember that Akane and Kasumi Tendo were not a couple of scheming Amazons.

"Alright Akane-san, what do you need?" Mousse could not have been more surprised when Akane pulled out Cologne's book, and opened it up to one of several bookmarked pages. In whispered tones, Akane outlined what she wanted to do, and what she needed from Mousse.

_Not Amazons, but definitely scheming_. He thought for a minute, considering.

"I will not help you in this plan," he finally said.

Akane felt crushed. She _needed_ Mousse's help, dammit! "Alright, Mousse, I understand."

"It won't work because of a couple points, but with my help, we can fix them. Then, I shall help you."

Akane beamed at him. "Thank you, Mousse, thank you."

"Of course. Now, the hard part is going to be getting this," he pointed at one of the pages. "I assume you already have a plan to acquire this, er, _difficult to get_ ingredient?"

"Can it be old, or does it have to be fresh?"

Mousse studied the page for a moment, scanning the page. "It does not matter, but if you look here, you will see why it would be better if it were as fresh as could be."

Akane peered at the entry Mousse indicated. "Oh, I see. Well, a couple of days might not make too much difference, but I think I'll try to get it fresh first. If I can't, oh, well."

Mousse paused for a minute, admiring her resolve. _When she sets her mind on something, she really goes for it._ "Akane-san, may I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Well, um, you see, after this morning... and there was something last night, and um, uh..."

"Never mind, Akane-san, I think I understand. Other than that, why are you so _jumpy_?"

"I don't like all this sneaking around. It just seems _wrong_ somehow."

"It takes some getting used to, I know."

"I don't think I _want_ to get used to it."

Mousse smiled. _That, at least, I can approve of. I think I will enjoy being with these people much more than the Amazons._ "Tell me something, Akane-san."

"Yeah?"

"Why are you doing this? Does Ranma Saotome mean so much to you?"

Mousse had to bite his tongue in order to keep from laughing at Akane's blushing face and heated denials.

* * *

It was a couple of hours later, and Kasumi was nervous. _Extremely_ nervous. She did do little things from time to time, just to see if it would help Ranma and Akane get together, but those were, really, just little things! (or so she thought)

Like when Ranma first got here. She'd overheard Mr. Saotome explaining to Daddy about the curse, so she knew before anyone else did. So she'd pushed Ranma to go take a bath, and then had made sure that Nabiki would tell Akane that the furo was ready. That was ok, because they had only just met, and she was just trying to get them interested in each other. But _this_... this was, well, it was just being _devious_, and she didn't like it.

She wondered how Nabiki ever managed.

Mousse had willingly given them the box, and she was in the kitchen, boiling water, and carefully adding everything exactly as the instructions said. She'd also taken the liberty of mixing up the others Akane said she might need afterwards.

She still didn't like it. She felt so _nervous_. Kasumi was also thankful that Ranma was out in the dojo. She didn't know what she'd do if she had to look at him right now. She felt torn over the issue as she stirred. Part of her wanted to run out to the locked dojo, drop to her knees, and beg his forgiveness for what she had been thinking earlier and for it making her slow in getting the blindfold down, and _especially_ for _enjoying_ his... attention.

The other part wanted to run out to the locked dojo, drop to her knees, and kiss him to see if what he had been doing to her got any better.

_No, no, no, Kasumi! That's Akane's fiancée, only she should be the one to do anything... like that with him, and it would still be inappropriate until after marriage! But still... No! No more bad thoughts! Bad Kasumi!_ Her eyes closed as her imagination wandered. Lack of experience left her imagination to run rampant.

_No!_ she thought with sudden determination. _I will not think about those... things! Bad Kasumi! Bad, bad, bad! _Her internal lecture took on Ranma's voice, in a much huskier tone.

"_Bad Kasumi," Ranma said "Very bad. Come here, you need to be... punished... bad Kasumi..." His hands were everywhere they were earlier as they tore the dress from her body._

"_But, Ranma-kun! What did I do? Please, stop and tell me!"_

"_I know what you were thinking. Inappropriate thoughts... I'm not married to you, and this is what you wanted." His hands roamed her body over her bra, under the remains of her torn clothing._

"_No, Ranma-kun, I wasn't! I would never think such things!"_

_One of Ranma's hands slid down Kasumi's body. It slipped between her legs, but didn't quite touch where she knew it would make her scream if he did, just like before. Waves of desire rippled through her._

"_You should know not to try to fool a martial artist, Kasumi." His hand ran circles around her thighs, never going where she wanted it the most. The other gently fondled her breast, bring a flush over Kasumi's face. "You were thinking about it all day, I know you were. Just admit it." His hand was closer now, just a little more..._

"_I wasn't... Ranma... never..."_

_The tip of Ranma's fingers traced as gently as possible over Kasumi's panties, bringing a shudder up Kasumi's back as he teased her._

"_If you weren't thinking about it, then why haven't you stopped me?"_

"_I... I..."_

"_Just say it. Bad Kasumi. Tell me that you were being bad, and I'll give you what you want." His fingers were maddening as they teased her, never touching her where she wanted them, always going around._

"..."

"_I didn't hear you."_

"_B-bad, Ranma..."_

"_Again."_

"..._Kasumi."_

"_Are you trying to tell me something?" he whispered in her ear._

_Kasumi gripped Ranma's hand, and shoved it roughly between her legs, forcing him right where she wanted him. Her back arched forward as her mouth opened to scream._

"_Bad Kasumi, Ranma!" she cried._

_His hands moved under his own power as her legs gave out from it all, with him following. She felt like screaming, but couldn't draw in the air to do it as his fingers pressed against her._

"_That's right, very bad Kasumi-oneechan."_

Her eyes snapped open. "Wh-what?"

Akane looked at her sister. Her face was flushed, and she was gripping the edge of the counter hard enough that her knuckles were white.

"Are you alright, Kasumi-oneechan?"

"F-fine, imouto-chan. It's just all this sneaking around behind everyone's back..." Her eyes dropped for a second as the fantasy took over, and she almost felt Ranma at _her_ back again as his arms reached around her to do those things to her one more time...

"I'm sorry for making you do this, Kasumi. But I just couldn't do it alone. I'll never make you do anything like this again."

"Don't worry about me, Akane-chan." Kasumi crossed her arms in front of her, trying to stifle the feeling running through her. Her youngest sister was staring at her. "I'm, um, making the other ones you said you might want, just in case we don't get a chance to do it later!" Kasumi hoped that Akane would take her unusual behavior as a bad case of nerves.

"Thanks, Kasumi-oneechan. You're the best. I'm gonna go watch for Cologne."

"Alright, imouto. These are done anyway."

Akane left the kitchen to stand outside with Mrs. Saotome and Mousse to see when Cologne would be coming back from Tofu-sensei's. She taken Shampoo there after Ranma had nearly taken Shampoo's head off. They had all decided to stand guard until the old ghoul came back so that Kasumi would have time to hide her work in the kitchen. Ranma could be heard inside the dojo, running though a kata.

Kasumi took the potions off of her stove, and poured them into a few small thermos containers. She wondered for a moment on how to tell them apart, then simply taped the directions to each container. Only one was missing a description of what it did. The first one, the one all the others were waiting for. She his them under the sink, and began to set out lunch for everyone. When she was finished, she picked up the carrying tray with Ranma's lunch, and went out into the yard.

"I'm taking Ranma his lunch. Everyone's else's lunch is inside on the table. Everything is cleaned up, and under the sink."

"Kasumi, are you sure it's a good idea for you to take Ranma his lunch?"

"I'll be fine, Akane-chan. Ranma's not going to be taking off his blindfold this time, ne?"

Akane relaxed a little. "Alright, Kasumi, but don't stay in there too long, or I'll start getting worried." She left Kasumi alone in the yard, as everyone else went inside to enjoy lunch.

Kasumi knocked in the dojo door. "Yeah, come on in," came Ranma's voice. "It's safe."

Kasumi opened the door. Ranma stood, sweating a little in the middle of the floor with his blindfold still on his head.

"Is it safe for you to be exercising when you can't see, Ranma-kun?" asked Kasumi as she shut the door behind her.

"Ah, not really. Pops made me train for a month once with a blindfold on to make all my other senses stronger. I haven't practiced it for a while, but I figured now was as good a time as any."

"I see. Well, I brought you some lunch, if you feel like taking a break."

"That'd be great, Kasumi, thanks."

Kasumi set the food down on the floor, then took a closer look at Ranma. "Oh, my, Ranma, you're bleeding!" Sure enough, a small ribbon of red was trickling out of his nose.

"Don't worry about it, Kasumi, I just bumped a wall when I started, it's nothing. It's stopped, I just haven't cleaned it up properly since I can't see myself without a mirror."

Kasumi picked up a napkin from the tray, and dipped it in the glass of water. She quickly began wiping under Ranma's nose, cleaning away the blood.

"Watch it, Kasumi! You don't wanna touch me by accident."

"I'm fine, Ranma-kun, but you should be more careful." She finished getting rid of the blood, and stuffed the napkin in a pocket.

"Thanks. You're really great, you know that?"

"Arigato, Ranma-kun." Kasumi swallowed, hard. She took a deep breath, then said, "Oh, I missed a little bit! Let me get that." She reached up, and wiped away a non-existant drop of blood from Ranma's face with her bare hands making sure that the contact was more than a quick tap.

She still was amazed at how fast Ranma's hands came for her.

* * *

A/N

Gobstopper: Ah, for those of you who don't know what a chainfall is, I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, or precisely how it operates, but it's what my best bud uses in his garage to pull engines out of cars with. And I re-loaded chapter 5 with a minor fix. Thanks to my friend bd for pointing out that, on their first day, Ranma observed that they were simply _blue_, not _blue polka-dots_. Everyone, give congratulations to bd for being the first winner of my "Dear God, You Know Waaaayyy Too Much About Akane's Panties" award. You read too much, bd. Ah, and for those who don't know, _oneechan_ (or –san) means _big sister_, and _imouto-chan_ means _little sister_. And for those of you concerned about the welfare of my own personal being after the ending of my last A/N...

Gobstopper points to the hospital room around himself as best he can in his full-body cast.

Gobstopper: Akane really doesn't pull her punches, does she? The beginning of next chapter will be another Kasumi/Ranma bit, though this _will_ turn into a Ranma/Akane pairing. I'm just waking Kasumi up, that's all, and giving something out to all the Kasumi/Ranma fans. Sorry about taking so long to write this, but I had a severe writer's block for several days trying to get Ryoga away from the Kami, before I just wrote a quick exit like that. Gah! After that, I just banged it all out (pardon the pun). Anyone guess what Akane's potion is going to do? Anyone at all? Go on, take a guess, I might actually tell you, if you guess right! I've not quite tired yet, so I'm gonna see of I can get some work done on the next chapter, since I'm still in the mood to type. Now, If you will excuse me, it's time for my sponge bath. Oh, nurse!


	8. Akane's Potion

Disclaimer:

I do not own Ranma ½.

GIVE ME FROGS! FLIES! LOCUSTS! ANYTHING BUT ANOTHER DISCLAIMER!!

(taken from The Mummy)

* * *

She wasn't sure how exactly she had decided to do this, or if it wasn't really a decision at all, just a spur of the moment idea. She didn't think anyone else would approve, least of all Ranma himself, but she didn't care at the moment. She was loving every second of this, even if they were still standing. His hands were _everywhere_.

Kasumi Tendo just about melted in pleasure.

Ranma's hands roamed over her, her top had been pushed up only seconds after he had touched her. He stood behind her, just like in her fantasy, with his hands moving all over her. One hand fondled her breast, and the other… _Oh, Kami, the other hand… right there, Ranma, leave it right theeeeerre!!_

Kasumi shuddered as his fingers played with her. It was better than before, when her dress had been in the way. It was better than her fantasy, where only her panties had been in the way. There was _nothing_ in the way, and dear god, Kasumi thought that nothing had ever felt like this. She had one hand over her mouth just to keep from screaming out loud, and the other had Ranma's leg in her grip, squeezing it because she needed _something_ to anchor herself with.

_Oh, more, please more, anything at all, please!_ she begged with her thoughts. _W-where are you going, Ranma? Please, put that back, put it back, put it oh god oh god it's inside me!!_

Kasumi's muffled screams were all that could be heard inside the dojo. Kasumi's hips pressed back into Ranma, trying to pull his finger just a little further into her. She felt something hard press into her backside, and figured out what it was with a jolt.

_Is it that way because if me? Is he going to…?_ Kasumi shuddered in disappointment when Ranma removed his hand from between her legs. She felt her skirt pulled down, and the fall to her feet in a pile. When Ranma pressed himself back against her, she realized that somehow he had opened his own pants, because instead of his hand returning between her legs, something much harder was there. She almost collapsed when Ranma took her hand off of his leg, and forced her to press him against her, moving her panties out of the way. _R-right there… w-where he f-first p-put his ha-hand…_ She tore her other hand away from her mouth, and placed it over Ranma's, pulling it away from hers, and making him massage both of her breasts.

She wasn't even aware she was saying his name over and over in a whisper. Kasumi looked down, and saw the tip as she rubbed herself with it. It was too much for her. Kasumi's legs gave out as she came, and she slapped her hand back against her lips to quiet the scream as she cried his name. She was only vaguely aware of him holding her upright as her entire body was consumed by the pleasure. Light shone behind her eyes as she slowly became aware of her surroundings against. Ranma hadn't stopped; he was still pressing against her, wanting more. If Kasumi had wanted to before, she was mentally demanding it now.

"Ranma… floor… now…"

She felt Ranma nod, but he didn't move to the floor, but only press himself against her opening as he moved her panties over more. Through the fog in her mind, Kasumi got the impression the if she wanted him on top of her for this, she needed to take a little control, and move them both to the floor herself.

"Follow… me… Ranma-kun."

Kasumi took a step forward, holding his hands against her-

And tripped over the skirt still wrapped around her feet.

Ranma plummeted to the ground as he tripped over her legs, separating from her. He fell with a crash.

"K-Kasumi? W-what? Why did you…? How…?"

Kasumi began to cry.

* * *

A few minutes later, a fully dressed Ranma and Kasumi were talking. Well, kind of. Kasumi was stuttering a bit, trying to answer Ranma's questions.

"It's just that… ever since this m-morning, when we… when we…"

"I know what you're talking about, Kasumi."

"Since _then_, I've been having these… thoughts I've never had before. I'd never… never… felt anything like that and it felt so good, I thought I'd do anything to feel them again. I didn't kn-know who to turn to, I've always been the one other people come to, and I couldn't go to Tofu-sensei for advice; ever since he came back, he's been reluctant to talk to any of us…"

There was a pause.

"You've never even had those kinds of _thoughts_ before?"

"No."

Another pause.

"_Ever?_"

"Not ever."

"And ever since this morning…?"

"Only thing I can think about." Kasumi began crying again. "I-I can't s-stop it, R-Ramna-kun, there's these th-thoughts, a-and these images… such n-naughty things, and I can't m-make them s-_stop_!" Kasumi buried her face in her hands, sobbing. She was glad Ranma had gotten over his initial shock and anger very quickly, but she still didn't know what to _do_ about it. In the back of her mind, she could still feel the desire to press herself against him.

Ranma, on the other hand, had just finished realizing that he was dealing with a girl who, for _twenty years_, had shoved down every hormonal urge so that she could help raise her sisters, and was now dealing with all of them coming out with a vengeance. It was a wonder she wasn't climbing the walls in order to rape him or anything else male that was within reach.

"Kasumi, stop crying now," Ranma said in the most authoritive voice most he manage.

Kasumi stopped crying and looked up at him.

"It's _normal_, Kasumi."

"N-normal?"

"That's right, it's _normal_. We all have to deal with it. Most of us have been steadily trying to ignore it since we became teenagers."

"B-but how do you _deal_ with it? It's so… so _powerful_…"

"Well, uh…" Ranma turned a frightening shade a red. "Most of us, er, have to, ah, _relieve_ it ourselves, and, ah…"

"How? Please, Ranma-kun, tell me how to _stop it._"

"I-I don't think I can, um, _describe_ it to you… I don't think I know all the words… for the, um, _parts_…"

"Then show me, please. I need it to stop."

Ranma was now a blazing shade if red that would have made a lava flow envious.

"Well, uh, you, er, remember what I was, uh…" Ranma made a small choking noise in the back of his throat. "What I was, um, kind of, er, _doing_ to you," he coughed, "right at the beginning…"

Kasumi blushed. "Y-yes…"

"Yeah, um, t-that, um, t-to yourself, um, yeah. And, uh, anything else I did that," he cleared his throat, "made you feel, um, good."

"B-but I couldn't do… do _that_. It would be so _improper_, and _wrong_, and…"

"And it's what most of us, um, _do_ to stay sane."

"Even you, Ranma-kun?"

Ranma fidgeted where he sat. "Even me. I can't lie, right?"

"Even Akane-chan?"

"Actually, I think most of the time she hits bricks to ignore it…"

Kasumi giggled at the notion of brick-breaking as sexual relief. She couldn't help but tease Ranma a bit. "Even _Ranko_?"

Ranma's blush came back with all the wrath of an enraged volcano. "Even her," he squeaked.

"Aww… poor Ranko. Since she has more experience than I do, can _she_ show me?" Kasumi giggled again.

"No. Definitely no. Never. And I'm glaring at you right now. I want you to know that. Your little hormonal awakening has given you a warped sense of humor, you know that?"

More giggling. "I feel a little better now. Maybe it's from the teasing. Does that help sometimes?"

"I know a couple people who tease a lot and they say they always feel better afterwards."

"Maybe I'll do that then. Are you hungry, Ranma-kun? I did bring you lunch, and it's going to be cold if you don't eat it soon."

"Yeah, something to eat would be great. Where is it?"

Kasumi slid the tray over. "Right in front of you. I thought you might be hungry. Does taking advantage of girl make people hungry?"

"Kasumi!!" Ranma's jaw hit the floor.

"Just teasing."

Ranma grumbled something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "you were nicer when you hadn't gotten any," before setting into his lunch. For once, he ate slow. He didn't want to try to eat at his normal pace blindfolded; he's probably end up with food all over his face and the floor. There was silence for a minute, then his ears picked up an unusual sound. Heavy breathing.

"Kasumi? What are you…?"

"Just a m-minute, Ranma-kun… I'm almost d-done… mmm… nice…"

"_Kasumi, what the hell are you doing?!_"

"P-practice makes p-perfect, Ranma-k-kun…"

"_Not in here!!_"

"But I'm only stretching. My legs are a little sore. What did you think I was doing?"

Ranma face-faulted. He'd been had. Again. She was teasing him.

"_Alright, who are you, and what have you done with Kasumi?!_"

"It's me, Ranma-kun. Take off the blindfold and see for yourself."

"Gah!" Ranma dropped to the floor. Kasumi giggled again, then started laughing. A moment later, Ranma joined her.

* * *

Nabiki and Akane were getting a little worried. Kasumi had been in the dojo for a while now. Could something have happened? Could she and Ranma have somehow touched each other? They pushed open the dojo door, and were met by-

Ranma and Kasumi collapsed on the floor, laughing their heads off.

"You're horrible, horrible!" declared Ranma.

"Aww, was it that bad for you? Maybe next time we can try it laying down."

"No, it wasn't, you damned flirt!"

"I need to _stretch_ some more, Ranma. Help me."

"Temptress!"

"Whuuuut?" said Nabiki.

Kasumi turned towards the door. "Hello, Akane-chan, Nabiki-chan. Oh! Ranma, can _Akane_ show me?"

Ranma snickered. "Better than you'd think. She has a manual for it. I've seen it, though not the results of it."

Kasumi pulled a face. "Oh, too much, Ranma-kun. I suppose there are some things about that I'd rather not know."

"K-Kasumi?" stuttered Akane.

"Yes, imouto?"

"Are you… feeling alright?"

"Ranma-kun, how do I _feel_?"

A rice ball bounced off of Kasumi's head. "Inside or out, succubus?"

Nabiki goggled.

"Ranma!" squeaked a shocked Akane.

Kasumi was laughing again. "You are too easy, Ranma."

"I timed you. Thirty seconds. That has got to be a record. _That_ is easy."

"Liar. We started this _hours_ ago, and just finished. Only once for me in all that. I am disappointed. Where is the martial art to improve that?"

"In my backpack! I study it nightly! My _mother_ gave it to me 'just in case I needed to know someday.' Want to hear what some of the techniques are called?"

"Oh, my! Such devotion to the, ahem, _art_, and stillonly once. The Great Ranma Saotome has failed!"

Nabiki felt like she needed to go lay down somewhere and wake up from this dream. Akane was feeling like she had stepped into another world. _This dojo leads to the shadowy tip of reality_, her mind thought frantically. _You're on a through route to the land of the different, the bizarre, the unexplainable. A dimension not only of sight and sound, but of perverse mind… Ladies and Gentleman, you're entering, the Ranma Zone!_

"You started it! And you're the _only_ one who finished! Where is _your_ talent in it?"

"_I_ can claim no experience and no study material."

"No instinct to guide you? You are repressed."

"No more than _Ranko_."

"Woman! You are testing my patience."

"I'd rather test your stamina."

"You're testing my sanity."

"Tell me of these techniques. You can use them the next time."

"Did you two spar or something?" asked Akane.

"Yes!" declared Kasumi. "I won!"

"_You_ won?! What do you mean _you_ won?! _I_ won!"

"How did _you_ win, Ranma-kun?"

"My legs didn't go out from under me."

"I gave no cry of surrender!"

"I seem to remember you crying out. Have you forgotten?"

"That was not surrender!"

"You weren't capable of standing on your own!"

"Akane-chan? Could you throw this away for me? I don't want to keep carrying it around." Kasumi held out the napkin she had used to clean Ranma's bloody nose with.

"I'm going back to the house, where I hope to wake up soon," muttered Nabiki as she left.

"Um, sure Kasumi. Did you cut yourself?"

"No, it's Ranma's. He hit his nose when he was trying to train blindfolded."

Akane's eyes widened. "N-no problem, Kasumi."

"And as for _you_, Ranma-kun, I might not have been standing, but I was willing to continue the match from the floor!"

"Admit it, I won! You only lasted thirty seconds! Saotome School of Anything Goes Technique: Dancing Fingers!"

"At least I finished at all."

Ranma groaned. "Bad Kasumi! Go sit in the corner."

As Akane shut the door, she heard Kasumi say, "Oh, let me tell you about _that_ one…"

* * *

Akane raced into the kitchen, holding the napkin. _I don't know how she got it, but at least I have it. And Mousse did say the fresher the better, right? Mousse!_

"Hey, Mousse!"

Mousse looked up from his lunch. "What is it, Akane-san?" He'd discovered quickly that the only one in the house who wanted to be addressed by their family names were Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome. At least, he thought so, anyway. Tendo-san had yet to come out of his room. He would have asked Saotome-san, but he was still frozen, and had been dragged upstairs to his room by Nodoka-sama. (Who did not mind being addressed as Nodoka-_sama_ at all, once Mousse had explained that as he'd thought of her as the head of the house, since that was the Amazon way. She did, however, have a severe reaction to being called the _Saotome Clan Elder_, despite his reassurances that people as young as twenty could have the title. He was still wearing the lump from the first time he'd called her that.)

Akane showed him the napkin. "It's Ranma's," she said.

Mousse eyed the napkin. "Hey, Nabiki-san…"

Nabiki was bouncing her head off of the table. "Wake up, baka, wake up, it needs to end…"

"Never mind." _So much for needing to keep her busy so she can't interfere._

Mousse and Akane left Nabiki to her head bouncing, and went to the kitchen. They retrieved all of the thermos, and snuck up to Akane's room. Mousse checked the labels before opening one of the containers. He pulled a small stick out from his sleeve, and jammed the napkin into the thermos, and stirred it around. He pulled the stick and napkin out, and held it out to Akane, sitting on her bed.

"Are you sure about this, Akane-san?"

"Just give it to me, before I change my mind. And make sure no one bothers me for an hour or two, k?"

"Of course, Akane-san."

Mousse left, and sat down next to her closed door, hoping that Akane knew what she was getting herself into.

Akane took a deep breath, and looked at the thermos thoughtfully. Voices drifted up to her from her window.

"No more! Please! I can't stand hearing it! My image of you is ruined! I don't want to hear your daydreams!"

"Tell me where she keeps the manual!"

"Anything, just stop it!"

"Help me stretch, Ranma-kun!"

"Tease!"

What _were_ they talking about? Did Kasumi want one of her training manuals? Was she getting interested in the arts? She didn't have to make Ranma tell her, she'd give one to her eldest sister if she wanted.

She slammed the potions back entirely, and fell onto her bed. Fire spread through her mind, wracking her body with spasms. Akane stopped twitching as the fire cooled. When it stopped, she opened her eyes.

The life of Ranma Saotome stood before her.

* * *

Where… am I? Akane thought to herself.

Images crashed into her mind, words following. She saw her room from a dozen different angles, daytime and nighttime.

_Akane's room I'm in Akane's room her bed laying on her bed Akane's room_

Stop it!

The visions stopped. Akane tried to remember what the pages said to do.

Who am I? she tried experimentally.

_Ranma Saotome Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts heir Nodoka's son Genma's son Ranma Ranma Saotome sometimes Ranko always Ranma_

Images went with it. Akane saw herself/himself fighting, seeing his reflection in a mirror or a passing window. Every time it was the same, Ranma seeing Ranma.

Who is Akane?

_Tendo Akane Tendo School Anything Goes Martial Arts heir my fiancée Soun's daughter Nabiki's sister Kasumi's sister tomboy tomboy cute when she smiles but kinda violent Akane_

Images hit her, Akane saw herself a million times over, in every possible place. Asleep on her bed, sitting in school, training in the dojo, glaring at her/Ranma from the ground as Akane/Ranma ran along the fence.

Akane readied herself, and asked one of the questions she had taken the potion for.

How was Ranma trained by Mr. Saotome before he came to my home?

No answer.

Right, wrong way to ask.

How was I raised by Genma Saotome after I was taken from mom and before I came to the Tendo's?

And the images came.

Akane/Ranma was nothing but a child, five years old. Father was dragging him/her away from Mom, they didn't know why-

Akane/Ranma was six, they were in the country, Akane/Ranma was being pulled along behind a bicycle Father had stolen by a rope to increase their speed-

Akane/Ranma was seven being forced to run in circles with huge rocks tied to their back to increase his/her stamina and strength while Father sat by a fire watching-

Akane/Ranma was seven being held underwater by Father to get their breathing capacity up-

Akane/Ranma was eight KAMI THE CATS GET THEM AWAY GET THEM AWAY MOTHER PLEASE THEY'RE HURTING ME-

Akane/Ranma was nine tied to a train heading north Pops was inside sleeping stupid Pops not his/my Father anymore, just Pops-

Akane/Ranma was ten Pops had tied us to a tree was throwing rocks at us getting our endurance up making us tougher he says-

Eleven and being held under a waterfall just after spring thaw the water is so _cold_ from the melting ice and snow Pops says it's to get us used to the cold-

Eleven still great fat Pops was on our back making Ranma/me carry him and the supplies he stole at them same time while Ranma/I carry him and the people from the village are chasing-

Twelve and Pops is making us walk over a tight rope over a canyon the ground is so far down Ranma/I can't even see it and Pops says we need to work on balance-

Thirteen blindfolded for a month stupid Pops can't see anything and he keeps hitting us we need to be able to fight blind he says-

Fourteen and hitting the tree over and over until out hands bleed and Pops says it's not fast enough yet keep going-

Fourteen Pops keeps attacking me with all these weapons stupid weapons says I need to learn how to use them understand them so I know their strengths and weaknesses-

Fifteen Pops won't use them weapons anymore cause Ranma's/I'm better than he could ever be with them-

Fifteen we're sitting out here in this field and it's to damn hot haven't had any water in two days or sleep in five and Pops says I need to learn to fight tired and desperate-

Sixteen why China old man some new torture there for Ranma/me that you can't inflict in Japan can't believe we're swimming there only halfway so far-

Sixteen Pops has raided a village and is making me carry him again from the stupid villagers maybe we should drop him-

Sixteen FUCK I'M A GIRL I'M A GIRL YOU STUPID **_PANDA!!_**

Sixteen why are we here Pops what's this about a fiancée for him/me?

* * *

Akane felt like screaming or crying. She didn't know which to do first. She understood why Ranma was the way he was now. She knew why he wouldn't train her. To him, _that_ was what training was. That nightmarish set of events and memories that Genma Saotome had dared to call Ranma's childhood.

Another question.

How do I feel abut Ucchan?

_Ukyo my friend she's really a girl just like a sister a sister is all why does she keep coming onto me don't like her like that my best friend_

_Family/love trust care for like to spend time with like to talk to little paranoid about furious furious wedding bombs so long before I forgive her for that_

How do I feel about Shampoo?

_Shampoo/Xian Pu right Mousse/Mu Tsu? Shampoo crazy fucking Amazon why won't she leave go home stop **touching** me I don't like it hate it_

_Distrust suspicion paranoid CAT GET AWAY hate her hate dislike don't want her around can't hurt her cause she's a girl_

That answered that anyway. She'd never really had a reason to be jealous of them. Ukyo could never be more than a sister to Ranma, and Shampoo, well… Wait, jealous, who was jealous? Just watching out for Ranma, right?

How do I feel about Akane?

_Akane care for her want to protect her don't let anything hurt her can't say how I feel she'd reject me in a second can't let her know does she know I'd die for her kill for her I did once already Saffron_

_Care for she's so cute when she's not angry all the time I like her want to be around her I love so scared of her it hurts trust/distrust/trust fear_

Ranma… loves me?

Do I love Akane?

_Love love I love her anything for her die for her_

Why won't you… Why can't I tell her?

_She hates me wants nothing to do with me can't stand me I'm such a freak who would want a freak like me she doesn't it hurts so bad not to tell her but she hates me don't want her to reject me_

Why does Akane hate me?

_I don't know why I can't tell she won't say but I think it's because I'm a freak such a freak calls me a sex-changing monkey she hates me hates me calls me a pervert what did I do to deserve that_

Akane was on the verge if tears.

Why am I afraid of Akane?

_So scared she'll figure out how I feel I love her she'll laugh at me reject me don't want to lose her she'll laugh in my face tell me she could never love me like me cause I'm a girl sometimes and because she will­_

The images came. Akane was slapping Ranma, hitting him, kicking, the mallet was coming for him "From now on you and I are strangers" "I hate you" "Go away" "Pervert!" "I don't want anything to do with you!" "Hentai!" "Get lost!" "I don't need you!" "Get away from me!" "I hate you"

"I hate you"

They were said, things were done, dozens of times, hundreds of times, accusations made, insults thrown. Ranma's memories pulled nothing, and showed everything.

Hope! she thought in desperation. There must be something in there something good, he must have good memories! Something with _hope_ in it!

I felt like everything could be perfect with Akane when…?

Only one memory came one moment of shining hope before everything was crushed, and Ranma felt despair for the rest of the time. Even before it came, Akane could feel how it ended, and the sadness and despair that would always be there afterwards.

Akane saw herself. She was standing over me/Ranma. Her hair was longer, and she was wearing her gi.

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

The memory ended in crushed hopes, and sadness. A sense of resignation, acceptance of fate. He/I would be alone. Always alone.

WHY?! Akane screamed. WHY THAT?! IS THAT IT?! ONE TIME?!

Why did that mean so much to him?

Why was it so important that that one memory stood out as the only truly hopeful time since he was five?

_I've never really had a friend_.

Never…?

_Never had a friend. Akane wanted to be my friend._

But she had rejected him the second she had found out about the curse.

_Now she hates me. I don't have any friends. I never will, she was the only one._

Oh, god, Ranma, I'm so sorry. I didn't know.

Akane cried.

Forgive me, Ranma.

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Despair.

Please, Ranma, I didn't know!

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Sadness.

No, Ranma, it doesn't have to be like that!

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Acceptance.

It can change, Ranma. I can still be your friend… please…

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

The girl he loved would never like him.

YOUR WRONG!! I don't hate you, you're not a hentai, you're not a freak!

_I love Akane. She hates me, but I will always love her. I'll watch over her, for life. It is my fate. It will be enough just to be near her._

Ranma, I… I…

* * *

Akane awoke. It was dark out now, hours had passed.

"… love you too."

She ran.

Akane ripped open her door, jumping over the sleeping Mousse, past Nabiki's room, where her sister was having a nightmare in which she _still_ didn't have any film, and point in fact, she did not. The store had been closed when she finally got there.

She shot down the stairs, and jumped over the couch and Kasumi, who had fallen asleep watching TV, where she had truly laughed for the first time (outside of the dojo with Ranma) since her mother had died. She laughed at the TV, at Mousse's face to her suggestive comments, at Nabiki's face when she overheard them. The poor boy looked stricken, and Nabiki looked like she might go into shock. At least Nodoka had laughed along with her.

Akane raced out over the grass in the backyard. She almost didn't see the sign on the dojo door Knock before entering, dangerous Ranma inside. She knocked, just this side of pounding on the door.

"Ranma! Let me in!"

"Safe. Come in." Ranma's voice. _Oh, god, Ranma, forgive me, I didn't know **anything!!**_

The door was almost torn off in her haste to get it open, and nearly shattered when she shut it behind her.

"Akane? Is something wrong? You sound upset…"

She ran into him as hard as she could, somehow making sure she didn't touch skin. It was easier than she thought it might be, as someone seemed to have given him black silk gloves to cover his hands. Akane wrapped her arms around him, crushing Ranma to her as best she could.

_Not too late, not too late, please don't let it be too late for us._

"Akane, what in the world…?"

"I'm so sorry, Ranma." She was crying again, but she didn't care. "I didn't know, I didn't understand. I do now. Forgive me?"

"Forgive what? Understand what? What are you talking about?" _What's going on here?!_

"I want to start over, please say we can start over."

"Start over?"

"From the beginning."

Not quite sure where this was going, what had brought it on, or even if he was dreaming, Ranma agreed. "Alright, let's start over."

_Thank you!!_ Akane squeezed Ranma even harder.

"I'm Akane. You want to be friends?"

Ranma's arms clutched at her. _Start over? Another chance? Please don't let this be a dream._

"Yeah. I'm Ranma. Let's be friends."

"I'm glad, Ranma, I'm glad we can be friends."

"M-me too, Akane."

"Can we be fiancées now?"

"You… you want…?"

"I love you, Ranma Saotome. You're not a freak, you never were, and you never will be. You're _Ranma_, and that's all you need to be. I love you, Ranma."

"I… I… I love you, too, Akane."

He fell to his knees, and Akane dropped with him.

"Marry me, Akane? Because I love you?"

"Yes, Ranma. Because I love you too."

* * *

A/N

Gobstopper: Adding theses notes a little late, since I had to rush to get this chapter up and on the web before I ran off to work. I kinda forgot. I told ya It'd be Akane/Ranma, but the fun's not over yet. Just because they love each other doesn't mean the world's gonna step out of the way and say, "Ok, there ya go, lads, have a nice life." They still gotta deal with Shampoo, Cologne, Ryoga, Ukyo, Kasumi (of all people), and Ranma's potion. Ah, yes, the little bit "I guess a can look forward to a whole 24 hours of **weird!!**" is not mine, I found it in another story (though I'll be damned if I can remember the author, or I would credit him), and for those of you who can't tell, Akane's thought when she opened the dojo was based on Rod Serling's opening bit from "The Twilight Zone." See ya next chapter!

Just did a quick repost, thanks to dogbertcarroll for pointing out that if Ranma is blindfolded, how could he tell Akane she looked upset. =)


	9. Let Them Be Together, Please!

Disclaimer:

I do not own or have any rights to:

Ranma ½.

Thank you for READING THIS DISCLAIMER.

Don't sue.

I Have No Money.

* * *

They were holding each other, for how long neither of them knew. They had both lost track of time. Akane was just glad that she wasn't too late for Ranma. She sighed, thankful. _Didn't take much to get me to think of him different, did it? All I needed was one world-shattering visit from Ranma's entire life. How did he ever turn out sane after all of that. No wonder he has a hard time keeping from insulting people, he does it because he doesn't know what else to do. Now I know why he won't train me. Ranma's experience with training includes being thrown off of a roof to learn how to take a fall when he was seven._

She almost missed him whispering to himself.

"Kami, I don't want to wake up."

"Ranma?"

"N-nothing Akane, don't worry about it."

"You're not dreaming."

"I'm not?"

"No. I'm really here. I'm not going anywhere, see?" Akane took his hand, and held it against her face, feeling the silk as it brushed along her cheek.

Something dropped onto her other hand. Water, little drops of hot water.

"Ranma? Are you...?" _Is he crying?_

**No not crying I'm not allowed to cry Pops says men don't cry it's not manly**

The potion was still running through her. It was this that she wanted. She had thought that being able to see Ranma's memories would be a good thing, so maybe she could see something through his eyes, but she never expected it to change _everything_ like that. Now she had the side-effect she had been counting on; having Ranma's thoughts, without his memories. To able to look at the world with a copy of Ranma in her head, giving Akane his view on how things happened, and what he thought of them. It wouldn't last, but she hoped it would be long enough to really understand.

"N-no, I'm not crying."

"Ranma, I can see..."

"No, I'm not crying, Akane, Pops said-"

"-That men don't cry. I know. He's wrong. Don't listen to him anymore. Listen to me from now on, ok?"

"But..."

"Do you trust me?"

**Trust/distrust/trust Akane trust her because I love her distrust always hitting me accusing me trust she sometimes does nice things**

Had she hurt him that much? He didn't even know whether or not he trusted her anymore?

"I'm not going to hit you Ranma. I... I might not always understand, but I'll try to listen to you before I do anything from now on, ok?"

"You'll listen to my side of it?"

"Martial Artist's word of honor."

She could feel Ranma jump in her arms.

"That's a serious oath, Akane."

**Serious oath no oath more binding never tell always uphold die before breaking**

"I know. I might not always be able to not hit you, you... you know my... temper gets the b-best of me..." She had seen it happen a hundred times over in seconds from Ranma's point of view. "But if I hit you, I'll wait for you to come back. I'll listen to you. I'll make it up to you. Promise. I know to keep my word as a martial artist."

**Keep my word martial artist's vow I made one to Ryoga stupid bastard using it against me dishonorable moron can't tell his secret I swore before he started using it to dishonor Akane now I can't tell her**

_What? I can't... remember it, but it sounds familiar... I'll worry about it later._

"Thanks Akane. That means... a lot to me, you have no idea."

"I'll do my best for you, Ranma. I kn-know I haven't been the n-nicest person to you, I've a-always been so m-m-mean..." She felt like she was going to start crying again.

Ranma's arms held her. "That's not true. You're a very sweet girl, sometimes you just..."

**Lose your temper hit me around call me names call me a freak a pervert don't you know how much it kills me when you say that you think I like being cursed would you like it if you turned into a boy can I call you a freak then**

She almost burst into tears.

"... don't think things through all the way, like me. I'm always saying things before I can stop it."

**Saotome foot-in-mouth disease the ability to shove your entire foot in your mouth and leave enough room for your leg lucky me I can fit both feet**

Akane giggled through the forming tears before she could hold it back.

"Something funny?"

"Saotome foot-in-mouth disease, huh?"

Ranma grinned. "Yeah, that's what I call it. I can shove my entire foot in my mouth, and leave enough room for my leg."

"You're lucky, you can fit both feet in."

"Yeah, I- hey, how'd you...?"

"Don't worry about it, ok? Just know that you don't have to hide anything from me anymore."

Silence for a moment.

"So do you still think I'm a pervert?"

"Yeah. By you're _my_ pervert now."

Ranma snickered. "Tomboy."

Akane could hear the affection in Ranma's voice. "Baka."

"Macho chick."

"Dummy."

Ranma and Akane both started giggling.

"Sexless."

"Sex-changing monkey."

"Built like a stick."

"You make a better girl than a boy."

They fell apart, giggling.

The Ranma in her mind was practically yelling at her, but the Ranma in front of Akane didn't seem to mind. _I guess being told I love him makes a difference... He's giggling as much as I am. Wait, giggling? Ranma doesn't giggle unless..._ Akane took another look at her fiancée.

"Um, Ranma..."

"Yeah?"

"Have you been a girl the whole time?"

"Yes. Wait, you mean you didn't _notice_?"

"Well, uh, not really. I mean, to me, the curse stopped meaning anything a long time ago. It's still you, know what I mean?"

"I didn't know that." _I guess the truth potion is still making him answer_, thought Akane.

"You didn't notice it when you were hugging me?" Ranma continued. "You'd think that you would have at least noticed my chest pushing at you."

"Hey! I had other things on my mind!"

"How about the fact that you're taller than me when I'm a girl? Didn't that make you think?"

"Baka hentai!"

"Kawaiikune tomboy!"

Laughter.

"Ranma?"

"Yes I am."

"Smart-ass."

"Thank you."

"Ranma, I was just thinking..."

"You liar!"

Akane slapped him playfully. "Baka. I was thinking, does the potion still work if you're a girl?"

"I don't know. When I fell in the pond, we kinda decided it'd be safer if we didn't test it."

"We?"

"Yeah, everyone else was inside, and only Cologne was around. She said she didn't want to be my practice dummy. The old ghoul said there was a chance that it might not work when I'm in my cursed form, but she didn't want to be proven wrong. No one else did, either."

"Why didn't you change back? I know how much you hate being a girl."

Ranma mumbled something under his breath that Akane couldn't hear. She didn't need to.

**Don't care about that I don't mind being a girl isn't so bad get free ice cream stupid guys pay for it what a bunch of idiots being a girl has it's advantages not as strong much faster though good advantage in a fight just wish I could control it stupid water magnet that's what I am but Akane think I'm a freak she hates being engaged to someone who turns into a girl hates it hates me**

Akane swallowed hard. She'd really hurt him, hadn't she?

"Ranma..."

He stared at the floor.

"Look at me, Ranma."

Floor gazing continued.

"I don't care about you turning into a girl. It's always you, it's still Ranma inside. I know that."

"I-I don't..."

"If I hated the fact that you were a girl, would I have hugged you? Would I still be talking to you? I don't care anymore. As long as it's you, I don't care what you look like."

"But... I thought..."

**You always call me names insult me using my curse call me a pervert for turning into a girl how is that my fault so I look at myself how does that make me a pervert I was stuck as a girl for weeks on the way here from China you try going for that long without ever looking at yourself see if you can do it**

"No, Ranma. I know you don't stare at yourself when you're a girl just because you can. When you first got here, I thought all boys were perverts, not just you, remember? So when I learned that you were a boy, and could see a girl naked anytime you wanted just by getting wet, I thought the worst of you. I was wrong."

"Akane..."

"I don't care about you being a girl, Ranma." Akane gave in, and kissed him, _her_, softly.

There was no response for a moment, then Ranma was kissing her back slowly. Akane felt Ranma's gloved hands gently stoke the side of her face.

**Is this real this can't be real I'm kissing her she's gonna mallet me**

Akane ignored the voice. That Ranma might be right about everything else, but when it came to herself, Akane knew that it and the real Ranma didn't think the same way anymore.

She deepened the kiss, feeling Ranma push back at her just as hard. _At least the potion isn't forcing him... I guess it doesn't work as a girl..._

Ranma froze.

_Oh, no..._

Ranma's arms tightened their grip, squeezing Akane as her kiss grew in intensity and power. She pushed them both against the wall, Akane pinned with Ranma in front of her. Her hands were pulled from Ranma, and one was forced up Ranma's shirt, forcing Akane to run it over her breast. The other went into Ranma's pants, under her boxers.

_Th-this is different... what...?_

With a mix of shock, excitement, and a small amount of worry, Akane realized that Ranma was forcing her to do to him what he had forced on her earlier. _Not him, her! That's why!_

Akane found the reason. The mind might still dictate who was to be killed and who was to be the bed partner, but the body determined _how_.

Ranma-kun wanted to take.

Ranma-chan wanted to be taken.

That simple.

Ranma let go of the hand of Akane's up her shirt, and pulled open the buttons on her blouse. Her legs locked together, trapping Akane's fingers in place. All Akane accomplished trying to pull them away was a moan and a shudder from Ranma.

"Mmm!" Akane objected, before Ranma's hands ran over her. Her bra vanished as Ranma tore it away. The red-head's hands caressed her exposed chest, surprisingly soft. Akane jumped as the touch brought a small heat to her body.

_No, Ranma, wait, don't do that! Don't... ohh... that's... n-no! Stop Ranma, don't... don't... pinch right there, just like that, yes... I mean, no! No! First time... not as a girl... want you... a boy... oh, Ranma... kiss right there..._

Ranma had left Akane's mouth and kissed her way down to her breasts.

... _again, Ranma, more... no, w-wait, I want this with... guy form..._ Akane's body shuddered again as Ranma bit lightly at one of Akane's nipples.

"Ranma..." Akane found she had a hard time breathing again. "wait... I want... you... stop now..." _Yes, stop it! Warm water first!_

If the voice of Ranma in her head had been loud before when it told her off, this time it was _deafening_.

**YOU HEARD HER YOU IDIOT SHE TOLD YOU TO STOP YOU KNOW SHE DOESN'T WANT THAT KIND OF ATTENTION FROM YOU NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU WANT HER SO STOP TOUCHING HER NOW IF FOR NO OTHER REASON THAN SHE WANTS YOU TO STOP AND IF YOU DON'T IT WILL ONLY HURT HER AND YOU _CAN'T HURT HER_**

Akane found her own hands clapped over her ears in a useless attempt to drown it out. Ranma herself was clutching her head again, and to Akane it looked like the girl's head might explode.

_Is that what he heard earlier when I told him to stop? With that and the potion both screaming at him, no wonder Ranma's acting like it hurts._

Ranma dropped to the floor, releasing her head. "..."

"Ranma?"

"S-sorry, Akane... I didn't mean t-to do all that, it was the potion, really. I know you don't want me like that." Ranma began to push herself across the floor, and away from the sound of Akane's voice. "Don't get mad at me or nothing, ok? I'm sorry, I wouldn't have-"

"So does that mean you don't want me?"

"No, I do want you!" Ranma jumped a little. _Stupid potion, stop making me answer!_ "I mean, um, you know I like you and all, but-" Ranma's back hit the wall. She frowned, not liking that she couldn't get farther away without finding the door and leaving. "-But you don't want me like that."

"Ranma, you're wrong. Again."

"I'm wrong?"

"Yes, Ranma, wrong. As usual."

She felt Akane's hands cup the sides of her face. Ranma pulled her head away from the contact.

"Jeez, Akane! It still works as a girl, you know! It just takes a couple seconds to kick in. Don't go touching me like that, you know I'll just end up... doing... _things_ you don't want."

"See, that's where you're wrong, baka. I _do_ want you."

"But, you said-"

"I said _stop_ because I wanted to get some warm water. I'll take you any way I can, but I want our first time to be with you as a guy." Akane ran her finger along the edge of her fiancée's jaw.

**She can't be serious I should run now before the mallet comes I know my next concussion is right around the corner**

Ranma jerked her head away from Akane's touch.

"You don't mean that."

"Yes, I do. I want you, because I love you. I know you want me. I know you love me. I'm here for you, Ranma. I always will be."

Ranma slid along the wall, trying to get more space between them. "You're not Akane. Who are you? Is that you, you damned Amazon? You make some kind of potion that makes you sound like Akane? Get the hell out."

"R-Ranma... it's me, it's Akane. I love you, Ranma, please, come here."

"No, you're not, and you don't. Whoever you are, you should have realized that Akane ain't like this, and she doesn't love me. Get the hell out of here before I decide to hurt you."

Tears came to Akane's eyes. _He doesn't trust me at all!_ "You kissed me, you touched me, and I let you! Doesn't that mean anything to you? Damn it, Ranma, it's me, you know it's me!"

"I only touched you because I _thought_ you were Akane. You only thought you could get away with it because with that fake voice, you could fool me since I couldn't see you. You should have looked at Akane a little closer before you tried to pull this off. She hates me, and there's nothing out there that's gonna make her change her mind on that. Get out. Now. Or so help me, I _will_ kill you." Anger was creeping into Ranma's voice.

She was crying _again_. Akane was losing count of how many times she'd been crying today. _How bad did I hurt you, Ranma, that you'd believe that someone would come in here to trick you into sleeping with them, rather then believe that I would love you?_

"Damn it, it's me! I'm Akane! Please, come here. Don't... don't run away from me anymore..."

"I'm not running away from Akane. I'd never run from her. I'm running from a stranger and a coward who won't even tell me their real name even though I've seen through their little trick. If you aren't gone in the next minute, I'm going to start beating on you. What were you going to say, huh? That even though we love each other, tomorrow we should pretend like nothing happened, so that your game wouldn't be noticed? Then you'd keep visiting me at night when Akane was asleep? It that it?"

Akane threw her arms around Ranma again. "No! This isn't someone else playing with you! It's _Akane_, damn you, and I love you_uuuufff-_"

Akane dropped to her knees as Ranma's fist drove the air from her lungs. _Hurts..._

"You're not even worthy to say her name. As soon as you can breathe on your own again, leave. Or I'll stop holding back."

Akane began sucking air into her chest, trying to breathe. She coughed as the air drove into her, chasing away some of the pain that Ranma's fist had brought.

"Ranma..." Akane choked. Tears from both the pain of the hit and Ranma's words stung her eyes.

"Good. You can breathe again. Leave now, or the next one will crack a few ribs."

"Wait, Ranma, don't-"

"If you think I ain't gonna hit you again just because you sound like Akane..." She could hear Ranma cracking his knuckles. "... then think again. Get the fuck up, and get out of my dojo. The door should be behind you. Use it."

Sobbing, Akane climbed to her feet, and took a step towards the door.

"...bye, Ranma."

"Out."

She took another step, and tears poured down her face.

"Keep walking. One thing's for sure, you ain't Akane. That shot would never have touched her. Even she's better than that. You're no match for me, or for her. So don't you dare come back."

_Only because I know you'd never hit me! I love you! And I... I... trust you, like I hope you'll trust me. _Akane reached out for the door. _There's always tomorrow. I can try again then. He'll accept tomorrow, he'll have to. He'll know I'm really me. He trusts me enough for that. I didn't hurt him that much, right?_

_Right?_

_Please? Oh, god, please..._

She opened the door, with the worst feeling of despair and hopelessness invading her soul.

Ranma's voice from behind her. "Coward."

**Nothing but a coward Akane would never be so weak as this it sure as hell ain't her she'd make damn sure that she would be heard she's so strong and doesn't let anything stand in her way not even me it's another reason why I love her so much**

_No,_ Akane thought. _Ranma loves me because I'm strong. I'm not being strong right now. No wonder he thinks I'm someone else. Ranma loves me, I know he does, he thinks it, he said it, he kissed me because I said I love him. I love him, damn it, I love him and I'm not letting him go!_

She turned from the door, and charged at Ranma, slamming them both into the floor. "_Damn it Ranma, listen to me! I'm Akane, you baka! The first thing I ever heard you say was you yelling at your dad to let you go from out in the yard! And the first thing I ever said to you was when I asked you to join me in the dojo! I tried to hit you six times, and I never even got close! And after the bath, I flattened you with the table when you said you were better built than I was! And when I was walking to school with you, I was going to hit you when you said you couldn't stand macho girls like me, but your dad showed up and hit you first! Then we met Tofu-sensei to change you back into a boy!_" Akane's voice began to waver as the tears came back again. "And then I had to beat up the hentai horde at school! Then you and Kuno fought and your dad showed up again and knocked Kuno out because it started to rain! And you got that bruise on your neck from his bokken! And then... and then... we had to stand in the hall because we were late. And Kuno attacked you right before I was going to splash you. Baka." Akane punched Ranma in the chest. "And you jumped out the window into the pool. Baka." She punched Ranma again. "And then I brought you the water when you were up in the tree trying to wring your clothes dry. Baka, baka, baka." Each _baka_ brought another hit on Ranma.

"And I had to fight Kuno so you could have the time to change back and you never did! Baka." Punch. "Then you beat him up, and decided we should go home, even though school wasn't over. Baka." Punch. Tears flowed off of Akane's face, dropping onto Ranma's shirt. "Baka. Baka, baka, baka, baka, baka." She kept pounding on Ranma, oblivious to any damage she might have been causing.

"Ranma no baka. You can't leave me. Not now. Not when I love you. You _can't_. It's not fair. Baka." Punch. "You have to stay with me. You have to. Don't make me leave, Ranma, please. I don't want to leave, I want to stay with you. I don't want to be alone. I want to be with you. Don't make me be alone anymore, Ranma no baka. Don't make me leave. Please, Ranma, please." She dropped her head onto Ranma's shoulder. "I love you. Don't you _dare_ not love me anymore. Love me back, damn you. Love me back. Love me, Ranma no baka." Her voice was barely a whisper as she clutched at her fiancée's shirt. "Please, Ranma, love me. Love me like I know I love you. Don't make me go away. I _need_ to be with you, so let me stay."

Silence fell onto the room, broken only by the sound of Akane's crying. Ranma's arms lifted from the floor, and wrapped around Akane's waist.

"Akane? Is that really you?"

"Ranma no baka. It's me. It's been me the whole damn time. Just let me stay with you."

"I will, but I just..."

"Dummy, don't you trust me?"

The silence was her answer.

"Please Ranma, forgive me. You didn't deserve it. I know I hit you so much, and called you all those horrible things. I didn't know how bad it was for you. _Please_, Ranma, just trust me, one time, just this one time, and I swear, I'll make it up to you. I don't know how, but I swear, I'll make all of it up to you. If you love me, then trust me. I only need you to trust me once, and I'll prove it. I'll prove _all_ of it."

"I would, Akane, I really would, but I don't even know if that's really you..."

"So _stupid_, Ranma." She reached up, and yanked the blindfold from Ranma's face. "There. It's me. See?"

Ranma's eyes found Akane's tear-stained face, looking at her hopefully. And with love. Love came from Akane's eyes. Ranma closed her eyes before the potion kicked in. He pulled Akane against her.

"Alright, Akane. I trust you. Whatever you need from me, you've got it. I trust you, because I love you. I always will."

Tension finally let go of Akane, and she slumped against Ranma. "Thank you, Ranma. Thank you so much. Don't make me leave. I don't think I could take being away from you right now."

"I won't. I won't make you leave. You can stay. You can be with me as much as you want, as long as I can have one thing from you."

"Anything."

"Love me?"

"Always. I love you, Ranma. I'll always love you, and not even you can make me stop."

"That's it then. That's all I need."

"Good. Because that's what you're getting." Akane rolled off of Ranma, and sat down next to her.

"Akane? Where are you going?"

"I'm not going anywhere. I just need to button my shirt back up, since you opened it."

"Oh. Sorry 'bout that."

"I'm not." Akane blushed. "It felt... kind of good."

"Oh. Um, yeah, good."

An embarrassed silence filled the dojo.

"All buttoned?"

"No, Ranma no baka. I've only got one button. The bottom one. I think you tore off all of the others."

_At least Ranma has the dignity to blush_, Akane thought.

"Sorry 'bout that."

"Quit apologizing. I wasn't blaming you!" _Oh, look, a first for you, Akane_, she berated herself.

"Oh. I thought you were. Sorry."

"Ranma, cut it... hey, you're just messing with me!"

"Yeah, but I made you smile, right?"

"No, I'm not smiling." The laughter in her voice was obvious. "Dummy, you ruined my blouse."

Drops fell onto Ranma's shirt.

"Hey, are you crying? I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's not that. I'm crying because I'm happy. I'm glad we can be together... even if... even if..."

"Hey, Akane, don't get upset."

"I'm not upset, Ranma no baka, it's just-"

"_Shi shi hokodan!!_"

The blast knocked Ranma across the room. Akane stared at the door in shock. "Ryoga?"

"Damn you Ranma! I've seen hell because of you! _Real_ hell! It's what's _under_ the Chaos God's office! I saw you kissing Akane this morning, and now I find you've been molesting her, or worse!"

"No, Ryoga, that's not true!" Akane protested.

"Don't try to cover for him, Akane-san!" Ryoga's eyes were wild. "I can see the evidence of it! Your blouse is torn up, you're crying, your bra is over there torn apart, and that piece of cloth on the floor is what Ranma must have used to bind you! Don't cover for the animal!"

_Binding?_ Akane's eyes dropped, finding Ranma's blindfold. "That's the blindfold..." she said weakly.

"_Blindfold?!_" Ryoga shrieked.

_Oops. I didn't make that sound better._ "It's not what you think, Ryoga!"

"You shouldn't cover for him, Akane-san, he needs to be punished! Ranma, prepare to-"

The words never came out, and Ranma shot passed Akane, and slammed his fists into Ryoga's face. Ryoga flew into the wall. Ranma was on him as soon as he hit the ground. His fists slammed into Ryoga's torso with all the power and speed behind the kachu tenshin amaguriken. Blood stained Ryoga's mouth.

"Ranma, stop it now!"

Ranma gave no indication that he'd heard Akane's voice. The voice in her head was silent. _Does it only work with me?_

Akane ran over, and tried to pull Ranma away.

"_Moko Takabisha_." Ranma's voice was cold as she flung one arm out, sending Akane flying the length of the dojo with the ki blast, before her assault on the lost boy continued. A kick to Ryoga's head sent him flying out the door. Akane barely saw him go by in a blur. Ranma ran after him, his hands curled into fists.

Akane struggled to get to her feet. Her clothes were charred from Ranma's attack, and her ribs ached. _Doesn't feel like he cracked any of them._

As she staggered out the door, her brain pointed out in shock that she had never seen someone's face filled with so much raw hatred in all her life. She had no idea how she was going to stop Ranma without getting herself killed.

She ran out in the yard just in time to hear Ryoga scream as Ranma snapped one of his arms.

* * *

A/N

Gobstoper: Ah, hello again. Glad to see you're all still out there. No writers block preventing me this time, it was _too many_ ideas. I've got the next dozen fanfics plotted out, and I needed to write down the basics of them before I forgot what they were. Some interesting ideas for after I finish this story. Anyway, I hope everyone's enjoying my little work. I'll talk to ya later!

Oh, and reviews are more than welcome, and it you see any typos, or errors from the manga/anime, let me know. Thanks, all. )

-Gobstopper


	10. The Fight

Disclaimer:

I do not own or have any rights to Ranma ½, other than the right to read the manga and watch the anime, like everyone else.

Wait, was that _another_ disclaimer? How many disclaimers we got on this story anyhow?

DISCLAIMERS: YO!!

I knew it, I'm surrounded by disclaimers. Keep firing, disclaimers!

* * *

Cologne was sleeping. Well, more accurately, she was trying to _stay_ asleep. She kept having dreams. She had told everyone that the potion had never been made but once, and it was true. Mostly.

It had been made again, only two hundred years ago. She hadn't told them about it, because it had been made _wrong_. The poor girl who had been forced to drink it had downed a version that made her think everyone was out to kill her. The entire _tribe_ had become an obstacle to her very existence, as far as she had been concerned. She'd beaten fifty people to death, and crippled or maimed another ninety-three before they could kill her. It was one of the bloodiest and most violent battles in Cologne's memory. The girl had been _insane_, and had not gone quietly.

It was therefore no surprise that she was having nightmares involving Ranma in the same situation. Screw-ups on potions with that kind of power were disturbing things, and she _knew_ that the potion had not been made precisely. The fact that she didn't think there was one person on the planet capable of taking him down wasn't helping her sleep. Before she had lain down, she thanked the gods that the only side-effect that _wasn't_ supposed to be there was the not-lying part, and the almost-rationality that let him fight at both full power and with full technique when enraged.

Scratch that, she wasn't thankful for that last part.

The fact that she was propped up against the end of the Tendo couch probably wasn't helping her sleep, but she'd been forced to nap in much more unpleasant places. She was finally falling back to sleep for the tenth time that night, when Akane bounced off her head.

"_What?!_" she shrieked.

Akane sat up, looking a little bruised. Her clothes had a burned look to them, and she was breathing heavy.

"Don't just sit there! Help me!" Akane snapped at her.

"What's going-"

Then Ryoga landed in the small of her back.

With a yell of outrage, she flung the lost boy off of her.

"_Alright!_" she roared. "_Who's throwing bodies at me?!_"

Ranma stepped through the door with the most terrifying look of fury on her face. She glared at Ryoga, then looked down. There was a troll in front of her.

_It's in my way._

Cologne paled. _He must be attacking the Hibiki boy!_ She glanced behind her. _And I'm in the way! Oh, shi-_

Then she was flying out the door. She landed against the wall not three feet from where her great-granddaughter had crashed earlier, but the crater she made was smaller. When she sat up, her eyes didn't want to focus properly.

_So that's what obstacles feel when I run them over_, she thought hazily. _Unpleasant._

"Whoa!!" she heard, followed by two loud splashes.

Akane and Kasumi both surfaced in the koi pond. Kasumi looked very confused.

"What?" she said. "Ranma-kun?"

"Explanations later!" snapped Cologne. "Fighting now! Stop Ranma Saotome!" She and Akane charged back into the house. Kasumi followed, feeling a little lost. Had Ranma just thrown her off of the couch and into the yard?

Cologne got back inside in time to see onna-Ranma trying to pull one of Ryoga's legs off. She wasn't succeeding, but the screams from Ryoga insured it was still painful. She jumped, grabbing Ranma in a headlock.

"_Soun Tendo! Genma Saotome! Mousse! Shampoo! Drag your lazy carcasses in here and help us stop Ranma!_"

Mousse and Shampoo arrived in seconds. Shampoo was limping a little from her earlier beating. Their eyes widened, then they jumped into the fight.

Ranma was trying to throw Cologne from his neck and break Ryoga's leg at the same time. He reach behind his head, gripping Cologne by her hair, and threw her like a missile into the oncoming Shampoo. Shampoo forced herself up onto her feet as Mousse tried to tie Ranma down with chains.

"Child, how many fingers am I holding up?"

Shampoo looked at her ancestor. "Six."

"Sit down, Shampoo, I don't have six fingers on _either_ of my hands!" Cologne threw a look behind her. Soun Tendo and Genma Saotome had both joined the fight, though they, too, were not being very successful in keeping Ranma from Ryoga. _At least the fat man is finally awake to help._

"Shampoo help Airen, great-grandmother..."

"Stop moving, Shampoo, this is no time for heroics. You can't even stand!"

"Shampoo standing right now!"

"You are flat on your back, and are kicking your legs around! You probably have _another_ concussion! Unless you want to die and turn your Airen into a murderer, you will stay here!"

Unable to even determine where her great-grandmother's voice was coming from in order to tell her she would stay where she was, Shampoo just nodded.

Cologne turned back to the battle, actually _wishing_ Happosai was here to help.

_What's happening?!_ she thought. _What is the young Tendo doing?!_

She jumped at Ranma as Akane began viciously began kicking Ryoga in the ribs.

* * *

Akane was holding Ranma's arm on a lock as her father tried to drag the martial artist to the ground. The real problem was that no matter what they did, Ranma's eyes never turned away from Ryoga. Ryoga was trying to stand and run, but Ranma was lashing out with his legs, knocking him back to the ground.

_Damn it, Ranma! Why do you hate Ryoga so much?_

**Stupid jerk using my oath against me if I had known this is what he'd do I'd never have made it in the first place**

Ranma shoved at her, hard, and she flew back, landing on the couch. A roundhouse later, and her father, bleeding from the mouth, flew over her and into the hall. Mousse himself was doing his best with his chains again, but it wasn't nearly as good as he had been a minute ago.

Ranma had thrown him into the koi pond.

Ducks aren't the best fighters.

_What stupid oath?!_ she thought as she rolled off of the couch, and tried to kick Ranma's legs out from under him.

**Damned oath I made to Ryoga after I found out about his secret I swore not to tell anyone Martial Artists vow but I want to take it back but I can't**

Ranma jumped over her low kick, and landed on Ryoga's chest, on one foot. Ryoga gagged, and coughed blood onto his shirt. He kicked at Ranma, sending the martial artist back into his father, who pulled the boy turned girl into a headlock.

_Why did you make an oath?_

Ranma gripped her father's shoulders and jumped, bounding off the wall with a leg. Her other leg wrapped around Genma's neck as she rolled around in the air, and the man was smashed against the floor as Ranma finished the back flip and landed on her feet, charging at Ryoga again.

**Made an oath to Ryoga not to tell his weakness his stupid curse but I want to tell Akane but she doesn't catch on dammit no matter how many clues I give her but the oath won't let me just tell her like I want to**

Akane ran behind Ranma as another of the pig-tailed girl's kicks sent Ryoga flying into Mousse. Akane pulled Ranma's arm behind her back, twisting it up. Ranma snarled as she dropped and spun, getting Akane in front of her, and throwing her at her recovering father. They both hit the ground.

_What damn curse of Ryoga's?_ she thought as she pulled her father to his feet.

**Damned lost idiot followed me all the way to China to Jusenkyo...**

* * *

"Akane! Akane! What's wrong?" Soun took a second to take in his daughter before he would rejoin the fight. He couldn't do much against the power of Ranma, but they had a chance, as long as he was still a girl.

But Akane had stopped moving a second after she had pulled him to her feet after Ranma had thrown them together.

"Speak to me, daughter! Are you injured?"

Akane blinked, her eyes clearing.

In her mind, her own rage combined with the voice of Ranma's fury.

"_You perverted freak!!_" Akane threw herself at Ryoga, landing a kick across his jaw. Cologne went past her in a blur towards Ranma. Akane's feet lashed against Ryoga's chest.

"_Bastard!! You've been using me!!_" She picked Ryoga up by his broken arm, ignoring the way it bent at his new second elbow, and threw him towards Ranma.

Ranma rolled his head back, slamming it into Cologne's face. She let go, and Ranma spun on his heel to catch Ryoga in the face with a kick.

Akane ran at Ryoga, smacking aside the small objects that had come from his direction when Ranma had kicked him.

She wasn't even aware she had just knocked aside two of Ryoga's blood-stained teeth.

* * *

The part of his mind that Ranma might have called his conscience, where it was determined on a constant basis that he shouldn't hit girls, that he should now hurt those who were weak, that killing was wrong, and that he had to be careful when he fought, for many of his opponents were fragile things, and that if he fought at full strength, most of them, if not all of them, would probably break, was silent. In it's place a frightening fire, with the color of the darkest lifeblood, burned away, with Ryoga's face as it's victim. He was aware that he was a girl, and that was why he fought off the pathetic attempts of those around him to keep him from that _fucking bastard_, the one who used Akane, the one who stole into her room, the one who kept getting in the way, who saw her naked, saw her bathe, saw her change, heard her secrets, shared her bed.

Today, it was Ryoga's day to die.

Why these moron's kept getting in the way Ranma didn't understand, but he knew, if they didn't back off soon, he'd kill them first.

Obstacles, that's all they were.

He also didn't understand why Akane was working with him, and no longer against him.

He really didn't care.

Akane helping him make the kill would be that much sweeter.

That damn duck on top of his head was starting to get on his nerves, though. Out of the corner of his eye, for he would never look away from his victim while Ryoga's heart kept beating, he saw Kasumi aiming a pot at his head.

_Hot water_, he thought,_ for the duck._

"No!" he heard that old damn ghoul scream. "He'll still be too fast for us as a man, but he'll be that much stronger!"

It was too late, the water hit them both dead on. Ranma felt a large weight on the top of his head, and threw it like it was nothing to him.

It wasn't.

He advanced on Ryoga, ignoring the blows that came from Cologne. They couldn't hurt him. Now _he_, not she, but _he_, was beyond all of them.

Ryoga needed to die before he'd stop, that was all there was.

He saw the look in Ryoga's eyes as he picked the boy up from the floor. He chuckled as his now-superior strength let him rattle the bastard around.

When he heard the lost boy beg, he couldn't help it.

He smiled.

It was _funny_.

* * *

Akane kept lashing out at Ryoga, and Soun Tendo was finding it hard to stop her. He shoved her back into his friend, and Genma Saotome held her in a headlock, while her father tried to grab onto her feet to keep her from kicking.

"One berserker is bad enough, what the hell set her off?!" demanded Genma.

"No idea, hold her still!" shot back Soun.

Akane gripped the sometimes-panda's shoulders and jumped, bounding off her father with a leg and kicking him in the head. Her other leg wrapped around Genma's neck as she rolled around in the air, and Genma was smashed against the floor as Akane finished the back flip and landed on her feet. She spun, and glared at the shocked Saotome.

_But I only ever taught Ranma that move!_ his mind protested.

"Back off, Oyaji!" Akane snarled. "Or next time, I'll knock you out!"

_Oyaji?_ Genma thought, confused.

Akane ran at Ryoga, who was being held on his knees by a male Ranma. Ranma had a hand around the lost boy's throat, and was grinning. Cologne was actually _on Ranma's head_, pounding on him, but Ranma didn't seem to care. A swipe of his hand, and she flew towards the wall, and dropped, unconscious next to the equally out Mousse. Akane stood next to Ranma, and closed her hand around Ranma's, joining him in squeezing Ryoga neck. Ranma shot a glance at her from the side of his eye, and his grin grew wider before he turned his full attention back to Ryoga.

* * *

Ryoga felt Ranma squeeze a little harder, and opened his eyes to find that Akane was next to him. _Akane, please, help me!_

He wasn't aware that it had been Akane's feet cracking his ribs when he was on the floor. So he was shocked to find that it was _her_ hand making Ranma crush his throat, and she was in no way stopping him.

Ryoga was lifted from the ground by Ranma and Akane's hands, his feet dangling in the air uselessly. He was Tendo-san and Saotome-san were pulling at Ranma's arm, but Ranma never wavered. Ryoga looked into Ranma's eyes, and for the second time that day, he saw the fires of hell. They burned in Ranma's eyes, and Ryoga knew true fear.

When Ryoga heard Akane speak, and saw the look of outrage on her face, he knew he was going to die.

* * *

Ranma felt a hand close around his, and knew it was Akane. He stole a quick look at her, before he saw the look on her and the added pressure from her hand on his, making him choke Ryoga a little harder. He grinned wider, and looked back at Ryoga. He still didn't know why Akane was helping him, but he really didn't care, nor did he object.

It was better that way, with her helping him.

He picked Ryoga up by his neck, that neck that always held that bandanna when he was a pig, and squeezed when he felt Akane's hand demand more pressure. His father and Akane's father pulled at his arm, but it stayed in the air.

_Idiots, I'm better than them. I'll kill them too if they keep getting in the way._

He heard Akane whisper to Ryoga, and he knew that only he and the soon to be dead Hibiki could hear it.

"_Die, pig-boy_."

Oh, so _that_ was why she was helping. She'd figured it out.

Akane's hand demanded even more pressure, and Ranma was far too happy to oblige. He felt Ryoga's pulse against his fingers as he pressed into the flesh of his throat.

Maybe he should say something.

Let Ryoga know for sure. Just in case he had a doubt.

Nothing like a little certainty, right?

He twisted his hand, putting on more pressure as he made Ryoga look him in the face.

He saw the lost boy's one open eye focus on him. _Good, now I know he can hear me_.

He chuckled. It was kinda funny, really.

"Ryoga," he said. "Prepare to die."

And Ranma roared with laughter as he continued to strangle his rival.

* * *

A/N

Ah, what a great place to leave off this chapter, ne? Poor Ryoga, I always felt he was an honorless baka. I think he deserves it, don't you?

As usual, any grammatical errors or manga/anime oversights you notice are more than welcome to be pointed out. Flames are also accepted, as I need something to roast some marshmallows over. Thanks to those who read and review! I'd like to name Hououza and dogbertcarroll by name, you two are great! See you next chapter!


	11. Fight's End

Disclaimer:

I DO NOT OWN NOR HAVE ANY RIGHTS NOR HAVE I BEEN PAID FOR RANMA ½. THIS IS FANFICTION.

* * *

I feel sick.

Who wants to bathe in the same water that Disclaimer and stupid Gobstopper have bathed in?

Who wants to use a washing machine that Disclaimer and stupid Gobstopper have washed their underwear in?

Who wants to sit on a toilet that Disclaimer and stupid Gobstopper have used?

Who wants to breathe the same air as Disclaimer and stupid Gobstopper?

I hate Disclaimer! I hate Gobstopper!

I hate (deleted) even more!

I hate Papa! I hate Mama!

But most of all I hate myself!

I can't take it anymore!

Why me?! Why me?!

* * *

Special prize for those who can place THAT scene and the names that _should_ be there!

And I don't own or have any rights to _that_ anime either.

* * *

Shampoo lay on the floor, her head still spinning. It felt like the entire world was moving around her, and every time she tried to stand up, she felt like she would throw up in the Tendo living room. When she closed her eyes, she felt a little better, and could listen to the fight around her. It didn't seem to be going well. Shampoo wasn't surprised; weren't any of them paying attention when Airen leveled a mountain?

Another wave of nausea hit her, and she lay her head back down. How could she fight when she couldn't even _move_? Maybe it was better if she took her great-grandmother's advice, and just lie down, and stay out of the fight.

"Child," she remembered her great-grandmother saying. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

"Six."

"Sit down, Shampoo," she had said as she lay a restraining hand on Shampoo's neck. "I don't have six fingers on either of my hands!"

A hand... on her neck?

"Child..."

Child?

She _didn't_.

Shampoo felt her neck where Cologne had touched her. The skin was tender. A bruise.

She _did_.

Shampoo felt like screaming. This was a pressure point used on unruly children to make them behave! She'd used it herself once, in a contest when she was fourteen! _Great-grandmother! You shame Shampoo!_

Shampoo began to crawl, ignoring the wave of sickness coming from her stomach. She should have known something was wrong when the Elder told her to lie down. People with concussions should not go to sleep moments after they get them!

Angry at her great-grandmother, angry at herself for not seeing the trick being placed on her, and angry at being helpless, Shampoo dragged herself out into the yard, almost being stepped on several times, and grimacing when Akane Tendo knocked a pair of teeth at her. She inclined her head, seeing her destination a few yards away. She pulled, ignoring the urge to stop moving and rest.

_Almost..._

Just another couple of yards.

Screaming from the house. Akane Tendo's voice. Something about knocking out someone who get in her way.

Another couple of feet.

_Almost..._

Ranma was laughing, and it was the most frightening sound she could imagine. It sounded like the man who had to be caught and killed from a neighboring village, when it was found he had eaten a poisonous herb, and it had driven him mad after the fever had boiled away the sane portion of his mind. He had seemed to take great delight in killing children.

_There!_

A moment later, Shampoo streaked into the dojo as fast as she could.

_Blindfold, blindfold... there it is!_

Shampoo picked up the blindfold, and then she smelled something.

Something that smelled _wrong_.

Akane Tendo. And onna-Ranma. _Excited_. Both of them.

She narrowed her eyes, smelling it again. _No_, she decided._ Nothing too much happen here. Airen and Akane Tendo touch. Potion excite Airen, and not even Akane Tendo not be turned on by Ranma. Stupid boy must have interrupted. Good._

She ran.

There might have been a lot about Ranma that Shampoo did not understand, but she knew where he stood on pointlessly killing people. If her Airen killed someone because of the potion she gave him, he would never forgive her.

How could she make him come to China then?

* * *

Kasumi stood in shock. _This isn't Ranma_, her mind told her. _It can't be._ The Ranma she knew didn't tear through her family like tissue paper, no matter how good a martial artist he was. The Ranma she knew was generally kind to other people, no matter how much they deserved to be treated poorly. The Ranma she knew _didn't laugh while he was killing someone like it was the greatest joke he'd ever heard._

Her mind couldn't even start on Akane. _Helping_ him.

"This isn't happening," she whispered. "Stop it."

Ryoga was turning a horrible shade of purple and making a frightening gagging sound. His good arm clutched at Ranma, his broken one hung at his side. Genma and Soun had both turned red as their blood pressure went sky-high from the exertion they put on Ranma's arm, trying to pry it loose from Ryoga's neck.

"Stop it, Ranma!"

That laughter, that horrible _laughter_.

"Stop it, Ranma, or I'll... I'll... I'll make Akane cook for you!"

Under the circumstances, it was possibly the most pathetic attempt at a threat that anyone could have made.

She just couldn't think of anything to say.

Then Shampoo dropped the blindfold into her hands.

Kasumi looked at Shampoo, a question in her eyes. Then she understood. She picked Shampoo up, and threw her at Ranma. She held the blindfold up, waiting.

* * *

Ryoga was turning blue, and Ranma was thrilled at the fact that the fool was going to die. He'd been a thorn in Ranma's side for so damn long, and it was going to be good to be rid of him. He'd hated the lost boy for so long, and it was finally going to end. By the gods, it was funny. He wondered for a second what had been holding him back from this course of action before now. Some kind of idea that you weren't supposed to kill. Heh. That was gone, now.

Then something dropped onto his arm. He looked. It looked back at him, and before he could react, it asked him something.

"Mew?"

Fear overrode the desire to finish breaking Ryoga, and Ranma screamed and recoiled from the cat latched onto his arm.

Straight into the hands of Kasumi.

She pulled the blindfold over Ranma's eyes, and tied the back. Almost immediately, Ranma's body relaxed, like he'd been holding every muscle in his body stiff until that moment.

He also turned a sickly shade of green.

"Oh, my god. What did I do? What was I _thinking_?"

Kasumi found herself as unable to answer as Shampoo. Ranma's father might have been stupid enough to say something, but he and Soun both still had their hands full with Akane, who had been knocked back by Ranma's retreat, and was now trying to get her hands back around Ryoga's neck.

* * *

"Hold her, damn it, just hold her down!"

"Like you can talk, Tendo! You've got the easy part, but this girl can _kick_!"

"_Let me go, you idiots! Let me go or I'm gonna kick both your asses!_" She pried one of her legs loose and kicked Ranma's father in the head before she pulled her legs back as fast as she could and shoved both her knees into her own father's face. He dropped her, and she sprang to her feet, and ran at Ryoga, who was on his side, coughing and spitting blood.

Genma managed to reach out with one hand and tripped her. Another kick to his head and she was free. Nothing was in her way now, and she charged at Ryoga again, bent on finishing what had been started.

She was four feet from Ryoga when someone caught her. Her wrists were grabbed, and she was forced to wrap her arms around herself.

"No, dammit, let me go! Let me go!"

"Akane, calm down. It's me, it's me."

She stopped struggling. "Ranma?"

"Yeah, Akane. Don't do it. We'll deal with him another way."

Akane sank to the floor, sitting. Ranma followed her down, keeping his arms around her. He was careful to keep his head back. It was the only part of him uncovered, and they didn't need something else happening right now.

Tears began to fall down Akane's cheeks. "He _used_ me," Akane whispered. "I thought he was my friend. And P-chan. I told P-chan _everything_. He watched me _change_. He watched me _bathe_. I held him at night when I was _sleeping_. I just feel so... _violated_."

"I know," Ranma whispered in her ear. "And I hate him for it."

Akane nodded. "I know." She turned and cried into Ranma's chest.

* * *

Ryoga awoke to find his wounds being tended to. There was a splint on his left arm, and several bandages decorated his chest and head. Someone was dabbing at a small trickle of blood coming from a cut on his head. He groaned, and opened an eye. The other stung too much to open. He guessed that blood had gotten into it, since it didn't feel swollen. And his mouth _hurt_. He remembered that kick Ranma had given him while he was flying. It felt like he had knocked out a few teeth. He probed around in his mouth with his tongue. There was a large gap. _Two maybe, but not three_, he thought through the pain. His open eye fell on Soun Tendo, who was having a small bandage being placed on his forehead by Genma Saotome.

Akane's kick to his head had split the skin.

Genma himself had removed the top to his gi so that his ribs could be wrapped up. Both he and Soun sported several other large bruises, but they didn't look too serious.

Ryoga saw Cologne, limping as she administered some potion to Shampoo. The Elder Amazon was on the Tendo's couch, with several wrappings on her. Shampoo was laying on the couch, no longer a cat.

"That should counter the pressure point, Shampoo," Cologne was saying.

Mousse sat on the floor, leaning against the wall. He, too, sported several bruises and was frowning at the pair of broken glasses in his hands. Mousse dropped them, and started digging around in his robes for another pair, wincing as he did so.

Ryoga didn't see Ranma or Akane, but that was probably because they were on the other side of him. He didn't want to turn his head over to check, since that would mean interfering with whoever was cleaning up his forehead.

_I hope it's Akane,_ he thought. Memory flashed back into his mind, Akane helping Ranma to choke the air from his lungs. _Maybe... not._

"Quit complaining, Tendo. You've had worse than this before."

"Saotome, might I remind you that I was kicked in the head? By my own daughter?"

"My son both threw my to the floor in a such a very painful way that he cracked my ribs."

"My lip is bleeding from where your son kicked me hard enough to send me flying into the hall."

"Your daughter used a move on me that almost broke my neck that she _should not_ have known."

"My nose was almost broken when Ranma threw my daughter at me like a cannonball."

"My head almost blew apart from the exertion of pulling my son's arm from the Hibiki boy."

"So did mine."

Ryoga looked away. They were tallying fighting injuries like it was a warped game of Shogi.

There was the sound of someone clearing their throat from somewhere over his head, and he looked up to see Ranma's mother standing on the edge of the stairs. Nodoka frowned, then said, "Well, is someone going to tell me what happened here, since my wayward husband _forced_ me to stay upstairs with his pressure points?"

"To put it quickly," said Cologne, "I'd say that the potion in your son was having him attack the Hibiki boy. We were trying to stop him, when Akane Tendo switched sides and joined Ranma on beating him herself. _Then_ Kasumi Tendo splashed Mousse with warm water to change him back into a boy, and got him and Ranma. Ranma became too strong for any of us to hold, and almost killed Ryoga Hibiki. Only Shampoo's interference by attacking Ranma Saotome as a cat repelled him, and ended the fight when Kasumi Tendo secured the blindfold. The injuries you see around you are the result of our attempts at stopping your son."

"Ah, yes, Ranma's intense fear of cats. When this is all settled, _husband_, we shall... discuss... my son's training."

Genma paled. "Yes, dear."

"Well, I can guess that Ranma does not like this Ryoga, but I was under the impression that he and Akane were friends."

"Not anymore," Ryoga heard Akane whisper from somewhere behind him.

"Akane, why would you decide Ryoga was not your friend in the middle of the fight?" Kasumi asked.

"Because I... realized something, when we were fighting Ranma," Akane said. She sounded like she was upset, and angry. "Ryoga's cursed, like Ranma and Mousse."

"He's _P-chan_."

"You mean... the P-chan you carry around?" Nodoka asked.

"He's been my _pet_ for years, and I didn't even _know_ it was him."

Ryoga himself the sudden object of attention. He cringed.

"No," whispered Kasumi. "No, no, no." She backed away from Ryoga, no longer caring about dressing his injuries. "He _can't_ be. No."

"Kasumi, daughter, what is it?" Soun asked.

Kasumi backed up until she sat on the stairs. Nodoka sat next to her, holding the girl in her arms.

"How could you?" Kasumi looked up at Ryoga with tears falling down her cheeks. "_How could you do that?!_" she screamed. "_How could you do that to my sister?! How could you do that to ME?!_" Kasumi buried her head in Nodoka's shoulder and sobbed.

The room looked at the eldest Tendo daughter in concern. She lifted her head up and whispered in Nodoka's ear for a moment, then hugged her knees to her chest and hid her face in her knees.

Nodoka looked at Ryoga. Her eyes were cold. She stalked toward the lost boy, and her sword stopped mere inches from his neck. Genma and Soun appeared at her side to restrain her.

She turned and glared at her husband's friend. "He's been sleeping in Akane's bed."

Soun's glare at her was full of malice, though the anger was meant for Ryoga. "I knew her _pet_ had been in her room." Which was true. He'd once seen a small pig transform into a boy when it had jumped in with him while he was trying to take a bath, but at the time, Soun had just been coming out shock at the chaotic events that seemed to follow Ranma everywhere he went. He'd convinced himself that he'd been hallucinating.

"He's been sleeping in _Kasumi's_ bed."

"What?" Soun said flatly.

"When Akane's been out or wanted to be alone," Nodoka spat, "he's been sleeping in _Kasumi's bed_."

Soun's eye twitched, and Ryoga felt the weight of a half-dozen furious glares turn his way.

Soun sprinted out to the dojo, and came back seconds later carrying something in his arms.

The Tendo family blade.

It joined Nodoka's sword at Ryoga's neck.

"_You_," he snapped, "_have defiled two of my daughters._"

Ryoga only managed to croak as a response. The bruises on his neck testified that his near-death experience had rendered him temporarily incapable of speech.

Mousse was whispering into Ranma's ear. Akane strained to catch it while trying not to get up and beat on Ryoga some more. When Mousse finished, Ranma was ginning

"And make sure you pronounce her name right, just this once, or she'll have your head," Mousse mumbled.

"I call on Elder Kho Lon of the Amazon village," he said. "I demand the Court of Joketsuzoku, right here, right now."

Every head in the room turned towards Ranma.

"Huh?" said Akane.

Cologne's jaw dropped. She stared for a moment, before realizing that he had been called in her official capacity, and was required to respond.

"What right-" she stopped, blinking, as she tried to figure out what was happening right in front of her. "What right do you have to call the Court of Joketsuzoku, right here, right now?"

"My fiancée is Akane Tendo, and her sister is Kasumi Tendo. They have been slighted, and I demand justice." Ranma leaned toward Mousse, who sat beside him, and mumbled under his breath, "Am I doing this right?"

"Fine," Mousse mumbled back. "I'll let you know if you do something wrong."

Akane stared at them both. "What are you doing?" she hissed.

"See here, now, son," Soun yelled. "What the hell are you doing now?"

Ranma ignored him, and Mousse quickly walked around the room, and started whispering into Nodoka's ear. She smiled, and said something back. Mousse whispered again, then Nodoka, in turn, whispered into Genma's ear.

"What right does an outsider man have to call upon the High Court of the Amazons?"

Ranma fidgeted where he sat. Here was the line he wouldn't like saying. "I have defeated _Xian Pu_," he forced himself to properly say the name, "and whether or not we have truly wed, this gives me the right."

Genma turned and whispered into Soun's ear, while Nodoka turned and went to Kasumi.

Cologne appeared to be thinking about that, while Mousse went and spoke to Shampoo to quietly for anyone to hear. Kasumi stood, and then sat down next to her sister.

"What are you doing?" Akane snapped at Ranma.

He smiled and turned his head towards her. "Turns out Cologne's got diplomatic immunity, or something like that. Mousse says if we try him in a makeshift Chinese court with the old ghoul here, then anything that happens here the Japanese government has no say over."

Akane rolled her eyes. No wonder Shampoo got away with her potions and bashing in walls to make doors.

* * *

While Ranma petitioned Cologne for a court, Mousse went to Nodoka.

"Ranma is calling for my highest court, Nodoka-sama," he whispered in her ear. "Elder Cologne was granted ambassador status when she arrived, so she can hold Chinese law in effect here and have diplomatic immunity as long as it's in place. Ranma wants to punish Ryoga Hibiki for Akane-san and Kasumi-san, this way, he can get it. Whatever he wants."

Nodoka's smile was frightening. "What do you need from me?" she asked.

"As Ranma's mother, you're the head of the Saotome Clan in the eyes of the Amazons. As the head of the Clan calling the court, you will be one of the prisoner's guards during the trial. As head of the other Clan involved, Soun Tendo-san will be the other. Your husband will be in charge of guarding any witnesses or evidence, but I don't think there's going to be much of that. I'll be Ranma's guide through the trial, since he doesn't really know what to do. As Ryoga's guard, do whatever it takes to prevent him leaving. In an Amazon court, that could even mean cutting off his legs to prevent him from running. Kasumi and Akane need to be by Ranma's side during the trial, since they are the reason he asked for the court. Will you tell Saotome-san and Kasumi-san while I talk to Shampoo?"

"Of course." She turned and whispered into Genma's ear. He began to grin. "Tell Soun," she said. Mousse walked to Shampoo while Nodoka went to Kasumi. It took a little prodding, but in the end, Kasumi got up and sat by her sister, who sat next to Ranma.

-Shampoo,- said Mousse. –I know how you feel about Akane Tendo, but I need your help in this.-

-You need me to agree with it.-

-Yes. You have to agree, what this Ryoga Hibiki has done is wrong. If a man had used a Jusenkyo curse to sleep in your bed and your sister's bed without you knowing, how would you feel?-

-I would kill him.-

-Then will you do this? If not for the honor of Akane Tendo, then for the innocence of Kasumi Tendo? She is pure, truly pure, and that boy has been spoiling her. And it _is_ Ranma Saotome who shall punish him. Do you not believe that he will not find a punishment worthy of an Amazon?-

"Is there another Amazon here who would see my court in this place?" Cologne's voice drifted to them.

-Well, Xian Pu? What will you do, since it is your Airen who seeks this?- Mousse asked before he returned to Ranma's side.

* * *

Ryoga didn't understand what was happening. Ranma had started on about something about an Amazon court, and now Nodoka Saotome and Soun Tendo were standing on either side of him. They both had their katanas drawn and ready.

"If you run, boy, I will take off your leg at the knee to prevent you from getting away."

From the look on Soun Tendo's face, Ryoga believed him. But, run? Ryoga didn't think he could _stand_ on his own, much less run! He watched the room in scared fascination. Genma Saotome had taken up a position near Akane and Kasumi. Mousse sat by Ranma, while Cologne had just jumped up onto the arm of the couch. With a feeling of dread, Ryoga realized what was going on. He was about to be tried, in an Amazon court. He squeezed his brain for what he knew about the Amazons from tales he had heard when he was... traveling.

He took another look at the way the room was set up. Akane and Kasumi were going to stand against him. Genma was their guard, as they were witnesses. Soun Tendo and Nodoka Saotome were _his_ guards, to prevent him from leaving.

_Prisoner, I'm the prisoner_, he thought. Amazons didn't have a nice legal name like _the accused_. Ranma was going to be... dear god. Ranma was going to be the one who decided the punishment, and it would be Cologne herself as the executioner. His only hope was that Shampoo wasn't going to agree to call the court, since they would need another female Amazon to say it would proceed, as they were outside the Joketsuzoku village.

He thought that was the only thing on his side, since Shampoo sometimes wanted him around, to try to claim Akane for himself instead of Ranma.

* * *

"Is there another Amazon here who would see my court in this place?" called Cologne.

There was silence for a moment while Mousse walked back over to Ranma.

Shampoo laughed from her prone position on the couch. –I have nothing against Kasumi Tendo,- she said in Chinese. –I admire her, for her devotion to honor and duty. Call the court.- _I very much doubt Akane Tendo and the lost piggy would get together at this point, anyway,_ she thought.

"Your request is granted, Ranma Saotome." Cologne hopped onto the arm of the couch. She was grinning in that way that suggested that she was about to have more fun in the next few minutes than she had had in months. She turned, and faced the room.

"The Court of the Joketsuzoku is at your disposal, at this time, in this place. What do you seek, young warrior?"

* * *

Gobstopper: Heh, heh, heh. You didn't think I'd let him off that easy, did you? Ryoga's going to pay. One way, or another. A five-minute beating followed by being strangled to death almost seems too good for him. You can tell I'm not a big Ryoga fan, can't you? Besides that- WILL YOU KNOCK THAT OFF?!

Ranma stops dancing in celebration.

Gobstopper: Like I was saying, I think what I've got in mind for the little lost freak will be good enough. Hell, even if I just decide to put him to death, Ryoga gets to watch the decision to kill him being made while he's helpless to stop it, and wouldn't that be a horror trip for him?

Ranma (singing): Ryoga's gonna payyyy Ryoga's gonna payyyy Ryoga's gonna payyyy-

Gobstopper: SHUT-UP!! Anyway, the prize for correctly placing the scene at the top is a guest-appearance in this story (or a future story, that it up to you. I'll leave that up to you) as a character of your choice. Whoever gets it right wins! And you have to get the series, the names I've replaced with "Gobstopper" "Disclaimer" and "(deleted)" right, as well as the person who said all of it, and where she was. In the event of a tie, I will post the tie-breaker at the end of the next chapter. See you then!


	12. The Court of Joketsuzoku

Disclaimer:

I have no rights to nor do I have any ownership of Ranma ½

* * *

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever-soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

* * *

Mousse was whispering into Ranma's ear, making sure the martial artist knew what he had to say, and how to say it. Normally, Ranma had all the tact and formality of a wrecking ball to the face, and Mousse didn't want him to go off on his own.

"I seek retribution against Ryoga Hibiki for crimes against Akane Tendo and Kasumi Tendo." Ranma almost stumbled on _retribution_. Why couldn't he just say he wanted Ryoga to pay for it? He decided, from the way it had taken to get this court set up to the way both he and Cologne were talking, it was probably a very old tradition, like having an audience with the Emperor. There were certain rules and things you had to do, and was dishonorable (not to mention rude, fatally so) to go against it. _Well, if it's tradition and honor that makes us do it this way, I guess I'd better go with it._

He still, however, felt sick. Not from the court, but he could remember what he was thinking when he had been trying to kill Ryoga. He hadn't _cared_ that he'd been about to murder Ryoga, and he sure as hell hadn't cared he'd had to turn on everyone else because they'd gotten in his way. Sure, he understood _why_ they were against him, but he couldn't stand that at the time, he'd beaten them up just for _being_ against him. And he'd found it _funny_ when he had his hands around Ryoga's neck. If it wasn't for the fact that he could tell himself over and over that it was the fault of the damn potion, and that he himself would never think like that, Ranma would probably have thrown up after he had been stopped and blindfolded.

He'd rather eat Akane's cooking every day and night for a year than to start thinking like that for real.

"What has the pitiful male done to have your retribution placed on him?"

_Jeez, just how formal is this going to be?_ Ranma thought as Mousse whispered at him again. _But pitiful male I can go with, if it's Ryoga. Oh, wait, prisoner? Thanks, Mousse, I like that even better._

"The prisoner has a Jusenkyo curse. A small black piglet." _Sucker, Akane figured it out for herself._ "He used it to sleep in the beds of Akane and Kasumi without them knowing it was him." _Oops, forgot their full names. Oh, well, it doesn't look like the old ghoul cares._ "As well as watch Akane Tendo bathe, and change, and pretended to be her pet so she would tell him her secrets."

"Are there any other crimes?"

_No, Elder, that is all_, whispered Mousse.

"Yes, Elder, there is one more. A crime of honor."

Mousse shot Ranma a disturbed glance. Not like Ranma could see it, or anything else, but Mousse hoped to hell that Ranma knew what he was doing.

"Speak the crime."

"Ryoga used my honor as a martial artist against me to hide his secret."

"Are there any other crimes?"

"No, Elder, that is all."

Ryoga howled.

Cologne turned, and saw the boy clutching his broken arm, like someone had hit it. Soun stood next to him, with a minor demon-head on. He noticed Cologne's stare, and reverted back to normal. "He moved."

Cologne chuckled. "Of course he did. Thank you for reminding him to stay where he is."

Ranma snorted in amusement as Mousse whispered into his ear.

_Soun Tendo hit Ryoga's broken arm with the back of the Tendo family sword._

"Do you have any witnesses to the first crime, young warrior?"

_One, two, three, or if there's more, you say 'many.'_

"Three."

"Name them."

"Akane Tendo, Kasumi Tendo, and Soun Tendo." Ranma had been about to name himself as someone else who had seen Akane with her _pet_, but Mousse told him that it wasn't allowed. He could, however, call upon himself for the matter of his word of honor.

"Do you have any witnesses for the crime of honor?"

"Two."

"Name them."

"Myself, and the prisoner."

Ranma found he liked this set up much better than normal courts He'd been in them a few times for his pop on their training. You had... what were they? Lawyers? arguing, the jury to decide, and the endless questions from the lawyers from both sides of all the witnesses. It took forever. This would be done tonight.

"Akane Tendo, tell us what you know."

Ranma leaned over to Akane. "Just tell them about all the things you and P-chan did together."

Akane shot him a murderous glance. She didn't fully understand what the hell was happening, or why everyone was going along with it. She just wanted to beat the hell out of Ryoga and make sure he understood to never come back.

Maybe kill him. He'd gone into her _sister's_ bed!!

"_Why?_" she hissed at Ranma.

"You asked me to trust you. Trust me?"

Akane sighed. "Fine."

"You don't have to get up, just tell Cologne about it." He paused. "And call her Elder."

* * *

Akane's Testimony

She fidgeted uncomfortably. Akane wasn't sure where to start. Thankfully, Cologne spoke up.

"Tell me, when did you take the pitiful male's cursed form as a pet?"

"A little after Ranma moved in. I thought he was just a cute little pig."

"By the warrior's admission, he knew about the curse before you took the pitiful male as a pet."

Ranma frowned until he realized that 'the warrior' was him.

"I take it from the way the warrior behaved, he did not like the way you adored your pet. Did he never try to make a hint of what he really was, or give you some sort of clue?"

**Always calling Ryoga P-chan right in front of her and calling the pig Ryoga I don't know how she missed all of that didn't she figure out why her precious P-chan was always attacking me on sight or that the pig has the same lousy sense of direction I should have been faster those times I snuck into her room with the hot water at least she should have noticed that they wear the same damn bandanna**

Akane flinched at the mental tirade. "I thought he was just jealous."

"Did you truly change, bathe, sleep with him when you thought he was just a pig?"

She directed a hateful glare at Ryoga, who didn't look up to see it. "Yes."

"Did you truly tell him secrets, or problems, believing that he didn't understand them?"

The glare went from hate to fury. "Yes."

"When he saw you in... less than decent amounts of clothes, what did he do?"

Akane blinked, trying to remember what her P-chan's reaction was.

"At first, he'd get nosebleeds and turn away. I didn't think about it. But after a while, he stopped turning away, and started watching, but he'd _still_ get the nosebleeds."

"Is there anything else you wish to say?"

Akane turned to stare at Ryoga, and if looks could kill, it would probably have taken out the wall behind him after his heart collapsed. "He used to snuggle into my... _chest_... whenever I picked him up. Can I kill the perverted freak now?"

Cologne smiled at her as the mental Ranma made a sound that gave her the impression of a snort in amusement. Ryoga shrieked again.

"I'm telling you, the boy keeps moving!"

"Of course he does, Soun Tendo." Cologne turned back to Akane. "Not just yet. Thank you, that's all I needed. Kasumi Tendo, tell us what you know."

* * *

Kasumi's Testimony

It took her sister holding her while Kasumi clutched back, and telling her that it was okay, she only had to talk for a minute, to get Kasumi to speak.

"When did you first take the pitiful male's cursed form into your bed?"

Kasumi didn't look up. "After Akane came back from Ryugenzawa."

"Was anyone aware that you had taken him into your bed as a pet?"

"No. I just th-thought I was comforting him. He was just a pig. A-Akane's P-chan..."

"When he saw you in less than decent amounts of clothing, what did he do?"

"He'd... he'd get a nosebleed, b-but he'd watch..."

Ryoga screamed.

"Well, if you'd quit moving, I wouldn't have to stop you!"

The Ranma in Akane's head giggled in onna-Ranma's voice.

"Is there anything else you'd like to say?" Cologne ignored Soun's attempts at stopping Ryoga from 'moving.'

"When, when I picked him up, he would.... he would..." Kasumi started crying again.

Akane hugged her sister tighter, and said something to her. Ranma couldn't quite catch it, or Kasumi's whispered reply.

Akane looked at Cologne. "He did the same thing to her that he'd do to me when _I_ picked him up.

"Is this true, Kasumi Tendo?"

Kasumi still didn't look at Cologne. "...yes."

Ryoga screamed again.

"I assure you, Nodoka, that was not necessary. I may be out of practice, but I can still stop him from moving by myself."

"Then by all means, do so."

Ryoga shrieked.

"Is there anything else you wish to say?" Cologne's face was twitching, and Akane realized that she was fighting back laughter.

"Can... can I..." Kasumi looked up at Cologne. Her eyes were filled with unshed tears. "Can _I_ kill the perverted freak now?" she asked.

Cologne turned her head to hide the grin. Akane stared at her sister in almost shock while Ranma's mental voice just about killed itself laughing.

"N-not just yet. T-Thank you, that's all I needed." Laughter stained Cologne's voice, before she winced and gently touched one of her bandages. "Soun Tendo, tell us what you know."

* * *

Soun's Testimony

"When did you first see Akane Tendo with her 'pet'?"

"The first time, I saw Ranma chasing it, and my daughter chasing _him_ for chasing it."

"Were you aware that the pig was the pitiful male's cursed form?"

"No. I didn't even know the he _had_ a cursed form."

"Why did you let Akane Tendo take in her... 'P-chan?'... as a pet?"

"I thought she could learn some responsibility from it. Maybe learn to be a little nicer."

"Any other reason?"

"Well, ah, the boy _did_ seem to be jealous of all the attention she gave it. And I thought-" _whack_. Scream. "Stop moving! I thought maybe if he was jealous, then somehow it might get them together."

Cologne rolled her eyes. Mousse got up and went into the kitchen at Ranma's prompting.

"How often have you seen Akane Tendo with the prisoner's cursed form, P-chan?"

"Whenever I see... _P-chan_... he is with Akane."

"Thank you, that's all I needed."

Mousse came back and sat down next to Ranma.

"Warrior, do you have any evidence other than those who have witnessed this?"

* * *

"Yes, Elder."

"What is it?"

Ranma held up a glass of cold water.

"Show me."

"Pops? Could you...?"

Ranma felt the glass being lifted from his gloved hand, followed quickly by a splash.

If Kasumi still hadn't been holding onto her sister, Akane would have rushed the small black piglet that appeared at Ryoga vanished.

"Is that your 'P-chan'?"

"Yes, Elder." Akane's eyes drilled into her former pet.

There was another splash, and Ryoga lay on the floor, cringing.

"The prisoner's guilt for the crime of using a Jusenkyo curse to take advantage of Akane and Kasumi Tendo is proven. Tell me about the crime of honor, warrior."

"When I discovered the prisoner's curse after he arrived, I swore upon my honor as a martial artist that I would not reveal it, since as a tiny black pig, the prisoner was weak and could not fight. It was only after I had sworn not to tell anyone that he began sharing their beds at night."

Cologne turned to looks at Ryoga. "Prisoner."

Ryoga managed to look at Cologne.

"Is this true?"

He didn't answer. Cologne shot a look at Soun.

_whack_

Scream.

"Answer me!"

Wincing, Ryoga nodded.

"Your guilt is proven by your own admission." She turned to face Ranma again, and hopped off of the arm of the couch. She stood in front of Ranma, but still kept her distance. "Warrior, your vengeance is granted. Provide the punishment, and I shall deliver."

Ranma leaned forward, and whispered into Cologne's ear. Akane strained to hear.

"Yes, of course I do. Really? Oh. Oh, ho ho, that's good. I like that." Cologne marched to Ryoga, grinning madly.

"The court's decision is made! For the crime of dishonoring two girls with his Jusenkyo curse, and using the sworn honor of Ranma Saotome to do it, the prisoner," Cologne jabbed her walking stick into Ryoga's chest. He coughed as it drove some of the air out of him. "... shall be punished immediately. The usual punishment, death, has been passed over. Mu Tsu, come here."

After Mousse approached, Cologne made him take something from her robes.

_A marble_? Akane thought. Cologne broke it in half. She placed one half in Akane's hand, and the other in Kasumi's. They looked at Cologne, confused.

"These," she said, "represent forgiveness. When you both have forgiven the prisoner, you may give them to him. When he has them both, then his punishment will be removed. It was the warrior's idea to split it between you."

Cologne hopped back up onto the arm of the couch. "The punishment demanded by the warrior has been delivered. The Court of Joketsuzoku is dissolved. Guards, escort this filth of a man from this building before I kill him."

Confused, Soun dragged Ryoga outside, while Nodoka took his pack with them. When they came back in, Cologne was laughing, and Ranma and Mousse were both grinning. Everyone else looked confused.

"I," Cologne said through laughter and small winces of pain, "shall go home now, with Shampoo. I want Mousse to stay here and keep an eye on son-in-law. Ranma?"

"Yeah, old ghoul?"

"You'd make a good Amazon." With that, Cologne carried Shampoo outside, and left.

"See here, now, Ranma!" Soun snapped. "What was the point of all that if you were just going to let him go?!" He twitched a little as his ribs reminded him that he had recently suffered a beating.

"Who said I just let him go? I can hear Kasumi laughing a little, so she's figured it out."

Soun and everyone else turned to look at the eldest Tendo daughter. She was smiling weakly.

"It is... appropriate. But I think I shall be heading to bed now." As she left, she called over her shoulder, "I hope no one minds, but I think I want to sleep in tomorrow. It's been... a long day."

"Of course we don't mind, Kasumi," Akane said.

"I'm going to bed," Ranma announced. Nobody wanted to lay a hand on him to stop him as he walked passed Kasumi and up the stairs. "I'm... sorry about what I did to everyone. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it." With that, he climbed that stairs, and shut himself in his room.

"Kasumi?"

"Yes Auntie Nodoka?"

"What did Ranma do?"

Another thin smile crossed Kasumi's face. "Akane's holding the answer to that." She left to her room.

Akane frowned at the object in her hand. Half a marble was supposed to tell her what Ryoga's punishment was? She should have beaten him senseless when she had the chance.

Everyone was leaning over her hand, frowning at the marble. Akane blinked, then began to smile. She laughed.

"Akane..."

She kept laughing.

"Akane, daughter, what is it? What did Ranma do?"

Akane just kept laughing. When she could stop herself, she swore she would tell them. But for now, she just couldn't help it. Ryoga deserved it. _Nice piggy!_ she thought, and laughed a little harder.

The remainder of the people in the living room, except for Mousse, stared in confusion as Akane laughed at her half of the Phoenix Pill.

* * *

A/N

Gobstopper: Well, I decided against killing him. Since I know at least one person is going to ask, Cologne delivered the Cat's Tongue pressure point when she jabbed Ryoga and announced Ryoga would be punished immediately. I'm still in the mood to write, so I'm going to work on some of chapter 13. Flames are welcome, as I need to roast some marshmallows later.

Oh, and before I forget.

ATTENTION EVERYONE:

ANYONE LOOKING FOR ONE HELL OF A LAUGH SHOULD LOOK UP THE STORY 'TENDER LOVING CARE' BY WFROSE!! YOU WON'T REGRET IT!!

You'll find it under my favorite stories list.

And now that we've gotten that out of the way, only two people even guessed at the scene from opening of the last chapter. Hououza and Xero-Ghost. I had said that you needed location, accurate names, and who said it. Hououza and Xero-Ghost _both_ got the series (Evangelion) and who said it (Asuka), but only Hououza got where it was from (the mind rape of the 15th angel, AND he also mentioned it was from an added scene, both are true), and only Xero-Ghost got all the names she said right (Misato, Stupid Shinji, and First). I _was_ going to institute a tie-breaker of "Who overheard Asuka saying it in the cut scene?" (Misato sitting in her room) but decided that since between the two of them, they got the perfect answer, I'll let them both win! Let me know how you want it, you two!


	13. Akane's Determination

Disclaimer:

Oh, come on. If the previous TWELVE disclaimers didn't do it for you, do you think one more will? Ah, well. I do not own or have any rights to Ranma ½.

* * *

In his room, Ranma sat, and thought. He'd woken up an hour ago, long after falling asleep. He knew everyone else had gone to bed, and he knew that Akane, like Kasumi, had figured out what he had done.

Really, though, the jerk deserved it.

He knew Akane had figured it out, because he'd heard her laughing after he'd gone up to his room. He figured she would recognize it after a minute, and piece it together when she remembered Cologne jabbing Ryoga's chest with her stick as she announced his immediate punishment, effectively giving the lost boy the Cat's Tongue pressure point. His decision to split the Phoenix Pill, the only cure he knew of, between Akane and Kasumi had been simple. He had thought of having Mousse split it into three pieces, so he would have a say in it.

Ranma sighed. He knew he was probably too forgiving, and would give Ryoga one-third of the cure to the Cat's Tongue the next time he saw him. It was also why, when everyone else had gone to bed, he'd called a doctor to come get Ryoga and piece him together.

Locking him into pig form the next time he got wet until Akane and Kasumi forgave him was one thing, but leaving him outside with those horrible beatings was another. It didn't even look like Ryoga would be able to stand up on his own, much less drag himself to a hospital or a doctor's office.

Especially since Ranma himself had given those injuries to him.

Well, mostly Ranma. Akane had given him some of them, and Soun and his own mother _had_ taken to whacking Ryoga's broken arm. Of course, Ranma had given him the broken arm in the first place.

He wondered how Akane had suddenly figured it out.

It was probably one of those weird girl things that were beyond him.

Maybe she had just been in denial or something?

_Who knows_? Ranma thought. _Women can be weird._

_I need to talk to someone. I know I need to be able to tell someone what I'm going through, someone who won't judge me, slap me, call me a pervert_ (though he wondered if Akane would still do that. But then, discovering that Ryoga was P-chan, and then finding that Ranma knew the whole time might put something of a strain on their relationship, even if they _had_ just told each other they loved each other)_, try to glomp me, or try to get a marriage out of me._

Ranma knew that this line of thought was pointless. He'd been down it before, many times, and always came back to the same answer.

He wanted to go talk to Akane's mother again.

Ranma wondered if it would be at all safe in his... condition. Especially the part where he bought a rose from the flower girl.

Probably not.

He might be able to fight blindfolded (though not nearly as well as he could when he could see), but for roof-hopping, he wanted his eyes.

And walking down the street with the blindfold on would only make people stop and ask questions.

From the dojo, Ranma heard the sounds of someone working out, and the very faint sound of Akane's voice. Curious, he went to his window, and jumped.

He hoped he remembered exactly where the koi pond was, or rather, where it wasn't.

_Splash_

Oops.

* * *

In her room, Akane slept.

Or rather, sleeping was what one who didn't know better would have called it. Having taken a rather _strong_ Amazon portion only hours ago, she was undergoing a secondary side-effect that no one had bothered to write down.

Mostly because when someone had taken it, it was usually after waking up in the morning, so that they would have the day to think about what they had learned. Akane had taken it a little after lunchtime.

As a result, she found herself 'suffering' a side-effect that no one had known about.

She was again living through Ranma's memories, and they responded to her questions almost as well as they had the first time.

"Crazy bitch... leggo of me... stupid Amazon glomp..." she mumbled in her 'sleep'.

Akane was going through Ranma's memories after he's come to the dojo, this time. If anyone had been awake to hear her, the might have wondered what was going on in her mind at the things she said, since none of them made any sense coming from her.

"...Ucchan and her damn okonomiyaki bombs..."

Well, except for that one.

"...tomboy, quit hitting me, I didn't do anything, why won't you listen?"

And _that_ one would have raised some serious questions, whether or not you caught the tear rolling from her eye when she said it.

"...she listens to me, even if she can't say anything back... I heard she was nice..."

"...I'll be the best, I have to be..."

"...quit throwing me in the pond, old man..."

"...gonna beat that underwear-stealing old freak if it kills me..."

"...am I the only one who uses the occupied sign when I take a bath...? That hurt, tomboy..."

One might also, after a time, have noticed that her comments were taking a strange turn.

"...gotta go in a spiral, gotta stay cool, can't let it..."

"...like the Shi shi hokodan, but this suits me better..."

"...gotta work on this kata in both forms, in case I change in a fight..."

"...if I don't figure out this stupid technique, I'm gonna be stuck as a girl-"

* * *

"-so I'm gonna figure it out if I have to burn my hands off."

Akane watched as she/Ranma kept trying to pull chestnuts out of the fire in front of her/me.

She had been 'here' in Ranma's memories longer this time, probably because she'd gone to sleep willingly. She was trying to understand him better, trying to see how she could avoid hurting him again, and maybe stop _others_ from hurting him. She thought if she could see how everyone else _had_ hurt him, then she could find a way to make it stop.

Half an hour into going through his memories to see it, she'd had to halt for a few minutes.

To stop screaming.

Ranma's mental and emotional pain had clawed at her mind.

From the almost daily Amazon glomps, which made him want to pummel the girl senseless (Akane discovered Ranma had a thing about people touching him. After all the fights and enemies that kept showing up, he was under the impression that anyone who came into sudden strong contact with him was most likely trying to attack) to the seppuku contract with his mother (which scared him for more than the obvious reason of being forced to slip open your belly while your mother chops off your head. He felt betrayed by a woman he had thought was dead. He finds his mother, and then gets the idea that if he isn't manly enough for her, then she wants to hack off his head. Akane also found that Nodoka had some strange ideas about being manly), Ranma felt like he was being assaulted from almost every possible angle, and was powerless to stop it.

And it _terrified_ him.

Now it terrified _her_.

And she'd be damned if she wasn't going to stop it. Nothing was going to be allowed to hurt Ranma anymore. She loved him, and he loved her.

Her possessiveness of Ranma was a little disturbing to her, but that didn't stop her from wanting either him or his mental safety. And damn it, if it took being a little possessive of him to stop him from feeling like he could be attacked every second, so be it.

After going through his mind, she thought she had found a way.

Ranma defended himself as best he could-

_Best best I'm the best_ his mind interrupted.

-as best he could because he was such a strong martial artist. It was his few weaknesses that held him back from stopping the chaos that was his daily life.

He would stop Shampoo, but he couldn't hit girls.

He would stop Cologne, but he still wanted more techniques.

He would tell his mother how much he felt hurt by her, but he didn't want to chase her away.

He would stop Akane from hitting him, but he didn't want to hurt her.

He loved her too much.

_Well, dammit, if Ranma won't, then I will!_

She knew she wasn't as good as he was. Akane _loathed_ it, but it was true.

Whenever they would spar, now she _knew_ how much Ranma held back.

She even knew how much better Shampoo was than her.

Ranma's opinion was that she and Ukyo were about even, but Akane lost her temper far too fast, and lacked style, speed, balance, and technique. He firmly believed that if she got her balance and speed up to the same level as her strength, and managed to keep a hold on her temper, she'd be a good match for Shampoo. As it was, even Akane knew that putting her current martial arts skills against Ranma's would be like trying to compare rowboats to nuclear-powered battleships.

If she wasn't unconscious on her bed, Akane would have sent Ranma on a one-way trip to lower orbit for that.

_No you won't! _Akane corrected herself._ Not anymore!_

And she was going to help Ranma, now that she knew _how_.

She was going through his memories, learning every technique he knew.

She didn't think she could pull off the Hiryu Shoten Ha, but she thought she should at least be able to recognize it better, and stop it if she ever found herself being used to make one. Another of Ranma's ideas, not hers.

Ranma was so full of martial arts ideas that had never even occurred to her that she wanted to slap him and demand to know why he hadn't at least suggested some of them to her, since some of them were _about_ her, so that maybe she could _learn_ them, and maybe be trained by him.

Thinking of being trained by him brought another deluge of memories Ranma's imagination had made. It showed-

Akane was being thrown off the roof by Ranma she needed to learn how to fall properly-

Akane was being launched from a catapult blindfolded to learn how to correct a mid-air leap at night-

Akane was being attacked by Ranma with a sword to show her it's strengths and weaknesses-

_Stop it, stop it!_

She'd just have to show Ranma that there were _other_ ways of learning. Damn near every technique he'd learned had caused him pain, so much so that now he was almost convinced that it was the only way _to_ learn.

So he wouldn't train her.

Well, if he wouldn't train her for real, she'd just take them.

She was currently reliving the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken.

And as much as learning it through Ranma's mind excited her, she wanted to pound on Cologne for the circumstances in which he learned it.

After digging the (painfully blunt) criticism of her martial artist abilities out of the memories of her fiancée, complete with memories proving his point, Akane had gone after several katas Ranma had either created or had been taught to help her correct them.

Ranma's memories of the kachu tenshin amaguriken finished.

Akane concentrated.

Mr. Saotome/Pops appeared in front of her/me in an odd stance. "Now," he was saying, "come at me from wherever you want."

_Umi-sen ken_.

Akane did not wake for hours.

* * *

Some time later, Akane was in the dojo, practicing. She knew that before she could try to master the advanced techniques she pulled from Ranma's mind, she would have to work on her... flaws.

She was trying to work on her balance.

It was another of Ranma's ideas. How could she expect to fight properly if she couldn't even maintain her balance to utilize her speed (which she admitted she needed to work on) or strength?

Ranma had developed a kata that wasn't too advanced, but was a challenge to properly complete. He'd made it so that he could practice in both his forms, and work on his balance while constantly shifting between them. Ranma had also had Soun and Genma sitting off to one side with water guns, firing constantly, but since Akane wasn't going to change into anything else (like Ryoga, damn him!), she didn't need that part. Just the balance issue.

But she kept _falling_, or needing to stop in order to avoid it.

_Damn_! Akane thought. _I know how to do this, so why can't I? I've seen Ranma doing it, and I've lived it through his eyes! I know how he did it better than if he explained it to me! I know exactly how he moves, no matter what form he's in, so I know how to change it for me, so why can't I?!_

She'd been at it for an hour.

_Maybe I just can't. Maybe I'm not supposed to be as good as Ranma it. Should I just give up? Find another way to help him? Maybe I shou-_

"You're doing it wrong."

Akane jumped, and spun. A wet Ranma-kun stood in the doorway, holding a kettle.

"How would you know, you can't even see?" snapped Akane, who instantly regretted saying it, even without the mental wince that came from the Ranma in her mind. "Sorry."

"I can hear you. You're working on one of the katas I made, right? The one for balance, so I wouldn't have to worry about it if I changed."

"...yeah."

"You don't have a curse, do you?"

"Ranma, you know I don't."

"That's what's wrong then. Can I...?"

"What?"

"Can I... help?"

"Sure," Akane said, suppressing the urge to yell _I don't need your help!_

"Okay. Assume the first stance, and begin, but do it slow."

Taking a breath, Akane started, and threw a slow kick.

"Stop."

"What?" Akane asked.

"Throw that kick again, slower."

Frowning, Akane did as Ranma asked, only to feel him catch it in the air.

"Here, you see?"

"_What_?"

"Here's where I got hit with the cold water, and changed. That's why this kata looks so strange to anyone who sees me do it without the water. It's not _meant_ to do it without the water."

With a slight _eep_, Akane realized she already knew that.

"It's meant to help my balance _during_ a move, just in case."

Akane flushed and avoided looking at Ranma, despite that he couldn't see her. She realized she already knew that, too.

"That's why you can't get it. You're not changing, so the odd stance only throws you off."

"Uh, yeah."

"So, if you're serious about improving-"

"I AM!" Akane winced at the angry tone she had. "I mean, I want to get better. I need to work on my balance, and speed. I know that." _No matter how much I hate it. _"So can you..."

"I ain't training ya."

"Dammit, Ranma, there are other ways to train people besides throwing spears at them to show them how to dodge!"

Ranma's face turned from hers.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to remind you of that."

"It's ok. I know you didn't mean nothing." Ranma didn't seem to catch that she shouldn't even have known that.

"I just meant, you could _tell_ me what I could do to help with my balance..."

Ranma brightened. The idea had never really occurred to him before. "Uh, well, this kata would work, but we'd need to change a few things... Like the stance, it's meant to hold me a little off, so that when I change, my center is already where I need it, or close to it. So if you take a more solid stance, this should work much better." Ranma let go of Akane's leg.

"So," he said, putting his hands on Akane's shoulders, "if you sit back on your heels more, like _this_, and pull yourself forward, like _that_..." he repositioned Akane, "now try it again."

For her part, Akane tried to ignore the feeling of his silk-covered hands when he touched her skin. She spun through the kata, taking her time. She lost her balance a few times, but nowhere near as bad as before; she never even needed to stop.

"There you go. Just keep practicing it that way, and you should improve a lot." Ranma turned to leave. _She's probably still mad at me for knowing about P-chan._

"Ranma?"

He turned. "Yeah, Akane?"

Swallowing her pride, she asked, "Stay and... help me?"

Ranma paused, then, "Sure, Akane. What did you want to do?"

He stiffened as Akane's arms wrapped around him, sure that she was going to attack, until Ranma noticed that she was... hugging him. He relaxed.

"You're not... mad at me for knowing about him?"

Akane shook her head. "No. I know how much your honor means to you, and I know you hated it." _Really, really know how much honor means to you._

"Thanks, Akane. You don't know how much hearing that from you means to me."

Ignoring the joyous shouts from her own mental Ranma, Akane just smiled. "Still love you."

Joyous shouts turned into mental praises.

"L-love you, too."

They stood there, in silence, just holding each other, until Ranma cleared his throat. "So, um, what else did you want me to help you with?"

Akane's smile became an impish grin as she recalled the many things she wanted to master.

She kept him awake until dawn.

* * *

Some time after Ranma and Akane had both collapsed (Ranma from lack of sleep, not from exhaustion, and Akane from lack of energy to move anymore) Kasumi woke up with a soft sigh. No one else was awake yet, although it was at least an hour later than she usually woke up. Feeling a little sluggish and mentally worn out from last night, Kasumi went to bathe, taking longer than usual to soak in the furo to help her relax, and then got dressed. She decided to stop by Akane's room to wake her sister, and to ask her exactly what Ryoga's... punishment... was. Kasumi knew what had happened to him, but Akane would know the details better, since she had been with Ranma when he had gone through it. But upon opening Akane's door, after knocking, Kasumi found no one inside. Her bed was messed, indicating someone had been sleeping in it.

_She must have gone for her morning jog_, Kasumi thought, deciding to stop in Ranma's room and see of she could get the details out of him. Somehow, the old routine no longer interested her as it used to. It hadn't interested her last night, either, after she had finally left the dojo. It felt less like something she wanted to do, and more like the set of chores they were. But Ranma's room was also empty, despite that his futon also looked like someone had been sleeping in it the night before.

_Morning workout_? Kasumi wondered. _Or maybe he woke up and decided staying in the dojo would be... safer._

Since she didn't know when her sister would be back from her run, Kasumi went outside, wanting to ask Ranma a few questions. On opening the door, however, she did not expect to find what lay before her eyes.

Ranma was propped up against a wall, still blindfolded, and looking in need of a bath. His clothes were wrinkled and pulled, indicating he had, indeed, been working out for a long amount of time. Akane was collapsed in the middle of the dojo floor. Her gi looked like it had seen severe amounts of abuse, and she not only looked like she needed a bath, she smelled like it, as well. The aroma of a small amount of drying sweat hung in the air. Two bokken lay on the floor, as well as a few other weapons from the Tendo's training gear. Even in her sleep, Akane was smiling.

Narrowing her eyes, Kasumi left to go make herself some breakfast. No one was around to notice a jealous expression in territory previously never seen before.

Kasumi wore it until she entered the house.

* * *

Nabiki woke, and stretched, yawning. She slowly rose from her bed, and for the next few minutes, wandered around her room trying to determine what she wanted to wear today. After picking out her clothes, she spent the entire time getting dressed thinking up ways to make some yen off of Ranma's condition. Having thought of no less than three by the time she reached for her door, she was quite satisfied.

Until she got downstairs.

The Tendo dining room showed several signs of the previous night's battle. A few small holes in the wall and floor, messed up furniture, and a couple missing potted plants that had been smashed.

Then, of course, there were the occupants of the room to consider.

Her father looked like someone had used him as a practice dummy for a first aid course, and also sported more than a few large bruises and a few band-aids. Genma Saotome also was wrapped, had bruises, and a much larger band-aid on his forehead, and didn't seem to want to move his neck in any direction as though it pained him to do so, which may or may not have had anything to do with the fact that both Ranma and Akane had thrown him into the floor by way of his neck.

He also looked _extremely_ nervous, and was sweating a bit, but that was probably due to the fact that his wife Nodoka was alternating between casting adoring looks at her son and death glares at her husband.

Mousse had his head wrapped in a large bandage, like someone had thrown him headfirst into a wall (of course, someone had).

Akane _also_ looked tired, but somehow very happy (she had come a long way the previous night in way of martial arts, and even Ranma had been so impressed that he had actually demanded to know if she was using magic to learn fast) and extremely pissed off (damn Ryoga) at the exact same time, and didn't seem to have any injuries. She sat next to Ranma, who looked slightly tired, even though he was blindfolded still. Like Akane, he also looked none the worse for wear, though what Nabiki could see of his face, he looked guilty (for beating everyone to a pulp) and slightly happy (for the amazing progress of his new 'student', who declared that her amazing advancement was die to Ranma's excellent teaching skills, which was not a _total_ lie).

Oddly enough, the most confusing person was Kasumi, who looked upset (she was, over 'P-chan') and... was that _jealousy_?!

Nabiki also noticed that the seating arrangement had been moved a bit. Ranma now sat at the end of the table, and Akane was just around the corner to his left, and Kasumi sat around the corner to his right. Everyone else sat on the other half of the table, with as much distance as they could manage from Ranma as it was possible to be without sitting on each others' laps.

"Someone want to tell me what I missed last night?" asked Nabiki, as she pulled out the earplugs she wore to bed to drown out Ranma's midnight fighting sessions. She was more than slightly annoyed by the disturbed look that everyone (minus Ranma) shot in her direction.

"What?" she demanded.

Half an hour and one story later, Nabiki decided against using Ranma to make money while he was still under the influence. She didn't think the amount she would pull in would cover the hospital costs that would visit her when Ranma snapped and started trying to beat her up.

She made a mental note to check into ways to ruin Ryoga's life while simultaneously trying to determine why Kasumi kept looking at Akane with those tiny jealous glances.

Outside, it began to rain. Kasumi smiled, and Akane and Ranma both started to quietly laugh. The harder it rained, the harder they laughed, and the more Kasumi smiled, until finally, as the downpour really hit, all three of them were laughing hard enough that they all fell over.

Nabiki thought they had lost their minds, until her father spoke up.

"Ah, so now that Ryoga boy is _stuck_ that way, is he?"

* * *

In a dimension we _still_ don't know much about, there are five Gods.

These Kami are all of the same order, the Order of Chaos.

They work tirelessly.

They work hard.

They do what they must to ensure the results they desire.

They have been keeping Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo's friends and enemies away.

They want them to get together, so that Nerima, and all of Tokyo, are full of the chaos that they seek.

They have been working without stopping for almost 48 hours.

They are asleep on their desks.

Hey, 48 hours of non-stop work gets to everyone!

* * *

Ukyo felt the voice that had been telling her to leave her 'fiancée' alone fall silent. Picking up her battle spatula, she set out to see him.

* * *

Tatewaki Kuno awoke, feeling refreshed, and healthy, despite his sister's attempts at turning him into a certain pet crocodile's afternoon snack. He thought for a moment, and determined that, though he felt physically fine, his spirits were low.

Perhaps a visit to his pig-tailed girl and the fiery Akane Tendo would lift any burdens from his mind, and restore his noble soul.

He left for the Tendo dojo.

* * *

A/N

Gobstopper: Ah, another chapter finished, another chance to finally get some sleep. Personally, I think this chapter was a little, well, _slow_, but I needed some filler to help move the plot along. As the line goes, sorry about this.

For anyone out there who is scanning the pages looking for characters named either 'Hououza' or 'Xero-Ghost' to show up, they've both elected to appear in future works.

Now I'm just going to have to figure out which one to write first.

I know Ranma was getting a little... _dark_, shall we say? In the previous chapter, where he punished Ryoga. Sorry, but I needed him that way. But he's back to normal, see? See? He even called a doctor to fix Ryoga up before the lost idiot could run into something wet and cold! Like WATER!!


	14. Akane Confesses, Dealing with Kuno

Disclaimer:

OH, COME ON!! DO I NEED TO WRITE ANOTHER?! FINE!!!

I do not own Ranma ½

* * *

As I learn to trust the universe, I no longer need to carry a gun.

* * *

Cologne sat in her room at the Nekohanten. She was doing something she rarely indulged in, but she found necessary at the moment. Meditating. Specifically, meditating on Ranma's behavior when under the full influence of the potion.

It wasn't right.

She knew the stories, knew them, memorized them, picked them apart just in case of inaccuracy.

Ranma just wasn't behaving _exactly_ how he should have been. Of course, the Jusenkyo curse would alter his behavior as a girl, but she wasn't sure how, not wishing to be wrong and end up a small splatter mark on the Tendo floor. Of course, that was _another_ thing that worried her. Perfume had, indeed, single-handedly killed an opposing army, with the full use of her martial arts skills, but she'd _also_ been one step shy of a full-out berserker when she'd done it, like the neko-ken. Ranma had shown far too much capacity to think when he was trying to kill Ryoga, actually _talking_ to him, reasoning out who was and was not fighting him, as evidenced when Akane Tendo had turned on Ryoga herself. Ranma had stopped fighting her, and had _let_ her help him. And taunting the boy with his own twisted version of Ryoga Hibiki's usual greeting, but with a true deadly intent behind it. Of course, with potions that delicate, minor screw-ups on proportioning of the ingredients to each other as well as using the right amounts to be proportioned to had a drastic effect, causing abnormalities or anomalies in the intended effect in the victim.

_Simply put,_ Cologne thought, _the fucked up way it was made is screwing up the way it was supposed to work._

Another thing, one that truly worried her, was how Ranma fought when he was attacking Ryoga Hibiki. More specifically, how he attacked _them._ He'd been dodging or blocking all of their attacks, until the hot water had been splashed. Then, he'd ignored the oncoming blows, even hers. Cologne knew he was powerful, from his fight with Saffron, but she hadn't realized he was _that_ strong. To not even bother with blocking them... he was truly a force to be reckoned with. She had underestimated him a great deal. Taking a breath, Cologne turned her attention back to the workings of the potion.

From the looks of things, the "love" part was working right, though there seemed to be a distinction between the kind of love one had for a family member and the kind of love one has for one's friends. Good thing, too, otherwise Nodoka Saotome might have found herself in a very disturbing position when her son saw her for the first time with breakfast. As for his love/hate complex with Nabiki Tendo, that was understandable. Cologne could see why _anyone_ might have a hard time liking the young mercenary, and since the Tendo-Saotome agreement was for _any of the Tendo girls_, Ranma might very well have once entertained the notion of dating Nabiki. That thought could easily be applied to Kasumi Tendo, as well. No one failed to like her, and, by Japanese standards, she would be a perfect wife, once brought out of the shell she was in sometimes. Cologne was not sure exactly of Ranma Saotome's feelings for her great-granddaughter, but she more than understood why he had put her headfirst through the ceiling. If Ranma hadn't beaten her so many times today, great-granddaughter or not, Cologne would be upstairs beating Shampoo's head in right now. That, Cologne felt, covered love pretty well, but as for the hate...

Hate was more of a worry. Ranma didn't seem to degenerate into an almost-mindless, berserk killing machine, he was more like... a madman, with a single target, and nothing pleased him more than killing his chosen victim. Cologne had no doubts as to the fate of the Hibiki boy if Shampoo had not intervened.

Cologne wondered how she figured out about the pressure point. Dismissing that, upon remembering that Shampoo was smarter and much more clever than she liked to let on, Cologne made a mental note to tell the Tendo's that if Ranma should be cut, or otherwise caused to bleed, to let _him_ take care of it.

Heavens knew what would happen if someone got his blood on them and a tiny portion of the potion managed to stay on them long enough to seep into their bloodstream. Brief contact might be alright, but if that damned potion stayed on them long enough... best not to think about that. Cologne blew out a breath. She couldn't really imagine someone getting blood all over their hands and not washing them afterwards.

Nerima was making her paranoid.

What was someone going to do? Drink his blood like a vampire?

After a more thorough checking of the amounts missing from her spice rack, and a very detailed examination of possible side-effects of each one in proportion to each other when used for this particular potion, Cologne believed she had mapped out the anomalies, and the side-effects that were not intended.

She was _still_ worried, but she began to relax. Ranma was actually _safer_ to be around this way than how he should have been if it was made properly. She'd rather face a maddened Ranma, who might be able to be talked to and delayed until help arrived, than face a crazed fighting machine with only the drive to kill running it. Further mapping of the effects showed a few others, one of which could have been a concern for her, but it was unlikely for the circumstances surrounding it to occur. Cologne took a breath of relief, and let the tension flow out of her.

After all, what were the odds of Ranma and someone else declaring their undying love for each other?

Nerima was definitely making her paranoid.

But last night, Ranma had made her laugh like she hadn't in years once she got back. The Court had turned out wonderful, just wonderful!

* * *

At the Tendo's, Ranma and Akane sat in his room, now that breakfast was finished. They had wanted to talk earlier, but Kasumi had actually _insisted_ that everyone else help clean up in some small way. Akane and Ranma had had to take the dishes into the kitchen. Akane didn't mind, though. She was always glad to help her sister.

"So, um, what did you want to talk about, Akane?" Ranma sat with his back to the wall. Akane was between his legs, with Ranma's arms wrapped around her. She was a little slumped down, though, to keep from accidentally touching the top of her head to Ranma's chin. She felt comfortable in Ranma's arms, though it was going to take some getting used to. Part of her wanted to stay there, and another part wanted to bash him for touching her while screaming 'Pervert!' She was doing her best to ignore it.

"Something I... did. Involving you."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, I..." _Say it!_ Akane admonished. _If he finds out later from someone else, he's going to hate it, and he's going to be hurt, and he's going to hate you for not telling him!_ "I stole something. From you. And I... betrayed you. In a really, really horrible way."

Akane could feel her fiancée tense up, though he remained silent. Not like Akane, at the moment, _needed_ him to speak to know what questions he wanted to ask her. Mental Ranma (as Akane had taken to calling that voice) was full of them all by himself. Akane noticed, however, that Mental Ranma was quieter than yesterday and last night, and much more organized, not like a string of sentences squashed together. _Potion must be starting to wear off_. Nervous, Akane began to fidget where she sat.

"Um, Akane?"

"I'm just... trying to figure out how to say it. Give me a second."

"I was going to ask if you would stop _squirming_ like that. It's kind of, uh, not a good thing."

"Ranma, what is that supposed to..." Akane blinked as she remembered where she was sitting, and squashed her mind's attempt at another round of bash-the-pervert. "Oh," she said as she stopped moving. "Sorry 'bout that." Akane was glad that Ranma was blindfolded. She didn't want Ranma to see her blushing so much.

"Ain't that what I'm supposed to say?"

"Yeah, um, that's kinda what I meant to talk about. You see, I did something, and I'm... I'm..." _Scared to death you're going to turn me away when you hear it._

"What is it, Akane? You can tell me."

"I know, I know, it's just so hard to say..."

"Why?"

"Because I'm scared."

"You're scared of _saying something_?"

"No! I'm scared you'll hate me!"

"C'mon, tomboy, you know I don't hate you."

Akane's voice was quiet. "You might in a minute."

There was a pause before Ranma spoke again. "That bad, huh?"

"Yeah. Just promise me something?"

"Promise you what?"

"You won't leave me or interrupt me until I explain why."

"Alright, Akane. I promise."

Akane took a breath, trying to figure out where to start and how to explain. "Okay, um, you remember the night before last? Where you and I were in the dojo, and we were... talking?"

"Yeah, I remember." _Don't remember a damn thing I said, though. Wish I could. What did I say that made her hug me?_

"That I wasn't uncute, and that you liked me as a tomboy."

There was a long, drawn out silence before Ranma spoke again. "How'd you know what I was thinking?"

"I don't know what you were thinking. Not exactly. Let me explain?"

Ranma shifted, as though he were debating it. "Alright."

"You said... a lot of things. Like how you wouldn't peek at me if you had the chance, because you don't do things like that, and how my outfit was very distracting to you-"

Akane suddenly bopped Ranma on the leg. "Mind _out_ of the gutter, Ranma."

"I didn't say anything!"

"Good enough to eat," Akane said, mimicking a comment from Mental Ranma.

Ranma himself sputtered for a minute, and Akane smirked in amusement.

Akane's voice grew soft as she continued. "You also said that I was cute, and that you liked me as a tomboy. I'm not going to ask you if it's true. I don't know if you couldn't lie right then, but I'm not going to force it out of you like that. I refuse to force it out of you."

Behind her, Akane felt Ranma fidget a bit more. She sighed. Ranma had such a hard time talking about things like this. His father's fault, really. At least he was getting what he deserved. Or, Akane liked to think so. She really didn't know what was happening to him, especially since Nodoka had dragged him by his feet out to the dojo.

"I... do think you're cute. I know I call you kawaiikune a lot, but... I don't mean it. And... I... like tomboys."

Akane smiled gently. "What kind of tomboys?"

"Blue-haired martial artists that smell like vanilla even if they're all sweaty from working out," he said promptly. "Er, um, I mean..."

"Don't worry about it. But..." _Oh, I don't want to say it._ "But, Ranma, for me, that was a lot. I mean, you hadn't talked to us in so long, and that one night I find out all of that. I was so confused. And with what happened the next day..."

"Yeah, yesterday was one hell of a day."

"Mm-hmm. Anyway, I got so confused and everything... especially after I... you know, after I tried to strangle you, and we know how that turned out..." She blushed. "Anyway, I didn't understand it all, so I kind of, um, went and did something."

"What did you do?" Ranma's voice had more than a trace of nervousness in it.

"I... I stole Cologne's book... the one your mom used to show you the potion... and I... I made something out of it..."

"You didn't feed me it, did you?!"

Mental Ranma shrieked at the concept. Wincing, Akane said, "No. I drank it."

"What... what did it do to you?"

"It showed me something I wasn't able to understand until then."

"What did it show you?"

"You."

* * *

Genma, bruised, battered, beaten, and terrified, made another attempt at escape.

He made it to the door.

He actually got it open.

He took two steps out before being tripped and falling flat on his face.

Soun watched from the back porch as his friend was dragged back inside by his wife. As the doors of the dojo slammed shut, Nodoka Saotome's voice drifted to him.

"_Threw him to a pit of cats?! What were you thinking?!_"

Soun didn't think his friend would be up for an afternoon game of shogi today. A knock at the door distracted him. He rose to greet the visitor. Kasumi would have done it for him, but today she seemed so very out of it. It had taken her a while to do the dishes from breakfast. Well, Soun understood that. She was probably stressed from the more-chaotic-than-usual happenings around here, and with that horrible revelation last night...

Opening the door, he was met by a tall young man in loose black pants and a blue top. A bokken was tied to his waist, and he bowed low enough to give Soun the idea that he was trying to go for a yen on the ground. _A martial artist, a kendo practitioner. Is this the Kuno boy Akane and Ranma speak of?_

"Greetings, noble father of Akane Tendo. I, Tatewaki Kuno, am most honored to be in the presence of someone capable of raising such a splendid flower such as her, and a powerful martial artist of great renown unto himself."

Blinking at the odd manner of speech, but recognizing the respect behind it, Soun allowed the boy to enter.

* * *

Ranma sat in silence. He'd been quiet for a few minutes. Akane had told him everything about the potion she could remember. About how she lived through his 'training' after he had left his home as a child, through all of his father's bizarre ideas for perfecting his son's martial arts. How she saw everything that had happened to him since he arrived, and how much she knew it had hurt him. How much pain she _knew_ she herself had caused him. About Mental Ranma, and the little things he said, that were a reflection of what Ranma thought, and how she couldn't control him from spouting off (which explained several of her comments to him during last night's training). And how, at the end, when she knew she loved him, she couldn't bear to see him live through another day knowing how much hurt everyone else's everyday behavior had caused him, and had ransacked his memories to become a better martial artist so much faster than any other way (even though, she said, she had no idea she could do that), so that no one would ever, _ever_, make him feel that way again. And she wouldn't take it back, not for anything, even if it cost Akane his feelings for her.

Akane waited, not wanting to press him, just waiting for him to say something. When he spoke, it was just a whisper.

"You're... you're the only person in the world who understands, aren't you? You've seen it. You saw what happened to me. You know _everything_."

"Not... not everything. I don't know _everything_ that happened to you. Just the... _training_... you were put through."

"That _we_ were put through," Ranma said, understanding that, to Akane, she might as well have really lived it.

Akane dropped her head to look at the floor. Even if Ranma was blindfolded, she couldn't quite look at his face. "That _we_ were put through, yeah. I couldn't tell if it was you or me anymore. But I know I didn't go through it, I can tell what memories are yours and what are mine, but when I think about them... it still seems like it's _me_ carrying his stupid hide away from angry villagers."

"You know what it's like to be me now. You understand why I am the way I am."

"Not... exactly. I mean, without Mental Ranma, I could probably _guess_, but..."

"When did I lose a father?"

"With the neko-ken," Akane automatically said. Ranma remained silent. "Okay!" Akane said. "I get it, I get the point! And... I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong again, Ranma."

"What am I thinking?"

"You're wondering if me being in love with you has something to do with the potion I took."

Ranma scratched the back of his head nervously. "...yeah."

"No, I love you for who you are. Not because of some stupid potion. I love _Ranma_, just like I said last night. I love you for being the rough, arrogant, unpleasant-"

"Hey!"

"-crude, egotistical, can't-ever-lose baka that I've known since you got here, and I want you just that way. You don't have to be something different for me." Akane wrapped her arms around her fiancée, both of them still sitting on the floor.

"Akane?"

"Mm?"

"Why?"

"Why what, Ranma?"

"I know you love me, but why do you want to... protect me from that kind of stuff?"

Akane knew what he meant. He meant the things he couldn't fight. Girls, his mother, Shampoo, anything he couldn't bring himself to fight until he won. That swell of possessiveness took hold of her again as Ranma said he knew she loved him. "Because, Ranma."

"Because why? I love you, _I_ should be the one protecting _you_."

"Because some things _you_ can't fight, and they hurt you. But _I_ can. And nothing hurts you anymore."

"Why?"

"Because," Akane hissed, that possessive feeling coming over her again, "you're _mine_. All _mine_. I love you, and that means you belong to me now. Got that?"

Ranma's grin, hidden to Akane, was almost feral. "As long as you understand one thing."

Akane's arms gripped him harder, as though trying to show him physically her claim. "What?"

"That I love you, too. And because of that, I might be yours, but you're no one's but **_mine_**."

Akane's unseen grin grew to match Ranma's.

* * *

After listening to Ranma's mother drag Genma up to their shared room (and several of the rather nasty comments she had thrown at her husband), Ranma and Akane spent a few minutes laughing at the misfortune of Genma. Not normally a mean person, even Ranma had to admit that the man did deserve it. Akane, however, was trying to figure something out.

"What are you grinning about?" She knew it wasn't Genma Saotome's untimely beating.

"You."

"Ranma... don't make me force it from you... with _questions_..."

"You realize that half the time you're calling him _Pops_, like I do?"

"What?!"

"Oh, yeah. _Pops_ this, _your dad_ that, _Pops_ something else..."

Akane groaned. "Stupid Mental Ranma. More annoying that the real one."

"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"

"I can't shut him up."

"You can't _me_ up, either."

"Could too!" Akane jumped to her feet.

"Hah! You don't even stand a chance against me!"

"Oh, yeah?!"

"Yeah!"

"Well, I'll just-"

**No please don't hit me anymore Akane I'm sorry I didn't mean it I was just teasing**

In shock, Akane looked at her hands. Her mallet was there, and she didn't even realize she'd gone for it.

"Just what?" Ranma said. Only then did Akane hear the tone of his voice, and see the smile he had. He wasn't making fun of her, not really. Ranma was just playing.

_How many times have I missed that? How many times have I hit him and he was just trying to have some fun with me? He doesn't even realize what I almost did, because he couldn't tell I'd picked it up. I really am a horrible person..._

Akane dropped back to her knees.

"Akane? Oi, Akane? Hey, are you _crying_? What did I do?" Ranma reached for her, holding her shoulders in his gloved hands. "Whatever it is, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, really."

"It's not, y-you, Ranma. It's _me_. If I hadn't heard you in m-my head, I would have hit you again. I thought you were making fun of me..."

"Aw, I wasn't making fun of you. I was just playing."

"I know that _now_, but I almost sent you flying-"

"But you didn't. That's what counts, right? Now, cheer up, or I'll have to kick your ass."

"Jerk! You couldn't even hit me!"

"I could, but I don't want to. But I got ya smiling, right?"

Akane snuggled back into Ranma's chest, wrapping her arms around him. But she was smiling.

"Baka. _My_ baka."

"_My _tomboy."

She didn't know why, but hearing it made her feel much better.

Voices from downstairs finally got Ranma and Akane's attention when they heard Soun and Mousse trying to warn someone off of going upstairs to see Akane. And the heated and annoyingly poetic response sounded like-

"Kuno," groaned Akane. "What's _he_ doing here?"

"Making my life miserable. Shouldn't he be out somewhere being slapped around for harassment, or something? C'mon Akane, let's go beat him up."

Ranma started to get up, but Akane grabbed his arm. "Wait, Ranma. I've got an idea."

"What?"

"You wanna get rid of him for good?"

"Duh, of course I do. But how?"

Akane smirked. "You remember playing Romeo and Juliet?"

"Yeah..."

"Feel like acting again?"

"I don't know. What did you have in mind?"

* * *

Mousse really didn't care much about Tatewaki Kuno. As far as he was concerned, a thumping might actually do some good for him (not like any of the ones he'd already received had helped him any), but Mousse realized the potential for homicide if he let the delusional kendoist anywhere near either Ranma _or_ Akane. It was the only reason he was trying to help Soun keep Kuno away from them. He also figured that Ranma would probably agree with him, since he knew where Ranma stood on murder.

Even if it _was_ just Kuno.

So it was a bit of a surprise to him when a note flew through the air at him, just as Soun Tendo was attempting to explain to Kuno that if his daughter was, indeed, very ill, and visitation might kill her, a date with him would _not_ be Akane's cure. The note said, of all possible things, to let Kuno see both Akane _and _Ranma, and that they would be waiting for him out in the dojo. A quick outline of their plan was included. It also said to make sure that Akane's father shouldn't know about it. It was signed by Ranma. At the very bottom, in hasty kanji, it was scrawled "Don't worry, we know what we're doing!"

Riiiiiiiiight. Sure they did.

So how was he supposed to get rid of Soun Tendo without causing suspicion?

And Nodoka Saotome stormed down the stairs, stomping into the kitchen, rambling under her breath about needing a calming cup of tea.

Ah, opportunity.

"Tendo-san, Saotome-san seems to be alone now, as his wife has finished talking to him." _Temporarily, anyway_. "Maybe you should go look after him. I'll deal with Kuno." Under his breath, to Soun, he added, "Even if I have to beat him up."

Hesitating for a moment about leaving Kuno, but hearing the threat in Mousse's voice, Soun nodded, and rushed up the stairs to see if his friend was still breathing. Upon reaching the room, he quietly slid open the door, and spied his best friend, horribly mangled and beaten, looking like a failed attempt at an origami crane.

"Saotome, are you alive?"

Genma made a gurgling sound, which Soun took as a yes. He sighed, before deciding to try to set his friend's injuries.

* * *

Several howls and many whimpers made Nodoka stick her head out of the kitchen and look up the stairs. She narrowed her eyes. It sounded like someone was trying to help her undeserving husband. She turned toward Mousse.

"Saotome-sama, I sent Tendo-san upstairs to put your husband back together, so that you may take him apart again later."

Nodoka smiled (_It's so evil..._ thought Mousse) before resuming her tea back in the kitchen.

The confused look on Kuno's face did not go unnoticed by Mousse. "Training accident. Rigorous martial arts."

"Ah, I see. This is common when one truly tries to elevate one's power in form to a level close to mine own."

Suppressing the urge to gag at what he was about to do, as well as Kuno's statement, Mousse said, "Indeed. The life of a martial artist is fraught with much peril, endangering one's very soul if one places to high an importance on attaining perfection in the art."

Mousse's urge to gag came back with a vengeance. _How does he manage to speak like that and not choke?_

"One's soul? I should think not, fellow warrior. Thou may endanger thy body, or thy mind to the very point of breaking, but one's noble soul is never placed in the peril the body is placed in constantly. The soul, pure like my own, is only elevated to an even grander stature as the fires of nobility cleanse one's glorious self."

The urge to gag became the urge to retch. Why the hell had he ever helped this maniac?

"Not so, Kuno-san. If one's places perfection of the art and it's various forms higher than any other desire, even the will to protect your own soul, than one becomes in danger when forces willing to fulfill your wish come to hand, and the sacrifices necessary to grant their help are made." He mock-sighed. "Poor Akane-san and Ranko-san." He said quietly.

Kuno's attention was suddenly fully on Mousse. "Is the fiery soul of Akane Tendo in danger? Tell me, man, quickly! And who is this Ranko?"

Forcing his expression to look nervous, Mousse stammered, "R-Ranko is the name of Akane's cousin, Ranko Tendo. Sh-She's the girl with red h-hair in pig-tails..."

Kuno clutched at Mousse's robes. "Are the souls of the most beautiful pig-tailed Ranko and the spirited Akane in danger?! Gods, man, you must tell me, that I may liberate and restore them by allowing them to date with me!"

_Gag!_ Mousse's mind screamed. _Retch! It's touching me! Make it let go!_ He looked around, trying to look panicked. "I-I have said too much already! Let me go, noble sir, or we shall both perish!" He forced Kuno's hands from his robe, and collapsed onto the ground. He made a show of scrambling to his feet in fear, and make sure his mumbling was loud enough to be heard by Kuno.

"I have said too much. If Saotome-sama finds out, it shall be me in the dojo as well as Akane-san! I must hide and pretend that this never happened. That's right, Saotome-sama must never know what I have said..." Mousse trailed off, wringing his hands together, hoping that the look on his face resembled sheer terror and not the almost violent urge to throw up, as he sat himself down on the couch.

Kuno's eyes narrowed even further, and backed slowly away from Mousse. "I see," he whispered quietly to himself (though Mousse could hear him just fine). "Then the spirited Akane Tendo's soul is in danger, because she desired, like many before her, to become a truly great martial artist, like myself. Her innocence and purity must have kept her from realizing that she was dealing with dark forces out to taint her very being. The sorcerer Ranma Saotome! I must free her!"

As Kuno dashed out into the yard, Mousse quickly jumped to the door, and threw a small rock against the dojo wall. His part of this farce over, he spent the next few minutes quietly dry-heaving in a corner, thankfully being comforted by a confused Kasumi.

* * *

There was a soft sound of a rock hitting the wall. Akane looked up at Ranma, smiling. "Mousse did it. Are you ready?"

"I feel ridiculous. And stupid."

"You want to get rid of Kuno or not?"

"You know I do, but I still feel stupid."

Mumbles came from outside the dojo door.

"Kuno's here. Just play along, my baka." Akane said _baka_ in a sweet enough way that Ranma couldn't help but just go along with her. Under his blindfold, Ranma rolled his eyes.

"I feel stupid."

* * *

Kuno inched his way along the wall of the dojo, heading for the door. It seemed he was correct in his belief that Ranma Saotome was, indeed, a most foul sorcerer, after the very souls of Akane Tendo and his pig-tailed goddess, named Ranko Tendo. He stood by the door, and, as quietly as he could, slid it open enough to peek inside.

* * *

The door of the dojo opened enough to allow Akane to see Kuno's eyes as he looked in. _Here goes_, Akane thought. The dojo was darkened, the few windows shut completely, blocking out the sunlight. A few well-placed candles lit the room, providing just enough light to let Akane and Ranma be seen. Ranma stood in the middle of the room, facing the wall opposite of the dojo door. Akane was on the floor behind him, bowed to the ground, her forehead placed against the backs of her hands.

"Forgive me, Ranma-sama. I have not yet accomplished what you asked," she said.

Ranma took his cue to start. "I gave you only two things I needed you to do. Is it really that hard? Must I force you to do what is necessary? _Again_?"

"No, Ranma-sama."

"Then why have you failed in bringing me Tatewaki Kuno?"

"He avoids me, Ranma-sama."

"Keh! Are you beautiful enough to capture his attention?"

"Hai, Ranma-sama."

"Are you willing to do what I tell you, like you did with your cousin Ranko?"

"Hai, Ranma-sama."

"Are you capable of bringing Tatewaki Kuno to my will?"

"Hai, Ranma-sama."

"_Then why haven't you_?" Ranma's voice grew cold.

"He avoids me, and I cannot touch him to let your spell catch him."

"I thought you delivered the love spell to ensure he would be infatuated with you."

"Hai, Ranma-sama. I did."

"Are you sure you did it properly?"

"Hai, Ranma-sama. I did it just as you told me. I _always_ do... what you tell me."

"Oh?" Ranma turned his head, looking over his shoulder towards Akane. "If you always do what I tell you, then why am I standing here in the dark?"

"M-My Lord... Ranma-sama... I..."

"Did you think I had forgotten? It's not that easy to forget, not for me, though I imagine you would drive it from your mind whenever it was convenient."

"Hai- I mean, no, Ranma-sama."

"You asked for great martial art power. You asked for perfection of it. I am willing to give it to you, and all you had to do were **_two little things!!_** _One_ you screwed up on, bringing me back into this world I had been banished from, and looks what your screw-up did!" Ranma splashed himself with a cup of water, and straightened, dripping wet and female. "All you had to do was kill your own cousin, at midnight, and make it quick, to properly perform the gouma jutsu! But no, _you_ couldn't do that right! She died slow, since you couldn't bring yourself to perform the final blow, and _now_ whenever I get wet, I take on her body! And on top of that, _now_ I have to stand here in the dark because the light blinds me! Tatewaki Kuno is all I need to bring Japan to her knees in front of me, and for him to come to me, all I need from _you_ is for him to willingly touch you. Are you going to bring me him, or have you changed your mind? I'm sure I can find someone else to teach the art to, someone more... capable than you. Someone who will appreciate being the best."

"No, Ranma-sama, I swear, I'll do it! I'll bring you Kuno!"

"Will you? I have my doubts about it." Ranma splashed himself with a kettle, reversing his curse.

"I will, I will!" Akane's voice was panicked. "But will you train me when I bring him to you?"

Ranma snarled at her. "You doubt me?! I may be... many things, but I still keep my word. I will train you to be the best _human_ martial artist, but I must have Kuno!"

Desperation filled Akane's voice. "You will have him, Ranma-sama, I'll bring him to you, I swear, I swear, my Lord Neko-akki!"

Ranma was in front of Akane faster than Kuno could blink.

"Didn't I tell you _never_ to call me that?! Didn't I?! _Didn't I_?!"

"I'm sorry Ranma-sama, I didn't mean it, it just slipped out, please believe me!"

With his face inches from hers, Ranma's mouth twisted into a cruel smile. "This time, I will let it slide. But we must do something about my sight, yes? How can I train you if I can't even see you?"

"Won't... won't bringing Kuno to you so it?"

"Yes, fulfilling that part of the contract will restore my sight, even if it won't give me the proper body, but there are other ways..."

"W-what ways, Ranma-sama? I'll... I'll help if I can." Akane's quiet voice reflected her fear.

"Oh, are you sure?"

"Y-yes, Ranma-sama."

Ranma smirked. "I thought you were saving yourself for the man you loved?"

In horror of that last statement, and at everything he had just been witness to, Kuno took and involuntary step back. Ranma wasn't a foul sorcerer, he was a true demon! Neko-_akki?!_ A _true_ cat demon! And Akane Tendo herself had killed the pig-tailed girl, her own cousin, in a gouma jutsu, a demon invocation, to bring him here in her body! And he desired to make himself, Tatewaki Kuno, his servant!

Ranma's head snapped up, looking in Kuno's direction. In a panic, Kuno jumped to one side, hiding behind the door.

_He didn't see me, the devil Saotome could not have seen me. He is blindfolded, and cannot stand the light, as he himself said. For the sake of all that is righteous, I must leave these-_

The dojo door shoved open behind him. Kuno reeled, trying to jump backwards from a sitting position, and only managed to land on his ass.

"_Kuno-sempai_..."

In horror, Kuno saw Akane Tendo standing in the doorway, and behind her, crouching on all fours, like the cat demon he was, was Ranma Saotome!

"What's wrong Kuno-sempai? You look scared. Come here, let me hold you..."

With a small shriek, Kuno launched himself to his feet, backpedaling from the former love of his life. "Stay away, stay away from me, foul sorceress! The demon Ranma Saotome has corrupted you! Stay away, I say!"

"Kuno, you must have been out in the sun too long, your being irrational. Let me give you a massage to relax your muscles..." Akane's eyes took on a glazed look. "It's not so bad, Kuno-sempai," she said in a voice devoid of any emotion or tone. "Ranma-sama is a great warrior, he can teach us to be the best. We will be better than anyone. All you have to do is say yes. Say yes, Kuno-sempai. Join him. Join us, Kuno-sempai. Join me. Join... my master."

Kuno ran, screaming.

* * *

Confused, Nodoka stuck her head out into the yard. Now what on earth was so funny about a cloud of dust that had her son and Akane rolling on the ground laughing so much? She could ask later. Right now, she had a few more questions for Genma.

* * *

Gobstopper: Sorry if I can't get Kuno-speak properly, but just trying to think like him enough to write him gives me a bad case of delusions of grandeur. Truly, he is difficult to write, but I, Gobstopper, the undefeated champion of martial arts fanfiction... AHH!!! SEE WHAT I MEAN?! DAMN YOU, KUNO!!

Someone want to tell me what PWP stands for? I see it on the descriptions of fanfics, and I'm lost as to what it means. I hope you enjoyed my little chapter. More to come. Reviews, as always, are more than welcome.


	15. Aftermath, and Ukyo

Disclaimer:

Fifteen damn times. Must I do this particular brand of insanity again?

I do not own Ranma ½.

Goes insane at having to write it again

NO MORE DISCLAIMERS FROM NOW ON, YOU HEAR ME?! THE PREVIOUS DISCLAIMER APPLIES FOR ALL FUTURE CHAPTERS OF THIS FANFICTION! I'M NOT WRITING ANOTHER ONE UNTIL THE LAST CHAPTER!!

falls to the floor twitching and foaming at the mouth, muttering "The horror... the disclaimer..."

* * *

Cologne eyeballed the current seating arrangement of the Tendo family's lunch with a critical eye. She hadn't seen so many people trying to occupy half of a table since the infamous passion-potion-in-the-communal-punch prank during the summer festival sixty-six years ago.

Which was also why there were so many sixty-five year old Amazons.

"Elbows out of my rice," she grumbled at Nabiki.

"Staff out of mine, old woman," Nabiki muttered back.

"Where," asked Cologne, "is Genma Saotome?"

"Upstairs," replied Nodoka, "resting."

Cologne raised an eyebrow. Not sleeping, but _resting_.

"Where is Shampoo?" Kasumi asked.

"At home." Pause. "_Resting_. Son-in-l-, ah, Ranma..." Cologne caught herself using a phrase that might annoy the martial artist.

"Yes?"

"On the way here, I saw a very curious and strange thing."

"Did ya see your reflection?"

Cologne blinked. Twice. That annoying comment had come from Akane Tendo.

"No," she replied scathingly. "I saw the idiot Kuno. Running like the hounds of hell was chasing him."

"Good exercise, running. Right, Akane?"

"Of course. Builds stamina."

Cologne grunted. "He was also ranting about something odd."

"Most things about Kuno are odd. Right, Ranma?"

"Of course. Almost everything."

It did not go unnoticed by Cologne that Ranma and Akane were grinning like mad fools.

"He said, while running in terror, some very strange things about you."

"Kuno _always_ says very strange things about me. Right, Akane?"

"Foul sorcerer, charlatan, enslaver of women..." Akane trailed off.

Looking vaguely disturbed at the method by which she was getting answers, Cologne continued. "This time, is was something about Ranko Tendo's corpse being possessed by the cat demon Ranma Saotome, the foul sorceress Akane Tendo, his own imminent enslavement, sex as a cure for being blind, and the related fall of Japan. Would you happen to know...?"

Cologne frowned, and then decided to wait for her answer. With a grunt of annoyment, she figured it was going to be a while. It's hard for people to answer while uncontrollably laughing.

* * *

An hour later, there was a smiling Ranma, a massively confused Cologne, a face-faulted Tendo family (plus Nodoka and Mousse), a fallen-on-the-floor-from-laughing Akane, and one confused Ukyo.

"What is so damn funny?" she demanded.

* * *

Thirty seconds earlier.

Cologne had yet to get an answer from Ranma or Akane regarding the behavior of Kuno, for each time she began to ask, they'd start laughing. It was driving her mad not knowing about it. Her frustration was so consuming, and the entire event was so attention-grabbing, that she, nor anyone else, noticed Ukyo Kuonji walk straight into the room from the porch door until she sat right next to Ranma, threw an arm around him, gave him a quick peck on the cheek, and quietly apologized for what she'd done in the wedding.

"What?" she asked, noticing the way everyone else in the room had identical looks of sheer panic written across their faces. Next to her, she felt Ranma stiffen, then he slung his arm around her.

"Forgiven, Ucchan. No more of that from now on, right?"

"Of course, Ranchan."

Confidence of being the one he would choose soared at he left his arm around her shoulders, and moved to sit closer to her.

The sound of a room face-faulting caught her off-guard.

"What?"

Cologne was staring slack-jawed at her.

"_What_?"

Akane started laughing, something about being a sister to somebody.

"Whaaaat?"

"I'm hungry," Ranma said to no one in particular, and resumed eating his rice, slowly. Cologne started thumping her head against the table.

"Wrong," Cologne said. "Wrong, wrong, wrong."

"And is some one going to tell me why Ranma-honey is wearing a blindfold? Does the light hurt his eyes or something? Has he gone blind?"

For some damn reason Ukyo couldn't understand, Akane started laughing harder.

* * *

Seeing that no one was going to tell her what was so damn funny, Ukyo settled for glaring at the room.

Especially Akane.

"Sister!" she gasped between laughs. "Like a sister!"

"What the hell is _that_ supposed to mean, 'like a sister'?"

"Oh, I get it," Cologne said. "I see now. Like a sister. It's different. I see, I see..."

"See what?!" snapped Ukyo.

"... but that shouldn't be quite right, not according to the effects I mapped out..."

"What are you on about?!"

"... but I know I got it right according to what ingredients were missing..."

"Someone gonna answer me?!"

"... not like anyone else made more potions afterward, so I must have made a mistake..."

"Hello?!"

"... maybe I mixed up the amounts missing when I wrote them down..."

"Moshi-moshi?!"

"... have to do it again later..."

"I AM SPEAKING HERE!!"

"Will everyone who is finished with lunch please clear your dishes, and take them into the kitchen?" said Kasumi.

"AHHHH!!"

"Relax, Ucchan. I can hear your blood pressure rising."

"Ranma Saotome, _what the hell is going on?!_"

"She asked him!" giggled Akane.

Before Ukyo could ask what the hell _that_ was supposed to mean, Ranma started talking, like he had no choice in the matter.

Of course, he really didn't.

* * *

"...and that's about where you came in and sat next to me."

It was half an hour later (Twenty minutes of which had been taken in telling what was wrong with Kuno. Ranma had to stop every few sentences. To laugh.), and Ukyo's face showed the fact that, if it wasn't Ranma telling her the weird story, she wouldn't have believed it. Ranma was just thankful he had managed to avoid the part about him and Akane admitting they loved each other, and about Kasumi in the dojo. Kasumi noticed.

"Dancing fingers," Kasumi accused, giggling at the notion of the foul sorceress Akane.

"Thirty seconds," Ranma shot back.

From the other side of the room, Cologne, and everyone else was rolling on the floor, trying to breathe around the laughter, except for Nodoka, who was calmly drinking her tea, with a smile that threatened to tear her head in half.

"Cat... demon..." wheezed Cologne.

"Foul... sorceress... Akane..." choked Nabiki.

"Master... master..." answered Mousse.

"Oh, Ranma-sama," they all called, and began laughing hard enough for tears to roll down their faces.

"Are we done laughing yet?" asked Ranma.

"Oh, Ranma-sama, forgive us for our petty laughter!" sobbed Kasumi, dropping to the floor in front of Ranma. "Please, forgive us, master. Master!"

The room roared again, and Soun started pounding on the table to keep from falling over.

"Don't tell me that's another daydream."

"Ok, I won't tell you."

Ranma sighed, with a slight blush. "You're disturbed, Kasumi."

"We have angered the Master! Forgive us, oh Demon Master!" Akane shrieked, pawing at Ranma's leg in a fake gesture of begging. "Master!"

"Master!" echoed Kasumi.

"Master!" echoed...

"That's not funny, mom!"

* * *

Once everyone had calmed down enough to breathe again, everyone set about to clearing their own dishes. No one seemed to mind, since it was helping Kasumi, and it is widely known that it is almost impossible to say no to her.

Cologne sat back down at the table with several scraps of paper, a small scale, and the spice box, which Mouse had once again provided from his robes. Inwardly, he was chuckling at what he knew was a futile effort to map out the potion, since he knew that the amounts in the bottles were completely wrong. Besides, who was he to correct a village elder? Not like she could hear him anyway, since she had stuffed her ears with cotton, to make sure that no distractions would throw her off, and thereby throw her calculations off. Kasumi went into the kitchen to clean the dishes, while Nabiki went out, loudly declaring her intention "to finally buy some FILM!!"

Soun had taken up a game of Shogi, and, since her husband was still upstairs, ah, _resting_, Nodoka had taken up the opposite side of the board, and Soun was delighted to discover that she was his friend's equal in both skill and the ability to sneak pieces onto the board whenever a distraction was handy.

And while she couldn't turn into a panda to hide it, she did seem to have the habit of stroking the handle of the ever-present katana whenever she was thinking about a move, which was just as attention-grabbing.

Like she was doing right _now_.

_click click click _

"Hmm?" Soun glanced back at the board, and found that there were three more pieces than there should have been.

"Nodoka-san, are you cheating?"

"On my husband's honor, I would never do such a thing!"

With a fried octopus dumpling halfway to his mouth, Soun's chin dropped as he blinked at her. After a moment, he composed himself.

"Nodoka," he said. "Are you aware that it is impolite to swear upon things that do not exist?"

"I thought you two were the best of friends?"

"He is my friend, and a powerful martial artist, but then again, when one considers the origins of the Umisen-ken and the Yamasen-ken..."

"The Saotome Forbidden techniques? They were sealed because of their power."

"They were made in order for Genma to steal things."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Perhaps you should ask your husband _why_ those devilishly powerful techniques were made in the first place."

Nodoka's eyes narrowed. "Perhaps I shall." And when Soun cast an eye towards the stairs, she quietly slipped another piece onto the board.

* * *

Ukyo was waiting in the dojo for him, just like he asked. He'd told her that he had something important to say to her, and he'd accidentally let it slip that he had chosen. The meaning of which did _not_ escape Ukyo. Though he wondered if she had taken it the wrong way when he'd said that he wanted to make sure that they were alone. She'd sounded kind of... giddy.

And now, standing at the doors of the dojo, Ranma really didn't want to go inside. He _really_ didn't want to tell her about who he had chosen, and he really, _really_ didn't want to break her heart, like he knew this conversation would. Which was also why he wanted to be alone for this. Though Ukyo might seem like the calmest of his fiancées, Ranma knew that she was really one of the most unexplainably violent. Akane's violence could be explained, Ukyo's could not. The wedding was proof of that, and if one needed more, all Ranma had to do was think of the number of times that _she_ was the first one to draw her weapon and start talking about a fight. And there was the time when Shampoo started hating him with the hanten houjo, the turn-around jewel, when he had asked Ukyo if she loved him. Turning shy for a moment, Ukyo had said "Of course I-I l-l-love you" and had immediately proceeded to bash him around yelling at him about how dare he make a woman say that.

_And now I'm out here stalling_, Ranma thought. _Coward, just go in there! Since when do I back down from a challenge? Right, that's all this is, just a challenge. Martial Arts Emotions or something._

He sighed, and stepped through the door, closing it behind him. The floor was squeaking, and her ki was compacted. _Sitting on the floor, bouncing back and forth. Great. Guess she's excited._

He sat down a few feet from Ukyo, and looked in her direction.

"So, did you have something you wanted to tell me, Ranchan?" Her voice was so bubbly it made him think of Azusa. He half-expected her to name him something French and squeeze him.

"Yeah, Ukyo, I do." She didn't even seem to register that he'd said Ukyo instead of Ucchan. _So much for setting her up for it._ "But I also wanted to be... _alone!!_" Ranma jumped to his feet in a quick roundhouse. "Isn't that what I said, Akane?"

Akane seemed to just appear a few feet back from where Ranma's foot had passed, her pose indicating that she'd just jumped back to avoid being hit. Ukyo squeaked in surprise.

"Aww, how'd you know I was here?"

Ranma snorted. "You might be able to go unnoticed be most people, but any martial artist would be able to spot ya. Ukyo probably missed ya because she's not even paying any attention."

"What...?" Ukyo sputtered. "How...?"

"See, Akane? Your umisen-ken needs a lot of work. And I thought we agreed to master the basics before we tried the advanced stuff."

Akane stuck her tongue out at Ranma.

"And put that away."

Akane put her fingers in her mouth and stretched it out, leaving her tongue pointed at him. "Biiiii."

"Knock it off." But he couldn't keep the amusement out of his voice.

"Overpowered baka."

"Kawaiikune tomboy."

"Muscle-head."

"Weakling."

"Who are _you_ calling weak, blind man?!" snapped Akane, as she dove at Ranma. He reached out an arm, and spun Akane in the air, tossing her towards the wall.

"And you _still_ won't hit me!" Akane continued as she picked herself up and started throwing punches. "I thought we had gone over this already!"

"And _I_ thought we said I wasn't going to!" Ranma said as he blocked Akane's punches.

"And _I_ thought this was supposed to be a conversation between Ranma and me! So get the hell out of here so Ranchan can finish confessing his love for me!"

"Confess his love...? Ranma no baka, what's going on?" Akane looked up at Ranma.

"I think I gave her the wrong impression when I asked to talk to her," Ranma said, head tilting towards Akane, whom he had in a headlock.

"The wrong impression, Ranchan? Then what would be the _right_ impression?"

_Oh, man, she had to ask_, thought Ranma as his mouth opened to answer his childhood friend against his will.

* * *

Kasumi had brought out some tea to Nodoka and her father, and was sipping it with them as she dispensed advice for both of them in relation to their current game of shogi. She had just given away her father's ploy to sneak a piece onto the board, when a loud crash came from the yard.

"I'd swear that was your son getting in another fight, but it doesn't sound violent enough," said Soun.

"Or his opponent died quickly," stated Nodoka.

"I'll see what it is," Kasumi told her father calmly, and walked quickly to the door. Open reaching the door, she blinked in surprise. Ranma was in the koi pond, floating on his, no, _her_ back, and Akane and Ukyo were locked together, the battle spatula against Akane's mallet.

"Bitch!" spat Ukyo. "You can't have him."

"He's _mine_. All _mine_. He chose _me_!"

"He was supposed to choose _me_! _I'm_ the _cute_ fiancée!"

Ranma really didn't want to get out of the koi pond. Somehow, laying on in her back in the water seemed better than the alternative. And he knew Akane could win. Her skill had increased _a lot_, and her balance was getting a lot better. She still had at least a year of serious training before she could fight close to his level. Just because she knew things, didn't increase her strength or speed any. Well, she had gotten faster, but only because know she knew _how_ to move. And she still had to be shown how to use her newfound skills properly. He sighed. Akane was holding back, and it was probably his fault. If she really had a 'Mental Ranma' it was probably insisting that hitting Ukyo was wrong. "I chose the beautiful fiancée over the cute one."

Both girls stopped and stared at Ranma.

"You think I'm beautiful?/You think she's beautiful?" they asked at the same time.

"Yes, and yes." He sighed again as the fight resumed. He had to give Akane something to overcome that voice telling her not to hit Ukyo, or they'd be here all day. He knew one thing, but he was going to hate himself for telling. But it was either Akane or Ukyo, and he'd already made that choice. And Ukyo had thrown in the final piece attacking him, then Akane.

"Akane?"

"What is it, Ranma?" muttered Akane through gritted teeth, as she dodged an attack from Ukyo's throwing spatulas.

"Ukyo knew about P-chan."

Both girls froze.

"What?" Akane said flatly.

"Um... Ranchan?"

"In that Tunnel of Lost Love, the one she and Shampoo dragged us to, the one with all those ghosts and stuff, she and Ryoga paired up so they could plot to break us up. When we were crossing that river in the boats, Ryoga got wet, and changed into P-chan. She helped him change back, and kept on trying to break us up and get you and Ryoga together. She's known ever since." _Gomen, Ukyo. Sorry 'bout this._

Detachedly, as he felt Akane's battle aura flare up, Ranma thought that he'd need to build up Akane's ki reserves, too.

"_You knew?!_" she exploded. The look on Ukyo's face was all the answer she needed. Even as Ukyo opened her mouth to try for a denial, Akane's mallet found her ribs.

"_I can't believe you knew about him and didn't tell me!! **I'd** have told **you**!!_" She knocked Ukyo into the wall, leaving a crater behind. "_He's mine! He chose me, not you, not Shampoo, not anyone else! Me! You here me?! Me! He's MINE!!_" Her breathing slowed as she watched Ukyo try to pick herself up. "Get out of my yard."

"And you can come down from the tree, Konatsu, and help her," Ranma said.

There was a barely a sound as he hit the ground. "You knew about this, Mistress Ukyo?" the gender-confused ninja asked.

"I... was trying... to get... Ranma... anyway... I could," Ukyo gasped. "The little piggy... has a crush... on her."

"_Had_." Akane and Ranma corrected her simultaneously.

"Either way... you still... owe me... Ranma Saotome... I had to give up... my femininity for you... ten years... and for... the yatta..."

"You _chose_ to give up being a girl for ten years, no one forced you to," Nabiki said from her window. She'd been watching the whole time, and had ruined one roll of film trying to speed load her camera. No pictures had been taken. "Did your father hold a knife to your throat for the ten years you searched for _my sister's_ fiancée? Or was it your idea?" Ukyo was silent. "I thought so. And as for the yatta, I think the damage you caused with your stupid explosives at the wedding is a lot more than what that yatta cost you! And if you want to beat someone up over the engagement, then it should be Ranma's father! _He's_ the one who engaged you! You really can't expect me to believe that Ranma knew what he was saying when he chose okonomiyaki over you; he was six! Ranma thinks with his stomach more than he thinks with his head!"

"Hey!"

"And even if you want to beat Genma Saotome for the engagement, you're too late. His mother has been beating him on a regular basis since after breakfast for most of the things Mr. Saotome has done since he took Ranma for his ten-year training trip. All in all, I think your debt has been paid. You there, the pretty ninja girl! Pick Ukyo up and get her off of my property!" And with that, Nabiki slammed her window shut, and returned to loading her camera with film.

Konatsu was blushing at being called pretty, something his mistress had never done. Ranma snorted. "Pretty ninja _girl_, she says..." she muttered.

"Well... Konatsu? Are you gonna... help me up... or not?

There was a pause, and Ranma listened for a moment. He chuckled loud enough for everyone to hear. "I don't think Konatsu wants to help you. He just doesn't know how to say no."

"I..." Konatsu glanced around, obviously agitated, and nervous. "I... I am... sorry, mistress." And with that, he launched himself up over the outside wall, and was gone.

There was a long silence, which was finally broken by Akane holding a hand out to Ranma. "You gonna lay in the water all day, _femboy_?"

Ranma grunted as he took Akane's hand in her gloved one. "No, it just seemed to be a better idea than gettin' out when I flew into it." _Splash._ "See?"

"You realize, of course, this means war," Akane said from her new position in the koi pond.

Ukyo limped her way out of the yard, casting one final look at the bickering couple. _Couple, Ranma and Akane are a couple. It was supposed to be me. Now what am I supposed to do? Maybe I can talk some sense into Konatsu when I get home. He can be like... a rebound or something. If I can get him to dress like a man, that is._

* * *

Ranma sighed as her listened to the increasingly-distant sound of Ukyo's battle spatula hitting the ground as she used it as a cane to help her walk. "Poor Ucchan. She didn't deserve to have it thrown at her like that."

"If he knew about _P-chan_ like that, which I _know_ she did (_and Mental Ranma says so, too_), then she deserved to have it thrown at her by walking in on us in bed."

Akane grinned at the sputtering sounds Ranma started making.

"I meant _sleeping_, baka. Should I ask what you were thinking when I said that?"

"No! Don't!" Ranma's face grew to match the color of her hair.

"Uh-huh... so... Ranma... what was the first thing that came to mind when I said _mmph!_"

"Don't you _dare_!" Ranma shrieked as she clamped a hand over Akane's mouth.

"Hentai," Akane accused in a mock-angry tone, pouring water from a kettle over Ranma. She wrapped her arms around her fiancée, and settled into his chest. "But you're _my_ pervert." She sighed in contentment as Ranma pulled her into the embrace.

"Just like you're _my_ tomboy." Unseen to anyone, Ranma's eyes narrowed under his blindfold. _Two down, Kuno and Ukyo. That just leaves Shampoo, Cologne, and that crazy Kodachi._

* * *

From the doorway, Kasumi backed slowly towards the game of shogi.

"What was it, Kasumi?" Nodoka asked.

"Just... just Ranma-kun practicing. He's very devoted about the Art like that," Kasumi said, forcing a smile.

"Very manly," Nodoka replied, and narrowed her eyes at the two pieces that seemed to have simply teleported themselves onto the board when her eyes had strayed to the eldest Tendo daughter.

Returning to the kitchen (almost stepping on an oblivious Cologne, who had not noticed anything, due to the cotton in her ears. She had, point in fact, almost been witness to the whole thing, when she had gotten up to go to the bathroom. It was also at that point that Mousse had switched out the amounts she had written down, to make her calculations accurate), Kasumi thought to herself, _Maybe it would be best if I did not try to take Ranma-kun from Akane._

"A very good idea, Kasumi-san."

Jumping in fright, Kasumi landed, and came face-to-face with Mousse.

"Did... did I say that out loud?"

"Yes. And you're quite right. They love each other, and you saw what Akane just did to the first person who tried to come in between them. And that was Ranma's best friend, and even Akane considered her, well, friendly, despite the wedding disaster. She might not do the same to you, but..."

"She would still turn on me, yes, I know. My little sister's temper is... something to see."

"Indeed. I have been witness to it on several occasions."

"I just wish... I just wish there was something... something more..."

"Something more to life than what's right in front of you, everyday, not changing?"

"Yes. How did you know?"

"With the exception of a few... adventures, and fights with Ranma, my days run very much like yours, I believe. Cooking, cleaning, and caring for the others I live with. I have found myself often wishing for the chance to get out once in a while. Amazon I may be... sorry, _might have been_, but that doesn't mean I had to enjoy my pre-determined life as a male."

"My thoughts of those kind are more of a... recent idea."

Mousse smiled. "Well, then. Since we both seem to want to get out and away from the center of the Nerima universe that is Ranma Saotome, might this unworthy male ask the divine female head-of-house that is Kasumi Tendo to join me in my most humble attempts to find the optician that Nabiki Tendo has made an appointment for me at?"

Kasumi blinked, then giggled at Mousse's mock-humbling. "Oh, my, so forward! We've just met, and already you've moved and now we need to see a doctor! But I don't remember doing anything, have you been molesting me in my sleep?" Kasumi giggled again at the red-faced Mousse as he face-faulted his way to the floor.

* * *

With a large grunt of effort, Ukyo managed to get upstairs in her restaurant, still leaning on her battle spatula for support.

"Konatsu! Konatsu! Help me out here!" She needed some medical attention, dammit! And she didn't feel like doing it alone. But silence was all that greeted her yelling.

_Dammit, he is **not** in his room sulking **again**!_

"Konatsu! Help me get patched up!" she said as she limped down the hall. _Jackass! Quit feeling sorry for yourself and help me!_

"Konatsu!" she snapped as she yanked open his door.

The walls were bare, as they always were, but the closet door was open, and no clothes were inside. Konatsu's few possessions were missing from the room, and his futon was propped up against the wall, stripped of it's bedding.

"He... left me."

* * *

A/N

_stretch pop_

Ah, my blasted joints need a rest. Sorry about taking so long, but **_man_**, I just got **_huge_** writer's block trying to get the whole Ukyo scenes. That and I had to go research Konatsu, whom I remembered almost nothing about. As I have finally overcome my writer's block, and stayed up until right **_now, which is 4:40 in the morning_**, to finish this, I will be going to bed now. Oh, and in response to an e-mail I got, yes, I do take requests, _if I deem them worthy_, and I also take suggestions, _if I like them_. Be aware that they might not turn up in this story if you make one, because I have a dozen other's waiting for me to start on. I've just decided to finish this one before I start on anything else (one-shot's will be written at will, though). And also, yes, I've made mention of Dr. Tofu, and he will show up in a future chapter, complete with explanation of why he disappeared, and why he's back, and why he'd been avoiding the Saotome's and Tendo's Arigato for the reviews I **_know_** I will be receiving, or I'll have to sick both Ranma and Sagara Souske on you. Biiiii!


	16. Bathtime

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

* * *

In her room, freshly bandaged, and utterly alone, Ukyo sat, and thought. She wondered where she had gone wrong. Hadn't she shown Ranma from the start that she was interested in him? _I mean, sure, at first, I was all out for vengeance and everything, but really, **everyone** Ranma meets seems to be out for vengeance or something. And I was a lot nicer to him than Akane was; she hit him all the time!_

Of course, she had never once offered to simply be his friend. Much like the forced engagement to the Tendo family, it had gone right from 'Hello' to 'fiancée' with no in between. Entirely Ukyo's doing. It had never occurred to her that maybe Ranma had wanted a _friend_ before he had a _fiancée._

_And Shampoo! I never clung to him like Shampoo always did! She'd latch onto him so hard that super glue would be jealous! I never acted like that! I was patient with him, not always, but more than anyone else was!_

Really, she didn't really show a great deal of jealousy at all if one of the girls showed any affection towards him. It only came to the surface (usually brandishing a battle spatula) when _Ranma_ showed affection toward anyone else (or she thought he had). It might look to an outsider like she was being more protective, like a sister would be. Which was, of course, exactly how Ranma had taken it.

Not that Ranma was exactly the most perceptive person around in the first place. "It was bright," might be how he described a nuclear detonation.

_I was always the one he would come to talk to! I was the one he **wanted** to visit for lunch! I would come to him during lunch and cook for him!_

Just like a sister would behave. The one you never had, the one _Ranma_ had never had. Always listens to you, sometimes catches you at school to share a lunch with, and is sometimes a pain in the ass. Of course, Ukyo always thought that making lunch for Ranma would show him that she was doing something special for him. Making lunch for _everyone else _who was willing to pay_ at the same time_ probably threw him off that kind of thinking. Not like that kind of thought had occurred to Ukyo.

_Have I been wrong, all this time? He told me I was like a **sister **to him, a damn **sister**! Has he **always** thought of me like that?!_

He had.

_It's not I did anything to reinforce that kind of idea!_

She had.

_He knows I don't mind the curse!_

He knew.

_And it's not like I'm not the cutest one!_

She was.

_And as soon as we married, he **knows** I'd make sure we got to China so he could be cured so he wouldn't turn into a girl!_

He knew that as well.

_It's not like I didn't offer to be his friend._

But she hadn't.

_I mean, come on! The curse! The rumors that would spread! I'd want to spare us both that!_

And he knew that's what she would think.

**_So where did I go wrong in making him see I was the right choice?!_**

In love, it's not a matter of your choice, or proving you're the better option, even if you are or you are not. Love is love, and it comes with neither a choice nor a decision for you to make. It simply comes with it's own ideas, and your opinions be damned. Showing you'd be a better wife, friend, lover, mother, mate, confessor, or partner has nothing to do with it, _if you are not the one that **love** has chosen._

Poor Ukyo. If only she understood.

* * *

Out on the street, Ranma was, not surprisingly, feeling upset over Ukyo. She was, after all, his friend. Most of the time. Some of the time. Really. Honest. Crud. Even he had doubts about it, now, he still didn't want to hurt her. He didn't want to hurt _anyone_. It just seemed to work out that he did, no matter how much he tried not to. Was this some new part of the Jusenkyo curse?

At least Akane had, for once, been understanding when he said he needed to go for a walk. She hadn't even offered to come, since she seemed to know that he wanted to be alone.

_Of course she knew, baka. She's got you in her head! I mean, **us** in her head. Me! Ahh!_

And it began to rain.

Ranma groaned as he felt the slight tingle that meant he changed into a girl.

"Excuse me, miss? Are you alright?"

And _that_ kept happening, too.

"I'm fine. Please ignore the blindfold." Ranma walked on. At least his senses were sharp enough that he could hear where others were around him, and even if he couldn't, he could still sense their presence.

And then the rain was _warm_, and coming from the east, not the south. With a tingle, Ranma changed back.

"Huh?" _Not near any buildings, so no one poured water out the window..._

The rain became cold, shifted back from the south, and he changed again.

_Ooookay. And on that, let's go back home._ And so Ranma turned around, and started back in the direction of the Tendo dojo.

And the rain became warm, coming from the east. Tingle. Change. Ranma started to run.

Cold. South. Tingle. Change.

Warm. East. Tingle. Change.

Ranma ran faster.

Cold. South. Tingle. Change.

Warm. East. Tingle. Change.

Cold. South. Tingle. Change.

Warm. East. Tingle. Change. Faster and faster, until Ranma slammed to a halt, and he thought he was standing in the middle of a spiral of warm-and-cold rain. That tingling was non-stop as he changed back and forth.

"What... what... what the _ffffffffuck is this_?!" he snapped, waving his fists at the sky.

* * *

"Warm!"

"Cold!"

"It should be _warm_!"

"It's supposed to be _cold_!"

"Warm!"

"Cold!"

And a minor Weather God continued his pointless argument with a very minor God trying to earn his commission in the department of Chaos. _Really_, thought the Weather God, _what kind of Chaos does the little twerp think he's making with warm rain_?

"Warm rain!"

"Nerima district of Tokyo, in Japan, of Earth! _Cold_ rain!"

"Warm!"

"Cold!"

In the Nerima district of Tokyo, Japan, Earth, an avatar of Chaos started cursing at the sky.

"Warm rain, stupid!"

"_Cold rain, you little spaz!_"

* * *

When Ranma finally got home, to describe her as being in a foul mood would have been the same as describing Akane as being slightly temperamental, or saying Genma had a tendency to snack when hungry. Two steps inside the door, and the rain promptly stopped pouring.

* * *

"No rain! Happy now?!"

"Fine!"

"Fine!"

"Warm water flooding!"

"_No flooding, you twerp! Now get out!_"

* * *

One eye twitched as she stomped into the house, soaking wet, female, irritable, hungry, and in want of a bath.

"Ranma Saotome?"

Ranma's head slowly rotated towards the sound of Cologne's voice, looking less like someone turning their head and more like a blindfolded boulder being rotated around by a wrathful demon so that he can roll it down a mountain at someone.

"I just wanted you... to know that I... that I..."

"Yeeeees?"

The centuries old Elder Amazon, Master of thousands of years of Amazon techniques and lore, proven battlefield warrior, leader, and martial artist dozens of times over, feared for both her political influence and the frightful way she had with magical trinkets and subtle potions, took one look at the expression crossing her potential son-in-law's face and promptly squeaked, "It can wait until later."

"I. Am. Going. To. Take. A. Bath." Ranma stomped her way towards the stairs.

_Bath?_ Cologne thought. _Bath? Bath? No, wait!_

"Saotome..."

The boulder turned to face her again. "What?" More death threats and promises of pain filled that one word than Cologne had ever heard in her lifetime.

Cologne flattened herself against a wall. "E-enjoy your bath."

"**I WILL.**"

"G-g-g-glad to hear it."

Ranma marched up the stairs, and Cologne collapsed to the floor, where she decided that, while she would not have had nearly as much an exciting life, she would have been a lot safer if she had followed in her father's footsteps, and simply run the village restaurant.

* * *

Ranma stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind her, and quickly pulled off her clothes. A quick scrub, as bucket of cold water to wash off, and then Ranma dropped herself into the hot furo, feeling the change come over her again, and reverting back to his real form. He let the tension built up in his muscles to flow out as he relaxed in the water. He reached up to remove the blindfold, then decided, with the way things usually went around here, it would be better is he left it on.

_Nah, not even **my** luck's that bad_, he thought, and pulled the strip of cloth away from his eyes. _Ite... it's so bright._

He lay back against the wall of the tub, and dropped his head against the edge, staring at the ceiling, and closed his eyes against the light. _What was that, anyway? Some weird new part of the curse? If it is, I'm getting **cured**, pronto. I know Akane says she doesn't mind... and I think I believe her. I mean, she even **kissed** me when I was a girl! But if I have to go through stuff like that, forget it. She can not mind until Ryoga learns to fly, but that was too much. I just **know** people were staring at me._

Lost in thought (for once) Ranma didn't hear the furo door open.

* * *

_I mean, really, the way son-in-law looked at me, or, didn't look at me, that is, the expression on his face... well, **I** sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to tell him the young Tendo girl was about to take her bath!_

From upstairs, there was a familiar-sounding voice that screamed "HENTAI!!" followed by a surprised incoherent yell by a distinctly male voice, and a loud crash that sounded suspiciously like a large blunt mallet smashing into something, then silence.

_See? They worked it out themselves, I'm sure. I think I'm going to join Mrs. Saotome for some tea._

* * *

"Sorry," Akane said. "Habit."

"S'ok. At least you pulled to the side to miss. Help me out, would you? My blindfold's around here somewhere..."

"Here you go," and the blindfold was dropped into one of his open hands.

"Thanks, Akane," Ranma said, tying the blindfold over his eyes. He slumped back in the water, since he hadn't left the bathtub the entire time. "I guess that's what she was trying to tell me."

"Who was trying to tell you what?"

"When I came in, I told the old ghoul I was going to take a bath. I think she was trying to tell me something, but then she didn't."

"I wonder why..."

"Well, uh, I think I kinda scared her."

"You _scared_ her? What'd you do, unleash your demonic powers on her?"

"Ha, ha, no. Please stop that."

"Yeah, yeah. So, how'd you scare her?"

"Well, I was kinda having a bad day-"

"I know. I feel sorry for Ukyo, too, but..."

"It had to be done. I meant after that."

"Oh. Run into one of the Kuno's?"

"Kinda surprising, but no. It was raining."

"Oh, you changed? But I thought-"

"-that I don't mind. I don't. But then the rain went _warm_, you know? It was cold, and then it was warm. And then it was cold again. If I had been near a building, I'd have sworn somebody dumped water on me, but I was in the middle of crossing the street. So I decided to come home, and I started running, but the rain just kept changing back and forth. And fast. _Really_ fast. I was changing back and forth so much that I couldn't tell _what_ I was. And the second I got inside the door the rain stopped. It just stopped. I know you don't mind me changing into a girl and all, but if this weird weather is some new part of the curse, I'm hunting down a cure. That was just too weird, even for me."

"If you wasn't impossible for you to lie..."

"I wouldn't believe it either."

"Yeah. So what's that creepy rain got to do with scaring the old ghoul?"

"You're calling her that now? She was there when I got home. After the rain, I came home as a girl, and I was going to take a bath. Cologne intercepted me, was trying to tell me something, but I was really, _really_ mad, and I think the look on my face must of gotten to her, cause she started not making any sense. Just kinda droned off. Maybe she thought I was gonna turn on her if she got on my nerves. Told me it could wait until later. I told her I was gonna take a bath, and then she tried to tell me something else, probably that you were about to take a bath, and when I looked in her direction again, all she said was 'enjoy your bath' and she was even stuttering."

"I did tell her I was going to take a bath."

"That was probably it, then. Poor Ranma, creepy rain messing with your curse."

Ranma sighed. "Yeah..." a pair of hands dropped on his chest, wrapping around him from behind. He jumped, then relaxed again.

"Long gloves, huh?"

"Mm-hmm."

_I wonder where she got those?_

"Your mom gave them to me."

_Huh?! Oh, right, Menial Ranma, or something like that._

"Mental, not menial."

_Stop that._

"Yes, Master."

Ranma snorted, but smiled anyway.

"See? I got you to smile."

_Tomboy._

"Baka."

_So... not trying to kill me for being in the bath with you?_

Silence.

"Didn't get that one, huh?"

"I can't read your mind, dummy, I just know what you might think about some things, that's all."

"Oh. So, not trying to kill me for being in the bath with you?"

"Not your fault this time. And it's not like you can see me. And I guess I'm gonna have to get kinda used to it."

"Oh?"

_Eek! Did I say that out loud?_ "Um, so anyway, Ranma, I noticed your answers were getting more normal and not so on-the-spot-instant-truth."

"Yeah, I noticed too. Maybe the potion's wearing off?"

"I don't think so. I got a look at the paper the old ghoul was writing on before I told her I was about to take a bath. It looked like she was trying to figure out exactly what the potion was doing, or something like that. The truth part's wearing off a bit. You still can't lie, but I think you get some choice in the matter. That big 'kill-guys-I-don't-like-sleep-with-girls-I-do' stuff is still gonna be there."

"Oh. Sneaky, aren't you?"

"I get all my bad habits from you."

There was silence in the bath.

_Whap_

"I _heard_ that, Ranma!"

"I didn't say anything!"

"You didn't have to; I know what you were thinking!"

Ranma spun around, facing his fiancée. "No fair, you can't use my thoughts against me!"

"Y-yes I c-can, I can, um, do something to... I mean, I can do a-anything I want to- I mean, anything I want!"

"You feeling alright, Akane?"

"Fine, never better, doing y-, uh, great! I'm going to go and let you finish your bath, now, ok?"

"Ok, then. You sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, fine! You just sit back down and relax. Bad day, right?"

"Yeah. Feeling better, though."

"Good, yeah, good." Akane stood up and went for the door, while Ranma slumped back into the water.

"Talk to you later, ok?"

"Sure, Akane. After your bath. How's that?"

"Yeah, after my... bath."

Ranma turned around again. "You _sure_ you're ok?"

"Y-yeah, I'm fine, Ranma, just... fine! You just sit down and relax, k?" _Ah! What is wrong with me?!_

"Alright. I'll let you know when I'm... out of the bath." _Ooookay, crazy Akane_, he thought, dropping fully into the water again.

"Right, right. See more- uh, see you then." Akane slid open the inner door, stepped through, and shut it behind her. She slumped against it. _Ahh! What is **wrong** with me, staring at him like that when he turned around?! I could see... see... **all** of him!_

"Akane?" Ranma's voice drifted through the door.

"Yes, Ranma?"

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"You're thinking out loud."

"G-" Akane said. "G... g... g..."

"It's really a bad habit."

"G... g... g... g... g..."

"Hentai."

"_Gomen!!_" Akane raced through the outer door, shut it, and slammed her bedroom door behind her.

Ranma laughed until he finished his bath. He laughed as he left the furo, and only managed to stop just before he knocked on Akane's door.

"Um, come in?"

Ranma stuck his blindfolded face through the doorway. "Bath is yours."

"Th-thanks."

"About what you said after you left..."

"Can we just, um, forget about that for now?"

"Sure. Can I ask you something?"

"Maybe. I might not answer it, if it's something perverted."

"No, I think we figured out that _you're_ the pervert right now."

"U-urusei!"

"_Anyway_, I just wanted to know, um..."

"What?"

"Does this mean you're going to start walking in on my baths now? Cause I mean..."

"U... u..."

"...if you are..."

"...u ...u ..."

"...I'd like to make sure now..."

"... u ...u..."

"...so I don't misunderstand later, when you peep at me."

"... u... _urusei!!_"

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"Out!!"

"That's a yes, then?"

"_OUT!!_"

Shutting the door, Ranma managed to hold back the laughter until he was shut in his room.

* * *

A/N

Jeez, you'd think I could have something like this out in a few days, but nooooo, writer's block had to bitch-slap me so hard my teeth rattled. Had a birthday a few days ago, I'm 23 now! Halloween was my b-day, and I got soooo wasted! I only meant to have a few drinks, but someone, I won't mention who (WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING?!) told the bar that it was my birthday, and suddenly, half the damn bar was trying to buy me a shot in honor of it. Bastards. Then I came home, at like, 1:30 a.m., and tried to write. When I woke up the next day, I took a look at it. Random nonsense, that's all. Involving a weird couldn't-be-anything-but-an-omake about Ranma and Inuyasha getting into an 'I-can-take-a-punch-better contest, and having Lina Inverse as both judge and dispenser of fireballs in order to prove it. They were both fragged after the first shot. Oh, my drunken stupidity.


	17. Another Visit, Inspiration

Disclaimer:

See chapter 15

* * *

"Hold still, Mousse. This won't work if you don't stop flinching."

"I know, Kasumi-san. But I can't help it. I've been fighting to long that if something touches me like that, I think it's an attack to hurt me!"

"Ara... Just try to relax."

Mousse sighed. "Hai."

_touch_

Mousse flinched and somehow managed to get another foot of distance between him and Kasumi.

Kasumi sighed. "Mousse..."

"I know, I know... it's just a reflex, not that I don't want this."

"It's the fifth time we've tried since we got back. Please, stop jumping so much."

"Gomen nasai, Kasumi-san... I don't mean to-"

"-jump away like that," Kasumi finished for him. "I have an idea."

"Ok..."

"On your back."

"Kasumi-san?"

"Trust me, now, on your back, please."

"Alright..."

Once on his back, Kasumi straddled him.

"If you have nowhere to jump to, you can't flinch away, you see?"

"You amaze me. I should have gotten to know you a long time ago."

Kasumi blushed a little. "Thank you. Now, are you ready?"

Mousse nodded.

_touch_

_crack!!_

Silence.

"Ara... you've broken the floor."

"Gomen... I... I..."

"Wait here, for just a moment, I'll be right back. Do not get up." There was a trace of disappointment in Kasumi's voice.

"I'll... wait."

Kasumi slowly walked out of her room. She saw Nabiki sitting at the table, sharing tea with Mrs. Saotome and Cologne. Ranma's mother had an eye cast on the Shogi board that her father was squinting at, trying to discern his next move and a way to avoid Nodoka's roving eye. Nabiki herself was working in the dojo's finances.

"Nabiki-chan, can I borrow you for a moment?"

Nabiki looked up. "Of course, Kasumi." Soun took the moment Nabiki was between him and Nodoka to slip another piece onto the board. Nodoka frowned.

"Soun, are you cheating?"

"Mrs. Saotome, on your husband's honor, I would never do such a thing."

"Soun, are you aware it is impolite to swear upon things that do not exist?"

That dialogue had become their routine.

There was a weak groan from the top of the staircase. Nodoka whirled to face it. "I DIDN'T SAY YOU WERE ALLOWED TO LEAVE THE ROOM!! GET BACK IN THE ROOM, NOW!!"

A weak groan, sounded like "_food..._"

"ONLY IF YOU BEHAVE!! BACK IN THE ROOM!!"

Another weak groan, and the sound of a body dragging itself down the hall. A door shut a moment later. Soun slipped another piece onto the board.

"I must commend you on the way you have trained your husband. It makes an old Amazon woman proud."

"Thank you, Elder Cologne."

Soun chuckled. Nodoka slipped a piece onto the board. They both drank some tea, and Cologne slipped pieces for both of them onto the board.

Nabiki rolled her eyes as she followed her sister. "What do you need help with?"

"Overcoming a martial artist's reflexes."

"Nani? Shouldn't you ask Ranma or Akane for help like that?"

"I don't think it is wise to make Ranma-kun do much at the moment, and Akane-chan is taking a bath."

"Hmm, true. So, how can I help?" _And I wonder what you need that kind of help for, big sister..._

"He won't stop jumping away," Kasumi said, sliding open her door, revealing Mousse on the floor, still on his back.

"Um... Kasumi-san?"

"Don't worry, Mousse, we'll figure it out. Ne, Nabiki-chan?"

"What am I being dragged into here?"

"Kasumi-san?"

"You hold him down, Nabiki, I'll be the one who does it."

"I should be charging for this..."

"Kasumi-san?"

"It's ok, Mousse. We'll figure out a way to get your contacts in."

Mousse began to wonder if it was worth it.

* * *

Ranma, now a girl, flung herself from roof to roof, keeping an eye out for people she knew, to avoid them, an eye on the sky, in case of weird rain, and all her other senses alert to her path. She had visited the flower shop like always, but had avoided looking in the direction of the girl behind the counter. When asked, Ranma had managed to make himself say he didn't want to look at anyone right at the moment, since he was very upset. It was the truth, but leaving out certain reasons was close to lying as he seemed to be able to make himself get.

In one hand was the white rose he always bought ("It was her favorite before she died.") and in the other were two small containers, one of warm water, one of cold.

With a sigh, she dropped into the cemetery, and poured the warm water over herself, triggering the curse, after making sure no one else was around.

Five minutes passed. Ten. He kicked himself, then dropped to one knee, and placed the single white rose on the tombstone.

"Hello again, Mrs. Tendo. I meant to come by earlier, but the past few days have been kinda weird and busy, even for me. Gomen nasai, but you've probably heard me talk enough to last for a very long time, and I would not be surprised to learn that you're getting tired of listening to me complain about everything. I'm not sure where to begin exactly... I think I'll start at Shampoo's 'apology'..."

* * *

In her room, her bath finished, Akane waited for Ranma. She knew where he had taken off to, but she wondered if she should tell him that she would be more than willing to listen to his problems from now on.

* * *

"... Mousse is on our side, and even helped us with Kuno, oh, you'll like that, listen to this..."

* * *

Maybe he would have come to her, but Akane knew what would have happened. Probably something along the lines of "BAKA!!" and loud smashing sounds.

* * *

"...Gomen nasai, but I had no control. I did not mean to touch her like that. I know she started it, but it is still my fault, even if we can joke about it now. Gomen nasai, gomen nasai..."

* * *

But she'd be here for him now, even if she didn't always understand...

* * *

"... so we're together. I was convinced it was someone impersonating her at first, because I didn't believe it was possible, that Akane might... might... love me .She loves me..." The words were spoken as though by a dying man, lost in the desert, having just found an oasis full of water. "She loves me... it hurt so much to be near her, but that pain is almost over now..."

* * *

And no matter what, she would never leave him. Not after everything they had been through together. Not after all he sacrificed for her.

* * *

"...if you had any part in helping us get together..." Ranma bowed low to the ground, placing his forehead against the backs of his hands. "Domo arigato..."

* * *

She couldn't pretend that she wouldn't lose her temper, or that she might not misunderstand sometimes, but, if he would have her, she would never stop being there for him. For her Ranma.

* * *

"I guess I'll be going now. Thanks for always listening to me, even if I complain so much. I'll try to find happier things to talk about. I think... I might have some, next time..."

* * *

Now all she had to do was wait for him to come home to let him know.

* * *

Smiling, Ranma stood up. "If there's any help you can give, I'd gladly welcome it. I'm still not sure what else I can do. I'll see you again, another time."

Ranma hadn't gone ten feet from the grave when I warm wind kicked up, stirring the leaves in the trees. _What kind of wind is this? It's not normal..._

But Ranma didn't think any more thoughts along those lines, because he suddenly had an _idea_. A great, wonderful, completely _obvious_ idea. Dropping the cold water, and completely forgetting what he was doing, Ranma threw himself up into the trees, and began roof-hopping as fast as he could back towards the Tendo dojo.

On top of the gravestone, the lone white rose had vanished.

* * *

In space, a small unmanned resupply craft, for no reason that could be determined, began to descend towards the earth. It fell, faster, streaking through the atmosphere, until, some time later, it landed on the outskirts of Tokyo, softly hitting the earth, thanks to the in-board parachute in case it was used as an escape pod. A small figure in purple groaned, and staggered out, and then left, in search of women and their unmentionables.

Inside the craft, on a small instrument panel that held the piloting controls, a white rose rested. There was a warm wind, and it vanished.

She was going to help her daughter's fiancée.

* * *

Ranma shot over the roofs fast enough that running silent was no longer an option. Instead, several occupants of many homes were startled at the loud slams that raced across their rooftops. With a roar, Ranma landed in the yard of the Tendo's, a few feet from the dojo. He tied the blindfold around his eyes, and turned to face the outside wall.

* * *

In her room, Akane heard the unmistakable sound of Ranma bounding across the roof, to land in the yard outside. With a smile, and the intention of letting Ranma know she was going to be there for him, she pulled open her window, only to be met with Ranma's voice-

"**_HAPPOSAI!!!_**"

_Ite!_ Akane thought. Ranma was yelling loud enough to be heard in Okinawa!

"**_HAPPOSAI!!!_**"

"Ranma, what are you doing?!" Soun yelled, trying to be heard from the back porch. "Saying the name will only summon the Master!"

"**_HAPPOSAI!! WHERE ARE YOU?! I CHALLENGE YOU, OLD MAN, FOR THE TITLE OF MASTER OF THE ANYTHING GOES SCHOOL!!_**"

"He's lost it, utterly lost it," Nabiki complained. She was in a slightly foul mood; it had taken her and her sister ten minutes to get Mousse's contacts in, with him fighting them against his own reflexes.

"Ara..." was all her older sister said.

"What is he thinking, starting a fight in his condition?" muttered Cologne.

Then a small, purple-clad old freak, with a bag over his shoulder, and a bra on his head landed in the yard. "So, my young pupil, you think you can challenge me? And blindfolded, no less?"

"Ranma, what are you doing?" Akane whispered to herself, watching him from her window.

Something brushed against Ranma's arm. By reflex, he caught it. It felt familiar... kind of like... He brought it up to his face, and the faint scent of a white rose drifted to him. He smiled, and threw it to the ancient master of Anything Goes. "You know, I think I can."

Happosai raised an eyebrow as he looked at the rose. "Eh?"

"I challenge you, Happosai of the Anything Goes School of Martial Arts, to your title of Grandmaster."

Happosai laughed. "I accept, but if you lose, you're gonna be wearing a lovely set of matching red lingerie."

"All right, old man, let's get started." Ranma jumped at his father's master, and pulled the blindfold off his head in mid-air.

* * *

A/N

I know, short chapter, but I just kinda felt like writing, and cutting it off right there. It seems like a good place to do it. Biiiii!


	18. Fight! Fight! Fight! Grandmaster

Disclaimer:

See chapter 15

* * *

Oh, and when I say that Ranma is laughing, I don't mean a normal laugh. Imagine what it would sound like if Ranma laughed like Alucard does during a fight. Yeah, like that.

* * *

Happosai managed to find the time to roll his eyes as Ranma jumped towards him, tearing the blindfold off as he did so. He simply stepped to the side, taking a puff on his pipe as he did so. He yawned, stretched up his arms, and closed his eyes in disdain that his "student's" attacks were both so predictable and slow.

"Ranma, my boy, if that's all you've got, you might as well give up now and save yourself the- AHHH!!!" The diminutive martial arts master found himself flying through the air towards the outer wall, face-first, and with a horrible pain in his back that bore a strong resemblance to Ranma's left foot. With a loud crunch be was buried a good six inches into the wall, leaving a crater and a great deal of cracks in the wall. He fell out, dropping to his hands and knees on the ground.

"All right, boy, now you've asked for it. I'm gonna break you in half," he snarled. "This time you're gonna-" The only sound Happosai made next was a hollow _whuff_ as Ranma's foot drove itself into the old man's belly. Happosai's eyes widened as he felt a rib crack under the pressure. It took a lot, but he managed to jump back, off of Ranma's foot, and sucked air back into his lungs.

Dragging himself back to his feet, and fully enraged, Happosai's battle aura flared out, drawing several loud gasps from their audience. "That's it, Ranma, you're going to _pay!_"

Happosai threw himself back from Ranma, his hands diving into his robes, and pulling out-

"HAPPO-FIRE BURST!!"

Several bombs raced across the yard, and Ranma, for his part, didn't even seem to pay attention to them at all. And for the first time, Happosai managed to get a look at Ranma's face since the beginning of the fight. Instead of what Happosai was expecting, nervousness, determination, smugness from having hit the master, all there was on Ranma's face was a rage beyond anything that Happosai had ever seen before in all his many years.

Ranma seriously looked like he wanted to _kill_ him.

Then the bombs went off in Ranma's face.

Happosai winced, putting a hand to his cracked rib. _Since when does Ranma pack that kind of power? No matter, a couple of fire bursts still puts him down._

A ball of ki shot out of the inferno that the fire-bursts had made, flying towards Happosai faster than he could blink. It nailed him in the ribs, and launched him towards the outer wall again like a miniature rocket. Happosai yelled in pain at the additional hit to his ribs, and the newest impact into the Tendo's wall.

"Dammit, boy, what _is_ it with you and the body blows?!" he snapped. Flecks of blood came from his mouth as he spoke. "And how did you get that shot off before you were knocked out?!"

Then a battle aura roared out at him, and Ranma himself stepped out of the fire and smoke, looking very much like the demon he had claimed to be to scare Kuno, with the same look of pure rage on his face, untouched except for some charring on his clothes.

In the very small quiet that followed, lasting only seconds, the only sound was that of Nabiki, gleefully taking bets on both her cell phone and the house phone, with the longer odds on Ranma, as usual when he fought Happosai, and happily filming it all. She was going to make a _fortune_ on this!

Then there was nothing Happosai could see or hear except for the fight, as Ranma charged at him faster than he could believe. _He's not that fast!_ Happosai mentally objected. _He's not that fast! **I'm** not that fast!_ He tried to jump away from the oncoming fist, and managed, only barely, to get away. Any celebration he might have had over that, however, was crushed when Ranma's right hand closed around his ankle, and Happosai found himself being pulled back through the air. Happosai felt his face collide with Ranma's other hand. Pain blossomed.

"_You-_"

Ranma jumped into the air. Even Kasumi, with almost no formal training, could see where he was heading.

"_Talk-_"

Ranma descended, bringing Happosai down from over his head, accelerating Happosai's descent faster than his.

"_To-_"

Some dim part of Happosai's mind, that used to be the proud martial artist when he was young, so very young and ideal, screamed at the rest of his perverted mind, _Killing blow, Ranma's using killing blows!!_ His eyes widened in this horrible realization.

"_Much!!_"

There was a crash, brought by the crushing of stone, as Ranma slammed Happosai head-first into the rocks on the edge of the koi pond. Happosai screamed in pain. He _felt_ the concussion in his skull more than sensed it. In desperation, he put everything he had into a blow aimed at Ranma's grinning face, all the power he could summon.

Ranma caught it with an open palm, and drove his knee into Happosai's side in return. He gagged on blood as he felt the cracked rib break fully under Ranma's hit. Then Happosai knew pain, tremendous pain, as Ranma's fists descended on his, driving with incredible force into his left side, right side, left side, right side of his face, knocking a tooth out, left side of his face, breaking skin, back to the right side of his ribs, left side, right side… any unbroken ribs gave out any pretense of holding together under the eight-blows-per-second onslaught.

Without a pause, Ranma's hand enveloped Happosai's head, and starting smashing him against the rocks, like he was trying to crack him open. After the fifth strike in as many seconds, Ranma stood, towering over his father's master, laughing. "You're no fun. You break too easy." He held his right hand over his head, pulling his ki into his palm, and snapped it downwards, flinging the ball into Happosai's belly. His eyes bulged as he tried to yell for the pain, but no sound came out. Pure survival instinct won out over the pride that Happosai had of being the grandmaster of his art, and he tried to choke out "I give," but no sound came from his mouth, only a slight gurgling, and a hacking cough as he tried to breathe again. Happosai watched in horror as Ranma held his hands in front of his chest, and summoned a massive ball of ki, swirling with enough raw power as to make the very air crackle. Then, as Ranma lifted it up over his head in a two-handed grip to throw it at him, he knew nothing but darkness.

* * *

Akane drove herself between her father and Cologne, intent on stopping Ranma from killing Happosai as she watched him throw the one-handed ball of ki into the ancient man's stomach from over his head. She broke through them, and ran as fast as she could for the discarded and forgotten blindfold. She scooped it up from the ground, and ran as fast as she could towards her fiancée, momentarily awestruck at the _second_ ball he was now holding, the size of a basketball, and looked so powerful that Akane thought that he had somehow managed to catch a ball of lightening. He brought it up over his head, clearly to deliver the final shot to kill Happosai. Akane realized that she was not fast enough to reach him in time to stop him, but ran for him anyway, hoping that somehow, something would slow him from killing Happosai, and thereby breaking Ranma's already damaged honor by having killed a second time in his life. 

The urge to throw herself at him seemed to come from nowhere, overriding the original impulse to run up and try to slip the blindfold over his eyes. She dove for him, and for a moment, thought she felt someone _push_ at her feet, giving her more speed as she crashed into Ranma's side, sending them both into koi pond. She felt her fiancée's waist shrink in her arms, and yanked the blindfold over Ranma's eyes as they both stood back up.

"Are you… normal, Ranma?"

"Yeah Akane, I'm fine," she replied. "I'm… I'm barely winded. Could you finish tying that on me?"

"Mm," was all Akane said as she secured the blindfold's ties. "C'mon, Ranma, let's get out of the water." But as they both pulled themselves from the pond, Akane wondered how on earth she ever got the idea to dive-tackle Ranma, and where that speed boost had come from. Neither she nor Ranma noticed the white rose floating in the water, which vanished from sight when they both were back on the ground.

Cologne pogo-sticked her way to the couple, and cast a speculative eye on Akane. "For someone who claims to hate 'the pervert,' you sure do take some insane risks for him."

Akane stuck her tongue out. "Even _I_ know how much Ranma hates killing, you dried up voodoo doll." Akane yelped as the voodoo doll knocked her one over the head.

Cologne reached for Ranma's hand, then saw that the gloves had suffered a great many burn holes from the bombs, and pushed her walking stick into Ranma's palm instead. She raised it up high in the air and said:

"By way of full knock-out of his opponent, I present to you, Grandmaster of Anything Goes-Style of Martial Arts, Ranma Saotome!"

_And what a fine catch you will be for the Amazon tribe, son-in-law!_

* * *

Nodoka was, not surprisingly, crying. It can be said, however, that any tears previously shed over her son's 'manliness' were nothing compared to the flood that threatened to top anything Soun had ever accomplished, even at his worst. 

It embarrassed the new Master of Anything Goes like you wouldn't believe.

"Aw, c'mon, mom. Stop it, please?" he asked for the fifth time.

And for the fifth time, his answer was, "SO MANLY!!" followed by many sobs and tears. At least this time, she managed to hand him a new set of gloves in place of his burned ones.

"Urgh," Ranma groaned, and slumped his head against the table. Mousse snorted.

"Some master, can't even handle his own mother."

"Go soak your tail feathers. When my mother can form sentences that don't involve the word 'manly,' come let me know."

"Where are you going, Ranma Saotome? I feel we have many things to discuss."

"Upstairs, ghoul, not that it's any of your business. Whatever it is, it can wait. Unless you want to _shake hands_ on some sort of deal…"

Not missing the implied threat, Cologne narrowed her eyes. "I'll be waiting for you later, then."

As Ranma headed up the stairs, Kasumi intercepted him at the top step.

"Ranma-san?"

"Yeah, Kasumi?" _Ranma-san? What happened to Ranma-kun?_

"I just wanted to… to… apologize for… my actions in the dojo."

_Eh? I thought we got passed this…_ "It's ok, Kasumi-san. Don't worry about it." For some odd reason Ranma couldn't figure out, Kasumi blushed the moment he said _–san_.

"I know we… discussed it, but I thought… I mean, it's not proper… I, um, someone of your… um, title, and…"

Understanding flashed through Ranma's sometimes-slow brain. _Oh, ok, I get it…_ "Kasumi-san?"

"Yes, Ranma-san?"

"Hey, just because I have the title, doesn't mean I want ya to go and start doing all the bowing and scraping and stuff that some people do! I mean, if I'm teaching class or something else martial arts, that's one thing, but the rest of the time, it's still just me, ok?"

Kasumi seemed to brighten and straighten up. "H-hai, Ranma…"

"-kun." _It'd just be weird to hear Kasumi callin' me Ranma-san._

"Hai, Ranma-kun." Much relieved, Kasumi began to walk down the stairs to prep dinner.

"Hey, Kasumi?"

"Yes?"

"Could I get something to snack on in a couple of minutes? The fight left me kind of hungry."

"Of course. I'll have something waiting for you in a little bit, ok?"

"Thanks, sanjuu shunkan onna." (Literally translated: thirty second girl. If there are any syntax errors, it's because my Japanese sucks)

Kasumi giggled and blushed, but went on her way. On a whim, she asked Mousse to help her with dinner, on the condition that he would leave his contacts in to do so, and was quite happy when he agreed.

* * *

An hour later. 

_knock knock_

"Come in."

The door opened.

"Oh, I thought it would be you."

"Yeah, it's me. Um, can I…?"

"Mm. Sit down."

The sound of cloth ruffling as someone sat down on the bed, and the owner of the bed joining them.

"I know what's bothering you, Ranma."

"Yeah, I thought you might."

"It was necessary."

"Yeah."

"And you did good."

"Yeah."

"I'm proud of you."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"It's just…"

"I know. You almost killed him. I was there. I saw."

"Yeah."

"And you hate to kill."

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Come here."

More shifting cloth, and Ranma found himself in an embrace.

"Can you tell me something?"

"Sure, Ranma."

"Tell me it's not really me."

"I'm sorry?"

"When… when I took of the blindfold, it was just like when I was fighting Ryoga that night. I was… I was _happy_ that I was hurting him. It _thrilled_ me that I could kill him. And it was like… it was like it was the only thing I wanted in the world. All I wanted was him dead. Everyone fighting me was just in the way, and if they died because of it, I _didn't care_. And when I fought Happosai…"

"It was the same."

"Yeah."

"Any other martial artist would be just about bouncing off the ceiling at having won the title of Grandmaster of his art, you know."

"Yeah."

"And yet, here you are…"

"Moping about it."

"Yeah."

"Ain't that my line?"

"Yeah."

Silence.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"It's not you."

"It's not?"

"No. It's the potion, Ranma. If it was really you, you wouldn't be here right now. You'd be downstairs, celebrating. Or in the dojo, planning out your next move. Or you'd still in the tub, soaking, and just thinking about how things will be different now that you have control of the art. I know you were in there and you were upset over how you won the fight. It's not you, Ranma."

"… I'm not so sure."

"What do you mean?"

"I could have tried to fight him without the blindfold first. I could have tried, and if I couldn't do it, then I could have pulled it off. Instead, it was the first thing I did, and I _knew_ what it would be like."

"No, Ranma. I know you better than that. You're lying to yourself. You and I both know that you could be twice as powerful, and not have beaten Happosai blindfolded. You only did what you had to in order to win, nothing more. And you know that you would have been stopped, or at least distracted long enough for him to get away, so that you could go back to 'normal.' That was proven when you were blindsided and knocked into the pond."

Silence.

"Thank you." It was barely a whisper, but it was still there.

"Ranma?"

"…"

"Ranma?"

"…"

"Ranma, are you…?"

"No," _sniff_ "'course not, Pops said-"

"IF YOU SAY THAT YOUR FATHER SAID IT'S NOT MANLY TO CRY, THEN I SHALL HAVE A PANDA-SKIN RUG DECORATING MY FLOOR BY TONIGHT!! _ESPECIALLY_ IF YOU'RE LISTENING TO HIM STILL!!"

Silence.

"Thank you." Barely a whisper.

"For what."

"Everything. Listening, and all. Making me see that I was wrong."

"You're welcome, Ranma."

Silence.

"YOU'RE SO MANLY!!"

"AW, JEEZ, NOT THAT!!"

"MANLY!! HE'S SO VERY MANLY!!"

"CUT IT OUT, PLEASE!!"

"MANLY!!" _sob_ "MANLY, MANLY, MANLY!!"

"STOP IT, I CAN'T TAKE IT!!"

Giggles. "Sorry, Ranma, I couldn't resist."

"You're going off the deep end, you know that, Akane?"

"Yeah, I know. I love you, don't I?"

"Tomboy."

"Baka."

Silence.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"…"

"I love you too, Akane."

* * *

A/N 

For the long time between the last chapter and this, I must apologize yet again. I have found the cause of my writer's block. It's not that I can't think of what to write, it's that I'm constantly coming up with ideas for all the _other_ fanfics I'm planning to write, and I can't make them go away. A lot of them are downright funny. I'm not telling, but one involves an insane Harry Potter, an angry Dumbledore, one locked door, one white ferret, the DA group, and 30 singing rats.

In addition, I want to thank a person unknown to me, but whose name I know is Elizabeth Kirkindall, for her AMV (Anime Music Video) to LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" because watching it helped inspire the fight scene. Also, for those of you out there who either watch the fanfic list page or have me on your author alert list because you want to see when I update, you should take a nice five or ten seconds in your next reviews to add an additional line to thank LunaticChic88, whose review was what finally got me moving on chapter 18 (no matter how appallingly short it might be). I just left it in my inbox, and whenever I felt writer's block standing in my way, I'd just reread it, and keep going.

Gobstopper,

The following review has been submitted to: Ranma's Morning Confession Chapter: 17

From: LunaticChic88 ( )

this is possibly- no-it IS the best Ranma fic i've read in a long time. i almost cried at the end of this chapter, cause there's nothing left to read. so, on that note, i just wanna say, update, update, UPDATE!

Thank you very much for the compliment LunaticChic88 (blushes slightly), but while I admit that I like my own story, I don't think that it's _that_ good.


	19. Dealing with Nabiki

Disclaimer:

* * *

See chap 15 

_whir whir whir_

_tick-tick-tick-tick_

_sound of tape being pulled_

_Gobstopper cackles madly_

"_FIRE IN THE HOLE!!"_

_BOOOOOOOM!!!_

"_MWA HA HA HA HA!!! EAT EXPLOSIVES, YOU STUPID WRITER'S BLOCK!!"_

"_HOW DARE YOU!!"_

"_AHHHH!!! WHO ARE YOU?!?!"_

"_I AM WRITER'S BLOCK'S BIGGER BROTHER, WRITER'S BRICK WALL!!"_

"_WELL, FUCK YOU!! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME, ANYWAY?!"_

* * *

Nodoka smiled as she walked away from Akane's room. When she had seen her son disappear into it, curiosity had gotten the better of her, and she had listened in to the whole conversation, only leaving when she heard Ranma tell Akane that he loved her, too. 

Unlike some other people around the house, she knew full well why Ranma had wanted the title he had taken from Happosai. It hadn't been hard to figure out, especially after her initial interrogation of Ranma way back when he had first been locked in the dojo and she had been the one to explain what was happening to him. She had heard it all, from Genma's lunatic training, how Shampoo had come into his life and how much she drove him insane, to the reappearance of Ukyo and her 'involvement' in his life, Ryoga, the eternally lost pig-boy, even Herb and how Ranma thought he might never be a boy again, and the Phoenix God Saffron, and his death at Ranma's hands to protect Akane.

And the wedding, mustn't forget about the wedding disaster.

Nodoka was still stewing about that one.

Her mood had not been improved by her son's descriptions of the many attempts at forced weddings by her husband and Akane's father, though it seemed that with Genma's influence temporarily removed, Soun did not seem quite as willing to force the matter.

And Genma had _lied_ to her when she had discovered the curses by accident, telling her that they had crossed paths with a strange Chinese master, who, when they defeated him in honorable combat, had cursed them into their alternate forms as punishment.

It had taken Ranma ten minutes not to convince her to simply kill Genma when she heard that it was really from a training ground of cursed springs that could easily have been avoided, but Genma knew about as much Chinese as he knew about dieting.

And how much Ranma loved Akane, the girl who would despise him for being forced upon her, who hurt him at almost every available opportunity, who rejected him in any form, did not believe him regardless of circumstance, hated him for daring to be better than her, denied him so much as a thank you despite the countless times he had saved her.

And he had made Nodoka swear that she would not so much as lift a finger against Akane. He loved her so much that he would not see her hurt for any reason. He said that he was happy just being near her, and Nodoka believed him. It was the only reason that Akane had not found herself at sword point.

And now she loved him. Accepted him. Wanted him. Claimed him. Claimed her son.

Claimed the son who had believed that his mother was _dead_, by his father's convincing!

It was enough to make her want to cry.

Genma hadn't said that he loved her since Ranma was born.

Bastard.

Nodoka wanted to scream for the injustice of it all.

Maybe she should just kill her husband.

No, if he was dead, how on earth was he going to make it up to her and her son?

Well, either way, she knew that Ranma was going to teach him a lesson or two.

Like she said, she knew why Ranma had taken the title, and it was not to keep Happosai in line.

Not entirely, anyway. It was certainly a nice fringe benefit.

Ranma was taking charge of his life in a way he could not before.

The title of Master granted him many things. Authority over his own father, and Soun Tendo. Authority, if denied, could be reinforced. Painfully. For long periods of time. Often.

As Master, he had the option to declare himself head of the Saotome Clan, though he would need Nodoka's permission to do so, since she alone held the family honor blade. She couldn't wait until he came asking for that. She had a surprise for him.

Good luck making Cologne enforce her ridiculous laws of marriage and death. Why, Nodoka herself had already found a nice little loophole in it. So had Nabiki, but when Nodoka asked her why she had not told anyone about it, she said nobody had paid her for the information. Nodoka had promptly given her a thousand yen, and told her that it was payment for closing her eyes for two seconds. Then she smacked her as soon as her eyes were closed.

Impudent girl. She didn't help one bit when it came to solving Ranma's many problems. And the pictures! Ohh, those pictures!

Well, Nodoka had put a stop to that. While there was nothing she could do about the ones already out there, Nodoka _had_ put a stop to any future releases. A simple threat through a smiling face involving a call to the police about the violation of child pornography laws for two years running had stopped Nabiki in her tracks _extremely_ quickly, thank you very much.

Really, Nabiki may have inherited her mother's shrewdness, but where did she think her mother had picked it up from in the first place? Nodoka had been an influence in her life.

"You wouldn't," Nabiki had said, as the blood rushed away from her face, making the slap all the more visible.

"I most certainly would," Nodoka had replied. "He is my son. Not only are you not helping him, you are partly responsible for some of the mess he is in, and his fiancée. You are not even my daughter-in-law; you're just a _potential_ daughter-in-law. It's not even a matter I have to think about. If it meant ensuring that my son would be the least bit happier, I would gladly turn you in to the authorities. As it is, I think that you can do more good outside a small room of concrete and steel than in it. Please, do not prove me wrong, or I shall be forced to find out for sure."

Nodoka knew her son well enough to know that he would otherwise have had a difficult time dealing with Nabiki. Fighting girls in almost any form seemed to be a rather great weakness for him. It wasn't very manly to have a weakness so very large. Nodoka would have to show him otherwise.

At least she had taken care of Nabiki for him, as he probably didn't know how to combat her, and Akane would probably not be able to bring herself against her own sister.

Oh, how wrong _that_ assumption was.

Akane couldn't bring herself to directly hurt her sister, and Ranma simply didn't know how to fight someone who wasn't using something that sounded like "Martial Arts (insert random word string here)."

There're ways around everything, you know.

And while Akane wasn't nearly as shred as her sister, she still had some ideas.

* * *

Nabiki eyeballed her younger sister warily. "You wouldn't." 

Akane, for her part, felt more than a little curious about the fading handprint decorating her sister's left cheek, but decided against commenting about it. "I would."

Ranma sat on the bed, with a large metal box in one hand. He had no idea what was going on. Akane and Nabiki were talking low enough that he couldn't quite make out what they were saying, and Akane had asked him not to listen in. All she had done was given him some rather vague instructions, and made him sit on the bed. He wondered idly what the hell was going on, and then decided that if Nabiki was involved, there was a chance he really didn't want to know.

But he hoped that it didn't involve pictures.

"Ranma?" Akane called loudly.

"Yeah?" he responded, tilting his head in her direction.

"Please?" she asked.

"Sure." Really, what was the point of this? It was like a child's game. He was a lot stronger than this. With a shrug, he held the metal box in both hands, and slowly began to squeeze it. There was a small sound as the back side started to give under the pressure. It was kind of fun. Kinda like an exercise in control. Collapse the box (which was easy), but don't do it fast. He thought for a second, and thought of at least three ways that it could be turned into some form of training. He would have thought of more, but Nabiki's shrieks were starting to get on his nerves.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Stop?"

"Sure." Humming to himself in amusement, Ranma spun the slightly-bent box on a finger.

"So, Nabiki, going to go along?"

"You want me to stop distributing any pictures of you and Ranma-" _not like his mother hasn't put a stop to that. Dammit, that was so lucrative!_ "-but you'll let me keep betting on the fights, and you want me to stop extorting money from you both, _and_ you want me to remove any recording devices I _might_ have in your room, the furo, and the dojo, _and_ you don't want me to tell anyone about what happened with Ukyo, and the fact that you two are obviously getting together. Is that it?" Sarcasm dripped from her voice. Akane ignored it.

"Yup."

"No way. That information of priceless. I'm gonna make a fortune, and you're not even giving me anything!"

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Do it again."

"Sure." Really, he wondered what this was about. Oh, well. At least it beat hiding in the dojo, trying to avoid any and all human contact. The metal warped, and the bottom caved in. He kept pushing, and, per Akane's instructions, ignored Nabiki's admittedly high-pitched and panicked-sounding protests of this action. Line… line… What was it Akane wanted him to say…? Oh yeah… "Hey, Akane, 1,000 yen says I can crush this thing to the size of a baseball before anyone can stop me."

"_Nooo!_" Nabiki screamed. Jeez, what was her problem? Ranma began to have the idea that something Nabiki either wanted or didn't want to lose was in the box. He wondered what it was. Ah, couldn't be all that important, if Akane wasn't too concerned about losing it.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah, Akane?"

"Stop, please."

"Sure." He tried to resume spinning it on one finger, but it was now so out of shape that he couldn't find the box's center of gravity, and so took to throwing it up in the air, and catching it by listening to the sound it made as it cut through the air on the way down. Akane and Nabiki talked for another minute, and Ranma got bored, and started singing softly. This really sucked, he couldn't even read manga! Sheer boredom made him come up with an idea. He could try to guess what was in the metal box! He explored the sides, and figured it was maybe a foot and a half high, two feet wide, and a foot and a half long, before he started trying to make it shrink. It wasn't very heavy, but it did have some serious locks on the front. He held it up to one ear, and shook it. He couldn't hear nothing. Which meant it was either empty, or full of something light. Or light by Ranma's standards. Sniffing the lid only gave him the smell of metal, and a faint whiff of that perfume Nabiki sometimes used. Bored, bored, bored, bored, boring, was bored, will be bored, will be bored forever, was bored a minute ago, to be bored… Ranma started whacking the box against the bedframe, in tune with his singing.

"_Yappa paa, yappa paa iinshanten…_"

_WHACK_

"… _hashagu koi wa ike no koi…_"

_WHACK_

"_Yappa paa, yappa paa iinshanten…_"

_WHACK_

"… _mune no tai wa dakaretai…_"

_WHACK_

Ranma wondered why Nabiki was squeaking every time he hit the box, and why Akane seemed to be stifling giggles.

"_Wake me wakarazu ni_…"

_WHACK_

"ALRIGHT, ALRIGHT, I'LL DO IT!!" Nabiki screamed, interrupting Ranma's song.

"Eh?" he said.

"Ranma, can I have the box please?" Akane asked.

Ranma thought for a moment. Line… line… Akane had wanted him to say something… Damn Nabiki's irritating heavy breathing; it was keeping him from concentrating… He could practically _feel_ her eyes on him. Line… line… Oh, yeah… "C'mon, Akane! 1,000 yen! Baseball! Betcha!" He gave the box a squeeze, causing the bottom to collapse a little more. Nabiki made a curious whimpering sound.

"Another time. Box, please."

"Aww…" But Ranma tossed the box in Akane's direction. It never made it. Nabiki did a remarkable dive through the air and snatched it before it was halfway across the room. Ranma wondered how someone who had practically no training pulled it off. Her landing sounded a little rough, though. It was, however, amusing to listen to her grumble as she stalked around the room, pausing occasionally to pick at… something… and jam it in her pockets.

"_Ranma, Ranma de hi ga kureru…_"

Nabiki snarled at him.

"… _kimi to ate kara_…"

Ranma ignored her.

"… _Ranma, Ranma de nanda kanda to…_"

And Akane was giggling again.

"… _sutta mon da no seikimatsu…_ Hey, Nabiki, can I have the box? It was more fun singing when I could hit it." _Hmm, musta hit a nerve or something… I wonder where she learned language like that…_

Nabiki stalked towards the door, flinging it open. Ranma heard her pivot, and guessed that she was going to say something that Akane would doubtlessly not want to hear.

"Hey, Nabiki," he called cutting off any statement she had been about to make.

"_What_, Ranma?"

"1,000 yen says I can snatch that box outta your hands, and crush it to the size of a _golfball_ before you can stop me."

Ranma ignored the sound of her teeth grinding before she slammed the door shut. He snickered as Akane burst out laughing, and slid back on Akane's bed until he was propped against the wall.

"Golfball, huh?" Akane giggled as she sat down next to him.

"Smaller than a baseball," Ranma replied as Akane slipped under his left arm, and hugged him, before laying down and placing her head in his lap, facing his knees.

"What was in the box, anyway? Nabiki looked kinda concerned over it."

"Looked?"

"Sounded. You know what I mean."

"She keeps a little book in it that has a bunch of blackmail material in it, and also all the money she'd saving towards college."

"You're evil. Really, really evil."

"I have to take this from you?"

"Yup."

Akane giggled, and curled up against Ranma, leaving her head in his lap.

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you… um, never mind." Oddly, Ranma could actually _hear_ Akane blushing.

"What?" Ranma demanded.

"Nothing," Akane mumbled.

"Don't make me make you say it."

"Grr…" Akane growled at him. "It's just… can you keep singing?"

"Eh? Why?" It was a new request as far as Ranma had ever heard.

"You, um, you sing really well… and I…" Ranma could hear the blood rushing to her cheeks. "I really… like to hear your voice."

Inside his blindfold, Ranma blinked in surprise. Twice. He turned his head to face the window. He couldn't see it, but feeling the setting sun's rays warming his face was nice. He slid his left hand, still in it's glove, into Akane's.

"I mean, if you don't want to, that's fine…"

"_Naze motto shizuka ni /_ '_Suki da yo_' _to ienai no? / Hariau to watashi mo…_"

Akane happily closed her eyes, and relaxed against her now-willing fiancée's warm body. They both had the exact same thought.

_I could get used to this._

When Kasumi opened the door fifteen minutes later to tell them that dinner would be ready in half an hour (it had been delayed a little, as Mousse did not know where some of the things Kasumi had asked him for were located), Ranma had finished four more songs, and was still going, now without Akane still asking him. Akane still had her head in Ranma's lap, eyes closed, with a small smile still on her lips.

"… _hontou no kimochi kizukanai furi shite / totzuzen futari / koi ni ochitta…_" more words followed, in English, and Kasumi could not follow them, but Ranma's voice was still wonderful. Realizing she was intruding on a private moment, Kasumi slowly closed the door, and decided she would call them down only when dinner was ready. Behind her, Ranma started again, neither he nor Akane having noticed Kasumi's presence.

"_Zonkoku na tenshi no youni / shounen yo shinwa ni nare…_"

"Are opening songs to anime all you know, Ranma?"

"You asking me to stop?"

"No."

"_Aoi kaze ga ima…_"

* * *

With the entirety of the family gathered around the table (Mousse included. He told Cologne he would keep an eye on Ranma while she went to check on Shampoo. Even Genma, who was eating slowly. Not because he wanted to use table manners, but because it hurt too much to move with any degree of speed at all), Ranma decided it was time for an announcement. He'd spent a good ten minutes deciding how to say this, using what felt like most of his brain. He wanted the right kind of remark, that had the right kind of effect, and got the point across in a manner that was straightforward, and yet subtle… 

"I'm opening the dojo for classes."

As subtle as a brick between the eyes…

"YOU CAN'T DO THAT, BOY!!"

"REALLY, RANMA? ARE YOU GOING TO TEACH?"

"WAHH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S GOING TO DO SOMETHING SO DRASTIC!!"

"OH, MY MANLY SON!!"

"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TEACH ANYTHING GOES?! I SURE AS HELL DIDN'T!!"

Sheer bedlam. He should have asked Akane for help.

"SILENCE!!!" he bellowed.

_Dead_ silence.

"WAHHH!! RANMA IS YELLING AT ME!!"

"HE SAID _SHUT UP_!!"

Soun's mouth shut with an audible snap.

Ranma smiled. "Thank you, Kasumi."

"You are most welcome."

"My _ears_ are _bleeding_…" Akane grumbled, who sat between Ranma and Kasumi.

"I," Ranma repeated, "am opening the dojo for classes. Any questions?"

"WHO GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO TEACH, BOY?!"

Ranma answered his father in the way he deemed most effective, most sure to give a final answer, and in accordance with his new title.

He shoved his father's head through the floor.

Repeatedly.

Often.

Hard.

"Any _intelligent_ questions?" Ranma asked, and splashed his father with water.

Soun opened his mouth to ask, looked at Genma's position (being face-planted), and changed his mind.

"I might have a question, if it won't make me join your father," said Mousse. Ranma chuckled, and waved at Mousse.

"Who's teaching? And what?"

"Well, the way I figure it, it depends on how many people who got attending. Let's say we end up with twenty people, all with different skill levels. I think I would be good for teaching the advanced class, I mean the _really_ advanced class, and for advanced, I think me and you would be good along with some help from Akane ("Me? Teaching? You really think so, Ranma?!"), intermediate would be you and Akane, with some help from Mr. Tendo ("Me? I stopped teaching a long time ago! I'm enjoying my retirement!"), beginners would be Akane and Kasumi, with a little help from me and you."

Silence fell like an anvil at the word _Kasumi_. Ranma took it the wrong way. "What? Hey, I can think things through you know!"

"M-me? Teaching, Ranma-kun? I… I don't…"

"Don't be crazy, Kasumi. I've seen you staring when Akane and I practice. I know you want to learn. The best way to learn is to help, right? I bet you I can get you up to the intermediate classes by the time I open the dojo."

"And it took you how long just to agree to train _me_? Now you're gonna train my _sister_?" Akane grumbled.

"WAHHH!! RANMA'S GOING TO BEAT UP MY LITTLE KASUMI!!"

"Daddy, shut up!"

Soun shrank back into his seat at his eldest daughter's yelling.

"You really… you really think I could teach? Could be any good?"

If Ranma didn't know any better, he'd swear Kasumi was blushing. Point in fact; she looked like a fire hydrant.

"Well, uh, you've got a long ways to go. I know you're in pretty good shape (Akane poked him in the sides. "Have you been peeking at her?!"), but there's a lot to learn. I mean, Akane and I have got years and years of training on ya (_not to mention Akane knows just about every special technique I do, now_), so if you're thinking you're gonna be as good as us in a hurry ("You're comparing my skill to yours? Thank you!"), that's not really possible, but yeah, you can be pretty good, if ya try."

… a freshly painted fire hydrant.

"I'd… I'd be honored, Ranma-kun."

"Good! We really did need one more person. You're training's gonna have to wait until I don't have to wear this stupid thing over my eyes." Nobody noticed Akane glance upstairs at that. "If we had one or two more, we could branch even further, but I don't really trust Pop's training methods ("Panda no baka," said Akane), so he's out. Besides, unless we got some really, really advanced students at first, we're not gonna have to worry about that for a while, so… what the hell is that noise?"

Akane frowned. "I can't hear anything."

"Mr. Tendo, you hear anything?"

"Mm-mm."

"Well, I can. It's coming from over…" Ranma's hand went out, pointing. "There."

"Ranma, you're pointing at the tree in the yard."

Ranma scooped up an empty rice bowl, and flung it out into the tree. The tree yelled at him in outrage.

"Someone tell me they just heard the tree insult Ranma. Let me know it wasn't just me," said Nabiki, who was sitting as far from Nodoka and Akane as she could.

"Um, I heard it…"

"Me too…"

Ranma threw another empty bowl. The tree cursed him again.

"You are going to get those, right Ranma-kun?" asked Kasumi, who was looking at the tree like it was tap-dancing and spouting poetry.

"Mm-hmm." Ranma help up a large kitchen knife, ready to throw.

"Please, don't! I'll come in!"

"Bring the bowls in with you!" Kasumi called, wondering just how much life with Ranma was affecting her when she thought talking to a tree was perfectly alright, especially since it was talking back. And taking offense to thrown dishes.

"And please hurry, Konatsu, I'd like to finish eating!"

Akane blinked. "Konatsu?"

The female dressed ninja slid out of the tree, sporting a nicely colorful kimono and a couple of lumps on his head that looked similar to the edge of a rice bowl.

"How did he blend into the leaves with all that color?" demanded Akane.

"Oh, another guest?" said Kasumi.

"That must take some skill," said Soun in a mildly impressed tone.

"Aren't you the girl who was with Ukyo?" asked Nabiki.

"Who are you?" asked Mousse.

Konatsu froze under the deluge of questions.

"I love that pattern. How very pretty. Where did you find it?"

"Um, I made it. By myself," he told Nodoka.

"How very talented a girl you are!"

Konatsu blushed. "Th-thank you."

Ranma coughed. It sounded suspiciously like "boy!"

"So, Konatsu, what are you doing out there?"

"I… I left… I left mistress Ukyo. And I've been… wandering ever since. I don't really have a place to go… I was in the tree as kind of… it was habit from the times mistress Ukyo made me do it…"

"Oh, you poor dear!" exclaimed Kasumi and Nodoka simultaneously.

Ranma coughed again. Sounded suspiciously like "guy!"

"Why don't you come inside?" asked Kasumi, who, despite recent changes in her mental attitude, was still a gentle person at heart.

Konatsu looked at the people sitting around a table. One gi-wearing mustached man, who looked about two seconds from bursting into tears; one kimono-clad woman, smiling and clutching a katana; one girl who dressed a little outlandish, and was doing… something… with an abacus. Ranma Saotome, blindfolded. Akane Tendo, practically chirping with happiness ("Me? Teaching?"). A very sweet looking girl, who kept glancing at Ranma _and_ Mousse. And a… headless stuffed panda?

Konatsu bent down to retrieve the rice bowls. "Okay."

Maybe they would accept him.

* * *

A/N 

Eh, I felt sorry for kicking him out of Ukyo's. Besides, I have plans for him. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews, you really got me going on this chapter.


	20. Ranma's Revenge

Disclaimer:

See Chapter 15

* * *

_Hops into big armored tank brought by Hououza._

_BOOOOOM!!!!_

"_FUCKING WRITER'S BRICK WALL!! AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!"_

"_HOW DARE YOU!!"_

"_WHAT. THE. FUCK. ARE. **YOU?!?!**"_

"_I AM WRITER'S GREAT BIG TEN TON BOULDER, FATHER TO WRITER'S BLOCK AND WRITER'S BRICK WALL!!"_

"_**WTF?! AM I A MAGNET FOR YOU BASTARDS?! HEY HOUOUZA, ANY CHANCE FOR AN AIR STRIKE?!**"_

* * *

To say that the residents of the Tendo house accepted Konatsu would be somewhat of an understatement. By their standards, he was perfectly normal, despite that you couldn't tell he was a boy at first or second glance. Or third. Or fourth, even if you got two feet away and squinted really really hard. For an hour. There was the minor incident involving a kettle poured onto his head after Ranma informed those who did not know that he was really a boy, but, realizing that he was sharing a table (sharing a table! Mistress Ukyo made him eat in his room!) with a boy that would turn into a duck, and a boy who would _really_ turn into a girl, who both knew a girl who would turn into a cat, and a man who could become a panda, he decided that the kettle treatment it was a perfectly reasonable response. And mistress Saotome ("Nodoka, dear, call me Nodoka.") was ever-so-polite, and practically gushed at him when he began talking designs with her. And mistress Kasumi thanked him, genuinely _thanked him_, when he helped her clear the table without being asked to. Konatsu had offered to clean them, but Kasumi refused. Konatsu insisted. In the end, they both compromised. Konatsu washed, and Kasumi dried and put them away. 

Then, they put him in the guest room. The _guest room_. Not the redecorated storage room in the back! A bedroom that was _supposed_ to be a bedroom! And Kasumi apologized for not having it set up! And Ranma Saotome and Akane Tendo _helped him_ make his bedroll! Such kind people! Akane Tendo even let him take a bath _before_ her!

Ok, so master Ranma had a tendency to curse a bit, Soun Tendo could make a living as a fountain at a water park, and mistress Nabiki was, indeed, the money-making mercenary that both Shampoo and Ukyo claimed her to be, but everyone has flaws! But still, so very kind!

Nodoka's eternally-present sword was not an issue. For Konatsu, women who went around with weapons all day were perfectly normal.

He wondered what he could do to help out around the house. As payment, for them letting him stay. He wondered why master Ranma went everywhere blindfolded. He wondered why everyone kept looking at master Ranma like he was going to explode and kill everything. He wondered when Mousse had stopped needing his glasses. He wondered why mistress Akane seemed so much nicer to master Ranma than when they had occasionally stopped by the shop together.

It never occurred to him to wonder whose room he was _really_ in, and where said owner was sleeping.

* * *

"Don't get any ideas, Ranma." 

"Too late. I mean, uh, no!"

"… Do I want to ask?"

"Depends on what you get turned on by. I mean, uh, no!"

"…"

"Can we not ask me anymore questions?"

"… I think I can manage that, Ranma."

"Er, good," said Ranma, who had turned an unhealthy shade of red.

"Okay: Rules of my room. Rule 1: There shall be no peeking of any sort towards me when I am changing."

"Blindfolded for a reason," pointed out Ranma.

"Rule 2: You will sleep on the futon on the floor. You will _not_ be sharing my bed."

"If I shared the bed, I'd end up touching you in my sleep. We _know_ what would happen then."

"Rule 3: If you snore, I reserve the right to throw things at you until you wake up."

"Pops snores. Not me," Ranma said as he slipped under his blanket.

"Rule 4: If anybody asks you where you slept tonight, you will say 'the dojo.' Got it?"

"I'm sorry. Should I be writing this down?" Ranma asked as he lay down on his futon.

"Rule 5: You will sleep as a girl in this room."

"I'm a girl right now."

"Rule 6: All rules subject to change at my whim."

"Any more rules?"

"No. Good night, Ranma."

"Good night."

"Ranma?"

"Yeah?"

"Please?" her tone was that of one almost begging.

"I love you, Akane."

"I love you too, Ranma."

Once Ranma was asleep, Akane pulled a few bottles from underneath her bed. She unscrewed the cap off of one, and peered inside, just like she had already done dozens of times since Kasumi had made them for her.

"Damn. Green."

So saying, she slipped them back under her bed, and slept.

* * *

Ranma slept, and Ranma dreamed. Mostly that night, he dreamed of basic, normal dreams. Well, normal for Ranma, anyway. Most people wouldn't dream of finding a stash of hundreds of years old training scrolls and grin in their sleep. But, hey, this is _Ranma_ we're talking about. 

As he dreamed of finding dozens of new techniques, Akane woke just a minute before her alarm clock went off. With a sigh, she turned it off, since there was no point in having it scream at her in a minute, and pulled a bottle out from under her bed. She unscrewed the cap.

"Damn. Green."

She frowned, and tucked it under her bed again. Then she caught sight of her fiancée, under her blanket, and grinning in her sleep.

"Now what are you dreaming about that's got you so happy?"

Ranma smiled a little more.

Feeling bold, Akane slipped off of her bed, and knelt down next to Ranma, inches from his face. She wished she could at least see Ranma's eyes. "Ranma…" she said softly.

Her fiancée smiled a little more.

"Ranma…" Akane cooed.

Ranma nuzzled her pillow.

"Ranma… are you having hentai dreams about me?"

Ranma giggled in her sleep. "Mmm… training scrolls."

Akane almost drowned under the massive sweatdrop.

"You're supposed to be having perverted dreams about me, like I did about you! Not training scrolls, baka!" Akane blinked, then blushed when she realized what she had said. "Um, I mean…" She laughed nervously.

"Mmm… new techniques…"

Akane glared hard enough to melt steel. "Why… you…" The mallet was on it's way down before she knew what she was doing. Ranma pitched in her sleep, mumbling, "Mmm… ancient secrets…" Akane just stared in horror at the small hole she had just made where Ranma's head had been. She dropped the mallet like it was burning her hands.

"… must master…"

While Ranma dreamed of martial arts, Akane tried not to cry.

"… hurt pops…"

Ranma's fiancée tried not to laugh. "You have it easier than me, Ranma."

"… be the best… protect Akane…"

Akane's breath caught, and the tears that had been threatening to spill vanished. She leaned forward, and whispered in Ranma's ear. "New techniques."

"… protect Akane…" Ranma said in an I-agree-with-you tone.

Akane paused, then realized it was safer when Ranma was a girl. She lay down next to Ranma, and whispered, "Only you would dream about training in your sleep." Akane leaned forward, and kissed Ranma's cheek. "Thanks for making me feel better. Even if you don't even know what you're doing."

Then Ranma's arms wrapped around her, squeezing her against the redhead.

"Hey!" Akane protested. "Let go!"

"Akane…" Ranma mumbled, pressing herself into Akane's back.

"That was _not_ an invitation for you to have hentai dreams! Leggo!"

"… smells nice…"

"Thank you, but _let go_," Akane hissed. "I want to take a bath! I have to go for my morning jog, I have… to…" Akane's voice wavered. "… to… stop that, Ranma… don't… touch…" One of Ranma's gloved hands had slipped up Akane's pajama top, and had started playing with Akane's breast over her bra. Akane shuddered.

"Cut that… out…" Akane tried to pry Ranma's hand off of her, but found she couldn't even move them an inch. "Stop… mmm, good…" Ranma's fingers were rolling her nipple around in between them. She pressed herself against Ranma, grinding her hips against her. Akane felt a tremor race down her spine as Ranma's breath blew against the back of her neck as she said her name again in her sleep.

Sleep?

Akane squeaked and rocketed out of Ranma's arms as she realized three things. Ranma was _asleep_, she was _enjoying_ it, and her own hand had found it's way into Ranma's and had brought it down into her pajama pants.

"Oh, no," she mumbled. "No way. No matter how good it felt, uh-uh. Not like this. No, no…" She continued muttering denials under her breath as she grabbed a change of clothes, and stalked off towards the bathroom, annoyed at that she needed a fresh pair of panties.

The closed the door, to her room, grumbling. "Stupid Ranma and his stupid soft gloved hands…"

As soon as the door to the furo shut, Ranma sat up, snickering. "And _I'm_ the pervert, huh?" She chuckled as she picked up the spare clothes she had brought with her last night. "Hentai."

* * *

Ranma knocked as quietly as he could, and then opened the furo door and stepped inside, knowing full well that Akane was inside relaxing from her morning jog. It was time for revenge, Ranma-style. Two years of being called a pervert. 

Besides, now he could get away with it. Just as long as he didn't let on that he had been awake before Akane.

She heard Akane emit a strangled-sounding squeak as she stepped in, naked. Ranma ignored it, humming to herself. She turned her back on the tub, with Akane making odd noises behind her, like she was trying to either protest Ranma walking in on her, or warning her not to turn around (it was both, actually), but didn't seem to be able to find her voice.

Ranma picked up a bucket of cold water, and splashed it over herself. "Ohh, cold!" She started to turn around to get in the tub. It was a good thing being a girl delayed the potion for a few seconds, as Akane didn't seem to have found her voice yet. With a sigh, Ranma stuck both hands onto warm water, and splashed his face, feeling the tingle that told him he was a boy again. Then he stood up.

Akane shrieked as she tore out of the water and out of the furo, slamming the door to the changing room shut behind her. It was all Ranma could do not to laugh as he let himself relax in the water.

* * *

Akane managed to speak to him during breakfast in a normal tone of voice. Ranma wondered if it was forced (horribly so, actually). For the most part, Ranma talked during breakfast, outlining how he thought the dojo should be run. Martial arts and training were easy to him, so he barely had to concentrate on it, while at the same time wondering what Akane was thinking. 

"… so after we get Kasumi up to a good level, then we can start the dojo up. If Nabiki would spread the work around school after it starts that the dojo will be teaching again, we should get a lot of students. No one can sell like Nabiki can." Ranma was hoping that stroking Nabiki's ego would bring her back on their side a little more.

"Yeah, sure, Ranma. No charge."

Urk. Guess she was still a _little_ upset.

"Besides, if you handle the dojo's finances, you get a fee for being the accountant, right?"

"Sure, Ranma-kun."

Ah, that sounded a little better. Ranma was glad he had been paying attention the last few times Nabiki lectured him about money.

"So, after we get all the students in, we test their skills, and see what kind of level we're dealing with, then split them up into the different classes…"

Ranma continued, while wondering why Akane was being so silent. _Maybe she's upset? Nah, she didn't sound like it. I wonder of the bath thing was too much after this morning._

"… if they make it to the advanced class, I think it's be a fun idea if we gave them the option to specialize. You know, like working on mostly Hidden Weapons like Mousse, or maybe stealth and ninja techniques like Konatsu ("Eh? Me, master Ranma? Teaching? I couldn't!"). Or specialize in the Saotome ryu, based in air combat, or the Tendo ryu, ground combat. What do you think, Mr. Tendo?"

"I think you've got this very well planned. I am genuinely impressed by the course you have thought up."

"Yeah, well, I have had some time to think about it, you know."

"Are you certain you don't want your father teaching? After all, it has been several years since I did it…"

"Ah, it's just that his training techniques are kinda dangerous. I don't think most people would like it if I taught them to swim by binding their hands and throwing them into a lake."

At that, his mother dragged Genma back up to his room, where more howls of pain drifted down.

"Must have missed telling her that one," Ranma said under his breath. "So, Mr. Tendo-"

"After defeating the former master, I think you've earned the right to call me Soun."

"So, er, Soun…" Boy, did that word taste a little odd. "Can I have the scrolls?" Akane made a funny noise that Ranma decided he would ignore.

"Scrolls?"

"Technique scrolls for learning the Tendo ryu, of course. Wouldn't do at all if I could only teach the Saotome ryu. Besides, I wanna know what's in them; see how your school is different from the one I know."

"WAHH!! THE TENDO RYU IS GOING TO BE PASSED ON!!"

Ranma really, really hoped he didn't do that during classes.

* * *

He managed to stop Akane after breakfast, after he, Kasumi, and Konatsu ("But what do you mean, _me_ teach? You barely know me!") cleared the table. 

"Akane?"

"Yes, Ranma?"

Doing his best to sound like he wasn't sure what he was talking about, Ranma asked, "Was that you I walked in on in the bath?"

"Um, yeah." Her elevated heartbeat and ki emanations told Ranma that Akane was blushing heavily again.

"Oh. Look about that, I, uh, knocked…" he trailed off. Well, it was true.

"Don't worry about that. I think I didn't put the sign out, not like you could really read it, you know?"

"Yeah. Should we forget about it?"

_Forget it?! Forget it?! After what you did to me this morning, and then when I finally… calmed down… I see… well, **all** of you! Again! If I didn't know any better, I'd swear you were doing all of it on purpose! You better not have been, or I'll… I'll… yeah! _"Like it never happened."

"Ok," Ranma said. "Oh, um, did I suck on my thumb while I was sleeping?"

"Huh?" Confusion was obvious in her voice. "Why do you ask?"

"Well, it's just, when I woke up, my hand was all wet."

It took every ounce of self control martial arts had ever taught him not to laugh when Akane started stammering.

"Yes-well-I-thought-I-saw-you-sucking-your-thumb-when-I-got-up-but-that-was-it-I-don't-know-anything-else-gonna-go-run-some-errands-for-Kasumi-bye!"

As soon as Akane was out the door, Ranma cackled so hard that Mousse thought that Cologne was back and had been driven insane.

"Are, um… are you… alright, Ranma?" the sometimes duck asked, nervous.

Ranma grinned in his direction. "GOOOOAAAAALLL!!"

* * *

"Tell me, Ranma, what do you know of Mousse?" 

"Eh?" Ranma paused in his game of shogi. (Soun insisted that someone play him. Nodoka was upstairs 'educating' her husband, and Akane was still out running errands for Kasumi (turned out they really existed) so Ranma decided to kill some time. It was a little hard playing this way, but they had Konatsu playing as referee, telling Ranma when it was his turn. He was losing horribly, and Soun wasn't even cheating.) "Why?"

"I'm curious about the boy's character. If he is to be teaching at the dojo, I should like to know about him."

_Bullshit!!!_ Ranma managed to avoid saying it out loud. "Well, I think he's very honorable. He fight's really well. He's a nice guy, you know? Not mean at all. Er, he used to go around thinking things like telephone poles or mailboxes were people, but that was only because he forgot to wear his glasses. I think he's wearing contacts now, so that's alright. Uh, he used to have a real thing for Shampoo…"

"Used to?"

"Yeah. That's over with. I guess he stopped loving her when he realized she didn't love him, or something." _Well, not really, but telling him **all** the reasons would sound kinda funny, especially since Akane treated me about how Shampoo treated him… well, a **little **nicer… she never hit me on sight, or locked me in a cage… or set me on fire… on purpose…_

"Do you think he is the kind of man who would just use a girl to get over another?"

"Mousse? No way. He's an Amazon, or used to be. I think they marry for life." _At least, that's the impression Cologne and Shampoo gave me…_ "Gets a _little_ scary because he can be really devoted to a girl, but I guess maybe love does that to ya. He's a traditional kind of guy." It was probably the most insightful thing Ranma had ever said, and yet his thoughts… _DUH!!! As if hanging around Akane all this time while she tries to launch me to the friggin' moon isn't evidence of **that!!**_

Well, his thoughts were typical Ranma.

He turned his thoughts back to the shogi board, peering out from underneath the blindfold. How the hell was he going to win this?!

* * *

"Kasumi?" 

"Yes, Mousse?" responded the eldest Tendo girl, as she put away a stack of dishes.

"Would you, um, er…"

"Is something wrong?"

"It's just… well… wouldyouliketogotodinnerwithmetonight?"

Kasumi smiled at Mousse as he dried the dishes Konatsu was washing. "I'd love to. Oh, my, what will I wear…?" Kasumi wandered off towards her room.

Mousse stood with a rather dopey grin on his face, trying to dry the empty air that he was holding in his hand. Konatsu had seen Ukyo go into that kind of state after Ranma had been by, and knew better than to let him hold anything breakable.

After he finished placing the last of the dishes away, he left the grinning Mousse in the kitchen, heading towards Kasumi's room, ready to dispense fashion advice.

* * *

On his third game of shogi, Ranma was growing _extremely_ frustrated as Soun continued beating him. This time was no different. 

"Best four out of seven!" he insisted.

"Of course!" Soun responded jovially.

Kasumi drifted by, looking quite content to Soun's eyes.

After much deliberation, Ranma made his move.

Soun countered.

Ranma gnashed his teeth.

Konatsu drifted by, heading for Kasumi's room.

Ranma moved again.

Soun countered, and wondered if he should cheat this time, and help Ranma.

Nah.

Mousse drifted by, still trying to dry absolutely nothing, looking glazed about the eyes.

Soun rolled his eyes, and ignored the fact that when he had asked Kimiko out many years before, he had been wearing the exact same look. He was immensely pleased with himself when he had approached Mousse and told him he had permission to court his daughter. Well, his actual words were a little different…

"You have my permission to take her out, but…" DEMON-HEAD SOUN "DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY LITTLE GIRL!!!"

… but it was the thought that counts. Besides, he had also gotten to Kasumi…

"I think this Mousse would be nice for you. I've overheard Ranma talk about him, and he says good things (well, Soun had actually asked Ranma, not overheard, but anyway…), and I've seen the way he looks at you. You have my permission to go out with him, but…" DEMON-HEAD SOUN "IF HE HURTS YOU, I'LL KILL HIM!!!"

"Father! Mousse is a nice man!"

"KILL HIM FOR HURTING MY LITTLE GIRL!!!" Demon-head Soun insisted.

Soun thought his matchmaking skills were quite excellent.

Ranma swore as he witnessed Soun's next move.

"Best five out of nine!" _Dammit, where's Akane?! I need her to get me away from this cursed board!_ As if on cue, he felt a pair of gloved hands pulling at his shoulders.

"C'mon, pig-tail, training time."

Mousse and his goofy grin took Ranma's place at the board.

* * *

It took all of an hour of solid training before Ranma's ego overpowered the rest of his brain. 

This author didn't think he'd make it half that time. Jackass.

They were training as girls, since Ranma and Akane thought it was 'safer' that way. Ranma had started touching places her hands _really_ weren't supposed to be going. Feather-light strokes were the order of the day. Ranma said she was practicing control while Akane was working on her defense. Ranma found holes in Akane's defense _everywhere_, and it annoyed Akane that a blindfolded Ranma could _still_ beat her.

The fact that her hands kept brushing into the, ahem, _worst_ possible places was making Akane extremely irritable.

_touch_

_And_ aroused.

"Dammit, Ranma, do you know what that was?"

"Huh? Did I do it again? I'm sorry!" _Sorry that you keep objecting._

Akane was fine with the touches that landed on her torso, legs, arms, or even her head, but dammit, the fingers against her breasts were grating on her nerves, and other places. Despite her best efforts, her temper was flaring. And Ranma knew it.

"Akane, if you don't stay in control, you've already lost. Get angry! But don't get all filled with rage! Anger can help, but if you lose control of it, you lose the fight."

_Well, in a real fight, I don't think I'm going to have to worry about my opponent trying to stroke my **nipples**, you moron! But you- ahh!_ "Ranma!"

"Oops." _I should have done this **ages** ago._

Her temper finally got the better of her, and Akane swung wildly, and found herself pinned facedown to the floor, underneath her fiancée. She swore.

"See? You were doing fine until that last punch."

"I'm trying! And get your hand _off_ of that!" _He's blindfolded, he doesn't know what he's hitting, he doesn't know what he's grabbing…_ It had become the mantra for her sparring.

Ranma squeezed gently, eliciting a gasp from her partner. "You loved it this morning," she whispered in her ear.

"That was different, you were slee-" Akane blinked. "_What?!_"

"It wasn't me who put my hand under your panties," Ranma teased. _Payback! Payback!_ Ranma was in a better mood than she had been in for longer than she could remember.

"_You were awake?!_"

"Before you were," Ranma confirmed.

"**rrrrrrrraaaaaaaAAAANNNMMMAAAAA**!!!!!"

Ranma laughed, released Akane, and bolted for the door, spilling a kettle over his head as he went. Akane's shrieks of outrage followed.

* * *

Mousse turned out to be quite a challenge, both for his skills in the game, and for his ability to sneak pieces off of the board and into his sleeves even when Soun _was_ looking. Soun was about to complete a very complicated series of moves that might have brought Mousse's game to an end when Ranma's foot slammed into the middle of the board. 

"Sorry!" he called over his shoulder.

"Now what was that about?" Soun asked.

"I can guess," Mousse replied.

A second later, a mallet-wielding Akane raced through the room, using the shogi game as a springboard to chase Ranma.

"COME BACK HERE AND TAKE YOUR PUNISHMENT, PERVERT-BOY!!"

"New game?"

"Sure." Mousse began collecting the scattered pieces, while Soun started setting up the ones still on the board.

* * *

"How do I look? Does this fit well?" Kasumi asked. She was in light-colored flower-print kimono, very light pink with shades of light blue and white on the flowers. 

"You look lovely! It doesn't even need to be altered!" Konatsu assured her.

"Are you certain?"

Ranma raced by the open door, full barrel, blowing a wind through the room with his passing. It ruffled both of their kimonos and blew their hair around.

"Definitely. How should we do your hair?"

"DIE, RANMA!!" Akane screamed as she shot by.

"Oh, I think I should like to have it up tonight."

"Wonderful. I think I have a nice pair of lacquered chopsticks that match that outfit."

* * *

"…AND ANOTHER THING, HOW IS RANMA EVER GOING TO SEE A CAT WITHOUT SCREAMING AGAIN?! HE HAD ONE AS A PET BEFORE HE LEFT!!" 

"Hi, mom!"

"Hello, son.

"Bye, mom!

"Bye son."

"HOLD STILL, HENTAI!!"

"Hello, Akane."

"Hello, Mrs. Saotome!"

"Bye, Akane."

"Bye, Mrs. Saotome! COME HERE AND DIE!!"

"AND IF YOU THINK FOR ONE SECOND THAT YOU'RE GOING TO ESCPAPE-!!"

"NO, NODOKA, PLEASE, NOT THE LEG AGAIN, NOT THE- AHHH!!"

* * *

"It doesn't matter, all that matters is that you still owe me 4,000 yen from the last Saotome-Kuno match," Nabiki told the person on the other end of the phone. "Yes, it was 3,750, but that was last month, and your interest has piled up." 

**_thump-thump-thump-thump-thump-thump _**outside her door, heading down the hall.

"Well, we might be able to reach some kind of agreement. I _do_ have a certain fight video that I'll need distributed. Now, how much did you say you have available?"

**_thump-thump-thump_** "SQUASH THE PERVERT!!" **_thump-thump-thump_**

"Those sounds are none of your business. Now, 1,500 yen will be fine, _if _you can have ten copies of the video ready for me the day after tomorrow…"

Nabiki was so glad she had paid her for her sister's room to be soundproofed tomorrow as the thumps raced down the hall.

"… but the copies must be high quality, not the cheap reproductions you tried to filch onto me last time. It's only ten minutes or so in length, so that should _not_ be a problem, understand?"

* * *

Akane finally trapped Ranma in the furo. He was perched on the far edge of the bathtub, and had the smirk on his face that drove Akane right up the wall (even further, that is). 

"Heeeeere, Ranma," Akane growled, brandishing the mallet, "Nice Ranma, good Ranma, hold still and die." She swung, and Ranma jumped off the edge, landing in the stall used to scrub and wash off, spilling a bucket of cold water. She laughed, pressed against the corner.

_**What** is Ranma **laughing** at?!_

From the back of her mind came a faint whisper. **let's play some more Akane this is fun**

_Fun?! **Fun?!** Does he think I'm playing?!_

"C'mon, Akane, don't tell me you've given up!"

**yes don't give up I want to play some more do it again it's great training let play**

A game. Just another, stupid, childish game. And she was really trying to hurt Ranma. Again. Just like this morning. The angry look vanished from Akane's face, replaced by one of hurt, and sadness as she dropped the mallet. Just how many times had she mistaken Ranma's teasing as honest attempts to hurt her?

**oh lots but don't stop now this time you're playing back and it's speed and combat training too**

Akane looked into the blindfolded and smiling face of Ranma, and wondered how she could make it up to him.

**play**

"What's wrong?"

**with**

"Little tomboy give up…"

**me**

"… because she can't catch me?"

**Akane**

"Maybe you're just _too slow_."

"DIE, RANMA!!" Akane roared as she dove at her in a flying tackle.

* * *

Nabiki frowned. Maybe she should see if the soundproofers could come _today_. Jeez, getting together, and they're _still_ at each other's throats. She slipped on a pair of headphones, and cranked the volume, drowning out Ranma's howling. She turned back to her monthly budget.

* * *

In the bathroom, Ranma continued howling.

"DIE, RANMA!! DIE _LAUGHING!!_"

"HA HA HA HA HA!! PLEASE, NO - HA HA HA HA - MORE TICKING!!"

"Squirm, pervert-boy, squirm!!" Ranma was currently a girl, but whatever. She was trapped under Akane, who had her pinned down and was tickling her sides.

"Kachu Tenshin - HA HA HA - Amaguriken - HA HA HA HA – Tickle Attack!!"

Akane shrieked and tried to run, but never made it. "No - HA HA HA HA - fair!!"

"Anything Goes! Die laughing, Akane!" Ranma pinned Akane to the floor, sitting on her legs. Her fingers raced across her fiancée, searching out new tickling parts.

"HA HA HA - STOP!! - HA HA HA HA HA!!"

"Squirm, pervert-girl, _squirm_!"

"NOOO!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA!!"

"Give up, Akane!"

"Never! Ha ha ha ha ha ha!"

"Give up, or I'll never stop!" Her fingers raced even faster.

"I give, I give!" Akane squeaked between laughs.

"Couldn't hear you, you're laughing too much!"

"I GIVE!!" Ranma stopped tickling, and Akane immediately reach out to resume her attack, but Ranma grabbed her wrists, and held them to the floor.

"I win!" Ranma laughed. "I _always_ win!"

Akane glared, before smiling. If Ranma could see it, she would probably have run for her life.

* * *

Ranma was happy. For once, she and Akane were just… playing around, and she knew that she wasn't going to hit her. 

"I win!" he declared, after pinning Akane to the ground by her wrists. "I _always_ win!"

She knew Akane had put up a good fight, and was about to congratulate her on keeping up (Ranma had been running pretty fast), when Akane whispered in her ear, "Don't be so sure of that, Ranma."

Before Ranma could ask what that meant, he felt Akane's legs sliding up in between hers, heading higher.

"Akane, what are you-" Ranma was cut off when she gasped, as Akane's knee found it's place right between her legs, and Akane started grinding it right up against her. Ranma's back arched, and her hips ground against Akane's knee against her control. Ranma groaned-

And was slammed onto her back, with Akane pinning her hands to the ground, and Ranma found her own legs trapped underneath Akane's, crossed so she couldn't pull the same trick.

"I win, Ranma," Akane giggled, and dove down for a kiss before Ranma could say anything.

_1… 2… 3… 4…_ Akane counted, then yanked her head back before the potion could kick in. She jumped up, and left Ranma dazed on the floor, wondering what the hell had just happened.

"We can play again later," Akane said, and shut the door on her way out.

Ranma slowly sat up, feeling confused. "Yeah… um, ok…" She shook her head, and decided she needed a very cold shower.

* * *

In her room, Akane pulled out a bottle from under her bed, grinning from ear to ear. _Nothing like wining_, she told herself as she unscrewed the cap. _Revenge is mine!_

She peered inside, then blinked in surprise.

"Blue," she whispered.

* * *

A/N 

I _tried_ to get this chapter online before I went to work, but I guess was having problems, or something. Eh.


	21. Nodoka's Thoughts, and Bad News

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

* * *

_Gobstopper laughs at the sight of the pebble that Shinji the Good Sharer reduced the Writer's Great Big Ten Ton Boulder too._

"_AH HA HA HA HA!! CAN'T BEAT AN AIR STRIKE!!"_

_Writer's Great Big Ten Ton Boulder: "I… live… on…"_

_THOOOOOOOOM!!!_

_Gobstopper: "NOT THOUGH HOUOUZA'S ORBITAL STRIKE FROM AN ION CANNON YOU DIDN'T!!"_

_Laughs for ten minutes solid at the crater, sounding like Vash the Stampede._

_Entire audience of readers share massive sweatdrop._

* * *

"Finally blue," Akane whispered as she slid the bottle back under her bed. The liquid inside sloshed around a little, reminding Akane that it wouldn't stay blue forever. Time was, indeed, critical. 

Suddenly more anxious than she had been since the failed wedding, Akane fumbled around the room, feeling doubtful, embarrassed, nervous. Amazon potions were something that Ranma avoided like the plague even _before_ this newest disaster. And who knew how many people would try to get in her way? Would Mousse warn Ranma? He had been in on it, and recently the two had become rather good friends… maybe he would feel that he should tell Ranma of what Akane was planning in honor of that friendship? Or Kasumi! Kasumi had been the one to make it! It was made right, or it wouldn't have turned blue, but Kasumi was not very good at keeping secrets, _especially_ this kind of secret. And if Ranma questioned her, her eldest sister would spill quickly. Or Nabiki and her damn bugs! She could already know everything! What if she 'accidentally' let something spill in front of Ranma out of spite for what Akane had pulled earlier?

Hell, what if wasn't even someone who _knew_ who ruined it?! What if Shampoo turned up and got in the way?! What if _Cologne turned_ up, and found the potion?! _She'd_ sure recognize it! Or Ukyo came back for revenge and smashed it?! Or her dad? Or Mrs. Saotome?

No, she'd help if she knew.

What if Akane simply _dropped_ the damn things?! Or what if she made it all the way to Ranma, told him exactly what it was she trying to do, and he said _no_?! What then?! What then, huh?! _Why_ did she have to think of these things _now_, instead of when she had thought this stupid thing up?!

AND WHERE THE HELL WAS SHE SUPPOSED TO GO TO FIND THE TIME TO PULL THIS OFF?!?!

* * *

Nodoka pulled the door to her room shut behind her as she left her husband to wallow in his pain. 

Maybe she should just sell him to the zoo. She sighed. If she had known what kind of stupidity Genma would have been doing in the name of 'training' then she would have never let him take Ranma away. That things had come this far… Nodoka was starting to wonder if Genma loved her at all anymore, or if fear alone kept him close. He still hadn't said he loved her, even after they started sharing a room, but not a bed. Anytime she tried expressing any kind of affection for Genma, even so much as a hug goodnight, his eyes strayed to her sword, and the seppuku contract. She wondered if she could talk her son into finding that one gentleman… What did Ranma say his name was? The one with the same curse that he had… The dragon-boy… Herbert? Herbie? Something like that. With the food-sounding servants. And see if he could borrow that ladle long enough to freeze Genma as a panda.

An armless panda.

An armless, _legless_ panda.

An armless, legless panda _incapable of reproducing_.

Maybe it was just time to get a panda-skin as a wall decoration. It would look nice in front of a fireplace.

Maybe she could have a fireplace put in her house just to have an excuse. Heavens knew her husband was overweight enough in his human form to make his panda form look like a float in a parade.

Maybe she should take her departed father's advice and divorce him, no matter how traditional she was. She was only 34, and might stand a good chance of finding another man. She had held onto her looks very well, as was evidenced by the nice young men who often would ask her out (the ones who weren't intimidated by the katana, that is). And even if she remained single, she knew in her heart she could be content knowing that Ranma was such a man as to make any woman proud to be able to look at him and say "That is my son." Besides that, being a single woman again sounded better than being the wife of a lying, scamming, terrified, only-out-for-his-own-skin thief of a martial artist. Really, she had just finished… questioning… him about the origins of the sealed Yama-sen ken and Umi-sen ken techniques of the Saotome School of Anything Goes… and he had lied yet again! Describing them as merely applications of "the master's theories" that had turned out too powerful for conventional use! Ohh, the nerve of him!

He obviously hadn't considered that she might have found his journal by this point. A fact she quite easily proved, by _reading to him from it_.

Techniques designed to either break into or sneak into someone's _home_ to steal from them! And he _encouraged_ this line of thought with _other martial artists!_ He _gave_ (sold) the Yama-sen ken scroll to some poor, struggling family, whose dojo was falling apart, so that _they_ could learn to steal from other people!

And he had betrothed her son (she could no longer think of Ranma as _their son_) to _other_ girls that they didn't know about! She counted five more families out there, somewhere, that Genma had promised to marry Ranma to their daughters in exchange for one thing or another, ranging from partnerships in restaurants to food carts!

No, wait… that was the Kuonji girl…

_Four_ other families, then.

But still! The absolute, depraved, deranged, nerve of him-!

"Auntie Saotome?" a voice said, cutting into her inner monologue.

Nodoka looked up from her place in the hall, of leaning against her bedroom door, to find Akane looking out her room, and apparently nervous.

"Yes, Akane? Can I help you with something?" _Maybe you can help me skin a panda-man!_

"Um… can we talk?" Akane asked, gesturing to her room.

"Of course," Nodoka said, and padded down the hall to Akane's room.

* * *

"Now, dear, what is it? You do look extremely nervous." Nodoka sat on Akane's desk chair, while Akane was sitting cross-legged on the bed. 

"Well, um, it's about Ranma…"

"Is something wrong with him? Other than what I know of?" _If it's **another** crazy side-effect from **another** of Genma's lunatic training experiments-!_

"No, no!" Akane said quickly. "It's just… well, I kind of…"

"Love him?"

Akane blushed heavily. "Y-yes."

"Oh, how wonderful. I do hope this isn't concerning an on-the-way grandchild, is it?" Nodoka's anger at her husband was temporarily forgotten in lieu of discussions of her son's ever-growing and proven (to Nodoka) manliness.

Akane's blush managed to grow even redder. "No! We haven't done that!" _And even if we **had**, I wouldn't be talking about it to his **mother!!** I wouldn't talk about it to **anyone!!**_

"No? I would think that my son would be manly enough to please his fiancée, or has he talked you into sharing him?"

"It's not like that!" Akane said heatedly. _Where does she **get** these ideas?!_ "Ranma's very manly! He wants to wait until we're properly married before we do anything like that! He… he honors me like that!"

Nodoka tilted her head to the said in thought. "So… my son… has control enough… around the girl he wants… to let her say when, so she is comfortable with him! How very manly of him to do so!"

Akane blinked. _Does she twist around everything she hears to fit that idea?_

**generally yes she has the weirdest ideas of what manly is how would peeking at girls who are bathing be manly?**

_Ah, him. Almost forgot about him, he's been so quiet lately_, Akane thought, while trying to think of a reply to Nodoka.

"Oh!" Nodoka declared, continuing. "That must be why he has the other fiancées! A young, virile man like my son must have needs that must be met, so he has his other betrothed to satisfy him until you are married, then he will only be with you!"

**NOOOO!!!**

Mental Ranma's fading voice managed enough volume to make Akane wince. At the same time, Akane's facefault yanked her right off the bed, and might have driven her through the ground and into the first floor, if her temper hadn't won the race to her emotions. She grabbed Nodoka by the collar of her kimono, and snapped, "I'M NOT SHARING HIM WITH ANYONE! HE'S _MINE_, AND MINE **_ALONE!!_**"

"My son must be very manly indeed to inspire such loyalty and strong feelings from a girl," Nodoka said, amused.

"Er," Akane mumbled, letting go of Nodoka's kimono, and sitting back on her bed. "S-sorry about that, I didn't mean…"

"Nonsense," Nodoka interrupted. "Of course you did. You simply spoke before you could think of a nicer way to say it, that's all."

"Well, um, I really am sorry…"

"Sorry that you said it, or sorry that you yelled it right in my face?"

_mumble mumble_ "… in your face."

"That's what I expected," Nodoka said, smiling. "Now, since I know it wasn't to tell me you love my son, why did you need to talk to me?"

Slowly, as if still a little untrusting, Akane pulled four bottles out from under her bed, along with her carefully copied notes.

"I need help curing Ranma."

* * *

Some time later…

"Before I agree to this… unusual plan of yours, I must ask you this: you say you love my son…"

"I do love him," Akane said, blushing. It was getting easier to admit, but after two years of denial, it had a tendency to make the blood rush to her cheeks.

"I accept that. Now tell me. You love him, but what _is_ he to you? A husband? A friend? A partner? A lover (Akane reddened a little more)? A mentor? Or is he just a better alternative than anyone else you've ever met?"

Akane paused, thinking for a second. That last one was just stupid, but… "None."

Nodoka blinked, surprised. "None of those? Then what is he to you?"

Akane raised her head, and found herself looking into Nodoka's eyes. "Everything."

Nodoka held up a bottle different from the one Akane had been checking. That was sat on her desk. Nodoka looked inside the one she was holding, frowning at the yellow liquid that glared back at her through the bottle's transparent lid.

"At least tell me I can wash this down with my tea."

Akane brightened, and smiled. _Yes!!_ "Of course."

"Well, then, all that's left is, how do you plan to get Ranma out of the house? And after that, where will you go?"

The door to her room suddenly burst open, and Nabiki bolted inside. Akane snatched up the bottles and her notes, and slammed them into her desk drawer.

Nodoka stared at the speed Akane had just displayed. "I-Impressive."

Nabiki didn't even seem to notice or care about Akane's rushed actions. She looked panicked, and scared. Her eyes were wild, and sweat poured off her forehead.

"Nabiki? Are you ok?"

"Good news, bad news," Nabiki said. "Good news is: Daddy, Kasumi, and Mousse are hiding out in the dojo, so they're safe. Good news that's also bad news: Shampoo has recovered, and dropped by for a visit. Good news: she's gone. Bad news…"

"Bad news?" asked Nodoka quickly, who stood next to Akane. They both held ready stances.

"Bad news is, she left something behind after she ran for her life."

"She make Ranma angry again?" asked Akane, who hoped she was wrong.

"Worse."

"Worse?! What could be worse?!"

_scratch scratch scratch_ at Akane's door.

It sounded _far_ too familiar.

"No…" whispered Akane.

"Yes," said Nabiki.

"What? What is it? Martial Arts challengers? More fiancées? Giant lizards? Monsters? Demons? Big, fat, ugly phoenix birds attached to people's heads bent on pecking Ranma about the head?" Nodoka had heard from Ranma many of the things that came calling when nobody was paying attention.

"Worse," Akane said, who was trying to shove her bed up against the door. "Help, please."

"What could be worse?" asked Nodoka, who had pulled Nabiki away from the door before Akane crushed her in her frantic attempts to barricade her room.

From the other side of the door came a sound.

"Mrowr…" _scratch scratch scratch_

Akane turned towards Ranma's mother, looking pale. "Ranma's gone neko."

"And the last time I saw him, he was clawing at the blindfold. If he's moving around, it's off by now," said Nabiki.

* * *

A/N 

Ok, so I'm _kinda_ evil, leaving it off there after a short chapter, but hey, it makes for a decent cliffhanger, while I go to bed, since I need sleep before I go into work tomorrow (well, really, today). Catch ya'll later!


	22. Escape, Convincing Ranma

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

---

_Fires an orbital rocket skyward, which races past Hououza's Ion Cannon. A mechanical arm reaches out, grabs him, and drags him inside. Said rocket them blasts earthbound, and crashes into the ground at full speed._

_Gobstopper: "Okay! He's down!"_

---

Having finished shoving her bed up against the bedroom door, and judging that neither Nabiki nor Ranma's mother would be able to jump out her window without breaking limbs, Akane found herself wishing she could roof hop.

"But what is he after?" Nodoka wanted to know.

"Mrrrowrrrrr…" _scratch scratch_ at the other side if Akane's door.

"Me," said Akane.

"You?"

"Yes, well, um…" Akane paused, thinking. "How much do you know about the Neko-ken?"

"Ranma explained how he… attained it in detail, but says he does not remember what he does when he is 'neko.' "

"Right. Well, uh, when Ranma goes cat, he always… goes to someone he trusts, like…"

"Like a car going after it's owner, or the person that feeds it," supplied Nabiki, who never took her eyes off of the door. The sounds of Ranma scratching at the other side were very nerve-wracking, even for the Ice Queen.

"And that person Ranma trusts…?"

"He, um, always comes right to me," Akane mumbled, embarrassed.

"Ah, so, why don't we just let him in, and calm him down?" Nodoka asked, sounding relieved.

"Mrs. Saotome," Nabiki drawled, "there _is_ the minor detail of Ranma's kill-or-mate potion. While Akane might end up bedded (Akane turned a very dark red), from previous experience, _I_ will end up bedded _and dead_. And Ranma might be able to let you near him, but that's only because you scare him. Neko-Ranma doesn't respond very well to threats, and will probably turn on you."

Nodoka frowned. "That does present a complication."

"Obviously. Past that, this door isn't going to hold up to his claws for more than a few minutes, so we have to think of something. I do not see my future as being clawed and screwed by a potion-mad kitty-man at all."

"Claws?" Nodoka said, surprised.

"Chi claws," Akane responded. "The first time I saw him use them, he tore up the gym floor and Kuno's bokken, before shredding an entire tree like a scratching post. Right _before_ he tried to use them on Mr. Saotome."

Nodoka looked to be deep in thought, as the scratching grew louder, and Ranma's yowling more pitched. Nabiki was giving the window an appraising look. If Ranma and his father could live through it…

"Tell me," Nodoka whispered to Akane, dragging her off to one side. "What brings him out of, um, 'neko'?"

"If he goes to sleep, he usually wakes up normal. Or the curse. If he changes, it snaps him out of it."

Nodoka smiled. "I think I know how to get Ranma to go along with your little plan. And how to get him out of the house."

---

Akane was perched on the window ledge, staring at the ground below. "This is really, really stupid," she told no one in particular. Nabiki was hiding under the bed, as it sounded like Ranma had started using the claws on the door. She could _hear_ the grooves being cut in.

"You _sure_ you know how?" Nodoka asked again. She didn't want Akane to end up with a broken leg.

"Yeah, um, Ranma showed me." Well, that was _reasonably_ close to the truth. It would take too long to say explain that she had taken Ranma's memories of it, and had later asked about it. _He **did** say it was easier than it looks… He just said that I think about it too much. So I just have to not think._

_Riiiiight…_

Nodoka reached into her kimono, and pulled out a blue handkerchief, handing it to Akane. The she shoved her out the window.

"Hey!" Akane yelled as she plummeted feet-first to the ground. She caught herself, and was amazed to discover that she was fine.

"See?" Nodoka called down. "If my son taught you, then you're fine!"

Akane grunted in response. _Yeah, I might **know** how, but that **doesn't** mean I had any **practice!!**_ "When it turns red!" Akane yelled back. Nodoka smiled, nodded, and threw the other three bottles down at her. Akane took a moment to make sure she had the right ones.

_I think I might be crazy_, she thought. _What am I thinking?_

"Ranma!" she called. "Here kitty, kitty, kitty!" She waited, listening.

Nodoka's head appeared at the window. "He's coming! Go!"

Akane spun on her heels, and ran.

_I must be crazy. This has got to be stupid._

---

_I **AM **crazy!_ Akane thought to herself, panicked. _What was I **thinking?! **This is **stupid!!**_ She spared a glanced behind her, and found a male neko-Ranma chasing her. _No way am I really outrunning him, no way! I think he's playing or something! Stupid cat!_

Neko-Ranma might have been playing in chase, but the expression he wore left no doubts what he was going to do when he caught her.

_Well, at least I found out that I can roof-hop if I'm running for my life!_

More than that, she hoped she was heading in the right direction. If she got lost now or took a wrong turn, this would be over before she could correct it and go in the right direction.

Ahead, beyond the tops of the roofs, she saw her destination. _Oh, thank god!_ Relief flooded through her, but she heard neko-Ranma pick up speed. Apparently, the chase was over, and he wanted it to end.

_Stupid cat!_

Four more rooftops…

Jump.

Three more rooftops…

Jump.

Two more…

Dammit, she should feel him right behind her!

Jump.

Last roof…

_Almost! Almost there!_

Jump- _SLAM!_

_Oh, **shit**!_

Ranma had her. She glanced back, struggling. Neko-Ranma had her pants in his jaws, and was trying to haul her back into the middle of the roof.

_Damn, damn, damn!_

She lashed out with a foot, and neko-Ranma let go as her foot collided with the top of his head.

_Got to get up! Run, got to run!_ Akane scrambled to her feet, racing for the roof's edge. Something hit her feet, sending her sprawling, and she fell, heading for the street below. Ignoring the pain coming from her right ankle from the bad landing, she bolted across the street, throwing the trash can she had hit up at her pursuer. There was a dull clang as it landed on either side of her, cut in two by neko-Ranma's claws.

Akane vaulted the fence she ran into; she just needed to make it to the other side-

_No!_ she thought, realizing that she was caught again. She hung upside-down on the side opposite side of the fence. Neko-Ranma was there, perched on top of the fence, hands digging into her pants. She could feel the chi-claws digging into her skin, scratching her. It didn't feel serious, just light enough to hold onto her clothes. He had a mouthful of cloth from where he had torn her clothes when she had kicked him on the roof, and an insane look in his eyes.

Akane pulled herself up, struggling against neko-Ranma's attempts to pull her back over the fence, and grabbed him by his shoulders, yanking him forward. His back claws dug into the fence, holding him in place. He snarled at her.

"Come _on_, dammit!" Akane swore, pulling as hard as she could. The fence began to give under their combined weights and the constant pulling, all centered on the spot where Ranma had his claws. The metal gave with a loud screech, and they both shot downward.

---

Sometimes she woke naturally, but those were few and far in between. This time, Ranma woke the way she thought she usually did.

Confused, cold, and wet.

And _underwater_.

She scrambled for the surface, and came to the annoying conclusion that there was no chance of drowning, as she could stand waist high in the water.

_Where in the world…?_

"Don't look! Close your eyes! I hope…" said a voice behind her.

_Akane_? She felt something press against her eyes. It wasn't the usual blindfold, this felt thicker, and it had to be tied in a knot for it to stay in place.

"Hey, Akane?"

"Yeah, Ranma?" Relief was evident in her voice, apparently glad Ranma was no longer a c-cat.

"Did I…?"

"No, I don't think anyone was hurt. Kasumi, Daddy, and Mousse barricaded themselves in the dojo, and Nabiki and your mom were hiding in my bedroom. You might have hit Shampoo, but I don't think you really hurt her."

Ranma breathed a sigh of relief. "Good. Where are we?"

"The canal."

_Why the canal?_ "The koi pond would have worked too," he said. _Crazy, insane neko-Ranma on the loose? Jeez, talk about taking a risk!_

"Yeah, well, I thought it might be too small to trick you into falling into!" Akane snapped, sounding irritated as she marched towards the water's edge.

"Akane, wait!" Ranma sloshed towards the sound of water splashing as his fiancée waded through it. _Damn, feels like my gloves have holes in the fingertips. And my shoes. Why do my shoes have holes in them?_

She dropped a hand on Akane's should. "Sorry. You're right. I probably would have just jumped right over the pond."

Akane stared. _He's apologizing?!_ "No, that's alright. Besides, I needed to get you out of the house."

"Eh?"

"Come on, dummy," Akane said, pulling at Ranma's arm.

"Where arewe going?" Ranma asked as she allowed herself to be dragged away.

"You'll see."

---

Getting there took a while. Akane's newly-learned roof-hopping skills, even she had to admit, were dubious at best until she got some real practice in. And she didn't want Ranma to carry her for obvious reasons.

So they had to walk. Five minutes into it, with Akane answering all questions with "I'll tell you when we get there," Ranma had had enough, picked Akane up, slipped her around onto her back, and vaulted onto rooftops.

"Ranma, put me down!"

"You're wearing gloves too, ain't ya? Just hold on, watch where you rest your head, and point me in the right direction."

Suppressing the urge to throttle the man she said she loved, even if he was currently a girl, Akane started issuing directions.

---

"Jump. A little to the right. Jump. Jump. To the right. Jump down to the street. Jump far. Jump up to the roof. Jump. Jump. Turn all the way to your right. Jump. Jump…" This was one of the stranger things Akane had ever done. She felt like she was trying to give directions to a blind man, which technically, she was really doing.

"Jump. Jump. Turn just a little to the left. Jump. Little more left. Jump. Jump…"

They had been up on the rooftops for longer than she wanted to think about, but that was alright. She could see the destination Nodoka had thought up just a few more roofs ahead.

"Jump. Jump farther, big gap. Jump. Jump. Jump like you're crossing a street, big gap. Stop. Jump down to the ground, it's two floors below, like my house. Put me down, we're here."

As soon as they hit the ground, and Akane was off of Ranma's back, she punched Ranma's shoulder.

"Ow! What was that for?!"

"That's for scaring me when you picked me up!" Punch.

"OW! Hey, that one hurt! Quit hitting me!"

"_That_ was for scaring me half to death chasing me across the roofs all the way to the canal!"

"I didn't know what I was doing, Akane! I was in the neko-ken, remember?!"

"And _this_," Ranma flinched, but Akane gripped her, and squeezed her with both arms, in a hug. "Is for carrying me all the way here, you overgrown muscle."

"Wasn't nothing," Ranma objected, but didn't move to stop her. Point in fact, she didn't move at all. But that was probably a side-effect of her arms being pinned to her sides, and Akane being taller than her. "So… where are we?"

Akane let her go, and spun her around. "Take a peek and see. There's no one here but us, I promise."

Ranma paused, but then raised one corner of her makeshift blindfold (which she thought smelled kinda like her mom). She blinked, startled. "How…?"

"Your mom suggested it," Akane said, anticipating the question. "She thought we could use a break from everyone else. And this seemed like the only place we could go where no one would look for us, because it's supposed to still be under construction."

"It looks fine."

"Yeah, the work was done yesterday, apparently. But your mom wanted to wait to tell you as a surprise, or something. She thought this would be a good place for us to go to… talk things over, without being interrupted."

To surprised at being at his own house to notice the hesitation in Akane's voice, Ranma said, "Yeah. That's why you took me all the way to the canal, huh? Crazy risk."

Akane, interestingly, didn't take offense to that, since she had many thoughts along the same line.

"The way my luck goes, I'm surprised we didn't run into anyone on the way here," Ranma said, still looking at the house he hadn't called home in over a decade.

Akane blinked. "Hey, yeah." _It does seem like every time Ranma steps foot outside the house, someone finds him._

In fact, on the race to the canal, they had passed over Kuno, who fled in fear, only seeing Ranma, and believing that the "murderous cat-demon" was having some sort of fit, which he did not want to be a part of. They had also passed over Cologne two blocks from the canal, who did not notice them only because she was too busy trying to find her great-granddaughter, to save her from any harm she might be placing herself in, so she could kill the girl herself (or say she was ranting out loud, anyway). The trip over to the Saotome house had included a pass by a hospital, where they, just for a second, were perfectly level with the room Kodachi was staying in, recovering from being struck by lightening multiple times, which, while it baffled the doctors as to how it had happened, they did not find too odd. This was Nerima, after all. Five blocks from the house, they passed by a small wooded children's park, where a tiny black piglet had been wandering for a whole day, trying to find the way out of the woods he thought was at the base of Mt. Fuji, and desperately trying to find a way to pin another hell on Ranma. He was, for the most part, succeeding.

It never occurred to him to stop and think about _why_ a doctor had been outside the Tendo house not even ten minutes after he had been kicked out. If someone had bothered to tell him that it was Ranma who placed the call to him, he would never have believed you, or screamed about not needing other people's pity, certainly not Ranma's.

Not that people explain that kind of thing to small piglets, anyway.

Still on the 'why didn't we see anyone we knew' train of thought, Akane wondered briefly if something was keeping everyone away from them.

---

The few Chaos gods who were still sleeping at their desks woke up with a violent sneeze.

---

Nah, Akane decided, it's not like there was some powerful force conspiring to give them some time alone.

---

The Kami of all Kami, ruler of the Gods and All Creation, scrambled for a tissue.

His secretary looked up for a second as she typed out a memo. "Bless you!"

---

Jeez, it wasn't like the whole universe was keeping an eye on them, or something.

---

The galaxy seemed to _blink_. At least, that's what many astronomers swore. If they had ears that were capable of hearing it, they'd have heard the damnedest sound through their telescopes.

"ACHOO!!"

---

"Can I…?" Ranma started.

"Go ahead. We both know you want to," Akane said, smiling. Ranma wanted to explore his old home. If it made him happy, Akane sure wasn't going to object, no matter how long he took.

It would be half an hour before she wondered if something had happened to him, and went inside to find out.

She found him in a room on the second floor. He was just finishing retying the makeshift blindfold, telling Akane that he had heard her coming. He must have hit the kitchen for a kettle for Ranma was again a boy. The room was bare; only a ready futon was in it. Ranma was stretched out on it, flat on his back.

After a moment of silence, Ranma spoke as if he wasn't really addressing anyone. "This was my room."

"How can you tell?"

"I looked around. There's a guest room, but it's not really set up. It has two futons stored away in the closet that don't look like they've been used longer than I've been gone from here. There're a couple other rooms that could be bedrooms, but they don't even have that. Most of the furniture ain't here. I'm guessing mom went and put it somewhere until the work was finished. This is the only room that has something in it, and it's just the futon."

Akane leaned up against the frame of the sliding door, hands clasped in front of her. "So if this is the only room that has something you can sleep on in it, how do you know it's not your mother's?"

"Room down the hall kinda smells like her perfume."

"Could have been a sitting room, where your mom spent a lot of time," Akane pointed out.

"That's downstairs," Ranma replied. "This room was mine. I know it."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Just am."

"Ranma…" Akane said, feeling a little annoyed.

Her fiancée sighed. "The closet," he said simply.

Akane turned her head towards the open closet door. Hanging inside was a tiny gi, small enough to fit a five-year old. "Yours?"

"Don't know who else it could belong to. It's also got my name stitched into the sleeve…"

"Knew you couldn't have figured it out all by yourself. Had to have it thrown in your face. May I?"

Ranma tilted his head at her. "May you what?"

"Come in? It's your room, right?"

Unseen, Ranma rolled his eyes. "Yeah. Come on in."

Akane smiled, and walked through the door. She dropped onto the floor next to Ranma, laying on her back. She reached out, and took his gloved left hands in hers. _Wait_, she thought, _didn't he have holes…?_

"New gloves?"

"Yeah," Ranma said. "Mom gave me a spare set when she gave me the others. Can't do anything about the shoes. Wish I could."

Akane glanced down. In each of his shoes were five side-by-side holes. She giggled, unable to suppress it.

"What?" Ranma demanded.

"Back claws," Akane said, smiling. "You tried to hold onto the fence with your back claws to avoid falling into the water."

"Back claws, huh?" Ranma said. "Didn't know about that. I guess since c-c-… _they_ got 'em, so do I."

"Guess so. Wait here, I have to make a phone call."

---

Elsewhere…

Cologne dragged her screeching great-granddaughter down the sidewalk by her tail, yelling in mandarin.

_>Stupid, foolish child! What were you thinking?! Trying to get yourself killed, huh?! You're lucky I don't send you back home and forbid you from ever leaving the village.>_

The screeching continued, unabated by Cologne's ranting.

_>I cannot **believe** you went to him as a **cat**. You're lucky to be alive. If he's gotten loose and gone and killed someone, **I'm** going to kill **you!>**_

More screeching and yowling.

_>Oh, shut it. It doesn't hurt that much. And the bleeding stopped already. I gave you the last of the healing powder. In a few hours it'll be finished healing; you'll probably have a scar. Now, we're going **back** to the Tendo's, where you will both apologize to Ranma for being stupid enough to visit him in that form. If he's been snapped out of it, that it. If not, **you will** use that little cat nose to sniff him out!>_

---

Cologne arrived at the Tendo dojo just in time to see Nodoka Saotome hang up the phone.

"Where's Ranma?" she rasped. She'd been yelling at Shampoo in mandarin and snapping at strangers who stopped to stare in Japanese the whole way.

Nodoka turned, and smiled pleasantly at Cologne, who had several cat scratches on her face. "Sleeping, according to Akane."

"He's upstairs?"

"Oh, heavens no. When Soun, Kasumi, and Mousse locked themselves into the dojo, Nabiki and I ran into Akane's room. Akane was outside, and ran off, but Ranma chased her. She just called to say that he collapsed after five minutes, and is currently sleeping in the park. I guess the potion and being a cat was too much for his mind to handle at once. Akane says she will call again after he wakes up."

Not able to discern any lies from Nodoka's face, Cologne accepted it, hook, line, and sinker.

"I wish to see him," she said. "Which park are they in?"

"Oh, dear. Akane didn't say. She just told me Ranma collapsed, and the she said she had to go, to make sure no one disturbed him. I think she was calling from a payphone."

Unable to locate Ranma, Cologne started grinding her teeth.

"That's fairly bad for your teeth, you know," Nodoka said.

Cologne simply sat down and stared at the phone, as if willing it to ring. Shampoo had passed out from the pain of having her tail pulled, and until she woke up, there was no way she could locate Ranma.

Under her breath, Cologne muttered curses in Chinese.

Nodoka smiled, and patiently watched her cup of yellow-stained tea.

---

"NO!"

Akane sighed. She had been expecting that response. "Ranma, listen…"

"NO!"

"Really, you're being unreasonable." She'd been at this ever since she had gotten off the phone with Nodoka, and told her to keep everyone away, and to watch for the yellow potion to turn red.

"NO! HELL NO! SHIT NO! FUCK NO! N-O! NO WAY! NO WAY IN HELL! UH-UH! NOT A CHANCE! NOT IN THIS LIFETIME! GODDAMMIT, I SAID **NO**!"

Akane felt horribly upset at his reaction. She should have made him promise to wait for her to finish explaining before she started to talk. Unbidden, a few tears started to roll down her cheeks. "_Dammit, Ranma, I'm just trying to help!_"

The sound of Akane crying brought Ranma's tirade of the many forms of 'no' to an end. Handling crying girls was not something he was good at.

"N-now, Akane, don't cry, I didn't mean…"

Akane looked up at Ranma with tear-filled eyes. Ranma didn't have to see to know what it looked like. He could see the expression she was making in his head.

"Will you let me explain before you keep saying 'no'?"

Her light sobbing immediately prompted Ranma to say, "Yes." _Dammit, I **hate** when girls cry!_

Akane's sniffling dropped to almost nothing. "Ok, um…" _Er, I really didn't think he'd give in **that** fast…_ "What's the thing you don't like about this the most?"

"Amazon potions! I've had enough of them!"

"They didn't make them."

"They didn't?"

"No. I looked them up."

Ranma turned a frightening shade of green at the prospect of _Akane-made Amazon potions_.

"OW!! What did ya hit me for?!"

"For making that face! _I_ didn't make them, Kasumi did!"

Ranma rubbed at his shoulder absently. "Oh. Um, look, I'm sorry about that…"

Akane sighed. "I know my cooking isn't… isn't really good, but I'll work on it, ok? I think I've got a few tips from your brain on it, so I'll try to read the labels before I add them, alright?"

Ranma looked at her in silence for a moment. "If you promise to read them before you add them, _and_ you try it before you give it to me, _then_ I'll eat your cooking."

"Really?"

"I promise."

"Thank you, Ranma!" Akane briefly squeezed her fiancée in a hug, to which he blushed slightly, but hugged her back lightly.

Akane pulled back first. "Something wrong?"

"Not used to it," was the prompt answer.

Akane blinked. "Maybe you should explain what that means, because I'm not quite getting it."

"Well," Ranma said, idly scratching the back of his head, "it's just… I'm not used to people being, uh, physical and all. I mean, the other day, when we got together, it caught me by surprise… wait a sec, don't get all mad at me, alright? Stop the growling thing; you know I'm not all that great at saying stuff! I'm not saying it's a bad thing! I want to be with you, it's just that I'm still getting used to it. If I'd have hugged you a week ago, you'd have knocked me into a wall! I'm just trying to get used to the fact that you're not gonna do that anymore. I hope not, anyway."

Akane sighed. "Look, I know I have a temper. I told you that I might… I might lose it from time to time, but I promised I'd try to hear you out from now on, and that I wouldn't go off on you so much. It's just kind of annoying how much I have to make sure that we don't accidentally brush against each other all the time."

"Yeah, now you know what it's like."

"Excuse me?"

"… um, can you forget I said that?"

"**No**."

Ranma laughed nervously, sweatdropping.

"Are you going to make me _ask_ you what that meant?"

"Probably," Ranma muttered under his breath, but not quite quiet enough.

"_Ranma_…"

"Look, it's um… you know that I love you, right?"

"Mm-hmm…"

"And that I've loved you for a while…"

"Mm-hmm…"

"Well, how hard do you think it was for me to love you, and know that if I even looked at you wrong, you'd knock me from here to Hokkaido?"

Silence dropped again for a good minute. Ranma started to get the impression that Akane was crying again, since she wasn't talking to him. He was trying to figure out what he could say to make her feel better (it was taking some time to think of something), when he felt his hand being picked up, fingers slipping into his.

"Akane?"

"Shh," was the only response he got. He felt his hand being guided, and then come into contact with something. He was surprised when he realized that it was Akane nuzzling her face into his hand. She let go of his hand, and he began pulling it back, only to have Akane seize it again, and hold it against her cheek. When she let go, Ranma left his hand in place, Akane nuzzling into his hand. She took his left hand, and brought it up to the side of her head. Ranma placed it against her face without being forced to, this time. Akane smiled, and he could feel it forming around his fingers.

"I'm not hitting you," she said softly.

For once, Ranma had nothing to say.

"I love you," Akane said, still quiet.

Ranma sighed, but it sounded content. "So, what's your big idea with even more Amazon potions?"

Akane pulled his hands away, and set a few pieces of paper in them. "These are what I had Kasumi make for me. She slid behind him, out of his line of sight, as Ranma pulled up a corner of the makeshift blindfold to read them.

---

Nodoka frowned. Her tea, or rather the potions in her tea, was still yellow. Really, what was taking them so long? Her tea was getting cold. Cologne probably would have noticed she wasn't drinking it, but she was in the process of trying to convince Shampoo to let her splash her with water so she could track Ranma and simultaneously keeping one eye on the phone. Shampoo didn't seem to want to go after Ranma until it could be proven he was not currently neko. Since all she had was the word of Akane saying Ranma had passed out somewhere, she wasn't budging.

"Ranma might awake now, still neko, hurt Shampoo!"

"Just _find_ him, don't attack him!"

"Neko-Ranma know Shampoo near! No find neko-Ranma until someone say Ranma normal!"

With another frown, Nodoka took to staring at her tea, and blinked in surprise when she found it was a pleasant red color. She wondered how Akane had convinced Ranma to take those potions, considering the kinds of luck Ranma had on the past concerning the Amazons and their strange concoctions. Ignoring etiquette, Nodoka promptly drank the entire thing in one large gulp. She felt a slight tingle take over her skin, then fade away.

Not too bad, and at least the tea had still been warm.

---

A/N

Ah, I _did_ finally finish! I just had to bang out and publish that Evangelion one-shot that was circling in my head before I set to getting work done on this chapter. Thank you all for the great reviews!

Er, LunaBOB, you're not really gonna lock me in a cage and poke at me with things until I write the next chapter, are you?

_sweats nervously_


	23. Akane's Potions, Time Passes

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

---

"My skin feels kinda tingly."

"It's just the potion working. It'll fade in a minute."

Ranma frowned. Potions, potions, potions. Potions got him into this mess, and now potions were supposed to get him out of it. "Those notes you showed me said there needed to be a third. Who'd you get?"

"Your mom," Akane replied.

"_What?! My mother?!_"

"Calm down, baka! It's not like she can see us, she'll just know when the potion is gone! That's all!"

Ranma sat back down from his immediate bolt to his feet. "How?"

"The same way you'll know. You'll both pass out. And so will I."

"_Pass out?!_" Ranma was on his feet again.

"_Yes_, pass out. Lack of energy, remember? She and I are going to be drawing it all off of you. As long as _you_ can keep going, so can _we_. When _you're_ exhausted, _we'll_ be exhausted. And then pass out."

Akane had found that one under potions marked for 'Intensive training.' It occupied one of the bottles she had brought. Ranma and Akane shared it. It had been created for, as the section it was found under suggested, intense training. It forced three people to share energy, or ki. The Master and Student would train, fight, and train more, until they were both exhausted. Giving a student the temporary power of a Master usually made for (as it was marked in the book) powerful results that tended to be destructive to landscaping and nearby construction, so the two usually trained like that out in deserted battlegrounds or arenas. Since there had to be a way to determine they were finished (which could take a long time), a third was necessary, called the Observer. This person would also be tapped in, but the drain would be much lower. Usually the third didn't do much, just sat around and waited until they would all pass out, alerting others to the fact that the training was done. This potion, like the one Ranma was currently under, wore off when exhaustion set in. Here, Ranma was to take the place of the Master, Akane the Student, and Nodoka the Observer. Akane had told Nodoka not to hold still, but to do whatever she wished, as any drain on Ranma's power would only assist her plan. While Nodoka's pull on Ranma's ki would only sustain her own real power level, she could run like that until Ranma himself was out. It could not be used on the battlefield, since Master and Student were required to stay extremely close. Distances of farther than five feet, and the effect faded. Only the Observer could move away from them freely.

"It's fading. I guess its working now, right Akane?"

Silence.

"Akane?"

"Soooo muuuuuch…"

Ranma's head swiveled around, trying to locate his wayward fiancée. She was easy to locate.

She was pacing the length of the room at a low jog.

"How-can-you-stand-this?" she inquired in a rapid voice. "So-much-energy. So-much-ki. I-think-I-can-run-forever-and-ever-and-ever-and-ever. I-think-I-can-circle-the-world. I-think-I-can-train-for-eternity. I-think-I'm-gonna-explode. How-you-not-stand-to-be-up-and-running-every-second-every-day? How-can-you-feel-like-this-all-the-time-and-not-be-sprinting-down-the-hall-just-to-have-something-to-do? How-can-you-ever-_sleep_-when-you-feel-like-this?"

"Whoa, Akane, calm down!" Ranma grabbed her by her shoulders, making her incessant pacing stop. "It's _normal_ for me. I need all of that just to power my body. It's too much for you because you're not as strong as me. If you train enough, you'll get this strong, and you won't notice it."

"You-swear? Cause-if-I-train-really-really-really-hard-and-I-get-close-to-your-level-and-I-feel-like-this-all-the-time, I'm-gonna-hit-you-really-really-really-hard-until-your-head-caves-in. Please-let-go-of-me-I-need-to-be-moving-I-can't-stop-or-I'm-gonna-explode-let-me-go-I-need-to-move-please-please-please-please-please-please-please…"

Ranma let go, and listened in amusement as Akane bounced back and forth around the room like a seven year old on a pound of sugar. This had not been in the book, but then, not many Masters had Ranma's level of power, and not many Students were as far behind on training as Akane when they had taken it.

"Jeez, tell me my mother's not like this," he groaned.

"Oh-no-Auntie-Saotome-looks-just-fine-she's-acting-normal-your-ki-is-just-going-to-power-her-if-she-gets-tired-but-it's-just-going-to-keep-her-at-her-own-level-she-just-won't-get-tired-until-you-do-until-we-do-why-can't-I-stop-I-think-I'm-gonna-go-run-around-the-block-a-few-times-do-you-think-that-will-help-I'm-really-thirsty-I'll-be-right-back-I'm-gonna-get-some-water."

Ranma suppressed laughter as Akane half ran, half bounced down the stairs for something to drink. He could hear her pacing the kitchen as she waited for a glass to fill, then the bounding sound of her coming back up the stairs, sounding like a small herd of elephants playing footsy.

"Hey-Ranma-I'm-back-and-I-brought-a-few-glasses-with-me (she had managed to carry eight, and set them on the floor) just-in-case-we-get-thirsty-later-is-that-a-good-idea?" Akane dropped onto the floor next to the glasses of water and started bouncing up and down on the backs of her heels. "So-do-you-think-this-will-really-work-I-hope-it-does-bouncy-bouncy-bouncy-bouncy-bouncy…"

Unable to help himself, Ranma burst out laughing the second Akane started chanting 'bouncy.'

"Hey-are-you-laughing-at-me-if-you-are-you-know-it's-all-you-fault-I'm-like-this-you-have-too-much-energy-baka-should-we-drink-the-other-potions-now?"

Akane's plan included two more potions. One for Ranma, one for Akane. Ranma's potion was supposed to be the strongest potion for calming a person in the entire history of the Amazons. It would only work for a minute, but that was more time than Akane really needed.

"Good idea," Ranma said, snickering. "Why don't _you_ have a sip of mine while we're at it?"

Before Akane could say anything else, Ranma pushed the container at her face. Akane took a small drink of it, and then gave it back. Ranma downed the rest. He carefully pulled the blindfold off, and looked at Akane.

"Well?" she asked, for the moment not bursting to move.

"I really, _really_ want to drag you to the futon, but I can resist. How long does this last again?"

"Just a minute. After that, it's back to being under the influence."

"Why didn't we just keep feeding me this before?"

"Because the other potion makes you immune to any other potions after one or two doses."

"Ah. Well, you're the one who wanted this, aren't you going to do it before I get all insane again?"

Akane rolled her eyes. She still felt like she had enough power to dig a mining shaft, but didn't feel the urge to do so. "Such a romantic." She leaned forward, and gently pressed her lips against Ranma's. A slight moan escaped both of them, as Ranma pulled Akane closer to him.

Ranma pulled back, feeling the tingle that meant it was wearing off. He rolled his head against his shoulder, pulling the blindfold back into place, but didn't let go of Akane.

"Sorry," he whispered. "Potion must have made it wear off fast."

"S'ok," Akane mumbled into his shirt. "At least I got to kiss you. It was worth it. But is _that_ the work of the potion, too?"

Ranma blushed, knowing what reaction of his she was referring to. "No," he muttered, embarrassed. He tried to pull away, but Akane held onto him.

"I said it was alright, baka."

Instinct wanted Ranma to run, as years of 'treatment' at Akane's hands at this type of reaction told him that pain was on the way, while the rest of his brain kept trying to tell him to stay where he was, because Akane said he was allowed to have that reaction to her now. Instinct took a kick at the Intellect's knees, but Intellect giggled and stuck out his tongue.

A few seconds later, Ranma felt Akane's hands started to twitch, and her heartbeat sped back up. _Ah, the calming stuff must have worn off of her, too._

"You should drink yours now," Ranma said.

"Yeah-good-idea-Ranma," Akane replied, letting go and picking up the last bottle. Instead of unscrewing the cap, it broke off in her hand. "Oops-I-guess-I'm-going-to-have-to-be-more-careful-until-this-is-over-I-broke-it."

Ranma laughed quietly. "Yeah, just drink it, tomboy."

Akane quickly poured it down her throat, and turned back to Ranma. He clamped a hand over her mouth before she could anything else.

"Are you sure about this, Akane? I mean, I love you, but I don't want you doing this just to help me…"

A muffled "I'm fure" came from underneath Ranma's gloved hand.

"Yeah, but…"

More muffled speech. "I'fe 'reamed uf ik fometimef, an if I 'idn't wan 'o, I 'ould fay 'no'."

Ranma took a moment to try and figure that thing out. _I've dreamed of it sometimes, and if I didn't want it, I would say 'no.'_

"I just don't want to force you…"

"'our ot forfing 'e, 'anma." _You're not forcing me, Ranma._

"Well, yeah, but…"

"'o you 'ot 'ike 'e?" Ranma could hear sadness in Akane's voice. "'ere 'ou 'usk fayin' thak fuz 'ou 'on'k like hur'in girlf, an I weally am un'uke?"

Ranma's brain took about a minute to get through that one. Maybe he should let go… but then the hyperactive speech would start up again.

_Do you not like me? Were you just saying that cause you don't like hurting girls, and I really am uncute?_

"No!" Ranma objected. "You know you're not uncute! I didn't mean that! It's just…"

Akane's muffled voice took on a softer tone. "I gnow. I wuff 'ou, 'nma. I'm fure." _I know. I love you, Ranma. I'm sure._

With a sigh, Ranma removed his hand from Akane's mouth. "Ok," he said.

"Ranma?" Akane said, pulling his hand away from her mouth, and straining to keep her voice at a normal speed.

"Yeah?"

"Say it. Please?"

What could be seen of Ranma's expression softened. "I love you."

Akane smiled, reassured, but… "I love you, too, but that's not what I meant. The other thing, Ranma. Tell me that."

Ranma looked confused. Akane decided it looked cute. "You know what I mean, baka."

Ranma's confused expression continued for a few seconds, before it cleared, and he leaned forward to whisper in her ear. "_Mine. You're all mine._"

Akane felt the familiar thrill that came when he had first said it, and whispered the words back to him, demanding that he was also hers and hers alone. She kissed him lightly, pulling the makeshift blindfold away, feeling Ranma crush himself against her. She did her best to aim for the futon as they fell towards the ground, both of their clothes being torn off on the process.

Akane's potion was meant to prevent pregnancy.

---

Nodoka was feeling content, among other such emotions as happiness, and pride, and a kind of demented glee.

She was content, and happy for her son, who, at the moment, she knew was probably quite… occupied with the only fiancée she had really approved of, and not just because it was the first arrangement. She was also proud, yes, proud, of him being such a man as to drive a woman (namely, Akane) to such lengths of loyalty. She was also feeling proud of herself, for she was in the dojo, calmly working through a moderately complex kata, wielding the honor blade. It had been some time since she had run a serious workout; a few years, in fact, and was grateful to find that she was neither too far out of shape, and that her own practiced skill had not slipped more than expected. The abundance of energy she felt, doubtless from her son, enabled her to practice for a very long time, working out the kinks in both her form, and slightly unused muscles. Why, if she could keep this up for another hour or two, then her form, if not her strength and speed, would be back to where it was right before she had stopped working out about five years ago.

The demented glee came from three sources. The first was at lying to Cologne's face and getting away with it, both about Ranma's current whereabouts, and what he was, not to make a bad pun, but what (or who) he was currently doing. All that time lying to the still-living persons in her family line had finally found a practical use, aside from telling said persons that Ranma and Genma were doing fine and that their training was going well.

The second source was Nabiki, who seemed to be making a turn for the better, and had somehow managed to locate a large book on Amazon law, and was digging through it, page by page, muttering something about 'maniac laws' and 'crazy women who made them.'

The third, was the look on Cologne's face, right now. She had convinced Shampoo to turn into a cat (by throwing water at her when her back was turned), but had yet to convince her to come down from the rafters of the dojo, where she was probably going to stay until Ranma could be proven to not be a cat at the moment. While Nodoka had no doubt that it would take Ranma's arrival in the dojo to be sufficient evidence, it was not the reason Cologne wore the expression she had.

The reason he face looked utterly incredulous was because ten minutes after Nodoka had drank the potion-spiked tea, she had decided to work out, and had not stopped other than to take sips of water.

That was two hours ago, and she showed no signs of stopping anytime in the immediate future.

Nodoka knew that this was not of her own doing. If everything was normal, she had no doubts that she would have collapsed after maybe half an hour, maybe forty-five minutes if she was lucky. As it was, she felt like she could keep this up forever. She could _feel_ the drain on Ranma's ki, and, while it had been somewhat diminished, it was obvious that it was not yet halfway drained. If it wasn't for Akane pulling on Ranma's ki just as hard as Ranma himself, Nodoka reasoned, then between his son's… exertions, and Nodoka's two-hour nonstop workout, Ranma would barely be a quarter drained, and be fit to continue for another ten hours. As it was, another four would probably be it for him. But how to continue stalling the Amazons… Nodoka's thoughts drifted as her body spun through the movements.

Cologne meanwhile, had been grudgingly impressed an hour ago, when Nodoka Saotome had been working out at an outrageous pace, and had neither broken a sweat, nor showed signs of stopping. Now, two hours after the workout began, Nodoka had finally broken into that sweat, but she was also performing complex katas that would leave most people exhausted, Cologne herself included. Seven minutes ago, Nodoka had declared a need for a break from such draining styles, and Cologne had been thankful. Watching the Saotome Matriarch go like that as such speeds and such complexity for so long had been hard to believe. When it became apparent that her idea of a 'break' meant that she was going to stop the complex ones, and start on a medium-level kata, Cologne felt like bashing her head against the wall, then demanding to know where Nodoka Saotome was finding such fantastic ki reserves, or if she had some way of replenishing them as fast or almost as fast as she could drain them. And if she did, Cologne wanted to know about it! While Ranma was a very pressing issue, there had not been any news on the radio or television about a rampant cat-like man killing people, wounding people, _mating_ people, or even having generally being seen at all. This alone proved that Nodoka Saotome was, indeed, correct about Ranma being asleep somewhere and not being a neko-fied menace to the world at large.

Unless some such news occurred, Cologne was going to stay put and watch Nodoka, and try to determine the technique by which she ran herself at such a pace until Nodoka either confessed it, or finally decided to stop. It was fascinating to see her move about like this… and studying the continuously improving form Nodoka was using was interesting as well. It reminded her of some old legend… her mind seemed to slip the details, but she knew it looked familiar. It seemed that pure speed was Nodoka's style… and while no, as they were called, _special_ techniques were employed as of yet, it was still amazing to watch. Maybe she could talk Nodoka into showing her how some of it was accomplished…

Nodoka half-smiled to herself. So, the old ghoul (Ranma's nickname was amusing to her) was interested in her Art, was she? Well, then, if that was what it took to keep her attention, than perhaps it was time to start showing off. There were several moves that, while she knew how to perform them, and had even practiced, she could never finish, as they left her far too exhausted under her own power. But now… maybe she could get them right…

Somewhere on the edge of her awareness, Nodoka realized that Ranma's ki was draining even faster on his and Akane's end. Idly, she wondered what was doing that, then she upped her kata, and hit the high moves her grandfather had shown her before he died…

Cologne watched in wonder as Nodoka blurred _upwards_, heading for the ceiling. She flipped over, landing with her feet against the rafters, pushing off, and heading towards the east wall, moving faster than her trip up. Another flip, and rebound, her red hair flying, and she snapped towards the west wall. With a loud cry, her sword shot forward and around, moving too fast for Cologne to follow. _So fast… such speed…_

The practice dummy she had been aiming for seemed to _explode_ forward, rocketing towards the wall, hitting hard enough to leave a loud _crack_ on impact. Nodoka never stopped, and launched seamlessly into another complex kata, light flashing off of the blade. Heavy gouges and one deep stab in the center decorated the dummy

… _and such power to go with it! But… the pattern of strikes is strange; she only had time for one blow, yet I myself can see the evidence of nine, eight from all directions, and the ninth stroke, delivered not as a slash, but a strike to the dead center? There's no defense against that! How is such raw speed attained?! It's faster than my kachü tenshin amaguriken, even if it can't be maintained like my technique._

Her attention fully captured, Cologne watched, as Nodoka pondered the additional energy drain on Ranma's ki, and feeling slightly winded from the move. _I might be able to perform it with my son's constant feed, but my own muscles are barely up to the task. But what is making his power drain so much faster?_

In another house, Ranma and Akane had been fighting, both as girls as they fell into the tub, changing Ranma into a man, for the position of 'on top while in the water.'

It was a fierce battle, and was only won when neither got it, but instead, they both fell on their sides, and continued, unabated.

Their 'fight' over, Nodoka felt the ki drain return to it's previous state, and tried to go faster, feeling her muscles complain about it. She pushed them harder, demanding higher performance out of them. _I will become what I once was. The world championship holder and master swordswoman whose speed and power was what captivated Genma._

_I will not allow myself to be simply a 'poor martial artist's wife' anymore. I will become more than that. I will become the mother of a martial artist who is a man among men, and I will be a mother that **he** can and **will** be proud of,_ _or I will have Genma's head for allowing me to become so weak of body and mind._

---

Akane felt like she was dying. Well, not really dying, but now she understood why it was called the 'little death.'

Ranma showed no signs of being tired, and Akane didn't _want_ him to. She wanted this to continue, on and on and on…

Her naked body arched upwards, trying to meet Ranma for each time he drove himself into her. Her voice was probably going to give out if she continued screaming, but Akane was well beyond caring. They had been off and on fighting to be on top since they had started, and Akane's mind decided it was her turn again. Commanding her body to obey, she trapped Ranma between her knees, and pushed to the left as hard as she could. She found herself above Ranma, straddling him, and their rhythm was never broken.

Before thought was driven from her mind again, Akane made a note to ask him later about some of the things he had so far done to her. Gods, his tongue alone…! Then any ability was gone as Ranma captured a nipple in his mouth, gently sucking.

It was an hour after Nodoka made her vow to herself to become what she used to be, and three hours after Akane had kissed Ranma after they told each other they belonged to each other.

---

Ryoga wandered through the streets, thinking to himself. _I've tried to change back so many times now… and each time, it's so hot that I can't stand it. I have to run screaming for cold water to wash it away. Damn you Ranma, this is all your fault! If you hadn't called for that damned court, I could still be near Akane! You don't deserve her!_

Point of fact, Ranma had the exact same thought. Akane thought that she wasn't good enough for Ranma, so it kind of balanced out.

_I don't know how Akane figured it out, but it's all your fault she didn't accept it! It's your fault that I have this stupid curse! It's your fault that I can't change back! It's your fault Akane hates me! And I know that somehow it's** your fault that the sounds of that happy couple being… together… in that house right there are tormenting me!!** If it wasn't for you, someday Akane and I could be happy together, and that could be **us!!**_

So declaring this to himself, Ryoga continued on past the Saotome house, trying his best to ignore the sounds of a girl's pleasured screaming, and didn't stop until he accidentally wandered into Ucchan's.

_Hey, when did Ukyo-san move to Kagoshima?_

It was two hours past the moment Nodoka had made her vow to herself.

---

Ukyo was sitting in her kitchen, having just wandered down the stairs from her room. She was crying, and had finally come to realize that for Ranma, she was just the friend that he remembered, at the most, the sister that everyone said she was.

And he loved her, but not the way he loved Akane.

Damn him for it.

She did wish Konatsu was here; he did sometimes have a way of cheering her up.

Nabiki's words still stung her ears, only because Ukyo had to accept them as being true. The yatta's cost was probably nothing compared to the damages done to the dojo during that disastrous wedding. And even Ukyo's own memory betrayed her, bringing to mind the time of the rampant destruction of the Saotome house trying to get to what they all had thought was an engagement ring from Ranma to Akane, even if it wasn't.

The femininity thing… well, Ukyo actually had to admit she liked dressing the way she did, even if people sometimes (almost all the time (all the time)) mistook her for a boy. At least she could say she understood how Ranma felt when he got splashed, though Ukyo's equipment always remained the same.

She might have lost one of the only friends she had around this damn district. Akane… well, maybe in the past, but with the revelation of her knowledge of 'P-chan,' any friendship on Akane's part was a complete write-off. Not that Ukyo could blame her; even _she_ had told Ryoga that Akane was probably going to kill him. If it had been her… hell, she'd be serving pork okonomiyaki to her customers free of charge. As it was, her single-minded devotion to getting Ranma had blinded her to the enormous stupidity of not simply marching up to the blue-haired girl and throwing hot water at her when she was holding her precious pet.

Ranma had said that he had punished Ryoga… but she couldn't recall what it was. The whole story had been thrown at her at once, and she should have seen that he didn't love her like that in the instant she touched him, and he did nothing but pull her closer in a friendly hug. That alone was more than enough proof to show even a stubborn mind like hers that Ranma simply did not feel for her what she felt for him.

Dammit, she _deserved_ him! Ten years! All the training! The…

Oh, hell, who was she kidding? It was all her choice anyway. And she had been making that stuff up about her father. He was probably the most kind-hearted loon on the planet, right after Ranma himself, who forgave people who tried to kill him on a regular basis. Her father could be talked into anything, _especially_ for his 'little Ukyo.'

Even into pretending to be a complete maniac hard-ass just to help her get the man of her dreams, Ranma.

But now… maybe she shouldn't have him. Being abandoned by the one person single-mindedly devoted to you hand and foot, being rejected utterly and betrayed by the fiancée you were supposed to have (Ranma had told Akane about Ukyo knowing about P-chan, thereby giving her the anger she needed to win), and having the main competition beat her senseless all in a one-hour period did tend to force a little insight onto you. She was just as bad as Shampoo. Well, not _that_ bad… Shampoo was worse. Ukyo didn't bring _her_ tradition-obsessed potion-magic-and-staff-wielding ancestor along to provide back-up. She had intended on winning Ranma on her own merits.

Ukyo sighed. That was probably why she 'lost' in the first place. She had tried to treat it like a contest.

" 'Win' Ranma indeed. Like he was a prize in a damn contest," she said under her breath. "And whoever bludgeons the opposing contestants the most wins. Hell, that'd _still_ be Akane. Mallet-happy martial artist… and that damn jackass Ranma… you two deserve each other."

She could move on. Find someone else. Maybe she could be fucking _happy_ with her life for once.

Damn it, this was _Nerima_, stranger things than people being happy occurred on a regular basis. Step one was apologizing to Ranma and Akane. Ukyo was _not_ about to move, since she had a great deal invested in her shop, what with having the store all paid off, the regular customers, and the reputation she had built around the local area. And if one intended on staying in Nerima, then you sure as hell stayed on the good side of the Tendo's and the Saotome's, _especially_ Ranma and Akane. And _Nabiki_.

Nabiki controlled the officer side of the damn police force through extortion and blackmail alone, and _every_ cop in the entire city of Tokyo respected Ranma. His mere presence made street crime drop to nothing, and the fools who dared try a mugging or robbery around here didn't go to jail for their crimes. They were assigned to the dojo as 'voluntary martial art practice dummies' or to the Nekohanten for a few days as potion testers. Most of them never made it _that_ far in the justice system. _They_ were the lucky ones who made it to the cops; they others were spotted by the local martial artists and were savagely beaten, whipped, bashed, drugged, or, worst of all, were forced to listen to 30-minute lectures of the severity of their crimes in verses of bad Shakespearean poetry.

The last person who tried to snatch a purse had done so within eyeshot of Ranma himself, and was merrily pursued around the city for hours by the pig-tailed martial artist until he keeled over of dehydration. Ranma had forced him to drink some water, waited until he was rested, and chased him around some more. Stopping only earned him 'light' taps to his kidneys. Cops flagged down by the terrified criminal handed out snacks and sports drinks to Ranma, and egged him on.

At this point, being their friend was a very long term goal, if it was attainable at all. Getting on their good side was more immediate, as she did not want to be hassled by half the population for knowing about P-chan's secret, if the word spread. But how to make it up to them… there had to be something, and giving Ranma free food wasn't going to cut it this time. And it would _definitely_ be taken the wrong way by Akane, who would then pass her suspicions on to Ranma, who would then get upset at her, which might provoke Nabiki into letting it slip to the people of Nerima that she was trying to break up Ranma and Akane, and the thing about P-chan… and so on and so forth. How to make it up to them…

Something nudged her foot. _Eh? P-chan?! You… you… hey… now there's something…_

She picked up Ryoga, and held him at eye level.

_Tell me you want to help me get back at Ranma!_ he said.

All Ukyo heard, of course, was "Bweeee bweee bweeeeeee!"

Ukyo smiled gently. "Of course." She was talking to herself, but Ryoga's instant reaction was a thought of, _Yes!! Ranma, you will pay for taking Akane from me!_

"P-chan, I'm gonna have you neutered."

"BWEEEEEE!!!" _Nooooooo!!_

It was two and a half hours past the point of Nodoka's vow, four and a half hours into Ranma and Akane's 'alone time,' and an hour and a half until Nodoka's predicted time of Ranma's exhaustion.

---

The tub again. They had gotten to the tub _again_. Afterwards, they had somehow gotten into the kitchen, though Akane would never remember how, as she did not recall going down any stairs. Ranma was perched on the edge of the counter by the sink, as a girl, and Akane was proving to her that she was a fast learner in any technique. If he had done it to her half a dozen times by now, she could figure it out, and was returning the favor. If her mind had been capable of any real thought, Akane would have thought it amusing that, as a girl, Ranma was almost as loud a screamer as she was.

All Ranma cared about was that when she looked down, all she could manage to focus on was her lover's head of dark blue hair, firmly between her own legs. Then Akane's tongue did some sort of _twist_, and Ranma's head was thrown back in another scream.

An hour until the predicted time of exhaustion.

---

Kasumi smiled at Mousse. They had still gone on that date, albeit they were doing it earlier than they had thought, making it a lunch date instead of a dinner date, and were enjoying themselves nicely. Mousse, for all his time on Nerima, spent almost all of his time fighting Ranma, running deliveries, working, or walking around blind, and did not get to see most of the sights the city had to offer. Kasumi herself spent almost all of her time at home, and the rest of the time running errands in support of that role of housekeeper. She knew almost as little of the city as Mousse himself. But it turned out that between them, they knew many wonderful restaurants (Cologne had thought of them as 'competition' and made sure that Shampoo and Mousse knew about them), were very well recognized (Mousse again. Being one of the local martial artists who deterred crime by existing had positive effects on one's popularity, despite ensuing property damage), were owed many favors that made shop-keepers lavish them with free things or, in one case, a free hand-painted portrait (Mousse _and _Kasumi. Mousse for the martial artist thing again, and Kasumi had been known to dispense shopping and housekeeping advice to any who asked her while she ran errands). Many, oddly enough, went so far out of the way to help them have a nice evening that Mousse thought it odd, and wondered if people were always so polite (Kasumi, strangely. Almost every person around knew her for her sheer kindness, and seemed to think she needed a nice man, and if this one was going to treat her with respect and make her happy, they were going to make sure that nothing bothered them. Everyone vowed that if Mousse made her frown, however, he was going to die. He had come close twice already without even knowing it. She had frowned in thought when he had asked where she wanted to go next after eating lunch, and two nearby waiters and three children had come within seconds of launching an attack. She had also frowned _again_ in thought when he had been trying to teach her the proper pronunciation of his name, and a local policeman almost pulled his gun right then and there, and would have made it, too, if a fish merchant hadn't cut him off, while trying to determine how to brandish a trout as a weapon. Then Kasumi had smiled, and they had relaxed).

Mousse thought her smile was wonderful as she directed it at him. At her suggestion, they were walking through a park on their way home at the end of their lunch date, and were admiring the scenery, though Mousse was probably admiring it more, since he could actually _see_ the scenery now. It was going fine, and perfect, up until the moment a fleeing mugger knocked Kasumi onto the ground, and into the mud.

Mousse had nearly taken his arms off.

A gun was pulled, and _Kasumi_ nearly took the mugger's _head_ off. Mallet.

"Where did you learn that, Kasumi-san?" Mousse asked, blinking at Akane's traditional weapon.

"Oh, it was something our mother insisted we all learn as self-defense. I've just never used it up until now. Even Nabiki can use one. I think I saw her pull it during Ranma-kun's Umisen-ken training after he took the house foundation…"

"We should get you home, or that mud will be very stubborn. I'm sorry to have to cut our date short."

"You can make it up to me on our next one then, Mu Tsu."

For a moment, Mousse's goofy smile showed, then he carefully picked Kasumi up in his arms, and proceeded to launch himself onto the Nerima rooftops, heading for the Tendo home.

Mere moments after their departure, two waiters, three children, one policeman, a fish merchant, nine small dogs, five street punks, three schoolboys, a computer nerd, and two emergency room nurses viciously savaged the mugger, for having the audacity to interrupt Kasumi's date.

It was thirty minutes to Nodoka's predicted deadline.

---

_Starting to feel a little tired_, was the first coherent thought in hours that Akane managed. It took her almost five minutes to complete. Her mind was, really, otherwise occupied with other things. Namely, Ranma. And things Ranma did to her.

There was a pole in Ranma's closet, meant to hang clothes up on hangers, and somehow it seemed it was capable of maintaining the weight of a girl, as was proven by the fact that Akane was hanging by her arms from it, with Ranma behind her. His hands were roaming the front of her body as he took her from behind and below. Akane's voice had given out after the kitchen when Ranma had fallen into the sink, and had turned back into a boy, and then taken her on the tile floor.

With a loud _snap_, the closet pole demonstrated that it was as sturdy as it seemed when a person tried to suspend themselves from it.

Akane barely noticed. Ranma didn't care. But the position they landed in was interesting, to say the least, even if they didn't slow down. Somehow, Akane found the last of her voice, and used it to scream Ranma's name again.

Fifteen minutes.

---

Five minutes later, and Nodoka and Cologne were dueling. That is to say, Cologne was on pure defense while Nodoka attacked. An hour after the off the ceiling, off the wall rebound attack, Cologne had accepted Nodoka's request for a training partner, leaving her great-granddaughter to sit by the phone, and listen to the radio and watch the TV for any reports of anything that sounded like Ranma. When she yelled out questions, all she got was that the most interesting news was noise complaints coming from other parts of the city. Since this was a district stuffed full of martial artists, this was normal.

Shampoo had simply failed to mention that the noise complaints were that of rather loud sounds of passion. Her only thought was _At least **someone** has better luck with a man they want than I do._

Cologne had insisted that Nodoka _not_ use the katana, just in case she tried that nine-point attack again. So Nodoka had taken up a training bokken, and since then, had used that technique a few times, though it left her muscles with a dull ache afterwards. Cologne's bruises ran in a repeated pattern of nine, and she had yet to find a way to block it. How the hell did one use two arms and two legs to stop _nine_ blows all coming from different directions, when, if it was a real sword, would leave great nasty wounds all over that would make you bleed to death in moments if it didn't kill you or leave you in pieces outright?

Nodoka stopped moving.

_Oh, dear Kami, what move is she going to do now?_ Cologne thought. Every time Nodoka paused in her workout, she attacked moments later with the ungodly speed that left bruises all over the place. Cologne could block many, but sometimes that speed was just too much. Her arms bore the brunt of it, and her staff had so many dents and chips in it that Cologne was going to throw it in the trash after this, and get one of the spares that Mousse had.

Nodoka still wasn't attacking.

_What insanity maneuver is she plotting that's taking her this long to ready herself for? I hope she doesn't go for my head this time…_

"Yare, yare…" Nodoka said weakly.

"Are alright, Nodoka?" The Amazon matriarch and the Saotome matriarch had rapidly progressed to an untitled first name basis after the sparring had begun.

_Ten minutes earlier than I thought… I hope my passing out buys them the time they need to recover…_

"Cologne?" she said, wavering a little.

"Yes?"

"I fear I may have overdone it a little," Nodoka said, and dropped bonelessly to the ground.

---

Many blocks away, Ranma and Akane slept, thoroughly drained. The very last vestiges of energy they possessed had been used to grab a couple cups of the water Akane had brought up so long ago, and drink them to prevent dehydration. It had taken everything Ranma had to stay awake long enough to drape an arm over Akane after they had pulled a blanket over themselves.

And Akane slept on, as Cologne panicked over the collapsed body of her newest ally and friend.

---

"Oh, thank goodness, she's just tired. She must have pushed herself extremely hard to do all that. Stressed like the rest of us over her son as well, I imagine." Cologne looked up in time to see Mousse arrive in the yard carrying Kasumi Tendo.

>Where have you been, you idiot?> she demanded in Mandarin. >Nodoka has collapsed from stress and exhaustion, help me carry her inside.>

>Sorry, Elder. I was helping Kasumi Tendo run a few errands, mostly bills, as repayment for having stayed here the past few nights.>

>Good,> Cologne said as they gently carried Nodoka into the house. >An Amazon never leaves people behind while in their debt if they have to, not even males. But why were you carrying her?>

>A mugger of some sort attempted to knock her into the ground while running. She was concerned about the mud soaking into her dress, so I offered to carry her back so she could wash her clothing.>

>What did you do with the mugger?> Maintaining a good standing in the community was important to Cologne, more so given her slight ambassador status.

>If he wakes up without someone taking him to the hospital, then he is going to need a few weeks to recover the full use of his arms, if his concussion does not inhibit him too much.>

Cologne cackled. Muggers, indeed.

"Shampoo, any news?"

"Shampoo no hear word anything sound like Ranma. No attacks, no cat yowling boy, no funny ecchi in public place. SHAMPOO NOT TRACK RANMA UNTIL SOMEONE PROVE RANMA NOT WAKE UP CAT, SO NO ASK!!"

Cologne sighed as she waited for Nodoka to wake up, and for the phone to ring. Just how long had they been sparring anyway? She had been having so much fun, she had lost track of time.

---

And together, Ranma and Akane slept on.

---

A/N

_Yawn, stretch, pop_.

A slightly longer chapter than usual. I just couldn't bring myself to find a place to cut it off. At least I didn't leave it in another evil cliffhanger this time.


	24. Waking Up

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

---

Quick A/N

Jeez, I'm not _really_ gonna have Ryoga neutered! It's just a threat (albeit an empty one). Oh, and I know I said 'Mousse, for all his time on Nerima…' That was not a typo. It's deliberate, like any other time I say that. One does _not_ live _in_ Nerima, one lives _on_ it. It's like the friggin' _moon_. A place you feel that does not belong in the real world.

---

Slowly, so very slowly, Akane began to wake up. She felt sore in a few places, but it was a _good_ kind of sore, like after a really great workout. Consciousness creeped in, making her vaguely aware of her surroundings.

_Where… whose room is this?_

More demanding was the suddenly noticed pressure against her chest. _Now what is… oh, right, it's just P-chan._

She settled back into her pillow, deciding to rest a few more minutes before getting up. Morning (though it was not morning) amnesia wore off, providing Akane with her full set of memories. Idly, Akane thought to herself. _I have P-chan. P-chan is snuggled up against me. P-chan is Ryoga's cursed form. Ryoga is P-chan. I have Ryoga pressed up against my chest._

This line of logic took a moment to sink in. Then…

**_P-chan is Ryoga!! RYOGA-_**

"-YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!" The mallet descended upon his head with crushing force, Akane's ears registering the scream of terror her Mallet of Doom™ brought from her new victim.

"Whoa! Hey, what-?!" Akane's legs decided they were not really up to the task of supporting any weight at all, and brought her down to the ground in an undignified heap. She turned to face her crushed previous-pet, and blinked.

"Oh, no." This was bad. He looked like someone had tried to kill him! Blood was dripping down his face. "Hey, wake up." Akane shook him lightly, with a shocked expression on her face.

"C'mon, I didn't mean to hurt you that much, you have to wake up." Panic began to set in. "Wake up! This isn't funny, now get up!" Akane shook him harder, trying to get him to open his eyes. "_You have to get up! Please! Please get up!_"

"_Please, wake up!! I didn't know it was you, Ranma!!_"

---

Elsewhere, Cologne sat with worry. Nodoka had woken up about half an hour ago, and seemed fine. Her muscles had been quite cramped, but that was expected. She had done a very long, very exhaustive workout, and had not been able to slow down or stretch afterwards, and her muscles had cramped as a result. Some slow stretching had worked out the worst of it, and now she was on her feet, and drinking tea.

"Any word on my son?" she asked Cologne. She knew perfectly well where he was, and that it was entirely possible he was still sleeping. He had a lot more energy to make up for.

"None yet. I've sent Mousse and that strangely dressed boy who looks like a girl to look for him and the young Tendo girl. Mousse, when he is capable of sight, can follow a trail quite well. I believe the boy Konatsu is a ninja; they have tendencies of being good trackers, as being able top erase one's own presence is a good way to know what to look for in following someone else. Shampoo, sadly, cannot be convinced to follow any trail at all until Ranma can be proven he is not going to hiss and claw at her. And with the trail being so old and the rain that recently passed…"

"She couldn't follow his scent anyway," Nodoka finished with a sigh. "Ah, well. Let us hope that, if they can't find him, Akane wakes up and calls soon."

A moment of concentration appeared on Cologne's face. "Wakes up?"

"Of course. If she hasn't called by now, then she must have fallen asleep as well. I imagine it must be quite tiring to run from a neko-Ranma."

Cologne blinked. That _did_ make perfect sense. Why else wouldn't they have heard from the young girl? And if Ranma had woken up in the park, and found Akane nearby, they'd have heard about it. Most Ranma-related events found their way into the local news, and him trying to bed a girl in the middle of a park would definitely go noticed. After all, they'd put that ten-hour purse-snatcher chase on live on channel 15… it had been amusing to see the local authorities giving Ranma food and drink to keep him going. And Ranma's 'motivational' strikes to the man's kidneys were enough to set Cologne laughing.

Maybe the Tendo girl was awake, and simply was afraid to leave Ranma's side to find a phone, for fear that some passerby with good intentions should try to wake Ranma to send him home. Cologne could quite easily picture Akane standing next to a sleeping Ranma by a tree, looking annoyed a not being able to leave his side, and probably wanting to be somewhere else. With a sigh, Cologne tried to dismiss that train of thought, and spent the next half hour trying to pry the secret of Nodoka's excessive energy display out of Ranma's mother.

Much to her annoyance, mostly she received vague answers and secretive smiles.

Much to _Nodoka's_ annoyance, the more time passed, the more paranoid Cologne seemed to become. Having Ranma out of her sight at the moment for so very long must be wearing on her nerves.

---

Pain. In his head. Lots of it. How? His memory was hazy at best. He was… waking up… Yes, that was it. He was just waking up, and then… a voice… saying something… Then there was fear, something he didn't expect… then the pain, and unconsciousness.

Now he was waking up again, though this time, the pain was there from the start. And another pain. Something crushing his chest. Loud noise. Crying? Was that crying?

Slowly, Ranma Saotome opened his eyes. His body ached, feeling as though he'd been doing something that had pushed him to his limit. Memory was still far too fuzzy to be of any use.

_Ok, so, where am I?_

_Looks unfamiliar. A bedroom. No one's I recognize. Walls are blank; door is closed, only thing in here is a futon and a closet… damaged._

_How did I get here?_

Memories surfaced. _Akane. Akane brought me here. This is my home; this was my room._

_Why am I here?_

_Cure for the newest potion. Akane and I…_ That triggered a new set of memories, which brought a flaming blush to Ranma's face.

_Who is that crying on my and trying to crush my ribs?_

Ranma looked down. _Akane. Looks upset. She's crying and it sounds like she's saying something… sounds like _"I didn't mean to" and "That wasn't supposed to happen."

_Why do I hurt, and why is Akane crying?_

Distorted memories focused. _I was waking up, and I saw… saw Akane standing over me… the mallet… and Akane saying…_

"_YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!"_

Ranma's mind sorted this information slowly.

---

Inside Ranma's brain!!

Just… um, did things… with Akane

plus

"YOU'RE GONNA DIE FOR TOUCHING ME!!"

plus

An extra-powerful malleting.

plus

Akane currently crying.

plus

"I didn't mean to" and "That wasn't supposed to happen."

equals

Akane is upset because she really didn't want me. She didn't think it would really happen, and now she really, _really_ hates me, and tried to kill me.

Additional information - I am still alive.

Most likely outcome - As soon as Akane notices I did not die; she will kill me.

Solution - Flee.

Solution Time - NOW!!

---

Akane felt Ranma begin to move. She wrapped her arms around him as she buried her face in his chest.

"I'm sorry! I didn't mean to! That wasn't supposed to happen!" she cried, trying to explain her actions with the mallet.

Ranma's eyes focused on her properly as she glanced up, trying to look into his eyes. He blinked.

Then Ranma screamed for his life, and started trying to run for the corner of the room.

"Ranma, stop it!" Ranma paid absolutely no attention to her, and pried her arms off, more concerned with his imminent survival against someone he could even bring himself to hit. With a hard shove, he broke free of her grip, and collided with a wall in an attempt to jump away, leaving behind a small impact crater. He collapsed to the ground, a small trickle of blood flowing down his forehead from the impact.

"What the hell are you _doing?!_" Akane snapped, worried.

Ranma raised his arms up over his face in a warding gesture, trying to block the blows he knew were on their way. "Please don't hit me," he said rapidly. "I didn't mean it, don't hit me. I'm sorry, Akane, I'm sorry, just don't hurt me."

"Oh, Ranma…" Akane's expression softened as she crawled over by Ranma's side, still looking stricken. He cringed in response. "Hey, baka, stop that." She tried to put as playful a sound in her voice as possible, which was a good trick, considering how internally panicked she was feeling.

She had, however, a much harder time pulling Ranma's arms away from the protective position over his head.

It proved to be impossible. Ranma wouldn't budge.

_Jeez, it's not like I threatened to kill him._ Akane blinked for a moment. _Ohhhh, I **did** threaten to kill him, but I just didn't think it was… great going Akane, this has got to be some kind of record._

"Ranma-" she started. "Now-" she yanked one of his arms down. "-I need-" Akane pulled the other down, and the first snapped back up in it's place. "-to say something-" she knelt of the second (left) hand, and yanked the first down from over Ranma's head. "-SO LISTEN!!"

Ranma froze, wide-eyed, with his hands trapped.

"I'm _not_ going to hit you, you see? Now, I'm gonna let go of your hands, real slow." When she released his hands, she was pleased that they didn't immediately go to a blocking position, but they were still very tense.

"Ranma, look me in the eyes-" Akane grabbed Ranma's head, and forced him to look at her. He had been scanning the room for potential exits. "-look me _in_ the _eyes_. When I woke up, I felt something touching my chest. I _thought_ it was _P-chan_ again. I thought I was hitting Ryoga, not you, alright? I woke up, in a strange room, in a strange house, with what I thought to be someone I hate right now touching me. I'm sorry I hit you. I'm sorry I-"

Any more apologies she had were cut off as Ranma yanked her forward on a large hug. "S-Sorry for overreacting," he said quietly. Just as fast, Akane found herself being held at arms' length. "Er, um, I didn't mean to do that without asking ya first-"

Any more apologies _he_ had were cut off as Akane jumped forward to pull him back.

"You don't have to ask anymore, as long as we're alone. But in public, ask first, alright? I don't mind…" Akane paused when she felt something trickle onto her shoulder. "Hey, you're _bleeding!_"

Ranma tapped a finger against his forehead. "Oh, yeah. Musta cut myself on the wall when I jumped away. Don't worry, it's nothing. Head wounds just look messy, but it's really not so bad-"

"Here!" Akane said, dropping an open first aid kit on the floor. "I'll fix you up!"

Ranma paled. _Oh, dear god, no! Not Akane's first aid, anything but that! I'll rather eat her lasagna, and that had to be put down by snipers after it escaped!_

"Um, Akane, why don't you call Kasumi or my mom and tell them we'll be home as soon as we eat, and _I'll_ fix myself up."

"Aww, you don't want me to do it?"

_DUH!!_ "No, no, it's not that! But the sooner they know we're ok, then the better the chances are of stopping Cologne from looking for us!"

Akane stood up. "Oh, good point. I'll be right back, ok?"

"'K. Hey, um, do you think…?"

"Yeah Ranma?"

"Well, it's just…"

Akane peered at him with a curious look, hands on her hips.

"… um, ah, don't you think you should, you know, put something on?"

"Mmm?" Akane glanced down at herself.

"I'm_ NAKED!!_"

Blushing bright red and trying to cover three places with only two hands (and failing, but discovering speeds close to the Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken), Akane asked, "Um, where are my panties?"

Blushing even darker, Ranma pointed.

Ranma turned his back and started to bandage his forehead in order to allow Akane some privacy to retrieve her panties as from the ceiling lamp.

---

Trying to ignore Cologne's impatient rambling, Nodoka rose to answer the phone.

"Stupid boy's trying to give me a heart attack before I'm three hundred and ten, that's what he's doing. He wants to see me croak. He wants to see me die. Well, I'll show him, I'll-"

"Oh, hello Ranma, it's nice to see you're away. How is everything?"

Cologne appeared in front of Nodoka fast enough to look like teleportation. She snatched the phone away from Nodoka, and- "IF YOU'RE TRYING TO GIVE ME A HEART ATTACK YOU'VE GOT ANOTHER THING COMING, YOU STUPID CHILD!!!"

Nodoka snatched the phone back. "So, how… have you been the past few hours?

…

"Oh, that's good. Ah, how _is_ Akane?"

…

"What do you mean hungry?"

…  
"Well, there's a very nice restaurant about a block away from where you are, I should think. They owe me several favors, so you can tell them that feeding yourself and Akane will repay them all."

Cologne snatched the phone back. "I'M GONNA FORCE-FEED YOU A LIVE CAT YOU PIGTAILED MORON-"

Nodoka tried to grab the phone away, but only managed to get into a tug-of-war with Cologne.

"WHEN I GET THROUGH WITH YOU-"

"Take your time son-"

"-YOU'LL THINK HAPPOSAI WAS A GIFT FROM GOD-"

"We'll be waiting for you-"

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SCARING ME, YOU LITTLE MANIAC!!!"

"Don't rush, and enjoy yourself!"

As the phone was simultaneously placed gently and smashed into the receiver, Nodoka smiled at Cologne. "Dear me, you know that stressing like that will give you wrinkles, don't you?"

Cologne's answering glare could have melted steel.

---

Ranma frowned as he hung up the phone. _Guess the old ghoul was scared to death I was going to go kill someone when I was neko. Go figure. Ah, well, let's go find some food!_

Ranma called up the stairs. He had decided to make the phone call since Akane's scattered clothing had to be found before she could put it on. "Hey, Akane, are you dressed yet?"

"You tore my panties apart! We need to stop on the way home so I can get some new ones!"

"_You_ tore your panties in apart! You said they were getting in the way!"

Akane stopped complaining after that.

"Now hurry up and get dressed! Mom says there's a good place to eat nearby that owes her a favor! I don't know about you, but I'm _starving!_"

---

On the way home from the restaurant, Akane started grinding her teeth. Ranma was driving her nuts. Worst of all, he probably wasn't aware that he was doing it.

He had that blue handkerchief around his head, covering his eyes. It was his idea to keep up the appearance of still being under the influence of the potion, and Akane agreed. At the very least, the deception could be used to help keep Cologne in line, who would keep Shampoo at a distance. The way Akane figured it, that was necessary, because Akane knew that if Shampoo glomped Ranma like usual, he wouldn't be able to hit her, even if it was just to show that he was still being 'influenced' by the potion.

_Damn those Amazons and their stupid potions… though, if it wasn't for that, then me and Ranma wouldn't be together… but if they had never showed up, we might have been together already!_

_Damn Amazons._

And Akane was about three seconds from jumping down Ranma's throat. They meal, extremely large as it had been, had been eaten in total silence. And now Ranma was over there fidgeting and glancing her way every few seconds. Akane guessed that he was peeking out of the bottom of the makeshift blindfold.

_Alright, that's it!_

But just before she could start yelling, despite her promise to try to hold back her temper, Ranma's hand slipped into hers. His hand squeezed lightly.

"R-Ranma?"

Ranma's face pointed towards his feet. Akane swore there was a light blush on his cheeks. "If anyone asks," he mumbled, "you're just guiding me home. That's all."

Akane smiled, feeling a slight heat to her own face. "Um, right," she said, pulling gently on his hand, with a return squeeze.

_CRACK!!_ "_Come back here, this is all your fault, and you're gonna pay!!_"

"What the hell?!" Ranma demanded. A small black piglet raced by, followed closely by an enraged okonomiyaki chef, who wielded a giant spatula. It hit the ground right behind the piglet with another deafening _crack!!_

"_When I get a hold of you, I'm gonna make what Ranma did to you look like a pat on the back and a thank you. You think you've seen hell?! I'll show you hell!! Come back here and take it like a man!!_"

The pig (Ryoga, in case you haven't guessed) jumped up on top of a nearby brick wall. The chef (Ukyo, in case you can't tell) jumped up after him. Ryoga cowered, _bwee_ing timidly. "Heeeeere piggy, piggy, piggy… Ukyo's hungry for pork okonomiyaki," Ukyo called, wearing a demented grin and holding the battle spatula ready in front of her. The pigtailed martial artist and his fiancée (What? You need their names? Do I need to spoon-feed you _everything?!_) stared blankly.

"_Bweee!!_" Ryoga bolted, and Ukyo chased after, waving the battle spatula around over her head.

"_Come back here!! I've got lots and lost of boiling hot water!! Don't you want to change back, you little freak?!_" They both vanished in a could of dust.

Ranma gawked, peeking out from under his blindfold. Akane just stared, blinking.

"Akane, did… did you just see…?"

"Yeah… I think… Ryoga and Ukyo…"

"Ah. So, uh, yeah, let's go home."

"Mmm." Then, they finally noticed what they were doing. Akane had jumped into Ranma's arms on the first sound of impact, and Ranma was holding her against him. Red filled their faces from the bottom up, but neither let go for a moment. Then, Ranma slowly lowered Akane to the ground. She stood, blushing.

"That… wasn't so bad," Ranma commented. _What, no foot-in-mouth?_

"Yeah… kinda nice," Akane answered. _What, no foot-in-mouth?_

"Um, which way's home?

Akane sighed, scratching her head in frustration. "Ranma you know perfectly well that- oh." Akane picked up on the hint, and took Ranma's hand, gently pulling him, no, _her_, in the right direction.

"Damn that old woman and her water…" Ranma groaned. Akane just giggled.

---

"We're home!" Akane called, stepping through the door, and only now releasing Ranma's hand.

"Hello Akane, Ranma. Welcome back. I hope nothing too bad happened to you?"

"No, Kasumi, we're fine. Where is everyone?"

Kasumi paused, thinking, and wiping her hands in her apron. "Let me see. Auntie Saotome is playing shogi with daddy in the parlor, Nabiki is in her room, and Cologne is breaking practice dummies over her knee in the dojo to work out her stress."

Ranma followed her movements without peeking. He figured it would probably be for the best that way. "Where's Mousse and Shampoo?"

"Oh, Shampoo is not here, and Mousse is helping me make dinner. I need to get back into the kitchen; let me know if you need anything else."

"Sure Kasumi. Thank you."

Ranma started up the stairs. "I'm gonna take a bath, and change back." _Or, should I say something to Akane? Or should I not leave her right now? Man, I'm no good at this relationship thing…_

Akane smiled as she watched Ranma fidget on the stairs. "It's okay, Ranma. Go take your bath. We can talk later, ok?"

Ranma smiled back. "Alright. See ya in a little bit."

"Hey, Ranma. How's it going, cat-boy?"

"It's a pleasure to see you too, money-grubbing Arctic Queen."

Nabiki blinked. _Eh? Since when do you speak back to me? What put you in such a good mood?_

She shrugged it off as having a good laugh at the expense of the old Amazon, who seemed to be having a bad day, and continued down the stairs.

"Hey Akane. I see you and Ranma found your way back home."

"Yeah. He slept like a log up until a little while ago. Stupid baka. Well, I'm gonna go change, these clothes are all dirty, and they're too thin."

Nabiki paused for a second. "Too thin, little sister?"

Akane smiled back at her sister on her way up the stairs to her room. "Yeah. It's almost like I can feel a draft, you know?"

---

OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE

"And there it is! Crikey! It's the legendary Axe of the East Wind! Careful now, don't spook it, you never know when kind of reaction you'll get!" the man told the camera in an Australian accent. "Let's get a little closer now… we can just see him in his natural habitat! Though this li'l fella might not look it, he can be ferocious and strong if need be, and he's wicked smart!"

He gestured wildly at the aforementioned creature through a small opening in it's domicile.

"We're lucky today, too right we are! We've caught sight of a rare breed, a genuine creature known as The Misty Laws of Heaven and Nature, and she's stalking the Axe of the East Wind! Looks like it's mating season here in this neck 'a the woods, and, if we're lucky, we may actually get to see the Laws move in and make a move on this particularly skittish East Wind! Wait for it… wait for it… she's getting closer… looks like she's just the right distance away to make her move… you can see from the look on her face and in her hasty movements, she's been waiting for this East Wind to move, but I'd guess nothing's happened, so she's taking matters into her own hands! Hey, look at that! She's moving in for the kill! Oh, he's spotted her, and he's trying to make a break for it! Oh, look at her run in pursuit! What's that she's got there? It looks like some form of weapon! She's using it! The East Wind looks woozy there… and he's down! Well, wasn't that something! Looks like the Laws is taking her capture away with her! Well, that's all the time we have for today, but we'll see ya again real soon! Crikey, but that was exciting, wasn't it?"

The cameraman turned off the live broadcast as a whistling Kasumi Tendo dragged an unconscious Tofu Ono behind her, with her tranquilizer gun slung over her shoulder.

OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE

---

A/N

I know, you all were expecting something longer for me having been so long with the update. I know, I know, this one is so short, and it took a while to get out there, and I'm sorry to say, all fault lies with **_someone else_**. All fault lies in AnimeCrazyGal, whose accountnumber is 712660(just click on "Gobstopper" at the top, andremove the number 633021, and replace it with 712660. Make sure you leave the slashes), and who has spent a significant amount of time from the past few days in my room (and, that is to say, in my bed (_blushes slightly_)). As a result, I now have much anime I need to watch (dammit, she has more than **_I_** do), much fanfiction I need to read, and as of December 21st, no work had been done on this chapter.

It's all her fault, you see.

Seductress.

Doesn't help that I see her at work. She's everywhere (including my dreams).

It's her fault I can't get any work done around here. Damn that beautiful girl and her wicked ways! She's coming back! I must hide! But where?! I know! I shall hide in the bed!

I'll get to work soon (somehow), I promise!

Ya'll can help me! Go tell her to work on her Gravitation story! Maybe then I can get some work… and sleep… (she tends to keep me awake at night… not that I'm really complaining…)

On a side note, I have to restore my Ranma collection of manga, because my stupid cat tore books 2 and 5 through 21 apart. GODDAMN CAT!!! So now I'm left with 1, 3, 4, and 22-28. Gah… I've hit the stores and all, and I picked up five through ten. Tomorrow, I'm gonna grab eleven through fourteen. After that, I'll just work on it when I can. Fucking cat. I need those books so I can plot out my A/U fanfics!

Ah, and I'm getting an editor soon, so hopefully, my postings will have less typos. Yay!


	25. Training, And the Black Rose

Disclaimer:

See chapter 15

* * *

_I've got a bigger problem now than I ever have before_, Ranma thought. _Talking to the old ghoul again was no problem. Lying to Nabiki was **fun**. Talking to Kasumi was tough, **really** tough, but I did it. Mom was… strange, wanted to know the details! What the hell did Akane mean when she said she wasn't counting, and lost track after the first hour? What was that about?_

_Oh, man, no martial arts challenge is this tough._

_I need a clue._

_How am I supposed to act around Akane **now?!**_

Of course, this was the question that had haunted Ranma ever since he had gotten home, and had taken a bath. Just how _was_ he supposed to behave around Akane? He knew sure as hell his old behavior wasn't gonna work. And Akane herself wasn't making things any easier. Ever since they had gotten back…

* * *

"_Ranma, are we going to practice some more after dinner?"_

_Ranma shrugged, while simultaneously 'accidentally' coming mere fractions of an inch from touching Cologne while trying to reach for his tea. She rocketed away from the almost-contact like a runaway RPG missile and ran headfirst into a wall before she could properly stop._

_For the third time._

"_If ya want. Not like you're going to improve any, tomboy."_

_They had agreed to pretend to bicker and argue like always until the fiancée and Amazon mess was sorted. Ukyo, Kuno, and Ryoga were taken care of (neither of them knew there had almost been competition in Kasumi), but that still left Kodachi, Shampoo, and Cologne. At least there was no more interference from their fathers; Nodoka had them both well under control._

_Well, she had Soun under control. Genma was not in any condition to move about at the moment._

"_I'll show you! You just wait until I get you in the dojo!"_

_Cologne took the opportunity of their argument to wobble into the kitchen to get some ice for her head._

"_Yeah, yeah. You can try to hit me while I tie my shoes, alright?"_

"_WHAT DID YOU SAY?!" Akane screamed, pulling a Mallet of Doom©™ out of kami-knew-where and brandishing it over her head, standing next to the sitting Ranma and bending over to be a mere foot from his face._

_And that was the weird part. Right as she pulled the mallet over her head, she had used one hand to open the top two buttons on her jumper, giving Ranma an eyeful, as she knew he was peeking around from under the blindfold (now that he had the proper one back)._

_Of course, being able to look down Akane's shirt and see her bra had promptly reduced Ranma's reasoning capabilities to zero, and all he managed was a kind of shocked gurgle as a reply._

"_Oh, that's what I **thought** you said," Akane smirked, replacing the mallet and **still leaning in front of his face.**_

"_Gah…" was all Ranma managed to get out._

* * *

"Hey, Akane?" 

"Yeah, Ranma?"

It was now after dinner, and they had just finished sparring in the dojo, working on Akane's speed. Ranma still wore the blindfold and gloves, just in case someone saw them and asked what he was doing without them. At the moment, they had the Tendo-ryu technique scrolls, and were poring over them, and trying to find safer ways to teach them, or learn them. Many of Soun's teaching ideas rivaled Genma's for sheer stupidity and harm to the trainee. Ranma had the theory that this was somehow Happosai's fault.

"It's just… (_don't shove your foot in your mouth don't shove your foot in your mouth DON'T SHOVE YOUR FOOT IN YOUR MOUTH_) Now don't take this the wrong way, but you used to be all no sex appeal, but ever since we got back, you been acting kinda, well… you know…" He jumped up three feet when Akane blew gently in his ear. "-**_like that!!_**"

Akane giggled. "Aw, poor Ranma. He doesn't remember!"

Ranma frowned in the general direction of his fiancée, trying to turn back to the scrolls. "Remember what?" he asked.

"Don't you remember what I said? A long, loooong time ago, right after you threw that challenge to Mikado Sanzenin in the form of a fish-cake when he first tried to kiss me? We were on our way home, talking?"

Ranma paused, trying to think. What was it… he'd just jumped off of the fence… Akane had been saying…

"_If your fish-cake had been a tenth of a second later… I'd have broken that guy's jaw."_

"_It's true," Ranma said as he slipped on his hat. "You do have **zero** sex appeal."_

_Akane's face was disdainful as she replied, "Perhaps if I met a boy I **liked**… I'd develop some sex appeal."_

Ranma groaned internally. _Develop some…? Oh, no… I'm so royally screwed…_ He sunk his head into his hands.

Akane giggled again and blew into Ranma's ear. He jumped up to his feet, screaming, "_Stop doing that!_"

"_An opening!_" yelled Akane, and promptly jump-kicked him out of the dojo and into the koi pond.

"_I am so going to kick your ass!_" Ranma screamed as she thrashed around in the water.

Cologne clucked her tongue at the sight, and moved another piece of the shogi board, adjusting her ice pack and hoping the young Tendo girl didn't set off Ranma's temper. _Soon, Ranma Saotome, you will be with the Amazons!_

Ranma zipped passed the door, loudly vowing death to uncute tomboys.

* * *

_Well, that sure as hell explains where that damn mallet came from!_ Ranma thought as he ran away from Akane. _I can't believe Mr. Tendo figured out how to make ki-forged weapons…_

"HYAA!!" Akane screamed, and drove the ki-sword through the air, the table, the floor, and the spot Ranma had been occupying less than a second before.

Soun shrieked and yanked his legs out from underneath the table, praying his toes were still attached to feet.

"M-maybe I shouldn't have let Ranma have the scrolls of the Tendo-ryu…" he sobbed as he pulled his socks off. "I didn't know Akane was going to read them!"

"YOU FOOL!!" Cologne yelled at him. Soun didn't notice. He was too busy trying to count all ten of his toes. Nodoka clapped her hands in appreciation for her son's talent at teaching. Mousse and Kasumi wisely hid in the kitchen, washing dishes.

Nabiki was in her room, trying to pry open a metal box that had many indents and pressure marks on it. The lock was partially crushed, and it was making things difficult.

Ranma found that he still didn't like weapons; he preferred to fight with his hands. It was the first time Akane had mastered a technique as fast as he did. He was right when he guessed Akane would have a natural talent in it, since she had been pulling that mallet out of thin air for years.

Well, the ki-forged weapons Akane could have, but Ranma was trying to figure out a way to shape armor out of it. Behind him, Akane dropped the sword and watched as it vanished. Those damn things really exhausted you.

"Don't worry Akane, you just need to get your ki reserves up. You have so little, you know, compared to me, that it's no surprise that you can't keep one of those going for more than a minute. Except for the mallet, but you've only had _years_ to perfect that one. Maybe in another decade you can get the sword working!"

"DIE, RANMA!!" Akane screamed, brandishing the sword again, and charging.

_This is pretty good practice for dodging…_ thought Ranma.

"Is it always like this around here?" Cologne demanded as she ducked down to avoid a sword stroke.

"I HAVE ALL TEN!! THANK HEAVENS!!"

* * *

After Ranma and Akane had decided to move to the dojo for more ki-forging practice (meaning Akane chased him there), Cologne decided she wanted to know what the hell was going on. She snuck out to the dojo, and quietly placed an ear against the door. 

With a deafening crash, she flew backwards, and landed on the porch.

"Sorry!" called Akane.

"What happened to you?" Soun asked.

Cologne snarled at him. Soun didn't catch it, but he thought he heard something about ki-forged brass knuckles. Under her breath, the old Amazon muttered that unless she heard some screaming, then she wasn't going back out there, potion in Ranma's bloodstream or not.

"Nice shot, that'll keep her away for a while," Ranma chuckled, as he quickly patched up the hole Akane had made.

"Thank you," Akane replied, smiling. Compliments from Ranma got to her really easy.

"So…" Ranma started. "Any ideas? We've still got to take care of Kodachi, Cologne, and Shampoo. I dunno what to do about the Amazons, but I have an idea for Kodachi. It ain't permanent, but it's a start."

"I don't know what to do about the Amazons either, Ranma, but what are you planning for the Black Rose?"

Ranma grinned.

* * *

The next day, Ranma was out pacing in front of the Kuno mansion as a girl. It was no surprise that Tatewaki was _nowhere_ in sight, since he now believed that his 'pigtailed-girl' was not only dead, but a corpse worn by 'the demon Saotome' and served by 'the black sorceress Akane Tendo' in a large plot to overthrow Japan, in which Tatewaki himself was a vital part. Ranma really couldn't believe that the Kuno had fallen for it, since he had told him a different, though similar, version months ago. It seemed that the more warped the story was from reality, the more likely he was to believe it. 

If Ranma had known that, he could have taken care of Kuno when he first arrived!

Akane and Mousse were standing guard, watching for anyone who might interrupt, such as either of the other Amazons, Ukyo, Ryoga, or even Taro. Mousse had been told of Ranma being 'cured' and had, remarkably, not made any comments about it. Well, he had _started_ on one, but a disapproving look from Kasumi and a mallet-backed glare from Akane had shut him up faster than Ranma had believed possible.

Then Kasumi all but dragged Ranma and Akane into her bedroom, where she had given them a severe lecture (Severe for Kasumi. She said it in disapproving tones) to the new couple about how any repeated actions among similar lines of his 'cure' would be most improper until marriage, and even then were not to be made public knowledge, to matter how much they might want to, even with their father's constant prodding, no matter how strong the urge was, under no circumstances, even if they still ended up walking in on each other in the bath, and they were not to sneak out to Auntie Saotome's house again, and they should take the proper precautions just in case…

Akane and Ranma had taken one look at each other, and had bolted from Kasumi's room, bright red about the face, and could not look each other in the eye for half an hour.

It's not like they had had those kinds of thoughts ever since!

Really!

Honest!

Crud.

At this point, all Kasumi had to do was look at them with _that look_ on her face, and they would instantly jump back ten feet from each other.

Even if they were just holding hands when they were alone!

And Akane, Ranma had reflected, was not helping one bit! During their sparring the previous night, her gi was loose (_I know it was intentional!!_ Ranma thought to himself) and he kept seeing quick flashes of her chest.

Her _unbound and braless_ chest.

And she used to call _him_ 'hentai.'

"Perky-breasted pervert," Ranma muttered to herself. She slapped a hand over her mouth as soon as she realized what she had said. _Man, where the hell's Kodachi? It figures, the one time I **want** her to show up, and she's nowhere to be found…_

"OH HO HO HO HO HO…"

_Nevermind…_

"Oh, it's _you_, you vile harridan… What business do you claim to have with the Black Rose?" Kodachi Kuno was dressed out in her fighting leotard, and held a gymnastics ribbon at the ready over her right shoulder. She looked surprisingly capable and uninjured for someone who had been released from the hospital only last night.

The doctors in Nerima had lots of experience.

A black piglet raced by, looking exhausted. Ukyo followed, wielding a battle spatula and foul language.

Kodachi blinked.

Shrugging that odd occurrence away, Ranma slowly approached the loony gymnast. When she was at arms' length, she slowly raised her head, and looked Kodachi in the eyes. Ranma held that gaze for a few moments. Behind him, hidden from view in the trees, Mousse and Akane had turned to watch. A second later…

**SLAP!!**

"Ouch," Mousse whispered. "That's going to leave a mark."

"She's definitely gonna be feeling that one for a while," Akane whispered back.

The unexpected form of attack left Kodachi stunned, the ribbon fallen and forgotten at her feet. A fight, she was expecting, not the slap of a woman scorned. And, like Akane and Mousse both guessed, it had _hurt_.

Kodachi slowly raised her right hand, gently touching her face where Ranma's backhanded slap had impacted.

"Wha… wha… you…" she stuttered. Anger began to form on her face. "You… You _dare_ to strike…"

"My brother," Ranma interrupted, "wants me to tell you that he will _never _date you. And even if he wanted to, I would _never_ approve. And neither would our mother." Her face radiated rage.

Kodachi's face went from anger to bewilderment. "B-brother? Insolent wench, I have no idea who your brother is, nor do I care for his opinion of whether or not he will date me-"

"_My name_," Ranma hissed, "_is not 'insolent wench' or 'harridan.'_ It's the same as my brother's. My _twin_ brother, Ranma Saotome."

"T-twin… brother…?" Kodachi made a noise that resembled gagging, as the full implications struck her. She took a step back out of shock. Her demented worldview took several right angle turns, and quietly kicked itself in the ass.

"_Yes_, you stupid girl, my _brother _Ranma" She could almost see the wheels turning in Kodachi's head… the ones that weren't stripped or missing…

_Ranma Saotome_, Kodachi remembered. That was the name the girl had given when she was asked back at their martial arts gymnast match. She remembered being infuriated by her love and the girl sharing the same name… but if they were twins, it would make sense… and that was why she said she didn't want to date him… related, of course… that was why she was talented in the martial arts, no doubt her brother's teaching…

_click click click… whrrrrr (stripped cogs)… click click…_

_But… why would… he say… he will never… date me…?_

_click click click… whrrrrr… click click…_

_Because…_

_Because…_

_Because…_

… _I attack his sister! Noooo!_

At that point, Kodachi emitted a very un-noble, commoner sounding "AIEEEEE!"

Ranma walked away, leaving Kodachi clutching her head and wandering in circles.

Mousse and Akane caught up with Ranma, applauding.

"Encore, encore!" cheered Akane. Ranma rolled her eyes, but couldn't stop from smiling.

Two blocks later, they were ambushed by five street punks who thought that the three of them would be an easy mugging.

Some things never change.

* * *

"RUN, DAMN YOU!! RUN FASTER!!" Akane screamed. 

"OH, GOD, PLEASE DON'T HIT ME ANY MORE!!" shrieked the mugger.

"Ranma-san, why is Akane chasing a couple of… muggers around the yard?"

Ranma paused, and listened for a minute to his father making small helpless sounds as his mother glared at the fat panda-man. Being called _san_ and not _kun_ by Kasumi must mean she had some kind of question for the Master of Anything Goes, not Ranma.

"Training," he said at length. "Endurance."

Cologne snickered.

"Ano… Ranma-san?"

"Nani, Kasumi?"

"You said…" Kasumi paused, fidgeting. Cologne stared at her, impassively, while Soun raised an eyebrow from behind his newspaper.

There was a joyous scream of triumph from upstairs as Nabiki finally pried open her lockbox.

Kasumi started pressing her fingers together nervously. "You said that… I could learn… and later… maybe… be really good… um…"

Cologne stared. Kasumi would not admit that it unnerved her.

"So… shouldIbetrainingtoo?" she asked in a rush.

Cologne blinked. Kasumi finally relaxed. Soun scratched his head, and idly wondered if _he_ should train as well. Ranma said he would be teaching at the dojo… and he _was_ the Master now… hmm…

Ranma paused again, thinking about the answer.

"Neko-ken?" Nodoka hissed.

Genma squeaked.

Soun turned a page, and decided that he should at _least_ try to keep his rusty skills sharper than they currently were. Martial artist's pride, and all that. The decision had nothing to do with the fact that every time Genma tried to contradict his son, or order him to do something, Ranma had Konatsu use the man as target practice for his kunai and throwing stars.

From upstairs, there came a cry of "OH, THANK THE KAMI, NOTHING'S DAMAGED INSIDE!!"

Somewhere out in the yard, voices drifted in.

"HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET A WORK-OUT IF YOU WON'T GO FASTER?!"

"JUST LET ME GO HOME!! I SWEAR, I"LL NEVER DO IT AGAIN!!"

Ranma scratched his head, thinking. Cologne waited for the answer, reading her mail.

"Nodoka, please, that's my _leg…_" Genma whimpered.

"Neko-ken?!"

"Hm…" Ranma said. "Yes."

"Thank you, Ranma-san," Kasumi said happily.

"Nodoka, that really _hurts…_"

"_Neko-ken?!_"

"So, Soun (it still felt a little strange to be calling him that, but Ranma was getting used to it). Shogi?" Ranma was slowly gaining skill in the game. As long as no wagers were placed on it, he could do well.

"Sounds fun. Let me set up the game."

Kasumi merrily joined her sister in chasing the terrified muggers around the yard. Mousse rolled his eyes, and helped Konatsu set the table.

"Please, mugger-san, run faster, this is training!"

"OH, GOD, NOW THERE'S TWO OF THEM!!"

"So, Ranma, what kind of training would you recommend for me? I mean, to get me back into the kind of shape I need to teach?"

"Uh, depends, how strong are you shooting for, and how much time to you want to get there?"

"_**Neko-ken?!** Cologne, assist me!!_"

Cologne gleefully held Genma down as Nodoka thrashed him.

"No, Kasumi, aim for the kidneys!"

"Thank you, Akane-chan!"

"DON'T ENCOURAGE HER, PLEASE JUST LET US GO!!"

"We can start by a couple of quick matches to see what you're at right now… be better to do that before you start any training…"

"Of course, an excellent idea."

"Be stupid not to," muttered Cologne.

"Dinner in half an hour!" Konatsu announced.

"Aiyah! Shampoo here, feeling much better! What… what happening… what craziness…? WHY YOU ALL ACTING CRAZY?!"

"**_NEKO-KEN?!_**"

* * *

A/N 

Er… I have nothing to say?

Oh, wait. My editor is a slower reader than I am, so it's going to take a while for corrections made by her to come into play, mostly because she is still trying to find the time to read the chapter's up until _this_ one… I think she's still wayyyy back at the fight with Ryoga…


	26. Akane the Pervert, Discovery

Disclaimer:

See chap 15

* * *

Hououza, 

There was only one person shouting "Neko-ken." That was Nodoka. She was letting Genma know what she was pissed off about _this_ time.

* * *

Xero-Ghost wrote me this: 

if i don't review every chapter.. its usually cuz i need to step

back for awhile or i'll find myself promising to build a few temples

in your honor.. or at least worshiping the keyboard you type on..

**BEHOLD MY LOYAL AND SUBSERVIENT WORSHIPPER, XERO-GHOST! XERO, I COMMAND THEE TO BUILD A GREAT TEMPLE IN MY HONOR, AND THOU SHALT MAKE OF THE ALTAR A REPLICA OF MINE KEYBOARD, THAT THOSE WHO ENTER MAY BOW BEFORE IT, AND THOU SHALT MAKE A GREAT STATUE THAT SHALL HERALD THESE COMMANDMENTS:**

**1. THOU SHALT HAVE NO OTHER AUTHORS BEFORE ME.**

**_2. _**_**Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in mANGA above, or that is in the ANIME beneath, or that is in the FANFICTION under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy AUTHOR. I am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me And shOwing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and READ AND REVIEW.**_

**3. THOU SHALT NOT TAKE THE NAME OF THE LORD THY AUTHOR IN VAIN; FOR THE AUTHOR WILL NOT HOLD HIM GUILTLESS THAT TAKETH HIS NAME IN VAIN.**

**4. REMEMBER THE WRITING DAY, TO KEEP IT HOLY. SIX DAYS SHALT THOU LABOR, AND WILL GO TO WORK: BUT THE SEVENTH DAY IS THE WRITING OF THE LORD THY AUTHOR: IN IT I SHALL NOT DO ANY WORK, THOU, NOR THY SON, NOR THY DAUGHTER, THY MANSERVANT, NOR THY MAIDSERVANT, NOR THY CATTLE, NOR THY STRANGER THAT IS WITHIN THY GATES: FOR IN SIX DAYS THE LORD WORKED HIS ASS OFF, AND RESTED THE SEVENTH DAY TO WRITE HIS HOLY FANFICTION: WHEREFORE THE LORD BLESSED THE WRITING DAY, AND HALLOWED IT.**

(addendum… the lord thy author thinks AnimeCrazyGal would look great in a maidservant's outfit… _drool_)

**5. HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER, THAT THY DAYS MAY BE LONG UPON THE COMPUTER WHICH THE LORD THY AUTHOR WRITETH TO THEE.**

**6. THOU SHALT NOT KILL MAJOR CHARACTERS… UNLESS NECESSARY… OR FUN… OR YOU HATE THEM…**

**7. THOU SHALT _NOT_ COMMIT ADULTERY BECAUSE AnimeCrazyGal KNOWS HOW TO REACH MY SWORD AND KNIFE COLLECTION.**

**8. THOU SHALT NOT STEAL FROM ANOTHER FANFICTION WITHOUT LEAVING A NOTE SAYING WHO YOU TOOK IT FROM.**

**9. THOU SHALT NOT BEAR FALSE WITNESS AGAINST THY NEIGHBOR UNLESS HE REFUSES TO RETURN THY DVDs.**

**10. THOU SHALT NOT COVET THE NEIGHBOURS'S HOUSE, THOU SHALT NOT COVET THY NEIGHBOUR'S WIFE, NOT HIS MANSERVANT, NOR HIS MAIDSERVANT (**mmm… maidservant…**), NOR HIS OX, NOR HIS ASS, NOR ANYTHING THAT IS THY NEIGHBOUR'S UNLESS HE'S A STUCK-UP BASTARD.**

**KEEP WATCH OVER THESE COMMANDMENTS, XERO-GHOST, SO THAT I THE LORD THY AUTHOR MAY KEEPETH THE UPDATES COMING.**

* * *

AnimeCrazyGal, can you come here and shrink my ego now? Xero's giving me a God complex…

* * *

Shampoo's head was spinning. Well, not literally, but figuratively. There was a lot to be absorbed since she had been sent home injured. Crazy bokken boy gone, Boyish chef girl gone and now trying to kill Pig-boy, Crazy flower girl temporarily left in a stupor, Mu Tsu not needing glasses, Mercenary girl _behaving_ herself, Panda almost broken, Ranma's mother completely happy, Violent kitchen destroyer acting _nicer_, Tendo man doing push-ups in the yard with the body of a savagely beaten mugger draped over him for weight, Great-grandmother sporting much lumps results of Ranma's mother and escape attempts from person she not say, Too-too nice girl Kasumi training and hitting people, and _Ranma_ now Grandmaster, beating Ancient pervert in one minute! 

Of course, Ranma had left out the parts where he was now cured, that he and Akane were together, _Mousse _and_ Kasumi_ were together, and that Mousse was expected to teach at the dojo, since he now no longer had to do the bidding of the Amazons.

No need for her _or_ Cologne to know any of that just yet.

Shampoo grumbled about how too much had happened while she was away as she patched the hole in the wall she had made upon her entry.

"I've been trying to get her to use doors ever since we arrived," Cologne muttered. "Maybe _this_ will finally teach her to stop making holes in the walls."

"Maybe," said Ranma.

* * *

Outside the dojo…

A small black piglet dragged himself against the ground, slowly moving forward, groaning with the effort as his stubby forearms (forelegs) pulled him along. Behind him…

An okonomiyaki chef, dressed in boys' clothes, dragged herself forward, using her giant battle spatula as her primary means of propulsion (meaning, she's dragging herself with it), digging the weapon into the ground, and pulling her body along.

"Just you… wait… Ryoga… when I catch you…"

"Bwee…"

* * *

Elsewhere…

Looking severely battered, beaten, and bruised, a small old man slowly approached an apartment on the third floor of a residential building. He shifted a large bag on his back, which bulged oddly. Moving slowly, as if in great pain, which he was, he pulled a list from out of his robes. He checked it, then reached into the bag, and pulled out several items. Rechecking the list, ho nodded, then reached out to knock on the door. A few moments later, it opened, revealing a girl about 20, who looked down at the diminutive old man curiously.

Happosai almost reached for the smaller (MUCH smaller) note, but didn't. He'd read it off fifty times already, so he didn't need to get it any more. It was memorized.

"Ranma Saotome, Grandmaster of the Anything Goes style of martial arts, has ordered me, Happosai, to return to the things I have stolen over the past year I have been in Tokyo. I hope you forgive me. Or at least not beat me severely and toss me out the window after calling me nasty names."

Well, it was _almost_ what Ranma had made him say. Happosai had added in that last part after the last few ladies had more physically expressed their displeasure with him. The largest bruises and lumps were from returning Akane's bras and panties this morning.

Those had really hurt.

Thank Kami he didn't ever take anything from Kasumi or Nabiki. Happosai didn't even _want_ to think about what might have happened to him then.

The girl at the door snatched away her panties, and punted the former Anything Goes Grandmaster down the hall before slamming the door in a huff.

Happosai winced as he stood. That kick had caught him the chin, in exactly the same spot Akane had given him a particularly vicious uppercut.

He dreaded what would happen to him when he returned Shampoo's belongings…

* * *

It took everything Ryoga had to maintain forward movement. By this point, he was dragging himself along using his chin, as his stubby little pig legs had given out. A glance spared behind him revealed that Ukyo was still giving chase. 

She inched along the ground like a caterpillar, dragging the battle spatula in one useless arm with her. She didn't say anything. The look of rage in her eyes was still there. It was enough.

Ryoga pulled himself along with his chin a little more.

* * *

Shampoo, it seemed, had gotten smarter. Or she was just learning through repetition. Ranma and Akane were both guessing it was the second one. 

She was actually keeping her distance from Ranma.

Then again, so was everyone else, for pretty much the same reason. Except for Akane, but only because she thought that if she got that close to him, she'd probably want to hold his hand or something.

"Hey," Akane said suddenly. "Is anyone keeping count of the push-up's Daddy's doing?"

Startled blinks were directed at her.

"Don't look at me, I'm doing the budget."

"Oh, my, Konatsu and I are finishing preparing dinner."

"Kasumi had me setting the table."

"I'm sorry, my dear, I was keeping Genma in line."

"Ah, I was watching my great-granddaughter."

"Shampoo not care."

"I'm blindfolded."

Akane stared at the room around her. "Yeah. That would mean no one, right? Daddy! Dinner's almost ready, you can stop now!"

Sweat poured off of Soun like a waterfall. "Thank… you… daughter… but… I… think… I… will… take… a… quick… bath…"

"You stink," the entire room said at once.

"Th-thanks…" Soun wheezed in reply as he staggered up the stairs. A beaming Kasumi and a cheerful Konatsu started setting out the dinner, before sitting down at the table.

"Oh, should we wait for Father?" asked Kasumi.

"Ah, he'll be fine, you're food's good even if it's frozen," Ranma said. It drew an irate look from Akane, before she decided that Ranma was not _trying_ to insult her.

"_Itadakimasu!_"

* * *

Again, Genma ate slowly. 

Again, it was not because he was showing table manners.

Again, it was because it hurt too much to move.

"Damn woman, she should just let me do what I want, and keep her nose out of it. I know what's best for this family. When it comes to the raising of martial artists, men know better than women," he mumbled to himself.

The temperature in the room seemed to drop ten degrees. Three loud, resounding _cracks_ later, and he wisely kept his opinions to himself, seeing as how he was knocked unconscious. The hilt of Nodoka's sword, the large end of Cologne's staff, and Shampoo's elbow occupied the space where his head had been.

He hadn't said it quietly enough, apparently.

Not having heard his father's comment, Ranma decided he probably didn't want to know what his pops had done this time to merit another beating.

All three women sporting twitching eyes, and veins stuck out on their heads.

Tempting fate, and gathering his courage, Ranma asked, "So… what was that for?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Just something he needed, son."

"Him stupid."

_Ooookayyyy… I'm not going to ask another question there… WHAT THE!_

_Something was rubbing up against his leg._

A glance downward from under the blindfold revealed… Akane's foot.

Ranma glared at the girl from across the table. It went unnoticed, as the blindfold probably was getting in the way.

Ranma swallowed hard and tried to keep his hands steady as the foot went higher.

"Oh, my! I'm so sorry, Ranma-kun!"

Ranma sighed as she set Kasumi's water glass back up on the table from her lap.

"It's alright, Kasumi. I'm used to it. I was starting to worry; I haven't been acting like a water magnet like usual. I guess that clears that up." _And a nice bit of cold water was actually **good** for me, this time!_

He completely missed the wicked grin that ran across Akane's face before her foot returned with a vengeance.

Ranma suppressed the squeak that threatened to escape as Akane's foot ran right up her leg and started rubbing into her thigh.

"Konatsu-chan, I've noticed that you don't seem to be around much, but I know you're inside the house. Where do you go?

Akane'd toes threatened to move inward, and Ranma suppressed the blush that was trying to invade her face. A glance at Akane's face revealed that she was eating normally, acting like nothing at all was happening.

"Mistress Kasumi…"

"Oh, no, please, just Kasumi."

Akane slowly opened her eyes and winked at Ranma, before closing them and continuing eating her rice.

_You… you…_ Ranma sputtered in her mind. "Konatsu… creeps along the… walls and ceiling…" she said through clenched teeth. _Ignore her… and her damn foot…_

"Really?" Kasumi asked, sounding like it was something admirable. "How very interesting. Is it true?"

"That's very intriguing," said Nodoka.

Konatsu blushed. "Y-yes. Master Ranma is correct. I am I ninja, so I…" Anything else Konatsu said in the way of explanation was lost to Ranma when Akane's toes zipped along her thighs before settling right in between them.

Every inch of willpower Ranma had was dedicated to showing that nothing, _absolutely nothing at all_ was wrong with her.

Of course, she wasn't eating.

It could have been seconds, minutes, or even an hour later, but a voice managed to infiltrate Ranma's sensation flooded mind.

"Ranma Saotome, are you feeling well?"

_Old… ghoul…_ Ranma thought disconnectedly. Other thoughts came, but they were pretty much all centered around Akane and her left foot.

"Fine. Just thinking."

"Oh? About what?"

Had Ranma possessed the ability to look around, he would have been grateful that only Cologne and Shampoo were paying this conversation any attention at all. And Shampoo's attention was partially diverted to observing Mousse, whose behavior was strangely different from the norm. Shampoo was curious to know why. She just wanted to know what was keeping Mousse's attention off of her. If she could find out what it was, then maybe she could get _all_ of his attention on it… and keep him away from her.

Ranma opened his mouth to answer, and Akane chose that exact moment to press her toes _inward_. Ranma's mouth closed with an audible _snap_, and she sunk her head into the table.

"Ranma Saotome?"

"It's just… been a weird few days… even for me. I'm just… trying to deal with it all." She paused, trying to use what she could of her brain to think of something else to say. "How's… the search for… the cure going?"

Cologne eyeballed Ranma from the end of the table. After a moment's thought, she realized that it _was_ a bit much for even Ranma. It was understandable that it would cause undue stress on the poor boy. Girl. Whatever. "Poorly, I'm afraid. There was never any research into a cure when it was initially made, and none since. I had originally thought to counter each ingredient one at a time, but after looking over the amounts of each that you had ingested, I came to the conclusion that the removal of one ingredient would only change the potion from what it is now into something new and unknown, with effects that could not be predicted. I'm looking into other methods as we speak, including magical, despite experiences you've had with magic in the past."

Utter truth. He'd better be grateful.

"Thanks. Let me know… if any progress is made, k?" Ranma clamped down on the shudder that was trying to run through her. Behind her rice bowl, Akane smirked.

Ranma started grinding her head into the table. It drew the attention of the others, but Cologne headed them off with a quick, "It's been a stressful few days, I think we should just let him be for now. And please, no _touching_ him to comfort him!"

Akane just pressed harder, after nodding in agreement. No one else but her heard Ranma whisper, "I'm gonna… kill you for this… later… tomboy."

Akane reached for another bowl of rice, and used the new angle to press into more sensitive areas of Ranma's lower anatomy.

Nodoka raised an eyebrow as her son, er, daughter, continued grinding her head into the table, but a glance at Akane and the strange way she bent her leg in Ranma's direction as she went for another bowl simply made her grin.

"Ranma," she said, slipping more food in front of her. "I know it's been a strange few days, but don't let that effect your appetite. You're not to leave the table until all the food in front of you is finished. Akane, will you stay here and make sure he eats all of it?"

Not catching on to the fact the Nodoka had caught on, Akane simply nodded, grinning behind her fresh rice bowl.

Ranma began to bang her head against the table.

* * *

Ranma had been summarily ignored up until she had managed to break off the corner of the dinner table, and even then was still given a good amount of distance. Akane hadn't stopped up until the corner of the table Ranma had been gripping had broken off in her hand, so everyone else was under the impression the martial artist was in a bad mood. 

Even those who _knew_ Ranma was cured decided to leave him alone.

Ranma decided that if it hadn't felt so damn good, he'd beat Akane senseless, girl or not.

Revenge would be his anyway.

Later.

Ranma tilted his head to the side, listening to the sounds coming from the yard.

_Much_ later.

Ryoga had shown up as Ranma attempted to eat, with Akane doing her best to see that he did no such thing. A weak-sounding _bwee_ was all it took to set Akane flying in a rage, every inch of her temper flung loose at "the pervert."

It was amusing as hell to hear her calling someone _else_ that for a change.

Still, there was something he, er, _she_, needed to talk to Akane about.

"Hey, can we meet in the dojo in about five minutes, after I change back?"

Breathing heavy from her pig-bashing, Akane looked up with a slightly confused expression. "Sure, Ranma."

* * *

"So much for controlling your temper." 

Akane glared at Ranma, before sounding a little put out. "Sorry, I just…"

"Never mind, I was just kidding," Ranma said, which brought a smile back to Akane's face.

"So, what's up?"

Ranma sighed. Sometimes, there was just no easy way to say things. _Stupid Pops and his stupid way of raising me._ "Give… give me a second, it's not easy to, you know, for me to say things, especially the way that my Pop brought me up… uh, and-"

"Ranma." Akane's firm tone snapped him out of his almost-stupor as she gripped him by his shoulders. "I told you, from now on, _I_ decide what is and is not the way you behave. Not _him_, just _me._ You're _mine_, Saotome, get used to it."

A weak smile formed on Ranma's face. "Thanks, Akane," he whispered.

"A-anytime, Ranma." Akane blushed lightly. _Damn it, anytime he thanks me or compliments me…_ "So, um, just say it. It's the easiest way, you know."

"Could you stop touching me so much? I don't like it," Ranma blurted. _Whoops, **that** came out wrong_, he thought as Akane let go and took a stunned step backwards.

"R-Ranma? I… I thought…" Akane's voice was more than a small indication that she was near tears.

"Nononono! That wasn't how I meant to say it; I didn't mean it like that!" Ranma corrected, waving his arms around in front of him in a warding gesture.

"_Then how **did** you mean it!_" Akane snapped.

"_Quit yellin' at me!_" Ranma roared back. "_I thought you were gonna let me explain that kinda thing!_"

Silence fell as they both stopped after that.

"Sorry, Akane, I didn't mean to yell at ya," Ranma said, looking guilty.

"No. I mean, I did promise and all, I kinda… forgot."

"It's fine."

Akane swallowed nervously. "So… what _did_ you mean by that?"

"Well…" Ranma mumbled. The yelling and sudden tension had thrown his desire to say something Akane might not like right out the window.

"Come _on_, Ranma," Akane said, sounding annoyed. "Whatever it is, I'll listen until you're finished, alright?"

Ranma sighed, dropping onto the floor and crossing his legs. Akane sat down in front of him, and moved to hold his hand, but then remembered what he had said about touching him.

"It's... Everyone's always _touching_ me," Ranma started, his expression looking like a cross between being embarrassed and annoyed (which he was). "Shampoo, Kodachi, and even Ukyo. They do it whenever they want, 'cause they know I'm not gonna push 'em off, since the only ways to do that would be to hurt 'em or…"

"Ranma, even _I_ could get out of Shampoo's dumb glomps," Akane interrupted. She winced when Ranma glared at her. "Sorry."

Ranma pulled Akane to her feet, and told her to wait. A minute later, Ranma raced back into the dojo as a girl, with a steaming kettle in one hand. Dropping the kettle and not even breaking stride, she latched onto Akane in an Amazon Glomp, (in the Amazon Village, it was otherwise known as The Grip of the Desperate Octopus).

"Hey, stop that!" Akane said, sounding embarrassed.

"Alright, make me let go _without_ doing it the way you figured out," Ranma said.

Akane rolled her eyes theatrically, but obliged, squirming and trying to break Ranma's grip on her body. Ranma just grinned and rubbed her head against Akane's shoulder.

"Airen soft in chest," she said in falsetto.

"Gakk!" Akane replied intelligently. She turned bright red, resisting the urge to pummel her fiancée and telling herself that they had done a lot more than hug not too long ago. A few minutes passed, with Akane trying to break free, and Ranma laughing at her.

"I give up, can I do it _my_ way now?" Akane said, trying not to sound impatient.

"Sure," Ranma said, sounding amused. Two seconds later, Akane pushed Ranma off of her, looking triumphant.

"See! Easy." Akane's voice was smug. Ranma just cleared her throat, somehow managing to sound sarcastic without even saying anything.

"Ya wanna take another look and see why I never did that?" Ranma asked, sounding sure of herself. Akane glanced down to notice her hands firmly attached to the upper and well developed half of Ranma's chest, and promptly yanked her hands back as if burned.

"Well," she grumbled, "that explains that."

Ranma just smirked.

Fighting both her temper and the embarrassment, Akane tried to pick up where Ranma left off. "So… what's that about you not wanting to be touched?"

Ranma's face fell as she turned the kettle over her head. Akane winced at how fast that question had dropped the lighter mood. She distantly remembered something about Ranma's thing about being touched from his memories, but it wasn't strong enough to see clearly.

"Well, it's just that everyone's _always_ touching me, you know? I mean, before I came here, the only time I touched someone else was when I was fighting them, and then Ukyo was always putting an arm around me, or Shampoo was latching onto me like she was Satan's Leech or something. Kodachi…" Ranma shuddered. "I don't _even_ wanna go there. Kuno was always trying too, grabbing me from behind, and that **_bastard_** Sanzenin…"

"Anyway…" Akane cut in, trying to derail that train of thought. Once you got Ranma thinking about Mikado Sanzenin, it was almost impossible to keep him from hunting down the pervert and stomping him into the ground wherever Ranma found him.

"Everyone… everyone doesn't _care_ that I don't like being _touched_. I want to scream every time someone puts a hand on me when I don't want them too. It's like they don't _care_ what I think about it. I mean, how would you like it if Kuno, Mousse, _and_ your friend Sayuri were always grabbing at you?"

Akane blanched.

"Yeah, that's how I feel. No one seems to care that if I don't want to be touched, then they _shouldn't touch me_. But they do anyway! And sometimes…"

Akane stopped herself from reaching for her fiancée, wanting to stop him, but she didn't know if right _now_ was a good time to touch him.

"…sometimes I just want to reach over and smack them. And I mean hard enough to rattle their teeth around, and then tell them how they like it when I do shit like that all the time."

Unable to help herself, Akane reached forward, and gently took his head in her hands. When Ranma didn't flinch of pull back, Akane pulled him against her, burying her head in Ranma's chest.

"Want me to let go?" she asked quietly.

"No." Ranma voice sounded a little unsure, but Akane took his words as true anyway. "But if I don't feel like being touched…"

"I won't. I know how you feel. Why do you think I fought the Hentai Horde every damn morning?"

"You know," Ranma said, his grin returning. "I think I'm starting to rub off on you. You curse a lot more than you used to."

"It's your damn thoughts. They might be gone, but they cursed a lot. You're vulgar, you pervert."

"Who are you calling a pervert, Miss I-Want-To-Be-On-Top-In-The-Tub?"

"SHUT IT!" Akane shrieked.

Ranma snickered.

"So, _son-in-law_, I see you're cured."

Akane and Ranma whirled towards the voice at the dojo entrance.

"Cologne."

* * *

OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE 

Demons.

Undead.

Monsters.

Creatures of the purest evil.

Ranma hated them.

Why the fuck did they keep showing up in the Tendo house?

"THE SEALS, TENDO, THE SEALS!" screamed Genma Saotome. Soun was trying to slap sealing wards on a large box; Kasumi stood in a corner praying, while Nabiki stood watch, pointing out pieces of the creature for Ranma to crush when they cut themselves off of the main body and tried to run away. Genma was trying to slam the lid back onto the box, putting his not-insurmountable weight on top of it. Akane was out in the dojo, exercising. No one could be spared to go and get her assistance.

"THAT'S ALL OF THEM!" Nabiki screamed over the roaring of… it.

Ranma jumped into the air, landing with all the force he could muster on the lid, slapping seals around the edges. The malevolent force inside wailed horrible, shoving back at the restraints.

Kasumi appeared out of nowhere with a cross. "THE BLOOD OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE! THE BLOOD OF CHRIST COMPELS THEE!"

With a gurgle, the thing stopped pushing as the sealing wards finally contained it. Everyone slumped to the floor in exhaustion.

"Kami, the _ki_ on that one…" grumbled Ranma. "You could feel it like a lead weight on you."

"I'd rather face the Master than this," muttered Soun, who was far too exhausted to cry.

"Martial artists must put they're lives on the line, but this is above and beyond," groaned Genma. It had taken them two hours to reseal the… the _it_ since the box had accidentally been opened by Kasumi that morning.

"Hey, guys, what's wrong with you?" Akane asked, appearing from her workout.

A general groan was all she got as a response.

Akane just frowned as she stared at the thin wooden shell that stood between the world and untapped evil. "Why is the picnic basket I made covered in seals!" she demanded.

* * *

A/N 

Well, I suppose this one took a long time to put out there, but that is because I couldn't stand having _other_ stories in my head screaming to get out, and raced out the first two chapters of my next fanfic, called The Real Breaking Point. After I finished those two chapters (one of which I sent off to my editor. Everyone say "Hello" to SilverBullet),Iwent ahead and changed that first chapter on him, and then merged those two chapters into one 9,000 word chapter, meaning I'm going to have to send it off to him again... Sorry 'bout this.

I know, I know, I'm making excuses, I'm dragging my feet, etc, etc...

Bite me.

On second thought, let me take that back,cause AnimeCrazyGal probably would...

_sweats nervously_

* * *

For those of you who don't want to, what you're about to read is myself answering a couple of reviews. Said reviews are flames (well, one is constructive criticism, barely). You do not have to listen to them, you can just move on if you wish. 

Dear Reviewer Raen:

As sad as you say my story is, allow me to counter-argue your review:

Your post stated:

It's sad when a writer with potential cannot create good work beacuse (A/N, this is spelled BECAUSE) he has some kind of hate for a character. The old cliche of everyone suddenly hates Ryoga and Ryoga is a despicable asshole is overdone. Its (IT'S) OOC and takes away from a story when you bash a character.

(The "old cliché, as you put it, is an accurate response to such a discovery of Ryoga/

chan, I think.)

You know when does Ryoga get to be fed up?

(When is Ryoga fed up, you ask? When _isn't_ Ryoga fed up! He's in a perpetual state of being Angry At Ranma, rivaled only by his state of Being Lost. His typical greeting is "Prepare to die!")

Everyone uses him for their own gain. Akane uses him to make Ranma jealous. Ukyou (Spelling debatable. Matter of opinion, really.) uses him to get Ranma. Shampoo and Cologne do the same.

(Ukyo _does_ use him to get Ranma. Ryoga does **_not care about this_**, because he doesn't want Ukyo, he wants _Akane_, and getting Ranma and Ukyo together clears the path (or so he thinks). Same with Cologne and Shampoo.)

He's doomed to wander for enternity (ETERNITY) and to top it off he's cursed to become a cute litlle (LITTLE) piggy when hit with cold water, that might be a small problem for someone who can get lost going to the bathroom.

(So? Ranma is forever cursed to be terrified of a very common house pet. I feel sorry for them both for that. As for the bathroom, since Ryoga's perpetually in a state of lost, this typically means he's out in the wild. No problem there. Cats are _everywhere_, even in the wild. Ranma will have a much harder time avoiding them.)

But in the end their (THERE) is Ranma. Who mocks him and when he gets a chance toys with the guys (GUY'S) heart and laments on how hard done he is.

(Of **_course_** Ranma mocks him. Ryoga's using **_Ranma's honor_** to sleep in **_Akane's bed_**. I think a little taunting vs. Akane's bed is one **_fuck_** of a deal. Besides that, even if he mocks Ryoga, he _still_ honors his word and tries his best to keep Akane from witnessing Ryoga change. He wants _her_ to **_figure it out_**.)

A good authour (AUTHOR) puts himself in the characters (CHARACTER'S) place and your (YOU'RE) not doing that.

(Of course I am. I'm just primarily doing Akane and Ranma, mostly Ranma. The title of the story is "**Ranma ½**" not "**Ryoga ½**.")

Your (YOU'RE) riding (WRITING) out how you see Ranma should act and your (YOU'RE) forgetting other characters. Try to imagine the other side. What is going through Ryoga's mind? By the way, in Ranma the manga no character was created to be a bastard, all had their reasons and deep down all were good people.

(If no person in the manga was created to be a bastard, then Happosai should be erased. Kuno (all of them) should be erased. Ranma's father should be erased. These aren't exactly world-class people. Taro? Saffron? I don't care how they _ended up_, their way of doing things is not nice. Hey, wait, are you saying all of these people are kind-hearted souls who love each other? Are you nuts? Your last name is Kuno, isn't it?)

Personally if Ryoga is such a bastard why not have left Ranma as a woman forever. Ha, the irony. This man amongst man forever being a woman.

(As for Ryoga being honorable, using the locked curse is not much of an example. If you would please pick up your manga and re-read it, you will find that Ryoga was **_not_** helping Ranma in order to make sure Ranma could change back. He was, in fact, only after the curse-locking ladle, under the mistaken assumption that he could use it to freeze himself in guy-form. (incidentally, Mousse was along for the same reason) As it was, when Ranma discovered this by finding them after they locked themselves in pig and duck form, he allowed them to tag along anyway for the cure. Personally, I'm of the frame of mind that he could have just left them to rot in animal form, as it would solve several problems, such as Ryoga the Rival, and Mousse the Eternally Spiteful.)

This reveiw (REVIEW) comes from the endless stories of mutalated (MUTILATED)

chans and Ranma eaisly (EASILY) crushing Ryoga

(Let us think. Akane's typical reaction to the **_slightest_** act of perversion (real or imagined) is (SURVEY SAYS!):

**_Violence._**

She lashes out violently at perversion at every chance, whether it's there or not. Since

chan typically does the following:

A). Sleeps in her bed

B.) Snuggles into her chest

C.) Is in her room when she changes (whether or not he watches, since Akane is prone to leaping to conclusions faster than Principal Kuno can say "haircut.")

D.) Listens to her confessions and thoughts, since she always tells her precious pet.

I think discovering that a real _person_, not just a _pet_, is there, a violent and/or angry reaction on Akane's part is **_not_** unimaginable. It is, sadly to say, par for the course. Even **_Kasumi_** calls her sister violent, in **_volume one_**.)

and becoming the hero as the evil Ryoga is banished from interferring (INTERFERING) with Akane and Ranma. Your story is the straw that topped it. So I ask of you if you hate a character please write them out.

(As you ask, I can't simply "write them out." If I wrote out those kinds of people, it wouldn't be much of a story, now would it?)

You hurt the story by this meaningless and moronic bashing.

(If you didn't like the story, why did you read so much of it? Something tells me that there is a chance that this man's behavior is similar to Ryoga's, and doesn't like to see opposing opinions.)

And now for another reviewer, Nomen.

Well, it's true that I have a tendency to fix people's problems, it's what I do. You said that, if I'm going to beat Ryoga (to a bloody pulp, which is what I did) then I should give a good reason for doing so, not just because I wanted to. So, here's the reason, **_straight from the story_**.

Ranma, Ryoga, rivals, no likey each other.

Ryoga attack Ranma, not good. Bad way get on Ranma good side.

Ranma potion make fight until dead. Punch hit kick many many.

Seriously, that's the reason. Ranma doesn't like Ryoga for what he does using his pig-form, and, while under the potion, Ryoga attacked him. The potion made him fight, and _really_ fight, not the usual way, but with intent to kill. Soun and Nodoka later beating him are simply karma (and an irritated father and an honor-loving mother) coming back to haunt him.

I tore into Raen more than Nomen (which means "name") because Nomen was trying to be constructive, unlike Raen. I was just defending my story, though I agree that I _do_ tend to write more speech than I do descriptive text (a few times, it's on purpose, such as after the Happosai fight).

For my last note, I would like to think that anyone who writes heavy flames such as these would do the rest of us a favor, and _leave your f-cking name_. It's hypocritical to leave a large flame and heavy criticism of someone's work, saying how much you hate it, and what's wrong with it, and etc, etc, and then say, "By the way, I'm not leaving you a link back to **_my_** stuff, I'm going to post _anonymously_, because heaven **_forbid_** you should have anything to say if you read **_my work_** (this is meant for YOU, Raen. Nomen (though anonymous) was _trying_ to help.)


	27. Amazon Negotiations

Disclaimer:

See Chap 15

* * *

"So, son-in-law, I see you are indeed cured, or there would be no way you and the Tendo girl could be standing like this." Cologne glared at the young couple, grinding her teeth. She just couldn't _believe_ that these two… two… _children_ had somehow managed to lie to her! "How long?" 

"I was 'cured' by the time I got home when I escaped under the neko-ken," Ranma said, letting go of Akane and falling into a loose stance that anyone who _hadn't_ seen him fighting before would think was a sign of Ranma being somewhat inept in the Art.

Cologne knew better. She'd seen him bludgeon people into senselessness far too many times from that stance to not recognize it. Besides that, she also favored a loose stance. It caused your opponent to underestimate you while giving you the flexibility to choose between a proper offense or defense.

Dismissing Akane as a non-threat, she rounded on Ranma. "And the reason you did not feel like sharing this information would be?" she demanded, and felt Ranma's ki flare a bit at the question. _Careful, I'm treading on dangerous ground here_, she thought to herself.

"Why should I? The second everyone knew that I was normal again, _everything_ goes back to the way it was. I don't _want_ everything back that way. Ryoga might be out of the question, and Happosai won't be a problem, but the last thing I need is your damn great-granddaughter latching onto me like God's Duct Tape."

"That doesn't matter!" Cologne spat, taking another step into the dojo. "At the very least, I should have been informed! I've spent all this time researching into a cure for you that wasn't needed! And you've been using the threat of physical contact against me the entire time!"

"Kept you away from me, didn't it!" Ranma snapped.

"When it was an empty threat all along!" Cologne shot back. She advanced on Ranma, noting that he was not backing down and his battle aura was starting to show. She took a breath and forced herself to calm down. At this rate… "The point is, if you had simply told me you were cured from the start, then we wouldn't have wasted our time looking for a cure when we could be taking the proper route and have been finished bringing you into the tribe by now. The ceremony _does_ take about a day, and there's no way in hell I'm letting you slip away from me this time-"

And then Cologne was forced to stop as Ranma flung himself at Cologne, knocking her into the dojo wall with a foot. _Dammit, what's pissed him off; we've been in bigger arguments than this before. Is it his new relationship with the Tendo girl?_ She scrambled back to her feet, rolling to avoid a foot-stomp, and lashing out with her stick, feeling it blocked by Ranma's arm. Cologne pivoted around the stick, throwing a punch towards Ranma's chest, only to find his knee in the way as it smashed into her legs, throwing her off balance. _Dammit, that was going for my head. It can't be Akane Tendo. Even if they are a couple now, his temper is always better than this. For him, yelling during an argument is perfectly normal. What's gotten into the boy?_

Ranma lashed out with a low roundhouse going for Cologne's stomach, planning on driving her breath out of her. She blocked it with her staff again, and then spun it around in a strike for his other kneecap. He jumped over it, and came down from his small descent with his foot aimed at Cologne's head. Another block, this one barely managing to hold off on the strength of the strike.

Ranma's sole thought was _I will not let her split up me and Akane._

"Stop this, son-in-la-" There was a definitive _crunch_ as Ranma's fist caught Cologne's face. _Note to self_, Cologne thought as she felt blood trickle down her forehead, _stop saying son-in-law, it pisses him off._ She jumped back, trying to get out of reach, knowing that she would _not_ last against Ranma when he was angry, sheer luck avoiding the snap-kick he sent at her. "Ranma, waAIIII!"

Another hard blow to her back sent her flying in football fashion towards Ranma, and his swinging foot. Cologne gagged as Ranma's shoes sank into her belly. She bit back several Mandarin curses when she managed to glance behind her, seeing Akane Tendo in a weak Umisen-ken, and brandishing that infernal _mallet_.

_I am not a golf ball!_ the Amazon Elder objected mentally.

Akane's Umisen-ken might have been weak because of her unstable emotions, Cologne realized, but it was just barely strong enough to allow her ki presence to hide when Cologne's ki awareness was already being flooded by Ranma's battle aura. _I am so screwed. Her Umisen-ken night as well be perfect, for all the ability I have to sense her when Ranma is pushing his aura out like this._

Retreating into a corner, Cologne took advantage of a temporary moment of peace as her two opponents circled in. This was intolerable! Losing to Ranma was one thing, but Akane Tendo! She didn't even stand a chance against that okonomiyaki chef! She glared at the two, who seemed to try to circle in front of each other constantly as they moved inward. Cologne recognized the tactic; it was primarily used to throw one's opponents off balance in a fight, so that they couldn't be sure exactly where the attack was going to com from, or from who.

_No_, Cologne realized, _they're both trying to get in front, and keep me from the other! But why?_ She bolted, bouncing up and off a wall as Akane attacked first, mallet going through the air. Avoiding that strike was no problem, but Ranma's follow-up ki blast nailed her in the shoulder, rendering her left arm useless. In desperation, she abandoned her only weapon, flinging the staff towards a disabling pressure point on Ranma. She allowed her shoulders to sag in relief when she saw it get through his defenses, and land perfectly on target.

Then Ranma caught the staff as it started falling, and threw it out the door. Cologne almost screamed in frustration when she saw a faint blue glow from under Ranma's shirt. Through the torn material, she glimpsed a hazy ki-projection protecting the area over the spot she had been aiming for. A faint, not-quite-perfect ki-construct, obviously based on Soun's ki-forged weapons technique.

"Still need to practice that," Ranma said, smirking. Then he and Akane started that slow circling movement towards her, almost like…

Cologne backed away slowly, trying to buy herself time to think. _Great, two-to-one in his favor against the man who killed a god and the girl he's been training. I should retire._ She eyed them both warily.

They weren't fighting _normally_, which was what really unnerved her. Akane Tendo ran forward to crush you underhand, not even minding her defense, and Ranma was _not_ the slow-to-approach type either, though intensely more skilled. _And the one strike I get through his defenses lands on a ki-construct he's only been practicing for a few hours! Gods!_

* * *

"But they're _my_ chosen tribe," whined Athena. "I have to assist her!" 

_Goddesses of war should not whine like little children_, Chaos thought to himself.

"Goddesses of war should not whine like little children," Loki said to her. Athena backhanded him in the face, sending him flying with the sound of an artillery shell, crashing into a wall.

"Which is precisely why I didn't say it out loud," Chaos murmured to himself. Louder, he told Athena, "But he's _my_ avatar, and if things work out, then _she'll_ be Loki's avatar, yet neither of us are interfering. You know the rules; you are not allowed to help the old ghoul unless I can help Ranma." He grinned, eyes glowing brightly in amusement. "You want to match your little war-influenced Elder against my Chaos-backed god-slayer?"

Athena glared.

Loki popped back up out of nowhere, channeling Mills Lane. "I'll allow it!"

Athena settled down to watch the fight on the monitor, pouting.

_Goddesses of war should not pout._

"Goddesses of war should not pout."

_whap screeeeeeeeee crunch_

"You're not learning very fast, Loki," Chaos muttered.

* * *

If it wasn't for her pride, Cologne admitted to herself, she might have fallen back on that useful technique Ranma and his father had displayed during the Hiryu Shoten Ha training, the Crouch of the Wild Tiger. Rules changed for people who defeated an Elder in an official combat match. 

Almost to the wall, and searching for another way out, Cologne genuinely paled when Ranma cracked his knuckles at her, and Akane's familiar and stable mallet vanished in the place of a not-quite-as-stable ki-forged… staff, just like Cologne's.

_If the staff doesn't kill me, the irony of it will._

At least she could admit it to herself. Forcing herself to think in the rapidly narrowing time frame before they stopped circling each other and attacked, Cologne reviewed what she had just found out. _Ranma is cured, and I'd guess it's the old-fashioned way, with Akane Tendo. It explains why they're together. How the hell she ever kept up with him…_

Realization struck. The potion ingredients being off. Nodoka's eternal workout, complete with collapse at the end. _That potion, the training potion, could they have-?_ Her mind worked frantically, working to remember the ingredients, finally coming across-

_Blood. Old or new, it matters not. Akane and Nodoka must have the tiniest bit of Ranma's blood in them… and I determined so long ago that anyone who was exposed to Ranma's blood while he was still being influenced would ultimately be linked to him protectively because of that screw-up of a potion Shampoo and Mousse made… and these two idiots probably went and confessed their feelings for each other, thereby linking his emotions to her in his potion-addled mind. Getting in between them now is like signing your death warrant and running towards the swords._

_And I thought Nodoka was going to be protective of her son before. Dealing with her now will be insane. On the other hand, I must actually commend them for having the audacity to pull it off. I am impressed. If Shampoo was this scheming, Ranma'd have been in China months ago. Now, how do I get out of this with only one working arm, and my head still attached to my neck?_

Her time to think was abruptly over as Ranma charged, sending the Amazon Elder scrambling around his rapidly moving arms and legs. She forced out a one-armed series of punches at Kachu Tenshin Amaguriken speeds, feeling grateful as she felt them hit, scoring against skin, and not just another ki-construct. Her elation was short lived, as a moment later, Akane's imitated ki-staff came swinging, forcing her to abandon her attack, and flinging herself upwards to dodge, ending up eye-level with Ranma. His rapid recovery forced her to drop towards the ground in order to avoid the quick head-butt, only to be intercepted mere centimeters from the ground by Akane's ki-staff, which caught her in the ribs, and sent her flying into the wall, her back screaming in pain when it impacted before she could twist around to slow herself or land against the wall.

_I'm not a pinball, either! Akane Tendo might as well be invisible, for all I can track her right now! I have to stop them, but how am I going to do it? They started on the offensive when I said-_

"I'm not trying to separate you and Akane!" she shot out, ignoring the flecks of blood that threatened to fall from her face from an earlier attack. Relief coursed through her system when they both stopped circling and straightened out. Neither seemed to completely abandon their readiness, though Akane's ki-staff thankfully vanished.

Cologne dropped, feeling the ache that Ranma's blows had brought. At least his long-distance flights on AkaneAir made sense now, those ki-constructs packed more power than one would believe…

* * *

… And now Shampoo was getting on her nerves. It took everything she had just to not hit her over the head and tell her off. 

"Great-grandmother need not train so hard, causing injuries. Great-grandmother getting up there in years," Shampoo chided, placing a bandage on Cologne's head. Cologne's eye twitched. "Not matter. Shampoo get Ranma soon, then we take back to China. Ranma be perfect Amazon husband."

_And if you believe that as much as you sound like it, my great-granddaughter, I have some wonderful used cars I'd like to sell you…_ "Shampoo…"

"Almost finished, now," Shampoo said, picking up another bandage.

_Has she even noticed that Ranma is wandering around without his blindfold now?_ "Shampoo…"

"Be perfect," Shampoo continued, looking more than a little dreamy. "Ranma come home, be perfect husband. Have many child, all wonderful warrior girls. No more Mousse…"

"Shampoo," Cologne interrupted, sounding weak, which was great acting on her part. "Please… my staff…"

"Of course, great-grandmother," Shampoo replied, handing over the weapon, and immediately getting lost in her own dream world. Ranma and Akane snorted in unison. Mousse just rolled his eyes. "Girls be so strong like Airen… have husband envy of all…"

"Does she do this a lot?" Akane whispered to Mousse.

"Only once or twice… or nine times a day," he whispered back. "Cologne leaves her be, because she draws in more customers and bigger tips whenever it happens."

Akane and Ranma turned to look at Shampoo, who sat next to her great-grandmother, who was picking up her staff. Shampoo stared off into space, dreamy-eyed, and running one finger over her lips. She sighed, forcing her chest to rise and fall accordingly as she rocked back and forth, swaying her entire body unconsciously. The finger tracing her lips ran in small circles like it was begging for attention.

"So…" Ranma said. "Why's she get bigger tips like that?"

Mousse raced Akane to the ground in a facefault.

"Clueless as ever, eh, Saotome?" groaned Mousse.

"You gonna start crying sometime soon, Mousse?"

Picking himself up from the floor, Mousse eyeballed Ranma. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well, the only other guy I know who calls anyone else Saotome, and only wears one outfit, and has long black hair… All you really need is a mustache…"

Mousse blinked, an image of Soun Tendo appearing in his head. "Don't you _dare_ finish that comparison, Saoto- Ranma!"

"My dad's not _that_ bad, baka!" started Akane.

"WAHHH! SAOTOME, THIS INJURY OF YOURS LOOKS SO BAD! WAHHH!"

Three pairs of eyes turned towards the stairs, where the voices were coming from.

"Okay, maybe he is," mumbled Akane.

"Thank you, my dear," Cologne said to Shampoo, and brought the staff down on her great-granddaughter's head hard enough to knock her out. "Senseless drivel!" she spat.

She turned her eyes towards the other occupants of the room. Soun and Genma were up in Genma's room (Soun was tending his injuries), but Mousse, Ranma, Akane, Nabiki, and Nodoka were all present. Kasumi was out in the kitchen with Konatsu; they were cleaning dishes. Well, Konatsu was doing the dishes, and Kasumi was making some food. After all, she knew how hungry Ranma could be after working out.

"Now that the daydreaming descendant of mine has been… set aside for the moment…"

"You're not usually that rough," pointed out Ranma.

"_You_ haven't had to hear that nonsense everyday since we came here!" Cologne countered. "Every day! Every blasted day! I would have long since put a stop to it, but…"

"She draws in bigger tips that way?" finished Ranma.

Cologne gaped. Then, she fished a notebook out of her robes, and flipped it open to a page marked 'Ranma Saotome,' and started scrawling.

"Sometimes… jumps… to the right… conclusion. Not as clueless… as he sometimes… seems."

"Hey!"

"Anyway," Cologne said, "I am about speak of something that will happen for the first time in all three thousand years of Amazon history! Today will be marked in Amazon lore as a historical event that will change all Amazon life for the better!"

"You're gonna get a facelift?" Ranma asked.

**_BAM!_**

"So, I wish to have all of you present here while I make this offer. Now, will someone please help Ranma off of the floor?"

Akane and Nabiki pulled a dazed Ranma up into a sitting position, while Mousse hid a grin.

Ranma rubbed at the lump on his head, focusing his eyes on Cologne, only a foot away from his face. "Monkey mummy?"

**_BAM!_**

"Ah, Elder, if you keep doing that…" Mousse said, snickering.

Ranma sat back up, ending up eyeball to eyeball with Cologne.

"Bug-eyed beak-faced sloth?"

"Why you…" Cologne growled.

"Elder…" Mousse said, stifling laughter.

"_Today_," Cologne just about spat, "I am offering you, Ranma Saotome, blooded male warrior, formal adoption into the tribe of the Amazons."

There were confused blinks all around, while Mousse gaped. "Adoption…" he gurgled, "for a _male?_"

Cologne grinned, and nodded.

"What's the trick?" Ranma demanded. "And why's Mousse making a big deal over it?"

Mousse spoke, never taking his eyes off of Cologne. "Males are _never_ just _invited_ into the Amazons, Ranma Saotome. The only way males can be brought in, according to tribal law, is by marriage or conquest."

"Conquest?" said Nabiki. "That's not in your law book."

"Not in your version, because it's led to way too many deaths," Mousse shot back. "Admission by conquest means that you have the right to declare yourself an Amazon should you defeat an Elder in formal combat, without killing her. It led to many dead men, and not one defeated Elder."

"So…" Ranma said slowly. "If I… beat Cologne into the ground…"

"…you could declare yourself an Amazon…" Akane continued.

"…and declare yourself free of the obligation of marrying Shampoo," Mousse finished. "Since that law only applies to _outsider_ males."

Ranma eyeballed Cologne, smirking in a way the ancient Amazon discovered made her feel like, as her great-granddaughter had so often called it, an _obstacle_.

It was unnerving as hell.

"You don't have to worry about that option," she said quickly. "I'm _offering_ you induction into the tribe. No need to bludgeon anyone about." _Least of all, me again. I am getting to old for this._

"So what's this, er, _induction_ thing all about?" Ranma asked.

"Nothing much, just a few words, an honored promise or two… Now, now, nothing that would tarnish your honor, don't look at me like that. Mostly it's just a promise to uphold that Amazon law, and to come to the aid of the village should we call for you."

Ranma frowned. He glanced at Akane, who shrugged. Mousse still looked a little too startled to be able to help, so Ranma turned again to Nabiki. Nabiki nodded.

"Two conditions," Ranma said, facing Cologne.

Cologne narrowed her eyes. "Name them," she said, sounding cautious.

"One, if you guys start the war, don't expect me to help. If the Musk or Phoenix Mountain comes calling on their own, I'll defend ya, but if you provoked them, you're on your own." _I ain't going out and killing 'cause you decided to pick a fight_.

Cologne thought for a moment. _It's not a bad concept. Ranma does not enjoy killing like many warriors do. And if the Musk or the Phoenix people decide to press their luck, we would still have the power of the young Saotome on our side. He specified that he would defend us… but that doesn't mean that, should they start a war, we couldn't just leave Ranma and a few warriors behind, and counterattack on our own. So long as Ranma's on the defensive, he'll cooperate._

"Accepted," she finally said.

"Second, I'm staying here. This is my home, and I ain't leaving it. 'Sides, that'll keep you guys from bugging me too much."

Cologne frowned. _I don't know about that. I, and the other Elders, prefer keeping the Amazons and our allies close. To have Ranma Saotome on this island of a country away from us… hmm… maybe there is something I can get out of that…_

"You can stay here, _provided_ that you and yours will make of your home and land an Amazon village."

"Meaning…" Nabiki prodded.

"_Meaning_ that your home, and lands which you own, are to be considered, in the eyes of the village only, Amazon territory. Legally yours, but still a section of land that might be put to Amazon use."

"_If_ we can agree on what use it will be made of," Nabiki countered. "The last thing we need is a war training encampment springing up in our backyard."

"Agreed," Cologne said. "_Provided_ that we can send the occasional Amazon this way, for training, or other purposes. The village has spent too long in hiding, and we need to be taught to survive in outside our enclosed world."

"_If_ we are given prior notice of any Amazons arriving, and that they understand that the Elders are not the ones in charge. We are."

"And," Ranma cut in. "That we get to choose which laws work over here."

"_All_ laws apply!" snapped Cologne. _That is going too far!_

"_But_," Nabiki shot back in. "_We_ decide whether the laws apply to certain situations, and have the final say in decisions regarding punishments or outcomes. Some things just won't work here like they do over there. Not everyone in Nerima is an Amazon warrior out for a fight or a wife, and lucky shots do happen."

Cologne paused again, leaning back on her staff. _I don't like that… Ranma could negate the laws of marriage if he so chose… but I don't think that having Amazons bludgeoning normal people about the head because they look strong and might make good potential husbands or wives would be appreciated by the Japanese government. At least I managed to keep all the laws in effect. It is acceptable._

"About training," Ranma started. "I ain't showing anybody the Saotome Sealed techniques, 'cept maybe my own family. That junk's dangerous. And as the Master of Anything Goes, I got final say in what gets taught to Amazons."

Cologne suppressed a chuckle. She had been going to insist that Ranma keep the Umisen-ken and the Yamasen-ken to himself anyway. He was right. For an irritating fat man, Genma Saotome had managed to engineer two styles of terrifying power. Handing them over to even one hotheaded Amazon could prove disastrous. Well…

"The entirety of the Yamasen-ken I agree on, and the fighting portions of the Umisen-ken as well, but the stealth abilities of the Fist of 1,000 Seas are too much to be overlooked. I insist that they be taught. Even discounting the obvious ability to hide oneself, the emotion control is requires could benefit any warrior."

"Not the full potential," Ranma shot back. "Teaching someone the full use could lead them to figure out too much the rest, but I'll show how to mask your ki, and how to be almost unseen. And I still get to pick an' choose who does and doesn't get to learn it."

"Agreed. That _is_ how it is usually done. Sometimes, children just shouldn't be given powerful toys." Cologne stuck out her hand towards Ranma, who, after a moment, gripped it, and shook it once.

"Cologne…" he started.

"Yes… young Amazon?" Ranma blinked. _That's gonna take some getting used to._

"Last thing… _you're_ the one telling Shampoo."

Cologne froze. "But… as her _former_ betrothed… it should be _your_ responsibility to tell her it's off…"

Ranma didn't let go of Cologne's hand. "But as _her_ great-grandmother, it should come from someone who _cares_… from _family_…"

"But such news should come from someone _young enough_ to understand how she feels…"

Akane rolled her eyes. Nabiki just watched in amusement. "Have they even noticed Shampoo's awake?"

"Better not to let them know just yet. At least Shampoo's not paying any attention," Akane muttered back.

"It would be better to come from the voice of _age and experience_… the Elder of her village…"

"As the Elder of the Amazon Tribe of Japanese Amazons, I couldn't possibly enforce my authority over yours… it should come from you…"

"But Shampoo's not part of _my_ tribe, she a _Chinese_ Amazon… so she'd your probl- responsibility…"

"But again, as we are on your land, my power as a _Chinese_ Elder is overshadowed by yours… it's your word on this land…"

"Ranma Saotome, Grandmaster of the Anything Goes style of martial arts, has ordered me, Happosai, to return to the things I have stolen over the past year I have been in Tokyo. I hope you forgive me. Or at least not beat me severely and toss me out the window after calling me nasty names…"

Cologne and Ranma both turned simultaneously towards the new voice, and watched in amazement as Happosai cautiously, frightfully, handed four pairs of panties and three bras to a slowly enraging Shampoo.

"GIVE!" the Amazon bombshell shrieked, snatching away the clothes, and punting the diminutive former Grandmaster down the hall. A few pieces of cloth were thrown back. "NOT MINE! SHAMPOO NEVER WEAR SILLY THINGS!"

The bras. All of them.

"But…" Happosai mumbled. "I took them from your wash…"

An evil smile crossed Cologne's face. "Those are _mine_, Happy."

A look of horror firmly attached itself to Happosai. He made a sound in the back of his throat, which suggested he was trying to throw up and gag at the exact same time.

"**He** can tell her," Ranma said firmly. Cologne nodded. "Nabiki, you tell him what to say, and Cologne and I will be, uh… somewhere else. Gotta go, see ya!"

"DAMMIT RANMA, WAIT FOR ME!" Akane yelled, giving chase to her fiancée and the disappearing Amazon Elder. Mousse, Kasumi, and Konatsu merrily barricaded themselves into the kitchen, while Nodoka hid-, er, went upstairs to visit her husband.

* * *

"Think Happosai's telling her?" 

Screams of rage and anger echoed up the street.

"I'd say so, former son-in-law."

More shrieks of indignation.

"Think we'll be able to go home soon, Akane?"

"Tomorrow, probably. I hope she leaves soon."

"If I know my great-granddaughter at all, she'll be out of the house in the next few minutes, as soon as she realizes that we're not there."

Chinese curses could be heard in the distance.

"By the way, Ranma Saotome, let me be the first to welcome to officially to the Amazon tribe- HEY, STOP KISSING YOUR FIANCEE AND PAY ATTENTION!"

* * *

OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE 

Ranma sighed. Sometimes, he could be really, really stupid. Akane had gone and flown off the handle when he refused her cooking, on the basis that a good beef bowl did **_not_** stand up on its own and issue martial arts challenges while giving off purple smoke. Of course, refusing Akane's food, saying it was against the martial artist's code to eat intelligent forms of life, especially when it had just issued a challenge, had made Ryoga pop up out of nowhere and summarily try to beat him senseless while Akane also chased him around with her mallet.

Then, when it was all over, and he was lying in a crater in the yard, where Akane's mallet had placed him, he said the dumbest thing he'd ever said in his life.

Which was _really_ saying something.

He'd looked up towards the sky, addressing the kamis, and said, clear as a bell on Sunday morning:

"C'mon. You can do better than that. That was practically boring."

He _really_ should have known better.

Now, sitting in Nabiki's room (he was currently dating her, having long since giving up on Akane, after she'd slapped him in front of the entire school, and told him she hated him, just because he'd saved her from being turned into a vampire instead of giving her the chance to beat something _he_ had almost died at the hands of), he was really regretting having said that.

"They still there, Ranma-baby?" asked Nabiki from her bed, not even looking up from her manga.

"Let me check," replied Ranma, setting down his own manga, and rising from his place on Nabiki's bed at her side.

Ranma strolled over to the window, and threw open the curtains and one of the windows, looking out towards the yard and the street beyond.

"RARRGH, NO ONE DEFEATS IRON CHEF!"

"RANMA, I'M LOST IN YOUR BACK YARD AND CAN'T LEAVE, AND I KNOW IT'S YOUR FAULT!"

"WE, THE SAILOR SCOUTS, HAVE COME FOR OUR PANTIES AND TO DESTROY THE YOUMA HAPPOSAI WHO TOOK THEM!"

"LOVE AND PEACE! LOVE AND PEACE!"

"THIS PLACE IS CRAZY, THAT IT IS!"

"I, EXCELL EXCELL, CLAIM THIS YARD IN THE NAME OF A.C.R.O.S.S.!"

"SCREEEEAARRRGH!"

"LOOK, IS GODZILLA!"

"INUYASHA, SIT!"

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING HERE, AGAIN!"

"THAT, COLOGNE, IS… A SECRET!"

"CHI?"

"IRON WOK SHALL DEFEAT IRON CHEF!"

"DIE, MISS PRISSY PANTS!"

"DIE YOURSELF, YOU DRIED-UP SPACE PIRATE!"

"KEITARO, YOU PERVERT!"

"IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK!"

"IS NOT GODZILLA, GODZILLA NOT PURPLE WITH HORN AND WHITE GLOWING EYES!"

"EEK! KEI, THIS LITTLE FREAK GROPED ME!"

"KILL IT, YURI, KILL IT!"

"DRINK THE BLOOD, POLICE GIRL!"

"GIVE ME BACK CONTROL OF MY BODY, DARK, AND STOP KISSING RIKU!"

"PIKACHU, I CHOOSE YOU!"

"THIS GUY HAS A LOUSY 10,000 WOOLONG BOUNTY!"

"DRAGON SLAVE!"

"I WILL BE HOKAGE!"

"NADESICO, PREPARE TO LAUNCH!"

"SOUSUKE!"

"It is not a problem."

"I SAID DRINK IT, POLICE GIRL!"

"DON'T WANNA!"

"FOR A CATHOLIC PRIEST, YOUR KUNG-FU IS MOST STRONG!"

"FOR A SHAO-LIN MONK, YOUR KUNG-FU IS _REALLY **LOUSY!**_"

Ranma closed the window.

"Yeah, Nabiki-chan, they're still there."

END OMAKE - END OMAKE - END OMAKE - END OMAKE - END OMAKE

* * *

A/N 

LunaBOB,

Thanks for the marriage proposal (_ducks flying chair thrown by AnimeCrazyGal_). Xero, LunaBOB says you now have competition (_ducks half-finished keyboard altar thrown by XeroGhost_). Never mind, she was just kidding. I like messing with people's minds (_watches Xero start working on altar again_). Besides, I'm rather devoted to my current girlfriend (_ducks flying glomp by AnimeCrazyGal, but doesn't get around the second one_). Besides, like you pointed out, I'm six years older than you (_makes no attempt whatsoever at removing AnimeCrazyGal's glomp_).

* * *

If I don't update very fast, I assure you, this time it really, **_really_** is AnimeCrazyGal's fault. Want proof?

* * *

Gobstopper, 

The following review has been submitted to: Ranma's Morning Confession Chapter: 26

From: AnimeCrazyGal ( http/ )

Hmm... So you think I'd look good in a maidservants outfit? Let's see payday is how far away? And the nearest lingerie store is where? hmm... See you later sweetheart! I mean master.

* * *

Told you so. Sorry about this… sorta. 

_drool_


	28. End, And Epilogue

Disclaimer:

See chapter 15

* * *

"Never thought I'd see this day," Ranma chuckled, taping a box closed. 

"I did, but I thought you'd be going with me," Cologne replied, setting another box down by the entrance of the Nekohanten.

Ranma smirked. "No way. Shampoo's nice, as a friend, but she's too… clingy. She's like an octopus. All grabby, and doesn't let go."

"I would think that someone your age would enjoy that kind of attention. I never could figure out why you tried so hard to push her away. Almost all the men in the village would kill to be in your position, and the few others would rather be chased by Mousse."

"That's… disturbing." Ranma grimaced, before setting down the freshly taped box by the door. "And what's an old lady like you need so much junk for?"

"This 'junk' is the work of 300 years worth of life. Even I need something to remind myself of younger days, pup."

"I guess I can kind of understand that. As for the touching thing… every day on the road was training. Everything was training. I had to fight Pops for everything. For sleep, for the right to bathe, to get food, and then to keep it. That's all I knew, ya know. For ten years. Then, one day, I come here, and all the instincts that kept me fed or kept Pops from beating on me kept saying that it's all an attack, even if I knew it wasn't. It'd be like… like havin' Happosai hug ya without groping ya. You know the difference, but…"

"But experience tells you otherwise. I guess I never saw it that way. I'll be damned, young Saotome, you managed to teach me something new."

Ranma grinned, and sat down in a chair near the door. "Not my fault if you're going senile on me. So, uh," he gestured up the stairs in the back, towards a locked door. "How's Shampoo doing?"

Cologne sighed. Her heir was taking the news better than she had expected, but that didn't mean she was not upset. "She has barricaded herself in her room, and refuses to speak to anyone. She will be leaving with me to go home, but I do not think she will her happy self for a long time. It is, sadly, the first lesson she has ever truly failed to grasp."

"Which lesson is that?" Ranma asked, curious.

"One which she was supposed to have learned by now, but I fear it will take more time and more pain (and several fights) on her part before she gets it," the Amazon Elder replied as she set a delicate tea-set wrapped in bubble-sheet into a box. "That lesson is this: 'No matter how hard you want it or try, things do not always go your way.' A lesson you've known for a while, I suspect."

Ranma chuckled weakly. "Do you think I should…?"

"If you want to assuage any guilt you might have, you may," Cologne answered the unfinished question. "But I assure you, you are not truly to blame here. I have been in a position similar to yours, though not nearly as complicated. No matter what you say, nothing you can tell her will make her feel any better. That, I'm afraid, is something that only time can do. I'll let you know when she improves, and if she ever learns that lesson in the end."

The pig-tailed martial artist sighed, and decided to change the subject. "So what's the deal with the Nekohanten, anyway? I heard you an' Nabiki talking about it after we got back home."

Cologne finished her packing, and sat herself on the box next to Ranma. "We're keeping it open, but Shampoo, Mousse, and I are all going home to China. It's been too long since I last saw the village, anyway. Young Ms. Tendo pointed out the fact that any Amazons we send over here are going to need to earn their keep, and have a place to stay. The Cat Café can serve both purposes. The rooms upstairs will be theirs, and the work here will be more than able to pay the bills, especially if all the people who work here are young Amazon girls, like Shampoo. I daresay the customers didn't come for my old face." The Amazon Elder sighed. "I've started the paperwork that will transfer the ownership of the building to a small corporation that will be owned in part by myself, Nabiki Tendo, and you. The paperwork has been started on that, as well. I am a _little_ concerned that the girls I send this way are going to be too busy working to train…"

"Don't worry. Working here will _be_ training, I'll see ta that."

"I don't doubt it," Cologne replied dryly. "Ms. Tendo is very enterprising. She plans to open another Nekohanten restaurant, the same distance away from the dojo as this one, but on the opposite side, where it's closer to the business section of the city, that way you can keep an eye on my Amazons while they are here."

"You know, that's a great idea. You know what I'm thinking?" Ranma asked, while Cologne raised an eye at the concept. "We can start the beginners over here, since this place is pretty big, and start them workin' and training at the same time. When they get strong enough, we give them the option of going home, or kinda like, 'graduating' over to the other restaurant. That way, when it opens, it's got people working there who already know what they need to do, and tough enough to handle the business and the increase in training at the same time."

Cologne gaped. "You surprise me again. I didn't think you were capable of such… precise thinking."

"Me an' Nabiki thought it up together after you left," Ranma confessed.

Cologne pulled a face. "I should have known better. There's no way you could have come up with that on your own."

"Yeah, well…" Ranma grumbled. "An' what's with the tattoo?" he gestured over at his neck, where two dark red slashes could be seen running from the middle of his neck, up around his jaw, stopping just below his right ear.

_Splash_

Make that _her_ right ear.

"Where the hell did that water even come from?" Cologne muttered. "No matter. That 'tattoo' is actually a marking that identifies you as the Elder of a village of Amazons. For you, and any Japanese Amazon, we will use dark red. In China, we use black. This is to identify you, and provide any Amazons we send with a means of automatically knowing who you are, and what position you hold, no matter the form your body takes."

"Er, I kinda guessed that. I meant, where did it come from? And I don't see any on _you_."

Cologne chuckled. "Just another bit of Amazon magic. Now, now, don't scowl at me like that, it's perfectly harmless. And the reason you've never seen mine is because I'm much shorter than you. How often do you see the underside of my jaw?"

Ranma grunted, still not entirely comfortable with any kind of magic placed on him without his knowledge. "Good point," he agreed. He'd have to be on the floor looking up, with Cologne staring at the ceiling for him to get a good look at it.

"I also wear high-necked shirts." Cologne pointed out.

Ranma snorted, and idly picked up the last of the boxes, and stacked it with the others by the door.

"And most of the people in the village recognize me on sight, so I don't need to have mine on display."

Ranma nodded, smirking. "Yeah, I guess I'd recognize someone who looks like a shed snake skin, too."

* * *

Mousse sighed as he approached the Nekohanten. Elder Cologne was convinced that he was returning to China with her and Shampoo, and the sometimes-duck was in no hurry to disillusion her. While Cologne and Shampoo were taking a flight back to China, Mousse was told he would be traveling with the boxes being sent by ship. It would only be when the packages arrived, a couple of weeks from now in the village, would Cologne be presented with a letter from Mousse explaining that he would be staying behind in Japan. It was a necessary deception, since Ranma didn't want to challenge Cologne in battle, to forcibly _take_ the honor and privileges that she had simply _given_ to him. 

Ranma Saotome, Mousse realized, was a genuinely kind, nice person.

The door of the Nekohanten flew off with a crash, and girl-type Ranma shot out of the restaurant, laughing madly, with Elder Cologne in a maddened pursuit.

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING A SHED SNAKE SKIN!" she screamed, waving her stick wildly.

On the other hand, Mousse decided, he was totally immature child.

Not that he himself was much better, the blind Amazon thought with an embarrassed-sounding laugh. Embracing Kasumi the same way he embraced Shampoo (or lampposts, televisions, complete strangers, mailboxes, trees, Cologne…) had turned into an almost nightmarish affair involving demon-headed fathers and destructive mallet-wielding little sisters. The worst part, he supposed, as Ranma attempted evasion of Cologne by running in circles around Mousse, was Ranma's mother, who had taken one look at Mousse and Kasumi's entangled limbs, and wept at the sight of Ranma's manliness rubbing off on other men.

_Shampoo's going home,_ Mousse thought to himself. _My infatuation with her is over. I'm seeing another girl._ He couldn't help but chuckle at the irony of that statement. _Ranma Saotome has solved his fiancée problems, and his rivals are gone or allied with him. Even the one fiancée he wanted is actually his._

_We're all moving on. How about that? Life is… pretty good._

_Well, we still have the curses, but there's no cure for that. It could be worse_, Mousse thought as he watched the two martial artists run rings around him. _But it might take me a few minutes to figure out how._

WHAM BANG CRUNCH

Ranma and Cologne successfully drove a bruised Mousse into the ground as Ranma used him as a launch pad to catapult himself across the street.

"Saotome…" Mousse groaned as he pulled himself up.

SMASH CRUNCH

Cologne drove Mousse's face into the pavement for a second time as she chased after the pig-tailed martial artist.

_It…It… IT NEVER FREAKING ENDS!_ Mousse raged internally. He bolted to his feet, racing after Ranma and the Amazon Elder, chains whirling.

"YOU CAN MOVE FASTER THAN THAT, YOU OLD BAT!"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING AN OLD BAT!"

"SAOTOME, YOU GET BACK HERE AND DIE!"

Kasumi giggled as she watched her sister's fiancée and her current boyfriend rocket down the street.

"Oh, my."

* * *

"Tendo-san, it's me, Ranma. I just wanted to know, Akane and I are getting married tomorrow. It's on the day you died, but Akane says she wants a good memory for that day…"

* * *

"… pregnant, can you believe it? We've been trying ever since Mousse and Kasumi had their son…"

* * *

"…last week, Akane had our kids. Twin girls. I think she broke my hand…"

* * *

"… I'm not going to be coming around to see you too much more. I'm sorry, but… I'm happy now, and I want to spend every moment I can with my family…"

* * *

Epilogue 

The entire top of the Tendo house detonated with a flash of blue ki. Out of the blue light and smoke bellowed a voice of anger and paranoia.

"**WHERE!**"

"Oh, God, now what?" moaned Akane. Giggles erupted from behind her. She turned, and snapped. "Shut-up!"

"**WHERE!**"

"Ack!" squawked Akane as someone slammed into her with the force of a moving semi.

"Taro! Saffron! Where!"

"Ranma, let go!" shrieked Akane. "Taro and Saffron aren't here, what the hell gave you that idea? Wait, never mind, I know where. _Daisuke!_"

"Uh-oh," came a voice from behind the house, followed by the sounds of someone running away.

"Ranma, retrieve Daisuke!"

"What?" Ranma asked, still looking somewhat paranoid.

"Ranma," Akane said in a placating voice, "Taro and Saffron aren't here. It's another of Daisuke's jokes. Retrieve Daisuke."

"Right," Ranma said, and bolted out of the dojo. Akane sighed.

"Ooh, so protective," whispered a voice from behind her.

"And cute without a shirt," giggled another voice.

"I want one," said a third.

"Hey!" snapped Akane again. "My Ranma! Get your own!"

"Aw…" chorused several disappointed voices.

Someone laughed from the dojo entrance. Mousse walked in, with a smiling Kasumi. In her arms was a wriggling creature, looking somewhat blackened. Attached to her leg was a ten-year old girl with black hair and brown eyes. "Let me guess," Mousse said. "Daisuke again?"

"Urgh…" was Akane's reply.

"And I think this belongs to you," Kasumi said, handing over the creature. Akane brushed it off, revealing a girl with brown hair and eyes about nine years old.

"Not mine. Nabiki's. Are you ok, Yukino?" Akane asked.

"My new outfit is _ruined!_" the girl complained.

"Ah, yes. I didn't hear her speak before I brought her in."

"So that's where she got off to," said Nabiki from the yard. "I was wondering." The middle Tendo sister bent down and asked the girl, "Now, what have we learned?"

"Never wake up Uncle Ranma using the names of people who used to kidnap Aunt Akane," replied the girl in a small voice.

"And?" Nabiki prompted.

"Don't listen to Daisuke, he's a jerk."

"Good girl."

Akane snorted in amusement as Ranma arrived, carrying a ten-year-old boy by one ankle. "I have retrieved the spawn of Mousse," he announced.

"Hey! Don't refer to my kid like that!"

Ranma rolled his eyes at the former Chinese Amazon. "Kimiko is nice and sweet. Therefore, she is the cute daughter of Kasumi. Daisuke is evil and insane, and therefore is the spawn of Mousse."

Kasumi laughed while she helped dust off her niece.

"If anyone's kids are going to be called _spawn_, it'll be your little monstrosities. They're corrupting my little girl!"

"Kentaro isn't corrupting-"

"Kentaro! Where!" said the girl attached to Kasumi's leg, who promptly let go and ran off in an attempt to find said boy. "Where's the boy I'm going to marry!"

"You see! Corruption!"

"Kentaro's adopted," Akane said, "And I think it's cute."

Mousse left to chase down his daughter after taking his son back from Ranma, grumbling about the evil's being fed to his children. "So," Ranma said. "What's going on?"

"Well, you're late for class, baka. Go and teach. And hurry. Your eight-year-old daughters are taking over. And leave your shirt on this time; the girls in there are staring!"

"But I was getting hot!" Ranma objected, even as he walked to the front of the class.

Akane sighed, and sat down in the shade outside the dojo.

"So, imouto, any regrets?" Kasumi asked, joining her in relaxing.

Akane looked out into the yard, where her brother-in-law was chasing her adopted son with whirling chains, but obviously trying to hit him, since his daughter had attached herself to his back. Nabiki and her husband Konatsu were eating lunch. She looked behind her where she could see her husband Ranma at the front of a class of teenagers, having decided that he was better suited to teach them than their daughter. A small-eight year-old girl with blue-black hair and light blue eyes was gnawing at his left ankle, showing her displeasure about being replaced as "Yuka-sensei." Her twin, with red hair and brown eyes, was gnawing on his right knee, showing that Ranma should have left her in charge as "Yuko-sensei." Ranma plucked them both off, and set them on the floor. The smile on Ranma's face matched Akane's. Open, happy, and genuine.

"No. None at all."

_finis_

* * *

OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE - OMAKE 

**Boom**

**Boom**

**_Boom_**

_**Boom**_

**BOOM**

**BOOM**

**_BOOM!_**

_**BOOM!**_

"It's coming, Ranma! Hide!" Kasumi warned. As if the incoming house-shaking impacts weren't enough of a warning, since Ranma was already underneath the dining room table, holding herself up with her arms and legs.

**_BOOM!_**

**_BOOM!_**

"Oh god oh god oh god oh god…" Ranma whispered to himself. "It's here it's here it's here…"

The back door smashed open, and the rattling footsteps smashed into the living room. "WHERE IS HE! I'M GONNA KILL THAT PERVERT!"

"Now, now," Kasumi said. "Calm down, Akane."

Ranma shuddered. "Tomboyasaurus Rex…"

* * *

This is the final chapter in Ranma's Morning Confession, and I know it's been a _very_ long time for an update. I completely lost what I was doing, since all my notes went bye-bye following a system crash that involved a cat, a cup of water, and my CPU. 

I hate my cat.

And I've moved.

Now I live with my girlfriend, (AnimeCrazyGal), and my computer and cups of water remain five feet away if I think a cat is near.

It's also true that I've been dragging my feet here, and I apologize for that. I'll try to make it up to you all by posting updates as often as I can in future stories. See you around!

* * *

This story and all its chapters are dedicated to Crystal, and the spark of Friday, December 10th, 2004. 


End file.
